


Tattered Heart of the Dovahkiin

by 09Tiff86



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: ... probably, Adventuring, Angst, Bisexuality, Blood and Gore, Cheating, Dark Brotherhood - Freeform, Dark fic, Divorce, Dragon Language, Dragons, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Killing with a Conscience, Lovers To Enemies, Marriage, Miscarriage, NSFW, Non-canon shouts, Not your typical Bosmer, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Slave, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Smut, Snark, Solitude, Stealing, Theives Guild, Theiving without one, Vampires, bosmer dovahkiin, consider yourself warned, misanthropy abounds, no joke... seriously dark fic, sHOUTS, some happy moments mixed in, the normal people of Skyrim are douches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-05-18 06:53:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 83,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5902573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/09Tiff86/pseuds/09Tiff86
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finding herself waking the hour of her execution is not the way Lilyah expected her first full day in Skyrim to go. Being unintentionally saved by what she thought was a winged harbinger of death was also not something she would have guessed to happen either. This is the tale of a Bosmer slave escaping her masters to start over and finds that starting over comes with conditions... namely being the famed Dragonborn and a few other surprising things. If love happens to mess things up it is neither here nor there.</p><p>Tags will be added if needed. I do not own Skyrim, only Lilyah is my creation. Chapters will also be tagged with warnings if needed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Death to the Stormcloaks

 

               Lilyah’s head pounds with pain as her body sway from side to side. The creaking and groaning, along with the clip-clopping of a horse’s hooves, tells her that she is currently traveling by wagon. The only problem is that she can’t remember how she came to be sitting in said wagon and what she had done to warrant her arms be tied together. She remembered running- Monia had taken it upon herself to secure an escape for Lilyah from her Altmer master in Valenwood and she had found the nearest cave as soon as her guide abandoned her on the border of Skyrim where she had fallen asleep on leaves and cold frozen dirt.

                She opens her eyes with a few quick blinks and then squeezes them closed just as quickly as the sun flicks through gaps between branches and her ebony hair. Squinting now, she can make out others sitting in the wagon with her, but other than a flash of blue she cannot distinguish anything more.

                _Blue… **blue** … NO… I slashed them… I know I got the one above me good… one of them must have knocked me out… and they’ve taken my dagger…_

                “You’re awake, Elf.”

                Lilyah slits her eyes open to glare at the human speaking and notices two others sitting in the wagon as well and that she is not the only one with her hands tied. She remembers how she ended up in the wagon now.

                _They tried to… **they almost** … I was sleeping and… **I will kill them all** …_

                “Look like that… I’d wager they knocked you on the head pretty good then…”

                A feral hiss escapes her lips as she bares her teeth at him. Pleasure vibrates through her limbs as he recoils from her.

                _Good_.

                “Okay then…”

                Being able to finally focus and open her eyes fully, Lilyah scans her surroundings. Only one of the blue armored men travels in the wagon with her- blonde and clearly a Nord. Another is dressed well, also a Nord, but has a rolled cloth gagging his mouth. The last is a ragged Imperial man radiating fear.

                _Bet he’s the first to try to run… Coward… if I run it’ll be to the first one I see with a spare dagger… granted I’m not sure how I’ll grab it with my hands tied behind my back… I’ll figure it out…_

                Drowning out the conversation between the non-gagged men takes a depth of concentration that Lilyah cannot seem to conjure up at the moment and as she looks away from them her eyes scan the landscape in a daze. Apparently the gagged man is a Jarl of Skyrim and the one who leads the ‘Stormcloaks’. Her new hatred for these Stormcloaks now extends to this Jarl and she finds a smirk forming on her lips at the sight of him gagged. The coward is also a horse theif.

                “Shut up back there!”

                _Hmph… if he wasn’t leading me to my probable death I’d tell the driver that his voice was rather sexy_ … _rough and full of gravel.. HA… maybe I’ll still tell him…_

                A dip in the road had everyone with bound hands tipping to and fro, and though the Jarl and his Stormcloak soldier kept themselves from falling completely over, Lilyah couldn’t stop herself from tipping towards the driver and slamming her upper arm upon the top of the wooden slat. Gritting her teeth she tried to use that same point of contact to get herself back into a sitting position. She succeeded in sitting up and growled loudly from the pain as she did so.

                _That’s going to hurt for a few days_ …

                Scrunching her eyes close and shaking her head at herself couldn’t shake the knowledge that she was currently on Death’s door. If she couldn’t think of something quick the pain in her arm wouldn’t even matter in a few moments. Wiggling her wrists hurt, but outside of the pain she could possibly release herself.

                _I just need time_ …

                “Where are we?”

                “Where do you think? End of the line.”

                “No… it can’t be… they can’t do this…”

                “Face your death with some courage man.”

                _Not likely_ …

                “Get up, Elf.”

                _Here’s your chance_ …

                “You know… you have a very sexy voice…”

                “No one asked you to speak.”

                Lilyah was going to comment further, but the man put his hand to her back and shoved her towards the back of the wagon. Balance and grace were natural qualities in Bosmer, but after sitting for who knew how long and being shoved unexpectedly had her a little off her game. Off her game and face first into the dirt below everyone else’s feet.

                “That was uncalled for… warn a girl before she tries to compliment you next time…”

                _ASShole_ …

                “SOLDIER… there is no need to be cruel.”

                _Hmph… what is with these men and their sexy voicesOH… oh my_ …

                Lilyah was staring right into the eyes of a very handsome red-headed Nord and for the life of her she couldn’t remember what it was she had been about to say. The man released her as soon as she was on her feet and retreated back towards a well armored woman who seemed to be his commanding officer. She flexed her jaw and watched as that very woman handed him a clipboard and bellowed out the order for him to call off the next prisoner.

                “Ulfric Stormcloak…”

                _Mmm… if you could just keep talking… maybe I could… NO… not even your voice could keep me here to face an unjust death_.

                “NO, YOU CAN’T DO THIS!”

                “STOP!… ARCHERS!”

                She watches as the horse theif runs past the soldiers on the ground and makes it only a handful of yards before snicks of a dozen bows are heard and the Coward’s back becomes a pincushion.

                _Called it_ …

                “Who are you?”

                _Is he? Oh… he’s talking to me_ …

                “Lilyah of Valenwood…”

                “You’re far from home… Captain, she’s not on the list.”

                _Of course I’m not… but… you’re still not going to let me go_ …

                “Forget the list… she goes to the block.”

                _Bitch_.

                “By your orders.. Captain.”

                _You know she’s wrong… please!_

                “I am sorry… we will make sure your remains are sent back to your family in Valenwood.”

 _You’d have to find them first_.

                “Good luck with that.”

                Lilyah notices his brows furrow with pity and she hates that her own flares as well. Why should she pity herself that the only real memory of her family was her mother selling her to the highest bidder? Though _someone_ had to have taught her how to use a bow as a child because, though her many masters had taught her many things, none of them had been dumb enough to teach her to shoot. This General Tulius stands before the Jarl and accuses him of starting the war and killing Skyrim’s previous king with his voice. A loud bellowing noise echoes through the valley. It seems to startle everyone in the square, but after Tulius says to ignore it the Captain calls forth the first prisoner to the block for beheading.

                _Damn these ropes… I WILL NOT DIE LIKE THIS_!

                As the Stormcloak soldier walks confidently towards the block and kneels down of his own volition, practically spitting in his executioner’s face with his words, she feels something other than hate at his fearlessness before the axe falls and severs his head from his body. The Captain kicks his body away from the block and looks straight at Lilyah.

                "Imperial scum!"

                "DEATH TO THE STORMCLOAKS!"

                _I feel your sentiments_...

                “The elf next.”

                Hesitating from shock Lilyah stares wide-eyed at the woman, to the handsome Nord then back to the woman, when she notices the look the woman gives her. She can feel the jealousy rolling off of this woman now. She could understand the sentiment as she’d probably be the same way with a man like him at her side.

                “To the block, Prisoner… nice and easy.”

                The soldier who pushed her from the wagon grabs her arm and drags her towards the bloodied block and just as she thinks she might have felt a dagger it is out of her reach as he shoves her to her knees. Pain lances through her from the sudden contact, but she only has a second to comprehend it before she’s kicked towards the block.

                _Gods be damned… this is it… **I don’t want to die**_ …

                Heart pounding, and mouth as dry as Elsweyr sands, she doesn’t even try to stop her eyes from seeking out the handsome Nord who had been the only one to show her some small kindness since she entered Skyrim, but he is not looking at her- the sky was more interesting it seemed. The blood under her cheek squelches and Lilyah’s body trembles as they all hear a deafening roar blast through the skies. Lilyah feels a strange recognition throughout her body at the sound.

                “WHAT IN OBLIVION IS THAT?”

                “SENTRIES! WHAT DO YOU SEE?”

                Lilyah watches the headsman continue to lift his dripping axe above his head when a massive black dragon lands on the tower before her. She closes her eyes, not wanting to see the axe fall and not wanting to see that death had come for her on massive wings. A single tear slides down her cheek to mix with the blood coating the block before everything in her life falls into chaos.


	2. Get to the Keep

                _This is insane… this is insane_ …

                “JUMP!”

                _Easy for you to say_ …

                Lilyah whispers encouragements to herself before she launches herself out of the hole in the tower towards the destroyed roof of the home next to it. Her heart stops for a beat and seems to lodge in her throat as her body falls towards her death. The moment her feet touch the floorboards she rolls to soften the blow from her landing, but her teeth still jar painfully in her mouth and her bruised arm from the wagon throbs with each beat of her heart.

                _Whew… not dead… **OW**_ … _definitely not dead_ …

                Getting up was a bit awkward with her arms still tied behind herself. She wasn’t really sure why she hadn’t cut them yet, but she supposed there wasn’t much time when a dragon was trying to fry you into cinders. She took the time now to shimmy her hands under her rear and over her legs so she could at least have her hands in front of her. Nothing in the upper half of the house offered assistance in cutting her bindings so she moved to head down the stairs when she found the stairs had been destroyed.

                “Of _course_ they’re gone… _damn this dragon back to Oblivion on the winds it rode in on!_ ”

                Looking over the edge of the gaping hole in the floor she made sure there was nothing that would hurt her if she jumped before she stepped over the ledge. After not so jarring a landing as when she jumped into the house, Lilyah tries to look for something to cut her bindings when she hears the handsome Nord’s voice yelling right outside of the house.

                “HAMMING… OVER HERE!”

                She pokes her head out the side of the house and watches as a young boy runs towards the Nord when the massive dragon lands and opens his maw to unleash fire at the running child. Without thinking Lilyah runs out, grabs the nearest stone she can find and flings it as hard as she can at the dragon. She somehow throws it hard enough that as it hits the dragon’s nose it shakes its head in surprise and turns its gaze on her.

                _SHIT!_

                She hides back behind the wall of the house when the dragon unleashes its fire at her. She can feel the heat through the wood even after the dragon has stopped its attack on her and onto someone else and as the wood burns she moves to leave and runs into the handsome Nord.

                “Ooof!”

                “Still alive Lilyah?”

                _He remembered my name?_

                “Stay with me if you want to keep it that way!”

                She only nods and follows him out of the burning house. He checks on the boy and tells him to follow an old man out of Helgen and to not look back. The old man calls him Hadvar.

                “Come on… this way…”

                Lilyah runs behind Hadvar as the dragon rains fiery rocks down on everyone and stumbles from a few that land and explode near her. They both run through another demolished house and crouch near a stone wall. Hadvar is about to move away from it when he yells and pulls Lilyah down next to the wall and covers her body with his own as the dragon lands right above them and shoots flames over their heads. She’s sure Hadvar can feel her shaking, but he thankfully keeps it to himself as he helps her to her feet and leads her away from the now empty wall. They run up some stairs and find General Tulius and a few other soldiers trying to help protect the people of Helgen when Tulius notices Lilyah and Hadvar.

                “GET TO THE KEEP!”

                Hadvar doesn’t seem to need any more direction from his superior and grabs Lilyah’s arm as he runs towards the keep. He lets go when he feels Lilyah keeping up with him and as they run past more bodies he looks at her.

                “It’s just you and me, Lilyah… we have to get to the keep… stay close…”

                They finally make it to the front of the keep when the stormcloak who sat across from her in the wagon stops before them with a sword in his hand. Hadvar stops and puts and arm in front of Lilyah to stop her as well, but she’s unsure if it’s to keep her safe or because he thinks she’ll leave with the other man.

                “Ralof, you damn traitor… OUT OF MY WAY!”

                “We’re escaping Hadvar. You’re not stopping us this time!”

                “FINE. I hope that dragon takes you ALL to Sovngard!”

                Hadvar and Ralof move at the same time, but as Lilyah moves to follow Hadvar, Ralof stops and grabs her arm as though he knows she’ll go with him. She tries to pull her arm free, but he only moves his hand down to her tied hands.

                “Come on… come this way…”

                “Let me go!”

                “Ralof, let her go!”

                Ralof stops pulling her and sees that she means to follow Hadvar when he shakes his head and pulls her closer.

                “You want to go with him? He’ll just put you in a cell until they can find time to execute you later… come with me and you can leave Skyrim… go back to Valenwood…”

                _Ok… I’m getting pissed now_ …

                “LET. ME. GO.”

                He lets go just as she pulls and she stumbles backwards, but Hadvar is there to catch her. She watches his arm rise next to her as he points his sword at Ralof.

                “Stupid Elf… what do I care…”

                _Stupid Stormcloak… I’ll find you another day and kill you slowly_ …

                Ralof turns and runs towards another door of the keep as Hadvar and her run to a door farther down. They make it to the door and as Hadvar holds it open for her the dragon lands in the clearing right next to them.

                _Is that dragon speaking?_

                “IN LILYAH!”

                _YES… GOING!_

                Hadvar rushes in after her and closes the door as the dragon turns towards them. Lilyah quickly moves away from the door, not wanting to find out if the dragon will break it down, and stands near a bed as her heart pounds in her chest and sweat coats her hair and neck. She tries to calm her breathing, but nothing seemed to be helping. She needed to shake out her hands. She needed to fix her hair. She needed these ropes gone. Not even hearing Hadvar’s approach, Lilyah begins to try and pry her hands from her bindings, but they are still tightly wound and in her haste she only manages to tear more of the skin on her wrists.

                _I want the damn things OFF… they need to come off NOW… OW… SHIT… FUCK!_

                “Lilyah, stop…”

                _Damn this rope… damn those Stormcloaks_ …

                “Lilyah…”

                _Damn my hands_ … _damn that dragon_...

                _DAMN SKYRIM!_

                “LILYAH STOP!”

                “WHAT?”

                “You’re only hurting yourself… let me cut the bindings…”

                “Oh…”

                Lilyah finally calmed down to watch as Hadvar pulled out his dagger and gently grabbed her wrist to help hold her hands as he cut the rope. As soon as her hands were free she pulled them to her chest and stepped away from him. He looked as though he wanted to protest, but he allowed her her space and turned to one of the chests sitting nearby.

                “You should look to find some armor and weapons… we’re not out of this yet and it may keep it so that we both make it out of this alive and in one piece.”

                He doesn’t wait for her to give a response before he turns his back to her and begins searching the chest for anything useful. Still holding her wrists she turns to a chest two beds over and checks to see if it’s locked. As the lid opens she’s happy to see multiple sets of armor. She finds a full set that should work for her, though she is slight for a Bosmer so they will still probably be loose. She turns and sees that Hadvar is still searching through the chest, a little pile of things sitting at his feet, and she decides to change into the armor quick. She pulls off the tattered tunic she had been wearing, leaving her breastband, and begins to untie her ragged trousers to replace them with the new leggings she found when she hears a loud clang.

                She bolts upright and turns towards the noise to find Hadvar standing with his hand over his eyes and a sword at his feet.

                “I am so sorry… I… I didn’t…”

                Aww… how sweet…

                “No, I’m sorry… I should have warned you… you had your back turned so I thought I’d be quick, but…”

                “No, that’s… I’ll just… yeah… you… gods preserve me. I’ll just shut up now.”

                At that moment she remembers the Captain and her looks of jealousy at Lilyah’s obvious admiration of Hadvar and wonders if that is why he seems to be so flustered.

                “I hope that your wife will not give you too much of a hard time for saving me… she seemed pretty set on me being executed earlier.”

                Silence.

                “I’m sorry, I’m not following…”

                _Damn, and he seemed so smart_ …

                “The woman… the ‘NEXT PRISONER’ one… she’s your…”

                “My… _Captain_ … she’s.. _my Captain_ … you thought she was my _wife_?”

                _Oh… now who’s the unintelligent one_ …

                “Oh… well, I just thought…”

                Lilyah smirks at Hadvar’s still covered eyes and slowly walks towards him.

                “… since you seemed so flustered by my near nakedness…”

                She stops when she stands right in front of him and raises her hand to grab the hand covering his eyes. He startles at her touch and takes a good look at her closeness and her continued state of undress before he sighs loudly and closes his eyes.

                “Are you going to get dressed soon? There is still a dragon outside destroying the keep and killing my fellow countrymen.”

                _Right… still_ …

                “I’m sorry… it was not my intention to… make you uncomfortable…”

                _Come on… you seem like a man who enjoys a challenge_ …

                She watches him cock an eyebrow before he slowly opens his eyes. He looks into what he probably thinks are black pits for her eyes for only a moment before he slowly, and unabashedly, devours her body with his eyes. She knows what he sees. Black hair, sweat drenched and stringy, falling down to her rear. Breasts bound so tightly it looks painful. Stomach small from years of never getting enough food, but toned from never sitting still other than to sleep. Hip bones jutting out slightly, until his view is cut off by loose trousers on the verge of falling off. She was the picture of a slave- at least the sort of slave she was.

                _Challenge accepted I see_ …

                “Am I?”

                “Are you what?”

                _Mmm… he likes what he sees_ …

                “Making you uncomfortable?”

                Hadvar finally looks back up to her eyes, unashamed of his open appreciation of her body and steps closer to her. She has to look up to keep eye contact. She can’t help but bite her lip as her body ignites at his warm breath on her face and his body’s closeness to her own.

                “Get dressed. We need to get going.”

                _Holy fuck_ …

                “Ok.”

                Hadvar slowly crouches down to retrieve the sword he dropped, but he doesn’t break eye contact with her until he’s fully crouched and reaching for the sword. Lilyah isn’t sure she’s ever been more turned on. She doesn’t wait for him to stand before she turns around and lets her trousers fall the rest of the way down, steps out of them and, with her tiny smalls that barely cover her, walks towards the armor she chose. She hears a strangled gasp behind her and she can’t help but smirk as she bends at the waist to pick up her new leggings. The gasp turns into a growl.

                _Oh, he definitely likes what he sees_ …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter was a little small so I wanted to wait to post it until I was just about done with the second chapter, so here you go :)


	3. A Woman with your Skills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW/Smut in this chapter.

                _A bow… feels like home in my hands… though it’ll feel even better when I have the material to make my own_ …

                Hadvar had smiled as she killed the tiny spiders before they even knew where to look. He had stopped smiling as two larger ones dropped from their nests in the ceiling. As she dodged one of the spider’s spit wads of poison Hadvar impaled it through its head. The putrid smell burns inside her nose and she coughs from the sensation.

                “Giant spiders… what next, over-grown snakes?”

                _That might be pleasant depending on the type of snake_ …

                “Hold your tongue… today has held enough surprises to last me a lifetime.”

                “Yes… I suppose you’re right. Let’s get going.”

                _Gods yes_ …

                After taking a few minutes to collect some of the venom from the spiders, Lilyah searched and found a few of their egg sacks as well. Most folks didn’t dare fight Frostbite Spiders and even less had the stomach to dig through sacks to collect the eggs. She wasn’t much for alchemy, but she knew that ingredients like these were worth precious gold and she needed as much as she could get. Using the spider’s silk to make a sack to hold the eggs she tied it around her belt and stood to leave.

                “Ready now?”

                _Patience is a virtue_ …

                “Yes… lead the way.”

                Another long tunnel leads to a large cavern and Lilyah finds it to be quite beautiful with its large holes decorating the cavern ceiling, allowing warm sunlight to filter through and give the place a sense of serenity. She could see herself actually living in a place like this, but as they near the other end where it is brightest, she spots a hulking mound of fur resting beneath the warm rays.

                “There’s a bear up ahead…”

                “I am well aware.”

                “We can sneak by her… unless you’d like to engage her.”

                _I didn’t appreciate being woken abruptly by Stormcloaks just hours ago… I’ll not stoop to their level_ …

                “We’ll leave her be… she is hurting no one.”

                “Aye.”

                Lilyah smiles at his easy acceptance of her decision. Hadvar was very different from the Nords she encountered in Valenwood and from the stories she heard of them. She was also very different than her Mer brethren. Practically being raised by Altmers would do that to a girl- especially a girl growing up as a slave. They make it past the bear with ease and continue on through the rest of the tunnels in silence. The bright exit of the cave was like a mountain being lifted from her shoulders.

                The sunlight on her skin is like food or water.

                The roar above them is not.

                “ _Get down!_ ”

                She moves back into the shadow of the cave entrance as the black dragon flies over them and continues on past them without even a glance. Heart still pounding in her chest from the sudden appearance she doesn’t quite catch all of Hadvar’s words.

                “… we split up… I couldn’t have made it out of there alive without you… thank you.”

                _What?_

                “No thanks necessary… we helped each other.”

                “Just as well… you should head to Solitude and speak with General Tulius… the Legion could use a woman with your skills… _with a bow_ … I meant… with a bow…”

                _Suuuurrrre_ …

                “Mmhmm… and who’s to say your _General_ doesn’t stick my neck back on the block? I’m still waiting for _you_ to tie me back up.”

                _Not that I would totally mind_ …

                She wonders if the same thought crosses his mind as he cocks a brow and smirks.

                “In my eyes you should be pardoned of any crimes… you have more than proved yourself… but I see your point…”

                Lilyah bites her lip as she slowly walks towards Hadvar. Outside, with the light of the sun beaming down, it’s easy for her to admire him more completely- especially since neither was running for their lives from a dragon or about to have their heads removed with an axe. His hair was a beautiful shade of red. Not bright orange like some, but more of a deep sunset color. His eyes, a medium honeyed brown with slight hints of green, seem to see deep into her very soul. Lashes that look as soft as down. Lips that are neither too thin nor too big, but perfect amounts of pout that Lilyah pictures herself biting instead of her own.

                “You do, do you?”

                “Like I said… I’m heading to Riverwood. My Uncle Alvor and his wife Sigrid live there… he’s the blacksmith. If you go there just tell him you’re a friend and I’m sure they’ll help you in any way they can.”

                _He’s really going to let me go_ …

                “Would you mind if I joined you? I have a few things that I can sell while I’m there and… and I wouldn’t mind the pleasant company…”

                She smiles sweetly as surprise blooms on his face.

                “I suppose...”

                “You… suppose?”

                _Maybe he just doesn’t want to deal with the responsibility of me anymore? Easier to say I cuffed him over the head and ran than say he just let me go_ …

                “I just… figured you’d like to get as far from me as fast as possible…”

                “Well, this _is_ my first time in Skyrim… maybe you could give me a small tour of the place on the way? I’d hate to just go _traipsing off_ without any idea where I should steer clear of… or _who_ I might need to steer clear of…”

                Lilyah begins to walk down the path, not stopping to see if Hadvar is following, and starts picking an assortment of flowers growing along the edges. Grabbing one of each color, she shoves them into her mouth and begins chewing them. The tangy stems become stringy and start to slide between her teeth as she continues to bend down and grab more.

                “I thought it was against a Bosmer’s religious beliefs to consume plants?”

                _Yes… maybe for normal Bosmer_ …

                “Practically being raised by Altmer will do that to a girl…”

                “You were raised by Altmer… where were you parents?”

                _Dead… or at least that’s what they are to me_ …

                “Dead.”

                A pause.

                “I’m sorry…”

                “Don’t be… I’m not.”

                Silence.

                “Were they good to you?”

                _Only Monia_ …

                Lilyah doesn’t respond and after a few minutes of silent walking she figures he must get the hint because the next time he speaks it is to change the subject. She is picking more Blue Mountain Flowers when she notices that Hadvar is not standing right next to her. She bolts up and begins looking around, only to find him standing back a few paces and staring at the horizon.

                “Bleak Falls Barrow… my brother used to tell me scary stories of bandits, ghosts, and draugr creeping down at night.. that they would crawl in through my bedroom window.. and hurt me in my sleep...”

                _Is that what siblings normally do… or is his brother unnaturally cruel?_

                “The place, even now, still manages to give me the creeps…”

                Hadvar begins walking again and as Lilyah glances at the tall structures in the distance she can’t help but shudder. She stops picking flowers for a while as they walk in companionable silence until they come upon three large pillared stones. She walks up to them and marvels at the carvings in each one. A cloaked figure. A figure holding a staff. The last is an armored figure holding a Warhammer and a shield.

                “The Guardian Stones. It is said they each have their own sort of magic and that each one enhances different abilities in every person who touches one. Go ahead… touch one.”

                _Just touch the stone?_

                Lilyah studies the carvings on each of them, but as she thinks on which one she might choose to touch she feels the one behind her calling to her. She looks at Hadvar for a moment, but quickly turns back to the stones when her body heats at the look in his eyes. She looks long and hard at the one before her, wishing she would just reach out and touch it. She knew it would make Hadvar happy, but the one behind her felt right.

                She touched the stone and gasped quietly as a feeling of rightness settled over her.

                “The Thief Stone… there is time… it is never too late to change…”

                _Change… maybe… maybe I could change_ …

                She only nodded in response before they both continued walking down the path. As she continued to contemplate her choice, and Hadvar’s words, they were attacked by wolves. Lilyah didn’t have time or the distance to shoot an arrow so she used the wood of the bow as a sort of staff and whacked any wolves that came near her until Hadvar could cut them down. Even though she was unusual for a Bosmer, she still hated wasting potential food and she was able to convince Hadvar that they should bring the wolf carcasses to his uncle. Thankfully they hadn’t much farther to travel.

                “Uncle Alvor!”

                “ _Hadvar_? What are you doing here? Is everything alright? _Who is this_ with you?”

                “Please… if we can speak privately we’ll tell you everything, but _inside_ , please.”

                _Thanks for introducing me_ …

                “I’m Lilyah…”

                “She’s a friend… I _owe her my life_ …”

                Alvor extends his arm to her and they grasp forearms as he smiles.

                “Any friend of Hadvar’s is welcome here… _please_ … come in and rest.”

                Hadvar only looks at her with an ‘I told you so’ grin as Alvor walks towards his door. Hadvar realizes that they still have three dead wolf carcasses, but before he can ask what to do with them Alvor tells them to leave them and that he would have his daughter skin them while they spoke. The little girl was more than happy to help her father and she smiled widely at Lilyah before bolting out the door. After yelling for his wife to come see to Hadvar and Lilyah, Alvor begins questioning them about the state the both of them are in and the dragon he thought he saw flying over the Barrow.

                Hadvar talks about what happened with the dragon and he tells them of their escape as Sigrid pours them each a bowl of Apple-Cabbage stew and Lilyah’s empty stomach tightens painfully from hunger. She stuffs the first bowl into her mouth and swallows without even tasting it and after Sigrid happily helps her to a second bowl Lilyah forces herself to slow down and thinks she’s never tasted anything better. She savors a bottle of mead and some bread as Alvor reaches for her hand and thanks her again for saving Hadvar. The bread she swallows right after goes down slowly and she has to chug the rest of her mead to push it down the rest of the way. She isn’t used to gratitude being directed at her.

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah wakes to arms holding her aloft and tries to move to stand. She turns her head groggily to the side and sees that it’s Hadvar holding her. She thinks he might be taking her to jail for a moment, but as she tries to protest her sleepy mouth only makes mumbling noises instead.

                “ _Shhh_ … I’m only moving you to the bed… I figured you’d sleep more comfortably _there_ than at the _table_.”

                Her mumbling gets a little louder.

                “ _Shhh_ … it’s alright, _you’re fine_ … but everyone else is asleep so please… _shhhh_ …”

                His words finally register in her sleep addled mind and she stops trying to speak. Hadvar walks behind a privacy screen and sets her on her feet so he can light a small candle for her. She runs her hands through her snarled mess of hair and rubs her eyes as he walks back in front of her.

                “I’ll be in the bed just on the other side of the screen, if you need anything… so… I guess, goodnight.”

                _I don’t think so_ …

                Lilyah grabs his arm to stop him and when he turns back to look at her she doesn’t give him a moment to think about what she’s doing until she pulls him towards her and kisses him hard on the mouth. He stiffens immediately, but as she slowly slides her hands behind his neck and up into his hair he finally responds. His hands start grabbing at her waist and as their kisses become more passionate his hands pull her body against his own. She somehow kicks off her shoes and tries to remove her bracers when Hadvar begins kissing down her neck and she loses all feeling in her legs.

                “Are you alright? What am I saying. Of course you’re not… we both need sleep… we…”

                _Seriously?_

                “Will you shut up and kiss me… I’m fine…”

                “Are you sur…”

                “ANH! No talking, just kissing!”

                _Ok, not just kissing, but… oh ho ho, that feels divine_ …

                Hadvar returns to kissing and sucking at her neck, only this time as she gasps and her knees give out he doesn’t stop. He just lifts her and sets her down on top of the dresser. She wraps her legs around his waist as he stands between them and begins to finally remove her armor. As she removes most of her armor Hadvar begins undoing the laces to her leggings. Both of them are breathing raggedly, but she can’t seem to find it in herself to care as large calloused fingers slide down her smalls and begin rubbing her clit. She mewls at the contact as a hiss escapes Hadvar’s lips.

                “By the gods…”

                _By the gods indeed… I’m about to come already_ …

                “Nnngh… Hadvar… please…”

                Hadvar kissed her mouth hard as he slid one finger inside of her, then two before her legs tightened around his hips and pushed his fingers the rest of the way in. She moaned into his mouth and burned hotter as it mingled with his own. She fumbled for a moment, but eventually found the strings to his trousers and began unfastening them as he continued sliding his fingers inside of her slick heat and rubbed his thumb against her clit. The tingling heat began in waves as she slid her hand into Hadvar’s trousers. The minute her fingers touched and then wrapped around his hard thick cock he quickened the pace of his fingers and the rubbing of his thumb along her clit to the point that she was sweating and panting and trying with all the control she could muster to keep silent, but as she started stroking his length she could feel herself cresting. The only thing she could think to do to stay quiet was to put something in her mouth, so she put her lips to Hadvar’s neck and bit him as she slammed her hips against his hand and came, moaning into his neck.

                She could tell that she hadn’t broken the skin, but he only gave her a second to recover before she had her leggings down and he had her face up against the wall. She heard his trousers fall and a moment later she could feel him line up the head of his cock with the entrance to her heat. He slowly pushed inside of her and with each little bit his grip on her hips grew tighter and tighter. When he was finally fully inside of her he groaned and slowly pulled back until he was almost out, then pushed back in a little faster.

                Lilyah felt like she might combust from pure pleasure. She had been used and played with and fucked until she couldn’t walk, but none of those times compared to this. She had never come from a man using only his fingers on her, and now she was about to come again when she had only ever come once with her Masters and usually by accident. Hadvar was digging his fingers into her hips and she couldn’t help but hope that he left bruises. After a few minutes of them quietly groaning and moaning Lilyah could hear Hadvar’s breathing becoming faster and faster. His rhythmic thrusting started sounding faster and faster until he slid a hand up her back and gasped.

                “Ah… Lilyah… Lilyah, I’m going to come… are you close?”

                _He wants me to come again?_

                “I… yes… _ah_ … _yes.. please_ … keep going… I’m almost there… _yes_ …”

                Hadvar began pistoning his hips into her backside and as she felt his cock hit deep inside of her and he began rubbing her clit she worried she’d scream and wake all of Riverwood. Instead, as Hadvar slammed into her one.two.three more times and then held her against him- his seed filling her- the climax that rocked her body paralyzed her lungs and refused to let her utter a sound.

                Hadvar continued to groan and pump into her as her climax prolonged his and as her body finally allowed her to breathe she only continued to breathe rapidly as her heart pounded in her chest. She couldn’t remember her body ever feeling this sated. Not once in her life had she ever felt so full, so content, so… happy. They both whined as he pulled himself from her and she squeezed her legs closed as his seed started to leak from her.

                _That was amazing… best sex of my life_ …

                Lilyah hissed as Hadvar wiped her clean, then blushed as he helped pull up her smalls and leggings. He had quickly pulled up his own to grab the towel, then tied his trousers closed as she did up her leggings.

                _You blush NOW, Lilyah… out of this whole thing… you blush NOW?_

                Smiling and biting her lip she pulls Hadvar in and gives him a deep lingering kiss before she releases him. He leans in once more to claim her lips before he whispers goodnight and walks behind the screen to lie down. Lilyah leaves only her breastband and leggings on as she slides into bed. As her body begins to relax and the pulsing soreness between her legs begins to show itself she found herself glad that the Stormcloaks helped to get her where she was. The last thought that flitted through her half sleep was of her and Hadvar traveling together to Solitude and repeating this night every night after.

                She should have known it was all too good to last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got most of this fic planned out in my head, but I want to try to post these chapters in between my Dragon Age fic to keep them both going, so posting will probably be sporadic. Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. I'm not very good at smut, so please be gentle :P


	4. Morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING- Mentions of past rape and slavery. Nothing explicit.
> 
> Lilyah wakes...

                Lilyah awoke with a groan as a feminine voice murmured her name and shook her shoulder. She startled when the voice grew louder. The blanket slid down to her waist and as she looked at the woman standing over her she tried not to look ashamed as her breastband was examined with a sneer. When she decided not to cower she also forced herself not to voice a snide comment instead, since she now remembered who the people living in this house were.

                _Hadvar probably thought it funny to have his aunt wake me_ …

                “You’ve slept the day away, girl… and you promised to warn the Jarl of the dragon.”

                _By Azura… I forgot I said I would… maybe Hadvar won’t mind taking me to Whiterun first before we head to Solitude_ …

                “Is Hadvar ready to leave? Tell him I’ll only be a moment and he and I can depart.”

                Sigrid doesn’t speak and when Lilyah looks at her a rock settles in her gut. She can guess what the answer will be, but she can’t help but ask.

                “Is Hadvar still here?”

                “Pah… you’re pretty, I’ll give you that, but… _Hadvar left before dawn_ … said he _needed to get to Solitude_ as soon as possible.”

                Lilyah pulled the woolen blanket back up to cover herself and just nodded at Sigrid. She wasn’t sure why she thought that he’d travel with her. She wasn’t sure why it bothered her so much that he hadn’t waited. Standing up from the bed, she ignored Sigrid as she found her socks. Her boots had somehow found themselves under her bed, and her tunic and undershirt were balled up at the foot of the bed. She dressed quickly before she grabbed her bow and quiver of iron arrows, then lastly the bag of things she wished to sell before she left the house.

                _Implying that I’m pretty, but not so smart will get you a few missing trinkets, Sigrid… or a few missing teeth… you’re lucky you’re… ugh… I can still change… I can still change_ …

                She found Alvor at his forge and asked if he needed any help and surprised her by asking her to forge him a dagger. Then a hide helmet. Then, even more surprising, he told her to keep them once she was done. Her smile came quickly and easily as she hugged him then left to stop at the Riverwood Trader’s shop.

                Sigrid had a few things to say first.

                “Stay away from my husband.”

                _What is with this woman?_

                “Have I done something to you?”

                “Excuse me?”

                “Have I done something to you that has made you hate me so?”

                “You are Mer and Mer are all the same… you think you’re better than us… think you’re entitled to whatever you wish, but not with my family… Alvor may welcome you back, but I don’t want to see you again… STAY. AWAY. FROM MY HUSBAND!”

                “I don’t want your husband…”

                “No, just his nephew… who didn’t even feel the need to leave a note or say farewell after you threw yourself at him last night.”

                _Was she watching us?_

                “Oh yes. I saw the both of you… and I can’t blame Hadvar for indulging himself. He is a man after all… and you made it so easy for him.”

                Though she wished it weren’t true, Lilyah couldn’t stop the sickening feeling that formed inside of her. She knew what Sigrid was implying of Lilyah’s character. That she was a tramp. A whore. Maybe she was. She had been with quite a few partners in her fourty years of servitude. Having the typical lifespan of Mer, she was in her fourty-seventh year, but, compared to the human woman before her, she may as well be in her early twenties. Her last master, Aleinon, had found her quite pleasing at first, but her newness had worn off quickly and he had let any and all men under his employ have her. Whether she wanted it or not.

                Hadvar had been the first man she had chosen herself.

                _If I am a whore… then so be it_ … _maybe I should start acting it as well…_

                “Hmph… well… I may not _want_ your husband… _but_ … after your _generous hospitality_ … maybe I’ll give it a go… he seems hardy and… _thick_ … for a man…”

                Lilyah watched Sigrid’s nostrils flare as hatred burned in her eyes. The crack and sting came before the realization that she had been slapped. With the pain came memories of times past when she had felt that same blow, over, and over, and over again. She forced herself to keep her hands from gripping Sigrid’s pale neck and instead held a hand to her tingling cheek and only smiled at her before walking away.

                _Maybe the townsfolk will feel bad for me… maybe they agree with her… I don’t care… they can all rot in Oblivion_ …

                Walking quickly into the Riverwood Trader’s shop, she never noticed Alvor and Sigrid’s daughter eavesdropping on their conversation. She spoke to Lucan after him and his sister fought about a golden claw they had had stolen from them. She tried not to listen as they prattled on, but as soon as Lucan noticed her he quickly dropped it and helped her sort through her items for sale. Lucan continued to leer at her as she counted all of the flowers she picked, but she ignored him until she was done.

                “Thirteen Thistle Bulbs. Seventy-seven assorted Mountain flowers. Sixteen Mora Tapinella… um… a hide helmet and finely crafted dagger… also this amethyst…”

                She had never held a jewel before and she found herself hesitating as she handed it to Lucan. His warm and sweaty hand melding and sticking to hers as he lifted the gem from her palm forced an uncomfortable shiver to run down her spine. She watched him examine the gem for a moment before he slowly set it back down on the counter.

                “Tell you what… I’ll give you two hundred gold for this lot here… and another three if you bring back my golden claw… what do you say?”

                _I’m not an adventurer… but that’s a lot of gold_ …

                “Do you know where I can begin looking for this claw of yours?”

                “Bleak Falls Barrow.”

                _Odd… it was stolen… but he speaks as though he knows implicitly that it’s there_ …

                “And you’re _sure_ of this?”

                “ _Yes_ … now _please_ … do we have a deal?”

                _Ugh… that’s a lot of coin… and if he doesn’t hold up his end of the bargain, well… I guess I’ll have a nice golden claw to sell elsewhere_ …

                “Deal.”

                “Splendid!”

                _Yes… for you maybe_ …

                “No need for you to go adventuring now, is there?”

                Lilyah moved towards the door, not wanting to get between the two sibling’s next squabble, when the girl grabs her arm.

                “Maybe not, but I think she could use a guide.”

                _What now?_

                “Wha…NO… ugh… FINE… but ONLY to the edge of town.”

                “Good… let’s go then.”

                _I… dammit_ …

                Lilyah sighs loudly as she leaves the shop and as she walks out she almost runs into Dorthe, Hadvar’s neice. Camilla stands close, to lead Lilyah to the bridge, but when Dorthe begins speaking quietly Lilyah bends to one knee to listen.

                “Mama lied… Uncle Hadvar did leave you a note… I didn’t get to read it before Mama put it in the forge… she said she didn’t want Hadvar bringing half-mer children into the world… I’m sorry… Mama doesn’t mean it…”

                “Shhhh, child… it is alright… thank you for telling me, but I must be going now.”

                “You’re not going to punish Mama, are you? Da and I love her so much.”

                Lilyah sighs and smiles sweetly at the beautiful girl before her. She wants to retaliate. She wants to hurt Sigrid, but Alvor is a good man, and though he deserves better than Sigrid, they are a family and with Dorthe in front of her- Dorthe didn’t need to tell her the truth, but she did.

                “I will do no such thing to your mother… she was only trying to take care of her family. You, your father and Hadvar are very lucky.”

                Dorthe smiles jubilantly before throwing her arms around Lilyah’s neck and hugs her tightly before letting go and running back to her father’s forge. She thankfully didn’t see Sigrid on her way out of Riverwood. She may have been unable to keep her promise to Dorthe. Camilla made small talk the whole while and Lilyah just nodded whenever the girl looked her way, but her mind was on the note from Hadvar.

                _What did it say? Did he explain why he left without me? Did he ever want to see me again? Or did he explain why he couldn’t_ …

                “The path to Bleak Falls Barrow is to the northwest, up the mountain path… I guess I should get back to my brother. He’ll throw a fit if I take too long. He can be such a child.”

                _Uhhh_ …

                “Yes… uhh… thank you for your help…”

                “It was my pleasure… but, please… do be careful… and not just because of the claw…”

                _Oookay_ …

                “I will.”

 

~

 

                _Can’t breathe… can’t breathe_ …

                Lilyah knew a few of her ribs were broken and she could still feel the blood from her head wound leaking over her closed eye, down her face and along her neck, soaking into her newly acquired fur armor. Head wounds always bled more, but her coherence was chaotic, at best, and she could feel a dreaded cold seeping into her body. She knew she’d already be dead if she hadn’t found a few health potions along the way.

                _DAMN MY CURIOUSITY!_

                She had found the theif who had stolen the claw, but after he had spewed about the treasure it led to she just couldn’t turn around and leave without checking it out. She had snuck through most of the barrow’s old dark and dank passages without trouble. The draugr, standing still as stone, unnerved her, but never moved as she passed them undisturbed. It wasn’t until she had hopped past swinging swords in a narrow corridor that she came face to face with her first moving draugr. She had frozen in terror for a few moments until she noticed that they hadn’t technically noticed her. Her arrows made mush of their skulls. Everything seemed to be going fine after that, the door needing the claw being a minor irritation... even finding a large treasure chest filled with so many beautiful things and a large stone tablet, until she had stood before that wall and absorbed some odd knowledge from it. She felt like it was in a language that she used to know, but couldn’t remember studying. Then another draugr had attacked.

                _I can’t die here… I will not… die here_ …

                She stumbled out of the barrow and as she leaned against the rocks next to her she couldn’t tell if she was crying from the pain or from the happiness that she’d at least die under the open sky. She spied an old potion bottle wedged between a small crevice in the rocks and laughed internally at herself for even wasting the energy to shove it into her enchanted satchel.

                _Someone will find themselves having a very lucky day when they discover this satchel on my corpse… all the loot I grabbed… and the satchel_ …

                It had been one of Monia’s best kept secrets and had been in her family for generations. She had shoved it into Lilyah’s hands before kissing her cheek and shoving her under wheat and hay in the wagon leaving her master’s estate. The plan had been for Monia to join her and together they would run to Skyrim and make a new life, the satchel would be their saving grace as it could hold an unknown amount of weight and objects but never feel heavier than a small sack of apples, but things had not gone to plan and Monia had decided on her own to get Lilyah out as she stayed behind.

                _I’m so sorry, Monia… I wish you were here… I miss you… sooo much_ …

                Lilyah’s vision flickered and warm tears slid down her cheeks as she tried to slide down the smooth rocks to the soft dirt below. Only managing a quick yelp, she lost her grip, and tumbled down the rest of the way. Pain lanced through her entire body and her breath was knocked clean out of her as she twisted and cracked more of herself in the fall. She can taste the thick coppery tang of blood in her mouth before the darkness sets in and consumes her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait... my brother helped me add mods to my Skyrim and I've been immersed in it ever since (still am, but I wanted to get this done) and I'm not sure how it will go, but I have a feeling I'll be including some of those mods into my story :P and if I do I'll make sure to give credit to the mod authors and explain what they are :D hope everyone enjoys this chapter :D


	5. Dovahkiin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilyah wakes to an old woman with an odd sense of helping... returns a claw... meets a Jarl... and meets her destiny with the death of a dragon.

                _I didn’t think death would involve this much pain… ugh… one of those damned Daedra must have somehow claimed my soul and I’m now in their realm to suffer for eternity… damn it all_ …

                Lilyah hears shuffling feet moving around her and she tries to keep her breathing steady and deep, as though she were still sleeping, so she might possibly escape if she needed to. She can hear sniffling and the scratching of fingers over fabric covered skin, but nothing gives away whether her jailer is male or female. She tries to remember what happened, but after that last draugr attacked her the trek out of Bleak Falls Barrow comes to her in foggy inconsistent flashes.

                After a moment Lilyah cannot hear the shuffling feet or the scratching of skin. She is just about to open her eyes when something pushes into her ribs and she can’t help but cry out.

                “GGNNNAAAAHHHH, GODS STOP!”

                _Gods above_ …

                “Oh my… you’re awake… I’ll get you some tea for the pain dear… DON’T MOVE… you’ve got a few broken ribs I’ve yet to heal completely…”

                She opens her eyes as a comely old woman in a worn blue robe walks towards a shelf only a few feet away and grabs a few things before walking out the door next to her. She tries not to breathe too deeply after the pain started waning. She didn’t want it coming back.

                Her mind slowly begins wandering back to her hazy memories of her time after the barrow. Then she remembers her satchel from Monia and her heart clenches in her chest. She hopes that the old woman didn’t leave it behind or that she hadn’t noticed the enchantments. Lilyah would never forgive herself if she lost it or had to resort to hurting this old woman just to get it back. She tried glancing around to see if it was near when a shadow blocked the light next to her.

                “Would you like some honey in your tea, Dear?”

                Lilyah starts at the noise and her body tenses involuntarily as she whips her head towards the open wall next to her. She hisses loudly through her teeth as the pain returns in her side. She hears the woman repeating ‘oh dear’ and ‘oh my’ until she’s shuffling in the cottage a few moments later with a clay cup nestled between her raised palms.

                “So sorry, Dear… didn’t mean to startle you… don’t get many visitors around here unfortunately… just little old me.”

                The odor from the mug reaches her nose and she feels her face involuntarily scowl in response. The tiny hairs inside of her nose even felt as though they were cringing away. The old woman only chuckled quietly.

                _I suppose if she wanted to kill me she’s had ample time_ …

                “What is this?”

                “It will help with the pain, Dear, but you must drink it quickly.”

                Lilyah scans the woman’s face for a moment before she sighs heavily and scrunches her eyes closed as she tips the mug against her lips. The smell tries to seep through her plugged nose, but she pours the entire mug’s worth into her mouth and swallows. Her body immediately tries to reject the liquid, but the effects of the liquid are almost instantaneous.

                _What is happening?_

                Lilyah tries to move, but her body is no longer under her control and she begins to panic- only she can’t seem to even expand her lungs to breathe. She can feel her heart, the only thing that still seems to be working, and its beating has begun rapidly pounding inside her chest with the now lack of oxygen she’s getting. She can’t even blink as the old woman leans over her paralyzed body.

                “Try to calm down, Dear… the paralysis effects will not last long… it’s only to help you fall asleep… just relax…”

                _EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, HAG!_

                She tried fighting the poison but, as her body continued burning energy trying to breathe, she could feel herself losing consciousness faster than the poison waned. The old Hag’s words became garbled and unintelligible as Lilyah was finally able to blink the tears in her eyes, but only before her vision blurred again and went black.

 

* * *

 

 

                _‘Stay with me, Lilyah…’_

_‘Always, Hadvar.’_

_Hadvar rubbed his calloused thumbs against her cheekbones before kissing her lips lightly. She whimpered quietly as he moved from her arms and held their bodies apart._

                _‘THE ELF NEXT!’_

                _I DON’T WANT TO DIE!_

_‘HADVAR!’_

_‘You’ve left me no choice.’_

_‘NO!’_

_‘To the block, Lilyah.’_

_‘Hadvar? You can’t… I don’t…’_

_A roar vibrates through the sky and the black dragon of death is before her._

_Please, no…_

_‘Hin dilon… fen kos aus unslaad naal yol… ahmik fahliil.’_

_‘YOU WILL NOT TAKE ME, HARBINGER OF DEATH!’_

_Looking around for a moment, she noticed bodies upon bodies lying prone and dismembered around the specter of death. All of them clothed in red or blue. Most without their heads._

_‘Bovul mal mey… fah zu’u los Maar ahrk Dilon… zu’u los ALDUIN!’_

_She turned and tried to run, but her feet were held in place and with a glance she noticed the hands of the dead clutching her ankles. Their boney and bloody fingers digging into her flesh. She couldn’t contain her scream before the black wings of death unfurled and her mind became darkness._

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah awoke with a deep roar and scrambled back, but her hand slipped down the side of the bed and her momentum only caused her to tumble to the floor. With the sheets still wrapped around her legs she slowly came to her senses and tried to calm her breathing and racing heart. Red eyes and black wings tried paralyzing the beating in her chest, but she forced the images away. She was still in the old woman’s shack and after a few more deep breaths she realized her injuries seemed to be healed almost completely.

                _Hmph… old hag didn’t kill me after all_ …

                She rested her head against the wall behind her for another moment before grunting and moving to her knees. The sheets sliding down her thighs and pooling on the floor around her felt like bindings being shucked. Letting her senses calm and allowing her mind to absorb her surroundings she realized that she was completely alone.

                _Probably best if I leave now_.

                Looking around, Lilyah spotted her satchel from Monia on the table hugging the end of the bed she had been using. Tears pricked her eyes at the sight of it. Even if it was empty of everything she found in the barrow, she couldn’t seem to care in the slightest. That satchel meant more to her than anything else in the world.

                Finding that her clothes were at least salvageable was a welcomed sight as she slipped the sheets the rest of the way off of her legs. She spotted her boots on the floor and stood to retrieve them while grabbing her satchel. Glancing inside the satchel brought surprise and joy to her face as she caught sight of a golden claw, trinkets, weapons, and even that odd stone tablet.

                _Looks like I’ll be needing to find my way back to Riverwood now_.

 

* * *

 

 

                “You found it? HA… ha ha… strange… it seems smaller than I remember. Funny thing, huh?”

                _Not really_.

                “Excuse me… I’m going to put this back where it belongs.”

                Lilyah looked around the shop and grabbed some scented soaps and hair tinctures for purchase. The last time she had bathed was when she was still in Valenwood and the grime and sweat that clung to her was nothing short of horrendous. She also grabbed some healing potions, a new cloak, and a hooded scarf. She’d browse Alvor’s armors once she left. Maybe she’d get lucky and Sigrid wouldn’t even know. She doubted it, but pushed the thought away as she grabbed some cheese slices and a loaf of bread to add to her purchases.

                _Some grilled chicken or rabbit legs would go great with those… gods above, I’m hungry… when did I last eat?_

                “You’ve done a great thing for me and my sister… I’ll never forget this.”

                “I’m just happy I could help.”

                _The gold helps as well… though, speaking of_ …

                “If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to trade some things I recovered in the barrow for my purchases instead of the gold I was promised for returning the claw?”

                She watches the gratitude in Lucan’s eyes slowly fade as he realizes she remembered the gold he had yet to hand over. His eyes scanned her items on his counter for a few moments before he nodded his head at her satchel.

                “Let’s see what you’ve got for trade then.”

                Lilyah smiled as she opened a different pouch and pulled out a few things she had collected. A silver ring, two amethysts, and an emerald sat on the table near her new things. The emerald alone should have been enough to cover it, but she couldn’t stop herself from showing him that she could easily afford the items between them.

                “This should more than cover it, I’m sure.”

                “Yes… yes it will.”

                “Great.”

                _Now give me my gold_.

 

* * *

 

 

                “Don’t be a stranger, Lilyah… Dorthe speaks of you often, and as I said before, you’re always welcome here.”

                Lilyah ignored the glares from Sigrid as she smiled at Alvor.

                “Thank you for everything… and please tell Dorthe I say hello and that I promise to stop and see her next I visit Riverwood.”

                “Aye… and be safe on your journey to Whiterun… farewell.”

                “Farewell.”

 

* * *

 

 

                “There’s no time to stand on ceremony, my friend. I need your help again.”

                _Wait… my help? With WHAT?_

                “How… how am I to help? It’s a DRAGON!”

                “You survived Helgen, so you have more experience than any of us… I want you to go with Irileth… help her fight it…”

                _He’s… he’s joking… he can’t possibly think I can… no… no, he’s not joking… I can’t do this… I CAN’T FIGHT A DRAGON… I’m good with a bow, but not THAT good… why? Why me? Why should I help kill this thing? What has anyone ever done for ME that I should risk my life so?_

                Lilyah can feel herself shaking as the man before her promises her permission to buy a house in the city and she can only scoff that he would offer such a thing after essentially throwing her to the wolves. She wants to laugh at him and spit on the ground in front of him when one of his children runs to his side.

                “PAPA! PAPA! Is it TRUE? There’s a dragon attacking?”

                “Shhh… my boy… be brave… Irileth and the others are preparing to fight it as we speak… even this brave woman here… it will not live much longer.”

                “But, Papa…”

                “Now, have you ever seen anyone beat Irileth?”

                “Nn…no… but…”

                “That’s because she’s brave, and strong, and she never gives up… this dragon will not change that and will fall at her blade… you just watch my boy… now… go to the lower kitchens… keep yourself busy while we deal with this dragon.”

                “Yes, Papa.”

                The young boy turns to leave, but after catching her eye he walks up to her and hugs her quick. She lifts her arms away from the boy, as she’s still not used to being hugged, before he moves away from her and smiles.

                “Thank you for being brave like Irileth…”

                She can only nod at him before he’s running down the stairs- the _tap-tap-tap_ of his shoes the only sign of his leaving. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply through her nose before pinning a glare at the Jarl. He only smiles sadly at her in return before handing over a pair of well-made leather bracers.

                “These are from my armory… they are enchanted and you’ll find while wearing them that your aiming is easier and your arrows are quicker and more deadly…”

                _Thanks… for nothing… worthless nobles and their protected walls while the rest of us fight to protect them and their family and their GOLD and their THRONES… worthless, worthless, WORTHLESS… UGH!_

                “The key for that house better have a pretty red ribbon around it when we get back.”

                “As you say… and thank you.”

                _Don’t thank me yet_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                She couldn’t believe it. They had actually done it. She had watched, after her last arrow was drawn and released, as it pierced the dragon’s snout far below the roof of the watchtower. It had thrown its head skyward and let out a guttural; blood soaked roar, before slamming down to the ground and moved no more. Her burns were severe, and even with the few healing potions she had purchased from Lucan, she knew she would have scars that littered the left side of her face and that half of her hair on that side was almost singed to her scalp.

                _I’ll have to cut my hair… I loved my hair… stupid dragon… I’ll shoot another arrow into your eye just for that… dead already or not_.

                 She made her way down the tower, wincing with each step, until she was out and walking towards the hulking mass of the dead dragon. Slowly… oh so slowly, as she drew nearer to it she began hearing whisperings. She whipped her head around at first, wondering if spirits or some other creature were about to pounce on her, but with the realization that the word –for she could hear just the one word being repeated- was being spoken in her mind she resumed her shuffling towards the dragon.

                _Dov… ah… kiin…_

                The soldiers were gathering around the dragon either whispering prayers to the divines, or laughing and whooping at victory. Still the whispering persisted, but as she pushed her way through the throng of men and women she could also begin to feel as though she were growing stronger… lighter… less pained.

                _Dov… ah… kiin…_

                Suddenly the prayers and laughing became shouts and protests to move back, and as the soldiers moved away she only moved closer, the whispering and pull from this dragon being too much to ignore. With wide eyes Lilyah watched as the dragon’s skin began to flake and burn, as though something was destroying it from the inside out. The moment a hole burned through near where she was standing a surge of raw power slithered out and bolted straight for her.

                _WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHAT IS THIS?_

                As soon as the essence leaving the dragon tethered itself to her it began pouring out in great waves and enveloped her completely. The power of it lifted her off of the ground and she cried out at the magnitude of it all seeping into her being… into her very soul.

                _Dovahkiin_ …

                _Dragonborn_ …

                The surprise that she could understand the word that had been being whispered in her mind was palpable and she continued to shake and whimper as the power calmed in her blood- as though it were waiting to be released. She opened her eyes and felt confused as she now stood before the dragon’s remains, though it was only bone, scales, and strips of sinew now, she couldn’t remember her feet touching back to the earth. She looked down at her feet for a moment until a hand grabbed her shoulder and as she turned, with the shock of being touched, she let loose the power sitting inside her.

                “ _FUS!_ ”

                The soldier sailed backwards and landed with a heavy thud before she realized she was not alone. One soldier ran to the one lying prone on the ground, but all the others just stared at her- mouths hanging to their knees. Even Irileth couldn’t stop staring as another soldier stepped away from the group and spoke the word she had heard whispered only moments ago.

                “You. Are… _Dragonborn_!”

                _Ah FUCK!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literal Translations:  
> 'Hin dilon... fen kos aus unslaad naal yol... ahmik fahliil.' (Your death... will be suffer unending by fire... service elf.)
> 
> 'Bovul mal mey... fah zu'u los Maar ahrk Dilon... zu'u los ALDUIN!' (Flee little fool... for I is Terror and Death... I is ALDUIN!)
> 
> 'Dovahkiin' (Dragonborn)
> 
> So sorry this took so long. Wrote this chapter, then rewrote it, then revised it, the rewrote it again... I just wasn't happy, but after I got past the beginning part it all just rushed out. So here it is :) I'm hoping I can get the next chapter out with not so many problems, and hopefully this chapter was worth the wait :) as always, comments and kudos are like gasoline to my fire and I would appreciate any sort of feedback, be it kudos, comments, bookmarks, or even hits :) thank you to everyone who's read this far :) you are much appreciated :D


	6. Making it to Solitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilyah enjoys a bath in her new home, recovers a misplaced amulet and makes her way to Solitude where she faces another dragon.

                The bellowing sound outside of Whiterun had rattled Lilyah to her core. She had thought, in her panic, that another dragon was attacking, but nothing came for her. She had made her way back to Dragonsreach as quickly as she could and hid her face the whole way to keep anyone from speaking to her. Night had set in by the time she had reached the keep’s doors and she had been beyond exhausted. The Jarl, his steward, and his brother had been awake and awaiting she and Irileth’s return. Once she had assured him that Irileth lived and was only organizing the remaining guards at the watchtower he had begun questioning her about the dragon until finally she had admitted that she had absorbed some sort of power from the dragon.

                _‘So it’s true… the Greybeards really were summoning you…’_

                She couldn’t care less who these Greybeards were, but if they could help her understand more about what had happened to her… well… she decided that she may very well have to speak to them. Lucky for her that she survived the dragon attack, because she was now the proud owner of Breezehome and she had her very own personal housecarl to boot. She had yet to purchase all of the items she wished to get to furnish the home, but she had enough to get by. As of now she only wished to sleep for the next week straight.

                “Do you have need of me, _my Thane_?”

                _How many times… ugh_ …

                “It’s _Lilyah_ , Lydia… you can call me by my name…”

                “ _Yes_ , my Thane.”

                _I give up_ …

                “I don’t need anything, Lydia… I’m just going to head to bed and sleep for the next week.”

                She watched Lydia’s brows furrow before she seemed to notice that Lilyah was only joking. She apparently didn’t appreciate jokes because she rolled her eyes and walked back to their cooking pot. The smell was enticing, but the call of sleep was too much to ignore for Lilyah and she walked up the stairs to her cozy bedroom. She walked to the chest near her bed and set her satchel from Monia inside before closing and locking it. She looked inside her dresser and pulled out a large shift to change in to.

                _I’ll look into buying myself some new sleepclothes in the morning… right now I would sleep naked if it wasn’t so cold_ …

                She pulled off her singed fur armor and pulled the shift over her naked body before she climbed into her new bed and fell asleep. A bath and some food could wait until later.

 

* * *

 

 

                Her bath had been glorious and the breakfast she had eaten right after had tasted like bliss. She wasn’t sure if it was because it was all in her new home, or if it was because she had gone so long without such nice things, but she knew she could get used to it.

                _I may just take another bath when I return_ …

                She had asked around to see if anyone had needed help around Whiterun so that she could pay for the rest of the furnishings for Breezehome, and also so that she could buy herself some new clothing and armor. She had given Arcadia the frost salts from Farengar, promised Danica she would look into retrieving a dagger called Nettlebane, presented a sword to the Jarl’s steward from his daughter Adrianne, and (her favorite) stole a bottle of Argonian Ale for Brenuin. So far she had earned a few potions she’d never use, given a promise that only promised certain death, gained twenty septims for delivering a sword, and finally another potion that _could_ come in handy at _some point_. She currently stood before a set of doors leading to the resting place of the dead in Whiterun. She had only been curious and wanted to see the inside when the priest asked her if she would kindly retrieve his misplaced amulet from the catacombs.

                _If I have to dig through dead bodies just to get this amulet this priest is gonna pay me double_...

                After quietly closing the doors Lilyah pulled her bow from her back and readied an arrow. The priest had warned her that he feared the dead were growing restless and she wanted to be prepared, though she suspected that the sounds were just skeevers running amok. She slunk forward as quietly as she could as her sensitive eyes adjusted to the darkness. Thankfully her eyes were always more attuned to the dark than the light. Easier to relieve people of their shiny ‘burdens’.

                _Focus, you twit… even skeevers are dangerous if you’re not aware_ …

                She walked straight ahead to a table with a lantern lit and searched for this amulet. She at least figured that the priest had only set it down at a table near the dead and not stuffed it in with them. If he had dropped it on the ground then she’d have to begin searching once the catacombs were free of whatever was moving about in it. With the thought of whatever was down here with her she glanced around and had to keep herself from squealing. With its back thankfully facing her, Lilyah gazed upon a skeletal figure swaying only a few yards away- a war axe held firmly in one hand.

                As soundlessly as she could she redrew the arrow she had been holding against the string of her bow. She wasn’t sure arrows would work against skeletons, but she had no other option, as she hadn’t thought to buy herself a dagger for closer combat.

                _I guess we’ll find out if my arrows will even work_ …

                Her heart pounded painfully in her chest as she took aim. She figured she only had a few areas that would even be feasible to aim for and figured the skull would be her best bet for ending this wretched skeleton’s existence.

                _Time to die_ … _again._..

 

* * *

 

 

                “Here’s your _gods damned_ amulet…”

                “Thank Arkay… _here_ … for your troubles…”

                _Twenty septims? TWENTY? Damn these people to the deepest depths of Oblivion… WORTHLESS… ugh... I guess… at least I have that odd jewel to make up for it_ …

                Lilyah ripped the pouch from the priest’s hands and stormed out of the Hall of the Dead- her scowl not leaving her face until she had marched her way all the way back to Breezehome and closed the door behind herself. A pleasant smell surrounded her as soon as she entered her home and she wondered what Lydia was making. She noticed that her housecarl had hung a rack above their cooking pot and had a few things hanging from it already.

                _At least she’s getting out of the house and doing things without me having to tell her_ …

                She walked up the stairs to her bedroom to begin pouring herself another bath when Lydia walked out of her room and startled to a stop at the sight of Lilyah.

                “ _I’m sorry_ , my Thane… I did not hear you come home… _is there anything you need_?”

                _Stubborn Nord_ …

                “ _Lilyah_ , Lydia… my name is _Lilyah_ … and _no_ … I’m just going to pour myself a bath and…”

                “I can pour your bath, my Tha…”

                Lilyah’s nostrils flared for a moment and she closed her eyes before Lydia corrected herself.

                “ _Lilyah_ … I can pour your bath if you’d like… it would be no trouble…”

                _She must be bored out of her mind_ …

                “No need, Lydia… I can do it myself… just worry about keeping an eye on whatever you’re cooking, because it smells _wonderful_ and I’d love a bowl once I’m done washing.”

                _Wow… she knows how to smile_ …

                “It will be done… my… _I mean_ , Lilyah…”

                “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah spent another week in Whiterun, doing jobs for more of the townsfolk, until she had enough gold to finish furnishing Breezehome- she had even had enough to buy herself a beautiful new dagger. She had instructed Lydia that she was to keep an eye on her home, but that she could find her own work around the area if she felt so inclined- Lilyah was going to finally make her way to Solitude to see about joining the Imperials.

                _Maybe I’ll see Hadvar… though I’m not sure what I’ll do if he doesn’t wish to see me in return_ …

                The carriage ride had been relaxing and uneventful for the most part. A few close calls with giants and their mammoths, but mostly their trouble came from wolves and a few solitary frostbite spiders. The carriage driver had even allowed her to sit up in front next to him for a time- until he had tried to make a pass at her and she had moved back to the rear of the carriage.

                _So beautiful_ …

                The view of Solitude was finally close enough to see the castle and the tops of some of the homes. They would make it there with maybe an hour’s worth of daylight left if they kept going without any delays- of course that’s when they would run into one.

                “It seems we have a fallen tree blocking the road… I can cut it and move it, but it’ll be a few hours to clear it…”

                _I’m not sitting around waiting that long when Solitude is right there_ …

                “No need… I’ll just head the rest of the way to Solitude on foot… you can just turn around here and head back _if you wish_ …”

                “ _Are you sure?_ I wouldn’t feel right just leaving you out here alone…”

                _I’m more than capable_ …

                “Thank you for the concern, but I’ll be fine… _safe journeys_ …”

                “To you as well… _may the gods watch over you_.”

                _Doubtful_ …

                Lilyah nodded her head at him before she jumped down from the back of the carriage and began walking towards the fallen tree. She turned once and watched as the carriage moved away from her and back to Whiterun. She breathed in the smell of the trees and shivered with delight. She always enjoyed being near trees. It always gave her a sense of peace- even if the trees were completely different than the ones in Valenwood.

                She began to think of her old home and with it her sense of peace slowly disappeared. She closed her eyes and hung her head as she thought of Monia- still a slave to her old master… if she was even still alive.

                _You’re still alive Monia… you have to be… and I’ll come back for you when I can… I promise_ …

                Pulling the end of her braid from her hood, Lilyah began twirling the end as she tried to keep from crying at the thought of her. Monia was forty years her senior and was easily old enough to be her mother. She had treated Lilyah like a daughter since the moment she became one of Aleinon’s slaves. Cared for her the first time he took Lilyah to his bed then dumped her outside his door- and every time after. Cleaned and cared for any wounds she received when she was being tossed from guard, to visiting guests, to guard again. Always making sure Lilyah drank her tea to keep her from falling pregnant with any of their children. Taking blame for any of Lilyah’s mistakes and the subsequent punishment that went along with them.

                _You were always too good to me… I will repay you that favor_ … _even if it takes the rest of my life_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                The relief Lilyah felt as she passed the carriage resting near Solitude’s stables was palpable and she couldn’t help but smile as she drew nearer to the main city gates. Her heart began to race and her body felt electric (like she might shoot lightning from her fingers). She started running, unable to release the energy building inside of her, and for a moment she felt as though she could raise her arms and fly. She made it through the last arch to the door when she felt the power within her surge and she heard a resounding roar thrum through the skies above her.

                _Dragon!_

                “ _BY THE GODS_! DRAGON!”

                Lilyah stopped in her tracks and whirled her gaze to the sky, searching for wings and teeth. The dragon dove from above the mountain next to Solitude and banked right above her before sailing over the stables and circling back around. She readied an arrow and took aim along with the soldiers near her. She loosed her arrow just as the dragon swooped down and grabbed a soldier from the top of the archway nearest her. As it flew over the gates into Solitude she could hear the growing screams from those inside the city.

                Her heart raced even faster inside of her chest and she couldn’t stop her chest from heaving with each deep breath she took. Her hands shook as she pulled another arrow from her back and aimed again as the dragon let loose a stream of frost farther down the road.

                _Great… ice… I hate ice_ …

                The dragon halted its attack for a moment, and then roared as it beat its great wings and rose higher into the sky. With the sun almost completely set it was growing harder and harder to keep accurate track of where the dragon was and Lilyah worried about all of the people who would die if they didn’t kill it soon. She loosed another arrow at the dragon as it hovered nearby and watched the dragon falter before it turned its attention to her and began making its way towards her.

                _Shit_ …

                She started backing away from the great beast, but tripped and fell back. She looked down and noticed that she had tripped over a dead soldier’s leg. She shook in terror as she watched the dragon descending right above her, about to stomp on her or eat her whole, when the power inside of her surged and she shouted.

                “ _FUS!_ ”

                The dragon faltered again (more from shock she figured), and skidded to the ground next to her. She hurried back to her feet as the dragon regained its feet, ready to roll away if it spit ice at her when it roared and stepped once in her direction.

                “ _Dovahkiin_ …”

                _Shit… he’s speaking to me… gods help me_ …

                “Dragon…”

                _Yes, Lilyah… speak to the beast… that’s smart_ …

                “ _Kren sosaal!_ ”

                _Ah fuck!_

                Lilyah rolled just as he spit his ice at her and as she lifted up to her feet she released the arrow she had notched and watched it sink into the dragon’s cheek. He screeched out a quick roar before shaking his head and started stomping towards her. She let loose her next arrow and felt her heart stop for a beat as the dragon caught it and snapped it in his mouth. Just as he was about to reach her she rolled away, feeling the wind from his snapping jaws right next to her, and released another arrow as her feet settled back on the ground. Thankfully the other soldiers had not abandoned her and she watched as they loosed their arrows before pulling free their swords to hack and slash at the dragon’s feet and wings. She took the few seconds of distraction they granted her to pull her dagger from her side before she ran towards the dragon.

                _This is a bad idea… this is such a bad idea_ …

                Before the dragon turned its gaze to her she jumped up and used its wings as leverage to launch herself onto its neck before she sunk her dagger into his throat. She held on as tight as she could, but he managed to shake her as she leaned to pull her dagger free and a moment after her back hits the ground he snaps his jaws closed on one of her legs.

                “ _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!_ ”

                She could feel its teeth sinking deeper into her flesh, down to her bone (a resounding snap signifying its breaking from the pressure), as he shook her from side to side. She screamed and screamed, barely noticing the guards still hacking away wherever they could, until the dragon pulled its head in towards its throat and lilyah noticed her dagger. With only a second to act she grabbed the hilt and began pulling it up towards the dragon’s head and then turned it as he released her leg and used the momentum of her falling body to slice clean through his throat.

                The dragon’s blood spurted all over her as it tried to roar, but the only noises it made were gurgling squeals before his head fell to the earth, landing straight down onto her legs. She let loose a scream that tore her throat and lungs to ribbons and tried to move the dragon’s lifeless head, but the pain was too great and she just cried brokenly until the dragon began to burn from the inside out.

                _Not again!_

                Lilyah watched with blurry eyes as the skin between the scales disintegrated and with it the dragon’s soul began leaking out. Just like the first time, the soul seemed to search for her, and as it connected the rest surged out to bond with her own. Her body began trying to lift from the ground again, but the dragon’s skull was still pinning her legs and she whimpered as the pain lanced through her, mixing with the power of the soul to coalesce into a roar leaving her body sounding exactly like a dragon.

                As her body lowered back to the ground she vaguely made out the shapes of bodies rushing towards her. A few lifted the dragon’s skull from her legs and she called out brokenly from the pain as someone moved over her and lifted her into their arms. She fainted for a few moments before she came back to at the sound of her name.

                “ _Lilyah_?”

                _Hadvar?_

                “By the gods… _LILYAH_ … WHAT’S HAPPENED TO HER… _SPEAK, SOLDIER_!”

                _Hadvar! You’re here… I found you_ …

                “She… she took its very _soul_ …”

                _I’m sorry… don’t be angry… I just wanted to find you_ …

                “You’re not making any sense, _boy_ … she _WHAT_?”

                “She’s _Dragonborn_.”

                _I don’t want to be_ …

                “ _Give her to me_ … I will take her to the infirmary…”

                “Yes, Sir.”

                Lilyah cried out as she was clumsily handed to Hadvar and she blacked out for a few moments until she felt a hand lightly slapping her cheek. She opened her eyes and looked around frantically until her eyes focused the man next to her.

                “ _Hadvar_!”

                _I missed you_ …

                “Lilyah… _I can’t believe it’s you_ … I can’t believe you’re here…”

                _Please don’t make me go_ …

                “ _Hadvar_ …”

                _I have so much I want to say_ …

                “ _Shhh_ … you have very deep wounds in your leg and the _bone is broken_ … we’ll need to set it before we can give you the healing you need… it’s going to _hurt… a lot_ …”

                She just nods her head at him and holds in another cry as he begins cutting her leather legging away from her mutilated leg. A few minutes later she is surrounded by healers with potions, wraps and other odd items when they begin pushing Hadvar away to give them room.

                “ _HADVAR_! _DON’T_ … DON’T LEAVE… _PLEASE_!”

                “ _Lilyah_ … I’m not going anywhere…”

                Before he can finish, two women grab her leg and set the two pieces of bone back together, and with the burning and blinding pain that lances through her body she doesn’t even put up a fight against the blackness that engulfs her.

                She welcomes it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation-  
> "Dovahkiin..." ("Dragonborn...")
> 
> "Kren sosaal!" ("Break (and) bleed!")
> 
> So glad to get this chapter done :D I've been writing like crazy for my Dragon Age fic and I used that momentum to finish this chapter today. I hope everyone enjoys it :) this is my first time writing an in depth fight scene (especially between a person and a dragon), so I hope its up to par. If there are any spelling errors or something doesn't sound right, please let me know :D and YAY HADVAR!


	7. Love Requited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing and Hadvar fluff. Joining the Imperials. Finding the Jagged Crown. Learning new things. Heading back to Whiterun.

                Lilyah fell in and out of consciousness for what felt like only moments apart, but with each grasp at reality there were different people speaking near her, or no one speaking at all. Her dreams were scattered and unintelligible to even her sleeping mind. One moment she would be back in that dragon’s mouth, choking on blood, to spinning in circles in the woods. Sometimes she would be flying above the clouds and other times falling to her death. The dreams with Hadvar were few and far between, but each burned like a roaring fire in her mind. A few times she had become aware that she was sleeping, but failed at every attempt to wake herself up.

                She vaguely remembers calling out to Hadvar during one of her more lucid moments, but she couldn’t be sure if it were only in her dreams or if she had actually called out to him. Either way she had not received a reply and with the quiet emptiness being her only answer, despair overtook her and turned her dreams to nightmares of black dragons and Altmer masters.

                When she finally feels herself coming to full consciousness she has had neither dreams of Hadvar or flying, nor nightmares of dragons and masters, but of nothing. No dragons, no Mer, no Hadvar, no living thing, no light, no sound… just nothing. Lilyah had been there… alone.

                A whimper escapes her as she tries to hold back the lingering loneliness. Her lips tremble with the effort and she tries to curl into herself until a hand slides along her unscarred cheek and Hadvar calls her name.

                “Lilyah _… Lilyah, you’re okay_ … _shhhh_ …”

                _You’re here… you didn’t leave_ …

                “Hadvar!”

                Tears roll down from her eyes and she feels Hadvar gently wipe them away with his thumbs. He shushes her quaking body with his words and continues to rub his thumbs against her cheeks, taking extra care on her left cheek as it is deeply scarred from her first dragon encounter, until she finally opens her eyes.

                _At least he isn’t pushing me away… yet_ …

                “Hadvar… I…”

                “Shhh… _I know_ …”

                She looks at him quizzically for a moment before he smiles at her and watches his own thumbs run along her jutting cheekbones (still taking extra care on her left side). He finally looks back to her and his gaze feels as though it is boring into hers.

                “I missed you too.”

                _He… he missed me? He MISSED ME!_

                Lilyah felt more tears slide down her cheeks as she fists one hand into his shirt and snakes the other into the hair at the back of his head to pull his head down to hers. Their mouths collide like storm clouds and Lilyah moans as lightning arcs through her. His lips are soft against her rough and cracked ones, but he doesn’t even seem to notice as he slides his tongue against her bottom lip, seeking entrance. The moment their tongues touch her body becomes molten and as Hadvar slides an arm under her lower back, and pulls their bodies together, she lifts her leg to slide it against his side. The pain from her recently injured leg quickly clears the storm inside her mind. She can’t help but cry out.

                “ _I’m sorry_ … you’re still hurt…”

                _So sweet… if you only knew how much I… dear gods… I think I’m in love with you_ …

                He held his forehead against hers and gently lowered her body back to the bed. She feels his hand move to her side and squeeze as he exhales deeply against her face. He replaces his forehead against hers with his mouth and kisses her tenderly. She can’t seem to hold her feelings in any longer.

                “I love you…”

                She feels him still and his breathing stops for a few moments. Lilyah opens her eyes reluctantly, afraid to see his rejection to her words, but she is met with an intense look of surprise before Hadvar returns his lips to hers and kisses her deeply.

                _Does this mean_ …

                She wants to ask him… to be sure of what this kiss means… but without realizing it, they have company and the kiss is interrupted.

                “ _Sorry to break this up_ …”

                Hadvar breaks away from her with a gasp and stands. Lilyah whips her head in the direction of the voice and gulps loudly. The captain who ordered her to the block stood near the end of her bed and glared.

                _Hadvar, please don’t let her kill me_ …

                “ _Captain?_ ”

                “Legate Rikke and General Tullius are requesting your presence _at once_ , Lieutenant.”

                _Don’t leave me with her… I’m scared_ …

                He must feel her stress because he nods his head at the captain, but before he goes he turns and lowers himself back over Lilyah. She looks at him and blinks rapidly to keep the tears from building in her eyes when Hadvar securely holds her head in his hands and kisses her soundly and thoroughly on the mouth. Her worry dissipates as he kisses her, until it is only a miniscule blip in her mind, as their lips slowly peel apart and he slowly pulls away from her. She feels like her body is made of feathers and fluffy white clouds… her eyes open slowly (as though she were drunk). Warmth seems to radiate from his eyes as they gaze at her.

                “I will be back soon…   _my love_ …”

                _My love… he… he loves me… he LOVES me_ …

                Lilyah’s body starts to shake from the realization, but she knows he needs to leave, so she nods her head at him and smiles happily. He quickly kisses her lips, then her forehead, one last time when he stands to walk past the captain- not giving the woman so much as a word or glance as he does. She sees the hatred in the captain’s eyes and the snarl held barely in check before she turns her eyes away from the woman and listens for her to leave. When she hears the captain’s boots walking in the direction Hadvar left she finally relaxes on her bed.

                Her smile doesn’t stay away long.

                _He loves me_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                “So _you’re_ the famed _Dragonborn_ , eh?”

                Lilyah kept her gaze focused on the floor as General Tullius circled her. Hadvar had been ordered to leave on an excursion to intercept a Stormcloak caravan and would be gone for a few days, but he had made sure she knew that when he returned he would show her exactly how much he had found he missed her since they had parted.

                “I’m sorry, _Sir_ … I cannot say _for sure_ … I do seem to take _something_ from dragons when they die, but I have yet to visit the _Greybeards_ …”

                “ _Ah_ … the _Greybeards_ … up in _High Hrothgar_ at the throat of the world… they care not for this war, so they are not important here… if you _are_ Dragonborn and wish to join the Legion, _as Hadvar has informed us_ , that would greatly improve our position in Skyrim.”

                “I’m sorry, _Sir_ , but I’ve only known I was _Dragonborn_ for a few weeks now… though I do wish to join and I _will help_ in any way that I can, I’m not sure how me _being_ the Dragonborn will help in any way.”

                “Yes, well… you may not be known throughout Skyrim _as of yet_ , but I have heard that you are now one of Jarl Balgruuf’s newly appointed _Thane’s_ , are you _not_?”

                _I’m not sure I like where this is going… but, I don’t want to disappoint Hadvar, and he vouched for me_ …

                “ _I am_ , Sir…”

                “ _Great_ … we will need you to _use_ that status to get the Jarl to listen to reason and _accept_ the Legion’s help… Ulfric and his _rebel Stormcloak’s_ will not wait long to force him into making a decision, and if we can, we’d like to make sure Whiterun is not overtaken because of the Jarl’s _stubbornness_.”

                _I suppose I don’t really have a choice_ …

                “I understand, _Sir_ …”

                “Yes, yes… _now_ … if you _truly wish_ to join the Legion, you must first take the oath… _after that_ speak to Legate Rikke and she will get you set up with your new armor and any other tasks that should be done.”

                _Here goes nothing_ …

                “I wish to take the oath, Sir.”

                “Great… then _repeat after me_ …”

 

* * *

 

 

                _Draugr… I hate Draugr_ …

                She hated killing people. Their faces stayed with her and always seemed keen on bursting their way into her nightmares. Draugr… they were another story. They were shambling, walking, and sometimes magic wielding dead who just needed to stay dead.

                “Spread out… look for the crown… I know it’s here _somewhere_ …”

                Lilyah nods her head at Legate Rikke, her hair tied firmly back into a braid to keep it from impeding her view, and begins looking on the nearest shelf. She tries to be quiet, as there have been Draugr in every chamber since she discovered the ebony claw needed to open the puzzle door. Rikke had been impressed and decided to let Lilyah keep the claw. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to keep it or sell it and had shoved it into her satchel to worry about later. She silently walked to the next shelf when she heard one of the other Imperial soldiers gasp out that she had found it.

                _Finally_ …

She turned just as the woman reached her hand out and placed it on the crown. Lilyah only had enough time to open her mouth when the Draugr, whose head it had been resting on, awoke and impaled the woman with its sword.

                “DRAUGR!”

                Lilyah pulled her bow from her back in a horrid haze as the Draugr lifted the woman and then slammed her body back to the ground. The sword cut through more of her soft flesh and she couldn’t help but watch as the woman’s life-blood gushed from her stomach and her mouth. She swallowed back the bile rising in her throat and nocked an arrow when the Draugr wearing the crown shouted.

                “ _FUS… RO DAH!_ ”

                Her body slammed against the wall from the force of the shout and she watched in a daze as a group of soldiers still standing felled one of the lesser Draugr. They were too busy with the second one to realize that the one with the crown was now stalking towards the stunned Legate.

                _Can’t let her die_ …

                “ _FUS!_ ”

                Lilyah was somehow able to focus her shout so that Rikke was not hit by it and watched the Draugr stumble away. She moved to her hands and knees as it regained its bearings and then turned its attention to her. She looked around for her bow and noticed it laying just out of her reach… in the direction of the Draugr advancing on her.

                _SHIT!_

                She looked between the Draugr and her bow and made a split second decision to reach for it when the Draugr ran and smacked her head to the side. The force of the blow made her head bounce off of the wall and blacked out her vision for a moment. She only barely noticed the Draugr standing over her with its sword poised to impale her as well. She ordered herself to move, but her mind only spun with the thought.

                _Always a damn Draugr_ … _Hadvar… I’m sorry… I couldn’t let her die_ …

                Closing her eyes before the blow could fall she only heard the gurgled burping noise before she felt a cold thick liquid splatter her face and neck. Her ears rang and her head pounded as she opened her eyes and watched the Draugr seemingly puzzle over the sword tip protruding from his chest. It seemed to realize it was about to die (again) and it lifted its sword one last time, ready to finish her off, when the sword in its chest turned, pulled free, and sliced into its side. The blow covered her in even more Draugr blood.

                “Are you _alright_?”

                Lilyah only nods her head, not wanting to get any gore in her mouth, and lets Rikke help lift her to her feet. She sways for a moment and a mixture of lightheadedness and a sharp pain shoots through her skull causing her to turn and begin emptying her stomach of the little she had eaten. She is in between retches when she hears one of the soldiers behind her whispering, none too quietly.

                “ _Milk drinker_ …”

                She retched again as some of the others surrounding the soldier laughed quietly. Her eyes were watering and her head pounded as she heard someone grunt and a loud thump as someone dropped to their knees. She blinks to clear her eyes and sees Legate Rikke standing over the kneeling soldier as he holds his gut and pants in breaths.

                “That _MILK DRINKER_ just saved my _life_ and a few other of YOUR _SORRY ASSES_ … I’d suggest you get to tending to your fellow, _living and breathing_ , soldiers and begin preparing the dead for proper burials before I send you _ALL_ back to Solitude with orders to _clean and scrub_ every. last. latrine. and. bucket. inside. her. walls!”

                Lilyah watched the Legate in astonishment as the woman cowed every last soldier in that chamber. Every one of them silenced in a matter of moments before jumping to do exactly what they had been ordered to do. Being the famed Dragonborn, she still didn’t think she’d ever be able to command that much power and actually have people listen.

                “Are you going to be alright?”

                _Maybe_ …

                “ _Yes, Sir_ …”

                “ _Good_. I need you to take the crown and head back to Solitude as fast as you can. Once you’ve given the crown to General Tullius you may proceed to Whiterun to speak with the Jarl. _Dismissed_ , Soldier.”

                _Back to business_ …

                “ _Yes_ , Sir.”

                The Legate handed her the crown, the horns as sharp as daggers protruding in almost every direction, before she turned and began helping with the soldiers injured during the fight with the Draugr. She spit a few times to get the taste of bile from her mouth and began walking towards the back of the chamber. She just passed the three thrones when one of the soldiers stepped in front of her and handed her a healing potion.

                “Thank you, _Dragonborn_ … you saved our lives… I don’t care what any of the others say…”

                _This is new_ …

                “Um… _well_ … it was nothing, _really_ … anyone would have done it in my place… it was my _duty_ …”

                _Yes… keep talking… by the eight, you’re a fool_ …

                “Not _everyone_ …”

                Lilyah only watched in wonder as the woman walked away from her. She still couldn’t imagine none of the others helping save the Legate or any of their fellow soldiers if they could, but it lightened her heart none-the-less that at least one of them appreciated her attempt at distracting that Draugr. She watched her feet as she walked to the back of the chamber when her sensitive ears picked up on a light chanting. She lifted her gaze and searched for the voices, but none of the other soldiers were near enough to be the ones doing it. She finally turned to a rounded wall and it reminded her of the wall she found when the Draugr in Bleak Falls Barrow almost gutted her.

                _There are more of these? But_ …

                The whispering chants grew louder as she stepped closer and with each step a faint light seemed to emanate from a small cluster of cracks. She finally stepped on the slab of stone the round wall rested on and was instantly stopped in her tracks by the force of the magic held there.

                _What sort of trap is this now… move you idiot… just put one leg in front of the other… get off of this rock_ …

                She looked back at the light seeping from the cracks in the wall and realized that they were not cracks, but a language… the dragon’s language.

                _How do I know that? What is happening to me?_

                The light began whirling from the wall, like wisps of blue flakes, and it surrounded Lilyah’s still form- circling her like a ward of magic made of knowledge. The light grew brighter and brighter as the knowledge absorbed into her soul, seeking out the dragon souls lingering inside of her to form into a coherent and understandable shout.

                _Sand… Slow time_ …

                The last of the swirling blue wisps absorbed into her when she felt the power holding her in place dissipate and release her. She stumbled forward and breathed in heavily when she heard murmurs behind her. She turned and found all the eyes in the chamber locked onto her form.

                “ _By the Eight_ … you really _are_ Dragonborn…”

                _Changed your tune, have you?_

                Lilyah couldn’t look upon the awe and fear in their eyes a moment longer. She rolled her eyes and walked from the chamber without even acknowledging a single one of their questioning eyes.

                _I never asked for this_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                She had hoped to see Hadvar when she returned to Solitude to deliver the crown, but one of the soldiers training in the courtyard informed her that none of their party had returned as of yet. She hoped he was alright and that he would return unharmed, but she wasn’t granted time to sit and worry as General Tullius had given her orders to head to Whiterun as soon as possible.

                She had stopped at the apothecary in the city to stock up on healing potions only to be asked if she had met the old woman, who owned the place’s, daughter in Whiterun. She had questioned Captain Aldis about it, only to find out she’d need to break the old woman’s heart and inform her of her daughter’s death. She had originally planned on sneaking a few extra healing potions from the shop, but after finding out the news and then having to deliver it to the woman she ended up walking out with free potions instead.

                With her satchel full of potions and food enough for her journey she had hired the local carriage driver to take her to Whiterun. The trip had been slow and arduous, but it had granted her ample time to daydream about all of the ways she wished to reunite with Hadvar upon her return to Solitude.

                Little did she know the Jarl would push her closer to fulfilling her destiny as Dragonborn and put her on the path to finding something she had longed for all her life…

                A family.

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I ended this chapter like I did because my family and I are moving in THREE DAYS :D and I'm not sure when I'll be able to find time to actually sit down and write for a couple weeks. Now, I'm DEFINITELY NOT giving up on this fic (not even close), so please, just be patient :) and hopefully it won't be as long as I'm thinking before I'm back to posting again :D
> 
> As always, comments are greatly appreciated and constructive criticism is encouraged :)
> 
> Be back soon <3


	8. Niruin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING- This chapter contains mentions of past rape, attempted rape, and blood and gore.
> 
> As the title of this chapter indicates... YES... Niruin makes his entrance into Lilyah's life :D I just couldn't wait any longer :D though their story has a long way to go, I figured I could use his entrance as a way of getting Lilyah to visit Riften to eventually join the theives guild.

                _‘I will consider the help of the Imperials if you do one thing for me first…’_

_‘Name it.’_

_‘Go to High Hrothgar… speak with the Greybeards… once you have done that I will listen to your request.’_

_‘You’re joking.’_

_‘I am not.’_

               

                Lilyah had been furious. He expected her to climb these seven thousand steps to speak with some old greybeards out of some misplaced honor he felt she had offended. It also seemed that she couldn’t just climb these steps, but she also had to have a bleeding heart and offered to deliver supplies for Klimmek so he wouldn’t need to climb the steps himself. She had killed a bear, two wolves, and a god’s damned ice wraith only to find herself face to face with an ice troll as she thought herself finally, blessedly, safe.

                “Bulgruuf is gonna owe me _BIG TIME!_ ”

                She pulled her dagger from the troll’s neck and wiped it clean in the snow at her feet before finishing her trek to High Hrothgar.

                _It better be just around this bend or I’m going to scream_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah thankfully hadn’t needed to scream, but she had found High Hrothgar to be, intimidating and yet, surprisingly underwhelming from all the stories she had been told. The stone seemed almost as ancient as the Nord ruins she had adventured into, but other than the stone it was just a spacious and quiet place. Each smoldering brazier spaced enough apart that the cold of the mountain never seemed to seep to deeply before being whisked away. She wondered if she could ever find comfort in the solitude the Greybeards kept themselves in.

                Ever find peace.

                _Probably not_ … _well… maybe with Hadvar_ …

                Shaking her head of the thoughts of Hadvar she settled herself into the bed she made near one of the lit braziers. She had performed the Greybeard’s tests and passed with flying colors, learning a very useful shout in the process, and was ordered to undergo another adventure to recover a horn. She had wanted to protest. Wanted to scream, and kick, and tell them to shove their order up their oblivion forsaken behinds, but she didn’t think upsetting the Greybeards would help her win over Balgruuf- so she accepted and informed them she would like to sleep first.

                They hadn’t offered her a bed, so she hadn’t asked.

                _At least I always keep furs and a bedroll in my satchel_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                A week and a half later she found herself walking up the broken steps leading to the Palace of the Kings to present an axe to Ulfric- Jarl Balgruuf’s last test before he made a decision. She hated this area of Skyrim with all her being. One of those many reasons being the scum Stormcloak’s roaming the area. She had felt pride in killing a few that were transporting an Imperial soldier to Windhelm, giving the thankful Breton some provisions and some armor and a weapon, before she looked at the faces of the people she had killed and it hit her again that she had ended another being’s life. She had retched as soon as the Breton had fled from her sight.

                Those thoughts had been all but forgotten as she entered Windhelm and witnessed two Nords harassing a Dunmer woman. She had listened to their rantings for a moment, until the mouthy one started threatening to visit her at night, when she moved between the two men and proceeded to get herself tangled up in a fistfight. She had won (quite easily in fact), but was now sporting a fat and bloody lip from the Nord landing a lucky blow. Lilyah licked her lip thinking about the ignorant arse, but smiled as she imagined his face in the morning.

                _Piece of shit deserved it_ …

                “Spare a coin?”

                Lilyah looked over to a burning brazier and noticed a woman in rags shivering by the fire. She watched her shuffle from foot to foot, only having thin frayed cloth covering them from the cold, and felt her heart clench with pity. She pulled her coin purse from her side and pulled out a septim for the woman. She also pulled out a bear fur she had tanned and a pair of boots she kept in case hers needed replacing. She handed the items to the beggar and smiled as the woman reached for them in awe.

                “Bless your kind heart.”

                She only nodded before turning to finish her original task. She turned once before entering the palace and smiled as the woman slipped on the boots and wrapped the bear fur around her shoulders. As she turned back to the doors she noticed the eyes of the guards all on her- none of them friendly.

                “ _Turn your demon gaze away from me!_ ”

                _Don’t do anything rash… these are still guards_ …

                “I only wish to speak with _Ulfric_ … I have a _message_ from Jarl Balgruuf…”

                “So he sends a _waifish, demon-eyed, elf-bitch_ to deliver it?”

                Another guard walks up to her other side and spits at her feet.

                “And it’s _Jarl Ulfric_... future _High King_ of _Skyrim_. Show some _respect_ , elf!”

                _Future High King? Not if I have anything to do with it_ …

                Lilyah hears another walk up behind her, but she keeps her gaze on the main guard blocking her way. She stares in his eyes and sees his flash with fear before he nods to the one behind her and a hand slides around her neck and an arm wraps around her waist, slamming her back against an armored chest. Her eyes widen as the hand holding her throat tightens marginally.

                “Not so bad looking from _behind_ , are you?”

                “ _Get your hands off of me_ …”

                The hand grasping her throat tightens a little more making her wheeze in breaths. She keeps her arms down and to her sides, not wanting to show her growing fear, as the arm around her waist moves lower. The two guards in front of her glance at each other and smirk as they watch the guard holding her freely grope her.

                “You’ll be a good little Mer-whore, _won’t you_? Won’t make no _fuss_ …”

                _Please no_ …

 

                _‘You’ll be a good little slave, won’t you?’_

_‘Yes, Master.’_

_‘My guests wish to have a good time here in my home… do not disappoint me.’_

_‘Never, Master.’_

_‘That’s my girl… now… I’ll ask that you gentlemen refrain from killing her… oh… and please, leave her face unmarked. Have fun…’_

 

                _NO! I escaped… I’m not there anymore… I’m in Skyrim… I’m the Dragonborn… I’m the DRAGONBORN!_

                Lilyah opens her eyes, unsure when she had closed them, and snarls at the two guards in front of her before she swivels and elbows the guard holding her on the side of his head. He loosens his grip and she quickly pulls the power within her to shout at the two surprised guards before her.

                “ _FUS. RO!_ ”

                She hears the crack and clang of their armored bodies against the door to the palace, hoping that it’s killed them, before rounding on the one that had been groping her. He starts to stand, pulling his now dented helmet from his head, before he looks at her and she sees his absolute fear of her in his eyes.

                _Good… be afraid_ …

                She looked straight into his eyes, holding his trembling gaze, before she kicks her leg forward and it lands square between his legs. The fear quickly turns to surprised agony as the guard coughs spittle from his mouth and gurgles out a moan as he holds his groin. He falls to his knees and she tangles her fingers into his hair and forces him to look at her as she lifts her other fist and brings it to his face, connecting- _one.two.three_ \- and blood spurts over her hand and all over his face.

                She hears shouting as she pulls her arm back for another blow, but before she lands it something smashes into the side of her skull and the world goes black.

 

* * *

 

 

                “Put the elf-bitch next to the other Bosmer… maybe one of them will _kill_ the other and then they can eat the mess.”

                “That’s _beyond_ demented, Roguf, but I really don’t care either way.”

                _I take it the ‘elf-bitch’ is Bosmer as well… and really? We don’t ALL eat our own_ …

                Niruin watches two guards drag a slight, dark-haired, and bloody Bosmer beauty into the cell next to his and unkindly dump her onto the straw covered bed. He watches one of the two guards leer at the unconscious woman before turning to look at him. He makes sure to appear uninterested in their movements.

                “He doesn’t seem to care… maybe he’ll enjoy _watching_ if I have a little fun with her? She’s such a _small_ little thing…”

                “She’s an _elf_ … that’s _disgusting_ … I’m not staying to watch, but _you_ have fun.”

                _Won’t partake, but you’ll still allow it to happen… I’d kill you as well if I were free… sick bastards_ …

                “Oh, _I will_ …”

                Niruin watches, seething with rage, as the guard not partaking in the rape of the unconscious woman walks out of the cell. The other removes his helmet, gauntlets, and belt before he crawls over the woman and slides a hand up her side. He watches him cup the woman’s breast, the sick fuck licking his lips all the while, and lowers his head to suckle or bite at her neck. Niruin turns his attention fully to them as he sees her lids flicker with consciousness. He knows she’s fully awake as her body goes ridged and he wishes he could be in her cell to watch the show. He doesn’t believe for one second that this deceptively small Bosmer would take this lying down (no pun intended).

                _I’d say I feel sorry for him… but I don’t_ …

                Her hands are still tied together against her stomach and the guard lifts them so they rest above her head. He never stops to notice her demeanor before he’s back to kissing at her neck and lowering his hand to between her legs to spread them apart. As he moves his hand to fumble with his own trousers he doesn’t notice her tied arms lowering over his head until it’s too late.

                She brings her hands down quickly and uses the leverage of the rope to help her slight fingers clutch and crush his throat and, quick as a sabre cat, she pulls his turned head closer to her face and bites down on his ear- blood covering her face like a cat with its kill- and uses her legs to kick his body away from her. Effectively removing his ear from his head.

                “RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, YOU _MER BITCH_ … _WHORE_ … I’LL _KILL_ YOU!”

                Niruin watches with glee as she spits the bastard’s bloody ear from her mouth and hisses at him. More guards come to pull their bloody friend away before he does anything else and with all the commotion no one but Niruin notices as she kicks his belt under her bed. One of the female guards holds her sword out at the woman as she retrieves the idiot’s helmet and gauntlets, but she never notices the belt as the mad Bosmer woman hisses again- more blood dribbling from her parted lips.

                _She’s a goddess_ …

                After the cell door is slammed closed and locked he watches the woman step down from the bed and stumble. He worries for only a moment before she turns her deep and eternally black eyes towards him and proceeds to faint into a pile of straw they always keep in each cell. He kneels down next to her, the bars of his cell keeping him from getting too close, and marvels at the raven-haired goddess before him.

                “Why, _by all the Eight_ , could my father not have betrothed me to a woman like _you_?”

 

* * *

 

 

                As black wings fade, the taste of tang and copper lingers in her mouth until she’s awake enough to realize that there is blood coating the inside of her lips… also that her head feels as though it’s been split in two. She opens her eyes, disoriented as she sees bars surrounding her, and wipes away the straw sticking to her cheek.

                _What’s… where?_ …

                “ _Where am I?_ ”

                She asks herself the question out loud, not thinking she’d actually get an answer.

                “Where are you, my little _sabre cat_?...”

                Lilyah scrambles away from the voice, backs into the bed, and climbs onto it until her back hits the bars farthest away. Torches on the brink of extinguishing keep her eyes from focusing in the dark, but she makes out the hunched figure in the cell next to her. He doesn’t move or acknowledge her hasty retreat from him and continues talking.

                “… You don’t remember your fantastic display with that _deserving_ _guard_ yesterday?”

                She held her tongue and allowed her mind to catch up with his words when she remembers her arms resting above her head and a sweaty man’s mouth on her neck. He had reached between her legs and parted them, but that was all she could remember.

                _Did he?_

                She began shaking and pulled her ragged dress down and pulled the musty furs beneath her up to cover her exposed legs. She thought she might be sick and could feel her body wanting to retch as the man in the cell continued on.

                “He thought you some _dubious little romp_ , but _oh did you have other plans_ … I’ll never forget the way he _screamed_ … I will _never_ forget it- and _you_ … spitting his damn ear onto the _floor_ , looking like a _glorious_ bloody _goddess_ … _teeth bared_ , ready to tear out their throats…”

                _Wait… so… he didn’t_ …

                Her body was still on overload, even though it was now relief flooding her body, and she had to concentrate to keep her stomach from emptying. A few heartbeats passed before she cleared her throat to speak, but just at that moment a guard came into the prison with a wooden plate and tankard in each hand. Lilyah noticed the guard was a woman as she neared the cell next to her and silently handed the plate and tankard to the man next to her. She stood from the bed slowly as the guard neared her cell and stepped forward slowly as the woman held the tankard between the bars. She reached to grab the tankard when the woman lets it go and it clatters to the floor, spraying water all over Lilyah’s bare feet.

                “ _Oops_ … guess you better hurry and drink that off the floor…”

                Lilyah just stares at the water as it runs along the cracks in the floor and seeps into the dirt and blood caked there. She clenches her jaw and closes her eyes as the plate and her food join the empty tankard on the sodden floor.

                “Oh my… _clumsy me_ … enjoy _… savage_.”

                _Just breathe… in… and out… in… and out_ …

                “ _Oh_ , and expect to be questioned about the axe you had in your possession when we apprehended you… _that is_ … once Jarl Ulfric has felt you’ve… _rested…_ enough.”

                _Why did I ever come to this gods-forsaken city?_

                She listens to the guard leave, the woman’s snickering laughter echoing through the prisons and her mind, as her heart drops into her stomach. She had come to present an axe to Ulfric- to return with an answer for Jarl Balgruuf- so he could finally accept the Legion’s help- then she could return to General Tullius to report back- and finally… so she could see Hadvar and feel safe and loved as he wrapped her in his arms.

                _Hadvar_ …

                She opened her eyes, staring at the walls outside of her cell, and felt her lip tremble.

                “ _Please don’t cry_ …”

                Lilyah had momentarily forgotten about the man next to her and with his quiet plea floating through her thoughts, she does what comes naturally (at least of late)… she turns her pain and fear into anger.

                She could use anger.

                _I just need to hold onto it until this is all over… shouldn’t be too hard_ …

                “Don’t worry about _me_ …”

                She neared the bars separating her cell from her fellow prisoner and was finally able to make out his features more clearly. A Bosmer… a very attractive Bosmer.

                _Stop that… you have Hadvar waiting for you in Solitude_ …

                She kept her gaze leveled on his, though she could still easily see his muscled and toned abdomen, and smiled coldly at the thought of killing every person standing between her and getting home.

                _Home… is it really home?... YES… it is… it is_ …

                With her ice cold smile firmly in place she watches the other Bosmer shift uncomfortably under her gaze… until she finishes speaking.

                “They _should_ be worried about _themselves_ … _once I’m free._ ”

                After walking back to her bed and sitting as gently as possible she wonders if she imagined the twitch in the front of his trousers at her words.

                _He’s either daft… or crazy… I can see him and I being great friends…_

               

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's nearly 4am where I am and I just couldn't make myself close my laptop and go to bed without finishing this chapter and posting it :) I hope its acceptable :) and now that my office/library/quiet space is finished and all of the unpacking is done I'm hoping to be able to post on a regular basis again :D so please... enjoy :)
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are like kitty purrs and coffee to my soul ;D


	9. Dying Breaths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilyah faces Ulfric... battles for Whiterun... and sets a bard straight.

                “You know, _my little sabre cat_ … if you ever find yourself in Riften and you’ve acquired some… _shall we say_ … items the law might find _questionable_ and worthy of sending you to another _shithole_ like this… just ask around for someone named _Brynjolf_ … or _Vex_ …”

                _Surprised a honey-tongued Mer like him isn’t trying to talk me into coming to see him once I’m out_ …

                “Not _you_?”

                “Ha ha… _no_ … I’m no one… just a Bosmer with the _best aim in Skyrim_ …”

                _Aaannd, there’s the ego_ …

                “ _Is that so?_ Hmm… if I was in a position to, I might just feel like testing that claim… _alas_ …”

                Lilyah made a show of looking around her cell.

                “… We both seem to be in no position to find out…”

                “ _Are you…?_ NO… a _tiny thing like you?_ Better with a bow than _me_? HA!”

                _If only I had my bow now… I’d pin your damn braid into the stone wall behind you_ …

                Over the last three days she had been able to study the Bosmer man residing in the cell next to hers. He had informed her that his name was Niruin and that he had been arrested for simply being the most beautiful Mer in Windhelm. She had scoffed and rolled her eyes, not wanting to speak to anyone just yet, and had returned to removing the buckle from the leather of the guard’s belt she had hid beneath her bed. Too bad for her, she had not been able to keep her eyes from wandering to his bare torso, and figuratively large head, as long as she kept her silence.

                His hair was dark, but she could tell when he walked near a newly lit torch that it was not nearly as dark as her own. Being in a cell for a few days, the hair on the sides of his head was starting to grow back in, but she could tell that he usually only kept a thick strip of hair. The strip started from the crest of his forehead and went back to the back half of his skull where his braid hung down to the curve of his lower back. His skin was as dark as hers, but it seemed duller (as though he never really spent much time in the sun).

                He was very well built though.

                His arms were lean, but the muscles beneath seemed to be held together by his skin alone. She would watch him use the highest cross-bars of his cell to do pull-ups, his arms and elbows sliding through the spaces between the bars as he lifted himself. The muscles in his upper back would work and glide with each pull and release. He would sometimes slip his lean calves through those same bars, his head hanging towards the ground and his braid actually brushing it, so that he could lift himself up that way as well and it afforded her a very distracting view of his well-defined abs and the V-shaped muscles that led to…

                _STOP THINKING ABOUT IT YOU IDIOT!_

                Needless to say… she had yet to figure out the color of his eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

                “Alright _Elf_ … Jarl Ulfric will see you now.”

                _Better a week later than never, I suppose_ …

                Lilyah watched the guard unlock her cell, thankfully not commenting on the scratches from her failed attempts at freeing herself with the buckle of that belt, and dropped her things into a pile on the ground. She kept herself from snarling at the woman, but only just. Instead she kept her eyes locked on the woman, hoping to unnerve her, when she finished dressing into her armor, fastened her arrows and bow, before she reached down to grab her satchel.

                Only it wasn’t there.

                “Where is my satchel?”

                _No… I can’t lose that_ …

                “ _Satchel?_ ”

                Lilyah could hear the sarcasm plain in her voice.

                “ _YES_ … my _SATCHEL_ … _WHERE IS IT?_ ”

                “Any _grievances_ can be taken up with Jarl Ulfric.”

                _I’m never going to see it again_ …

                “ _Please_ …”

                Lilyah whispered it at first, but as the guard continued to stare uncaring she forced away her pride and got down on her knees. She would kiss this guard’s boots if it got her Monia’s satchel back.

                “Please… _I beg you_ … it’s all I’ve got left… it has _leaves_ burned into the _back_ … _PLEASE_ … I’ll give you all the septims I have left… you can have anything you find inside the satchel… I just want the _satchel_ back…”

                _Please_ …

                A coin purse was thrown to the ground in front of her; the tanned leather pouch familiar to Lilyah, though she could tell it was much lighter than when she arrived to Windhelm. She reached for it when the guard spoke.

                “You mean _those_ septims?... Barely enough to catch a carriage ride back to _Whiterun_ … not even enough to interest me in searching for this so called _satchel_ of yours… _now get up…_ Jarl Ulfric is waiting.”

                _I’ve lost it… this is all my fault_ …

                Lilyah watched the woman’s boots turn and walk away. She clutched her coin purse to her chest and slowly rose to her feet, not caring in the slightest that her prison companion just witnessed her groveling like a common beggar… or slave.

                _It doesn’t matter… nothing matters anymore_ …

                Without looking towards Niruin she walked towards the stairs leaving the prisons and followed the guard that would lead her to Ulfric. She moved like a dwemer construct, automatic and without conscious thought, through the guard’s barracks and passageways to the main hall of the palace. In the dark of the last stairwell she quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks and eyes before they opened the doors and she was ushered to the dais where Ulfric now sat.

                He looked the same as she remembered him from only a few short months ago as they all were about to be executed. Though he did look quite a bit more relaxed, now that he was in his own territory and not bound and gagged. She watched him examine Balgruuf’s axe now.

                When his cold gaze lifted to hers she could see that he recognized her, but other than the slight narrowing of his eyes he kept it to himself.

                “You’re either _brave_ or _stupid_ to agree to deliver a message such as this… it’s a pity you’ve chosen the _wrong side_...”

                _Just keep your mouth shut so you can go home… don’t give him more reason to keep you locked up_ …

                “ _Hmph_ … you can return this axe to the man who sent it… and tell him he should prepare to entertain… _visitors_ … very soon.”

                Lilyah lifts her head and continues to hold Ulfric’s gaze until he nods his dismissal. She turns to leave when she catches sight of the burned leaves of Monia’s satchel. She looks up and freezes in place as the smirking face of the soldier whose ear she bit off watches her. She steps towards him with a snarl, but is quickly grabbed from behind and held back. She struggles to release their hold, but she soon feels something being tied around her hands.

                “That satchel is _MINE_ … give it back to me or, _by the Eight, I swear I’ll_ …”

                “You’ll _what_ , Elf.”

                _He posted him out here on purpose_ …

                “That satchel belongs to _me_ … I want it _back_ …”

                “You were returned all of your belongings… now go before my _hospitality_ ends…”

                _No_ …

                “No.”

                “ _No?_ ”

                “I’m not leaving until you’ve returned my satchel to me.”

                “I will not ask again… _leave_ , or _I’ll throw you back into that prison cell you just left._ ”

                _I’m not leaving without my satchel_ …

                Lilyah pulled the power of the dragons within her into her chest and lungs, but before she could let loose her Thu’um on the guard with her satchel, another from behind her slipped a thick cloth in front of her face and pulled it between her lips. She tried thrashing her head about as soon as she felt it, but with her hands already bound behind her back she could do little besides hiss and growl at them all as she continued to thrash in their grips.

                “Yes… you know the _Thu’um_ as well it seems… though I cannot understand why the _Greybeard’s_ would feel _you_ worthy enough to teach you such a skill, but alas, _I do not much care_ … my soldiers warned me of your _ability_ and now you will leave my sight... _before I use mine._ ”

                _He doesn’t know I’m the Dragonborn? Or he doesn’t believe I could be…_

                She growled at his retreating back and promised herself that when the day came… when the day came, she would be the one to put a knife through his heart.

                A sharp pain lanced through the back of her skull and quickly enveloped her in darkness.

 

* * *

 

 

                She woke covered in furs on the back of a carriage with only two septims left in her pouch. The driver was kind enough to give her some water and stale bread, but he otherwise ignored her pleas to turn back around and take her to Windhelm.

                _Fucking Stormcloaks_ …

                Thoughts of Monia flooded her every waking thought and with it all of her failures. She tried burrowing into the furs covering the back of the carriage to sleep the thoughts away… tried finding things to talk to the driver about… tried singing. Anything to make the thoughts and clutching guilt leave her, but it only seemed to dig deeper and by the time they were in sight of Whiterun Lilyah couldn’t take it a moment longer. She jumped from the back of the carriage and walked a few steps away before the shout she wanted to release in the palace burst from her chest, the ground beneath her shuddering with its power, and echoed through the sky around her. The horse spooked along with the driver and before she could speak they started forward and raced away from her.

                She couldn’t find it in herself to care and she leaned against a large boulder on the side of the road to weep.

 

* * *

 

 

                The battle for Whiterun was bloody, but Lilyah found she was actually enjoying herself as she loosed arrow after arrow into the charging Stormcloak soldiers. Lydia had forced her to take a bath and take care of herself in the week it took her to recover after returning and she couldn’t help but feel grateful as her body buzzed with renewed energy and strength. She watched out for Lydia and Irileth’s backs as they charged forward to meet the Stormcloaks head on, and with each felled soldier she noticed the other Imperials seeming to bolster from each successful kill.

                _They revel in this chaos_ … _like wolves_ …

                Stormcloak after Stormcloak falls around her and she watches a few Legion soldiers yell victory cries to the sky as the waves grow further and further apart. She watches with detached interest as a Legion soldier tackles a Stormcloak and stabs them in the chest. There is a pause between them as the pain seems to register, and there is no blood at first, but the Legion soldier soon rips the blade from the Stormcloak’s chest and begins to impale them repeatedly. The blood gushes and splatters like the display of a passionate painter, and the Stormcloak’s eyes have long since gone dark by the time they are pulled apart.

                Lilyah jumps down from her post, where she had rained down death on more than her fair share of the enemy, when she hears Lydia screaming at her to watch her back. She turns without thought, knowing that Lydia would not scream that unless it was the enemy rushing her back, and she whirls her hand around with her dagger aimed to kill.

                Her aim is true and she buries her blade into the throat of her attacker.

                The angle of the blow launches his helmet from his head.

                He cannot be older than his sixteenth summer.

                “Oh gods!”

                He clutches her arms as she lowers them both to the ground.

                “ _Oh gods_ … I… _NO!_ … _Why?_ …”

                Blood gushes from the sides of his mouth as he tries to breath, and with each gasped breath of blood his eyes fill with tears, but he clings to her like it will save him from death. She knows it won’t, but she feels her own tears slipping from her eyes as she tries to sooth his passing.

                “ _Shhh_ … _shhh_ … it’s alright… I’m sorry… I’m _so_ sorry… _I’m here_ … you’re not alone… _shhhh_ …”

                Lilyah coos at the boy and rubs his hair from his forehead as his body starts to shake. She looks into his terrified eyes, before his body bows slightly and he finally goes still. She continues to coo and sooth at him.

                “My Thane… _he’s gone_ …”

                _It’s alright… shhhh… you’re not alone_ …

                “ _Lilyah_ …”

                _What have I done?_

 

* * *

 

 

                Jarl Balgruuf spoke to the surviving soldiers and Lilyah only vaguely noticed more and more Legion soldiers crowding the courtyard. The city had been buzzing with them and she had hidden in her house until she and Lydia had been called to Dragonsreach. She figured they must have camps set up somewhere, but she hadn’t thought of it until now. Lydia now kept a close eye on her, making sure she didn’t relapse into a sniveling pile of worthlessness she figured, as the Jarl finished his speech and walked down from his post. He found her in the throng of reveling soldiers and never removed his gaze from her as he walked towards her.

                _What now_ …

                He walked up to her and surprised her as he lifted his hands and lightly rested them against the sides of her neck. She stiffened uncomfortably as he ran his thumbs along her jaw, but he smiled after a moment and lowered his hands.

                “I want to thank you… _Dragonborn_ … you have done so much for this city… we are… _I_ … am eternally grateful… _please_ … Lilyah… _walk with me back to the keep_ … there are a few things I would like to discuss before you leave for Solitude.”

                _More politics… or more thanks… I wish it could wait_ …

                “ _As you wish_ , my Jarl… if we could make it _quick_ though… I believe a nice hot bath is in order… _and maybe a few pints of mead_ …”

                He laughs and claps her on the back of her shoulder before sliding his arm behind both of her shoulders and begins walking them both towards the front gates.

                “ _Aye_ … those do seem to be in order after this day… we will see you taken care of… _you have my word._ ”

                _Ugh… let’s get this over with then_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                Damn all these men to Oblivion… damn EVERY man to Oblivion…

                Lilyah had followed the Jarl back to Dragonsreach and had genuinely smiled when Balgruuf handed her a bottle of ale. He had continued on walking, talking about the history of Dragonsreach (how it came to be known as such), and about how he had become the Jarl- all while she followed him- unaware of where they were really going. He had shown her display cases with old weapons and armor, things from the past, when he led her to a private dining area and handed her another bottle of ale.

                It wasn’t until a lapse in their conversation that she realized his bedroom was right next to them and she froze in panic. He had tried touching her face, thinking her lost to her thoughts of the battle they had just waged most likely, and she had pulled away from him like a cornered animal.

 

                _‘I’m sorry… I had thought…’_

_‘No… forgive me…’_

_‘You are a beautiful woman… it has been a long time since…’_

_‘I’m sorry, my Jarl, but… I have someone… in Solitude… and I don’t…’_

_‘Ah… say no more… it was folly of me to assume… to even put you in this situation… please… forgive a man his weaknesses, and accept my deepest apologies…’_

_‘You are forgiven, my Jarl… and I’m truly flattered…’_

_‘BAH… you need not sooth my spurned male pride… GO… enjoy your bath and a few more pints… you’ve earned it.’_

_‘Thank you, my Jarl.’_

 

                She walked into the Bannered Mare, still not having taken a bath, and quietly orders a pint of Blackbriar Mead from Hulda. The woman pulls the cork from the bottle, handing it to Lilyah, and shakes her head as her payment is handed to her.

                “First one’s on the house.”

                _Huh… I won’t say no to that_ …

                “ _Thank you._ ”

                The room was packed full of soldiers and the people of Whiterun. With her height it was easy for Lilyah to go relatively unnoticed as she listened to the bard sing and waited for her bowl of soup. She forced Hulda to take her coin for the soup and bread, not feeling right just taking these things, as though she were a beggar in need. She swallowed down the vegetable soup, sopping up the remaining juice at the bottom of the bowl with her slice of bread, and slid her bowl near the end of the bar before she stood to leave.

                She slipped through two hulking patrons to reach the door and almost made it to the door when she heard a little girl whimper.

                “ _Mama_ …”

                “Just stay there… _it’s alright_ …”

                “Listen to your mama… everything _is_ alright… I just want to _get to know her_ a little better, _that’s all._ ”

                “ _Leave us alone_ , Mikael.”

                “ _Come on_ , Carlotta… you can play hard to get with all those other guys, _but we know you can’t resist me_ …”

                Lilyah watched the bard wrap his arms around the now standing woman and growled as she watched him reach down and take hold of the woman’s rear. She could see the little girl shaking, unsure what to do with the situation, and she snapped.

                “Let. Her. _GO!_ ”

                She had stepped closer to the bard with each word and soon had him backed against the wall. Her blood felt as hot as a forge and she was snarling and growling at the bard as he looked around. He tried puffing himself up and pushing Lilyah away, but it only seemed to fuel the fire within her and she immediately had her hand around his throat and her dagger under his chin.

                “I believe the lady said to leave her and her daughter alone, _Bard_ … so _leave the lady alone_ … or I _swear_ I will make sure you lose all _twelve_ of your _favorite appendages_ …”

                _He looks a little confused… I might need to spell it out…_

                “I see you’re a little _confused_ …”

                She removed her dagger from his chin and used it to make him open his mouth.

                He did… reluctantly.

                “ _One_ …”

                She moved her dagger to his left hand and began counting.

                “… _Two_ … _Three_ … _Four_ … _Five_ … _Six_ …”

                She moved to his right hand.

                “… Seven… Eight… Nine… Ten… Eleven…”

                This time she looked into his watering eyes and smiled widely before she lowered her dagger and held it firmly against his groin. He trembled in her grip and she watched the tears fall from his eyes.

                “… _Twelve_.”

                She kept her eyes on his, about to continue her speech, when the little girl spoke.

                “ _Eww_ … Mama, he’s _peeing in his pants_...”

                _Ha… pathetic excuse_ …

                “So… _Bard_ … Have I made myself clear?”

                He nodded his head quickly and Lilyah released him from the wall, sheathing her dagger at her side, before she turned and realized the entire tavern was watching.

                _Great_ …

                “ _Lilyah?_ ”

                _Hadvar?_

                She turned towards the voice.

                He stood near the door.

                She smiled and bolted into his arms.

                “Hadvar!”

               

               

               

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got really sick the past week :( haven't been that sick in a few years, but I'm feeling better now... hopefully it stays that way.
> 
> Kudos and Comments are like kitty purrs and coffee to my soul :D


	10. Pleasures of Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JUST SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER!!! ;D
> 
> Hadvar shows Lilyah how much he missed her.

                “Hadvar… you’re _here_ …”

                “Do I even _want_ to know why you had your dagger at that man’s _nethers_?”

                _Oh… you saw that_ …

                “It isn’t important… what’s important is that _you’re here_!”

                She looked up at him and smiled widely as he smiled at her excitement. She thought about her time in Windhelm- being locked up, not being sure if she’d ever see him again and everything that had happened since she left there. She found she didn’t want to think about it anymore… she just wanted to feel.

                She ignited like tinder to a flame as her lips and tongue bonded with Hadvar’s. After his initial shock subsided she felt his arms wrap around her and heard him groan as he deepened their kiss further. The world faded until the only thoughts swirling in her head consisted of Hadvar’s soft lips, his slick tongue- his hair, pulling free of its tie at the back of his neck, as she slid her fingers underneath it to find something to latch onto. Her leg lifted and her heel hitched behind Hadvar’s leg when she heard someone else groan nearby.

                “ _Mmm_ … now _THAT’S_ how you kiss a woman… and the _Dragonborn_ to _boot_ , _Captain_?”

                _Captain?_

                Hadvar broke away from Lilyah and growled out a response to the man ogling them.

                “That’s _quite enough_ soldier.”

                _Right… you’re still in the Bannered Mare, Lilyah_ …

                “ _Yes, sir_.”

                Lilyah could hear the innuendo in the soldier’s voice, but Hadvar only seemed to ignore it as he kneaded his thumbs along the bottom of her jaw. She looked into his eyes as he firmly gripped her neck and face and pulled her body flush against his- the desire in them knocked the breath from her lungs.

                “ _Lilyah_ …”

                The want in his voice had her knees trembling and her heart pounding and she gasped as he opened the door next to him and pulled her through it. The crispness of the night washed over her and the heat inside of her dimmed for only a moment before Hadvar moved her against the closed door and slipped one of his thick muscular thighs between her own and roughly claimed her lips with his. She doesn’t even try to stop the lewd moan that escapes her as his thigh gives her center the sweet and delicious friction she wants- the fire inside of her blasts into an inferno. She burns even as someone tries leaving- still burns as Hadvar slams the door shut before they can move it an inch and burns as he barks out at whoever it was.

                “USE THE OTHER DOOR!”

                _Think Lilyah… this is not a good spot… just think of the bed he could be ravishing you in_ …

                “I have a house here in the city… we should… _we should go there_ …”

                He lightly bites the crook of her neck and shoulder and they both moan as he rubs his thigh between her legs a moment longer. She hates herself as he moves away, realizing she was almost about to climax, but rushes forward quickly to kiss his lips and bite down on his lower lip before pulling him down the steps and leading him towards Breezehome.

                _Hopefully Lydia is out enjoying the night_ …

                Lilyah feels as giddy as a youth as she pulls Hadvar through the darkened streets of Whiterun towards her home. She turns as they reach the few steps to her door and kisses Hadvar as she backs them up to it. Hadvar’s hands rove over her back before they move down to grasp her behind. They must think the same thing at the same moment because just as the thought has come to her she’s wrapped her legs around his waist and he has his hands gripping her thighs and ass as he steps up to her door and slams her against it. Her core heats to a raging forest fire as Hadvar grinds his groin against hers and she can feel his erection through both of their trousers.

                She’s close again.

                “Hadvar… _yes_ … I’m _so close_ … I’m _so close already_ , Hadvar…”

                “Yes… _cum for me_ , love… _right out here_ … _cum_ for me…”

                He pushes harder against her and ruts himself against her, kissing and biting her neck, until she holds her breath and begins to crest. He swallows her moan with his lips and tongue, and continues to grind against her as her orgasm rushes from the tips of her ears to the ends of her toes. His mouth consumes each of her moans until she comes down from her high.

                “My love… _you’re so beautiful_ …”

                _My love… my love_ …

                “I want you inside of me… I _need_ you inside of me, Hadvar…”

                Hadvar kissed her deeply, his tongue plundering her mouth like a pirate plunders treasure, and she moaned again as she turned the handle of the door. She’s happy, but also frustrated to find that the door is locked (meaning Lydia is out), and turns her head from Hadvar to grip her ring of keys. She fumbles with it until she finds the right one and she moves to put it into the door, but it doesn’t seem to want to go in and she grunts in exasperation as the keys slip from her fingers and clatter to the ground.

                “ _By the Eight!_ ”

                Hadvar helps her to her feet and she is thankful she has to door to help support her as he bends to pick up the keys. He smirks and holds the ring of keys out before her, but as she reaches for them he pulls them from her grasping fingers.

                “How bad do you want them, _love_?”

                _Oh… he wants to play… hmmm_ …

                “Oh… I’m not sure… _though_ … I have a feeling you’ll be _begging_ _me_ to take them in a moment…”

                She stepped up so their chests were touching.

                “Is that so?”

                “Yes.”

                “And _what_ , pray tell, will have me _begging_ …”

                He hadn’t realized her clever fingers had been undoing the ties to his breeches as she distracted him with her closeness until she slipped her hand down them and firmly gripped his cock.

                His body stiffened like his length and his jaw dropped, letting a groan of pleasure fall from his lips.

                “ _Gods_ , Lilyah!”

                “ _What was that_ , love?”

                She gripped him and stroked his length as she lifted to kiss and suck at his neck. She heard the keys jingle and scratch against the lock for the door and smiled as Hadvar thrust into her strokes.

                “ _Dammit woman_ … take these keys!”

                _He’s lucky I want this just as badly_ …

                “ _If you insist_.”

                Lilyah thought she had won their little game as she removed her hand from his thick length- until the key turned into the lock and the door opened.

                “Just a moment, love.”

                She turned at his words and was immediately pulled, then pinned, against her door. Hadvar pulled her hands so they were above her head and held them with one hand as his other slowly made its way down to the ties holding up her pants. He used his body to hold her against the door, but besides that contact he kept her from being able to fully kiss his lips and from moving her hands.

                “ _Hadvar_ …”

                “ _Patience_ , love.”

                His fingers, deft as her own, unlaced her pants and finally kissed her lips as his fingers slid beneath her smalls and parted her dripping slit. She gasped as his fingers lightly caressed her clit and tried to grind against his hand, but his own hip kept hers barred against the door behind her.

                “Please… Hadvar… _please_ …”

                “ _Now_ who’s begging…”

                _You smug bastard_ …

                “Hadvar!”

                “ _Ah_ … just _one_ more thing…”

                She moaned loudly, unabashedly, as he slid his fingers inside of her and pumped them in and out of her before pulling them away and held his two fingers in front of her mouth.

                “ _Taste yourself_ … I want to see you lick my fingers clean…”

                She only opened her mouth in answer.

                “That’s it… _suck on them_ … _yes_ … your lips look _so good_ like that…”

                She smiled as she licked between his fingers. Having tasted herself before, when many of the men she was thrown to had felt the desire to see her clean herself from them in some way or another, and she found she actually enjoyed the taste.

                “Let’s get you upstairs… and _out of these clothes_.”

                He released her hands and she smirked before she ran to the stairs leading up. She heard him chuckle before he was chasing after her and she squealed as she made it to the top of the steps and found Hadvar right on her heels. She ran straight into her room and turned just as Hadvar’s large form filled her doorway. She continued to breathe heavily as she realized that she and him would be making love and that they would both finally see the other completely naked for the first time.

                Hadvar seemed to sense her change in mood.

                “ _Lilyah_ …”

                _It isn’t like you haven’t done this before_ …

                She looks at her feet as her face burns and pulls at her thick braid of ebony until Hadvar is standing right in front of her. She looks up at him isn’t sure if she feels like laughing, moaning, or crying.

                Hadvar only smiles sweetly before he bends to kiss her lips.

                “I _love_ you.”

                _He said it… he actually said it_ …

                Tears she hadn’t realized were lining her eyes fell down her cheeks.

                “I love _you_.”

                He silently wiped her tears away before kissing her again- deeper this time. He kept kissing her as they both slowly shed their clothing, removing piece after piece, until they both stood only in their smalls. Hadvar slowly reached down and removed his smallclothes before standing straight again.

                Lilyah couldn’t help but stare.

                “If I didn’t already know what you felt like inside me I might be _frightened_ right now…”

                He only scoffed before he stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her to remove her breastband. She closed her eyes and felt him kiss her forehead before the cloth slid from her breasts. She opened her eyes and had to stop herself from sating the urge to cover herself- she was no fair maiden… baring herself for the first time- and watched as Hadvar reached up and cupped her breasts. She sighed at the caress and groaned as he lowered his head and sucked her dusky nipple into his mouth. His free hand cupped and massaged her other breast, lightly pinching her nipple as he licked and lapped at the other. She moved her hands to his head, holding him against her, and arched her back at the pleasure bolting through her. He moved to her other nipple and gave it the same treatment before he kissed each one and moved to pull down her smalls.

                She trembled as he removed them and wondered if he would continue using his fingers and mouth on her cunt, but he stood slowly after her smalls hit her feet and moved her so she was lying on her bed. He slowly crawled over her and moved between her legs before he said a word.

                “You’re so beautiful…”

                Lilyah’s smile was small and shy until Hadvar kissed her deeply and positioned his length at her entrance. She pulled her lips from his for a moment, before he brought them together, and she whispered her heart to him.

                “I love you, Hadvar… _I love you so much_ … _please_ … I _need_ you inside of me… _always_ …”

                He kissed her fiercely, claiming her mouth as his own, before he claimed the rest of her and buried himself inside of her.

                “ _HNNNNGH_ … gods… _you feel so good, my love_ …”

                Lilyah whimpered as he began to pull himself from her, almost coming completely out of her before he slowly pushed back in. As the feeling of being too full slowly dissipated she had to bite her lip as it was replaced with burning desire. With each thrust of his hips it grew and soon she had her legs lifting to wrap around his hips and was meeting his thrusts with her own. They moaned into each other’s mouths and Lilyah dug her fingernails into his back as he started to pump his length into her a little faster.

                “ _Gods_ , Lilyah… _I missed you so much_ … I thought of you… _every day_ … after I left… _I_ …”

                “I _wanted_ to go with you… but you _left without me_ …”

                “I know… I’m _so sorry_ … I thought… _I thought it would be better_ …”

                He looked into her eyes then, and slowed his thrusting, but started slamming into her with more force than he had before- as though he wanted to thrust his thoughts and feelings into her.

                “Only it _wasn’t_ better… you _plagued_ _my thoughts_ during the day… the sound of your _moans_ and the _feel of your lips_ filled my nights… I _dreamed of you_ … of _your body_ … I would wake during the night and _pleasure myself_ with thoughts of _you_ … I would imagine… _AH_ … _gods_ … I would imagine _this_ _right here_ … _me_ … filling you… _pounding into your tight pussy until I exploded and filled you with my seed_ …”

                Lilyah called out loudly as Hadvar gripped her hip and started to pound into her, his cock hitting deeply inside of her, before he pushed her knees towards her chest and continued his ruthless thrusting even as the position allowed him to go even deeper. The pain mixed with the pleasure of his thrusting and she lost all thoughts as the inferno consumed her. She started to scream out her pleasure and gripped her own hair with one hand as the other held the headboard of her bed to keep her tethered, at least partially, to reality.

                “I want you to _cum with me_ , love… I want to _fill you_ and f _eel your pussy squeeze and pull it all out as I do_ …”

                _Gods… yes_ …

                “ _Yes_ … Hadvar, _please_ … I _need_ it… I _need_ you to fill me… _please_ … Hadvar… fuck me… _fuck me hard!_ ”

                Their eyes locked as he leaned forward, her legs still resting on his shoulders, and cried out as his hands gripped her shoulders and he began to slam into her. She could hear the slapping of their skin even as she roared from the mixture of pain and pleasure he was creating in her. She felt as though he was tearing her in half and she thought that if it killed her she would die happily.

                She could feel herself cresting again.

                “ _YES-HADVAR-YES_ … OH GODS- _I’M CUMING!_ ”

                She had no time to stop the deep Thu’um powered roar that left her body as she climaxed and she heard Hadvar’s own roar as he slammed into her and felt his cock pulse his seed inside of her as the house shook around them.

                Neither of them moved for a few moments, both of them panting loudly in the silence after her outburst. Lilyah dropped her arms down to her sides and whined as Hadvar slowly pulled himself from her. Now that the rush of their coupling was starting to wind down she knew she was going to be sore the next day. Hadvar gently lowered her legs down to the bed before he crawled next to her and wrapped her in his arms. She pulled the quilt at the end of her bed up and Hadvar helped her settle it over the both of them before she cuddled into his chest and rested her head beneath his chin.

                “I love you…”

                “ _Marry me_ …”

                _What?_

                Lilyah pulled away from him to look in his eyes, to see if he was only jesting, when he lifted his hand to her face and asked again.

                “ _Marry me_ , Lilyah.”

                He wasn’t jesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew... so I'm going to need a cold shower after this chapter... and I wrote it, lol. I hope that means everyone else will like it as well.
> 
> And BAM! Yes, Hadvar is being serious. Life in Skyrim is a day-to-day thing and one never knows when they'll be heading to Sovngarde...
> 
> Kudos and Comments are like kitty purrs and coffee to my soul! <3


	11. Itchin' to get Hitched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MORE SMUT!!!
> 
> ALSO- Blood, guts, and death...
> 
> Lilyah gives her answer... things go badly on their way to Riften...

                “ _Marry me,_ Lilyah”

                _He wants me… he wants me to marry him?… Be his wife… ME?_

                Lilyah only stared at the man next to her with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. Her chest began to burn as her heart pounded an erratic staccato- she found the burning was from the breath she had been holding. Her body began to tremble when Hadvar lightly shook her back and forth.

                “Lilyah… _say something_ …”

                She couldn’t stop the words.

                “ _Why_?”

                “What?”

                “ _Why_ … why would you _want_ to _marry me_?”

                He laughed softly before pulling her face closer to his, kissing her lips slowly, and whispered against her trembling ones.

                “Because I _love_ you… because I want to _wake up next to you_ , _every day_ , for the _rest of my life_ … because I would love _nothing more_ than to see you grow heavy with my _child_ … _make love_ to you _every night_ … gods, _Lilyah_ … I…”

                His words overwhelmed her and she could feel her tears welling as she blinked her eyes rapidly.

                “… I _saw_ you… after the _Jarl_ finished his speech… the _way he held you_ … then he took you to _Dragonsreach_ and I _thought_ …”

                She watched him swallow thickly and realized what he thought had happened.

                “He _wanted to_ … but I told him I had someone _waiting for me_ in _Solitude_ … he understood…”

                “… That’s… _GODS_ … I _thought_ … and I _couldn’t help_ but feel that I had _lost you_ … then when I _found_ you in the _tavern_ … the way you reacted when you saw me… _I knew_ then _… I knew_ I couldn’t let you get away again… _please_ … marry me…”

                The feelings inside of her whirled and whipped around, like a tornado in summer, and she couldn’t stop the sob that forced itself from her body as Hadvar held her face in his hands.

                “Lilyah…”

                “ _YES_!”

                She tried to smile as she sobbed, her tears blurring her vision, and gripped his wrists as he moved to lean over her.

                “ _Yes_? You _will_?”

                _This can’t be real_ …

                “ _Yes_ , Hadvar. I _will_ marry you… _yesyesyes_!”

                He barked out a laugh before he covered her mouth with his and kissed her like a man dying of thirst… and she his oasis. She felt his length stiffen against her hip and she moaned as his hand roamed over her breasts, down her stomach, and slid between her legs. He slicked his tongue deep inside of her mouth and groaned as he slipped his fingers between her folds and rubbed them against her nub.

                She arched against him and whimpered into his mouth.

                “We’ll head to Riften… _TOMORROW_ … _I DON’T CARE_ … we’ll _go_ and _we’ll go to the temple of Mara_ … we’ll be _married_ … you’ll be my _wife_ …”

                _Riften… I wonder if I would see… NO… why would you think of him?_

                He moved so his body rested between her thighs and hitched his hips so the tip of his cock teased her dripping entrance. They both gasped as he slowly sheathed himself inside of her and she forgot about _everything_ but the man above her. He started to thrust into her and a smirk formed on his face as she moaned.

                “We’ll be _wed_ … so it _shouldn’t hurt_ for us to start on that family _right now_ …”

                _Family… children?… Am I… am I ready to be a mother? Do I deserve to be one?_

                She closed her eyes and arched further as Hadvar sucked one of her nipples into his mouth and wrapped an arm around her hips as he ground himself into her. The friction pushed her closer to the edge and she called out as he pinched her other nipple.

                “ _Mmmm_ … my love… I’m going to fill you so full of my seed you’ll _taste it_ … do you want to taste it? _Tell me… please!_ ”

                _Gods, I’m going to cum_ …

                “ _Yes, Hadvar_ … YES. _NOW!_ ”

                She bit onto her own arm to keep from releasing the power inside her again and growled as Hadvar thrust into her, feeling her clench and squeeze around him before he pumped hard into her and called out as his seed filled her. He continued to slide in and out of her and she felt herself become boneless as her body calmed.

                _If this is a dream… I don’t ever want to wake up_ …

                Instead of pulling from her, Hadvar relaxed onto her (careful not to crush her) and rested his head between her breasts. She languidly wrapped her legs around his thighs and brought her hands up to run them through his sweat slicked hair. She felt him kiss her sternum a few times before he lifted himself up, his length sliding deeper for a moment, before he groaned and pulled from her.

                “We should _get some sleep_ … we’ll need to pack for the trip to _Riften_ , but we can worry about that in the morning.”

                She could already feel sleep pulling at her and just hummed in response as Hadvar sidled up next to her and pulled her close. She snuggled into his chest, resting her head beneath his chin again, and smiled as he lightly squeezed her body closer still.

                She couldn’t remember the last time she felt that safe.

                She dreamt of flying, and children, and a family of her own that night.

 

* * *

 

 

                It took two full days before she and Hadvar were finally on their way to Riften- mainly because they would wake in the morning and come together as though they weren’t sure the last time had been real. After, they would rest, maybe fall back asleep for a while longer, before they would get up to relieve themselves and to eat, only to come back together after only a glance or look from one to the other. She had even gone into her back room to make some potions for their journey when he had snuck in behind her and had her climaxing against her alchemy table.

                Lydia had either kept herself locked in her room or had decided to stay out of the house all the while.

                She now had her head resting in Hadvar’s lap as he gently twirled a small chunk of her hair that had fallen loose near her ear. They had talked non-stop since their carriage had left Whiterun and she had learned that, while she was off talking to the Greybeard’s and being locked up in Windhelm, he had led mission after mission securing holds and furthering the Legion’s hold around Skyrim- earning a promotion to Captain just before the battle at Whiterun. She had told him about when she found out she was Dragonborn and her subsequent trip to Solitude to join the Legion and also the hope of seeing him again. He had kissed her deeply after she had admitted the latter and was still feeling wound and frustrated at not being able to go further.

                _Unless I… no… but… oh ho ho… I bet Hadvar will love this_ …

                Lilyah grabbed hold of Hadvar’s hand and slowly pulled it towards her face. She felt no resistance, him probably thinking she only meant to kiss his hand as she had done many times before, when she surprised him and sucked two of his fingers into her mouth.

                He couldn’t completely stop himself from gasping.

                “Everything _alright_ back there?”

                _Oh, I’m gonna pay for this_ …

                “ _No_ … I mean, _yes_ … we’re… _we’re fine_ … thank you.”

                She smirked as she turned and began untying the strings to his tightening trousers. He watched her with dilated eyes and a thick swallow as she loosened his pants and pulled his thickening length out before her. She stroked him slowly, watching him clench and unclench his hands, and smiled wickedly as she watched cum bead at the tip of his cock. She looked into his eyes and he seemed to know what she wanted to do.

                “Hey, Gunjar… _why don’t you sing my fiancée and I one of your famous songs_...”

                _Hmm… smart man_ …

                “No… I _couldn’t_ …”

                She licked the head of his length before Hadvar could insist and she watched him bite down on his fist as he lightly thrust towards her lips.

                Lilyah closed her eyes, savoring the saltiness of Hadvar, and opened her eyes to watch him swallow before he could speak again.

                “ _Please_ … Lilyah and I would be _honored_.”

                She bit her lip before she leaned forward and hollowed out her cheeks as she sucked his length into her mouth, not stopping until her nose touched the hair at the base of it. She held her breath so her mind wouldn’t panic as his length pushed down her throat, and as she heard Gunjar finally sigh and begin a song she slid one of her hands up Hadvar’s shirt and lightly clawed down his abs as she flicked the tip of her tongue back and forth along the bottom of his cock.

                She had anticipated him jerking his hips towards her and sucked harder as he did, then pulled her mouth to his tip so she could breathe. His groan was so deep she could only feel it with her hand on his chest and stomach. Her free hand came up and she started to stroke his length as she continued to lick and suck at his head- he tried to lean forward, but she pushed him back with the hand on his chest.

                _ANH-ANH-AH… I don’t think so, love_ …

                He tried keeping his breathing quiet, and she was quite proud of his control, but as she started to pump her hand faster and faster she watched his eyes roll and his face tilt back before he leaned his head forward and fisted his hand into her hair to pull her mouth over him. She hollowed out her cheeks again as soon as his head was hugged by her lips, then just relaxed her throat and allowed Hadvar to set the pace as he pushed and pulled her head over his length.

                She watched him and saw him nod once before he squeezed his eyes closed and she felt the vein of his cock pulse as her mouth and throat became coated with his salty seed.

                She hummed with pleasure as she sucked and swallowed it all down.

                And didn’t realize Gunjar had stopped singing until Hadvar gasped.

                “ _Gods_ , that was _so good_.”

                “Well, _thank you_ … I have _more_ if you’d _like to hear them_?”

                _Pfft… nice timing Hadvar!_

                She had to cover her mouth to keep from snorting out a laugh and Hadvar only made it worse as he tried to glare at her.

                “That sounds _great_.”

                He began singing again as Hadvar slipped his softening cock back into his pants. She swallowed a mouthful of water out of her waterskin before she was pulled back between Hadvar’s legs and he ravaged her mouth for a few moments.

                She was gasping for breath when he whispered in her ear.

                “That… _was amazing_ … but _you’re going to pay for that later_ …”

                She jerked forward and caught the lobe of his ear between her teeth, letting it slowly slide between them, before she released it and whispered back.

                “Oh… _I look forward to it_.”

                _Bring it on, love_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                Gunjar informed them that they would arrive to Riften shortly as they passed a looming ruined keep. Lilyah felt her skin prickle with worry and noticed Hadvar’s tenseness just as two bodies landed roughly onto the wagon- one shoving Lilyah straight off the back of it.

                “ _OOF!_ ”

                _What in Oblivion?_

                “ _STAY AWAY FROM HER!_ ”

                Lilyah looked up just as one of the men reached forward, grabbed a fistful of her hair, and pulled her up and against his body. The man who held her covered her mouth as he pulled her head back against him and, as she tensed, she felt steel at her throat. She noticed Gunjar leaning slack against the carriage and wondered if he was dead as Hadvar stood over a dead bandit’s body, her bow in his hands, and an arrow aimed at another bandit that stood close to him.

                “ _Drop your bow_ or I _slit this bitch’s throat!_ ”

                _Don’t do it, Hadvar… kill them all_ …

                “ _Please_ … don’t hurt her… just… _let her go_ … take me instead… I’m a _Captain_ in the _Legion_ … they’ll give a _handsome sum_ to get me back… _she’s_ no one…”

                _Don’t do this_ …

                Lilyah whimpered against the hand holding her mouth and felt the dagger’s edge slide against her throat. She knew it must be extremely sharp because with only her slight movement she could feel the sting from the wound and started to feel her blood sliding down her neck as her head was yanked back farther.

                “Or we could _kill you both_ and _take whatever we find on your corpses_.”

                “Please _… I beg you_ … let her go… _she is_ _with_ _child_ …”

                _What? Hadvar… don’t_ …

                “… _you don’t want to kill an innocent child_ … just _let her go_ … take me… take _any valuables we have_ … just.let.her.go…”

                Lilyah watched Hadvar slowly aim the arrow at the ground before he released the tension on it and moved his hand away from the string. She couldn’t believe that he would just give up so easily and tears streamed from her eyes from her anger. She gripped onto the arm holding the dagger and seethed behind the hand that silenced her.

                “ _Mmm_ … seems your little _spit-fire_ here has _other_ ideas… _hmm_? Maybe she doesn’t _want_ us to let her go… maybe she wants to _stay_ and _have a little fun_ with us… I’ve never _had_ a Wood Elf before…”

                She growled in response and the man holding her only chuckled. She watched the other bandits begin to gather between her and Hadvar when he completely drops her bow and falls to his knees.

                “ _Please_ … just… _take me instead_ … I’ll give you no trouble… _please_!”

                The man holding her only grunted before finally making a decision.

                “ _Fine_ … grab him and tie him up… I’ll let her go _as long as you cause no problems_ …”

                Hadvar only nodded before he looked into her eyes and asked for one last favor.

                “ _Please_ … just let me say goodbye to her… I just want to hear her _voice_ …”

                _Hadvar, you crazy ASS… I hope you know what you’re doing_ …

                She waited a moment before the knife against her neck moved away slightly and the hand around her mouth dropped away completely. She winked once before she stomped onto the boot of the man holding her and shouted at the group of bandits.

                “ _FUS-RO!_ ”

                Chaos ensued and, as the screams of the bandits directly hit by her shout faded, she pulled her dagger and stabbed an advancing bandit in his gut. She watched Hadvar hack and swing his sword at the ones charging him and turned quickly to take care of the one that had been holding her.

                She could easily see he was a Nord, his dirty blond hair and blue eyes being the most obvious clue, and as he moved to stab her with his own dagger she spun away and slashed hers down in response. She only just missed his thigh as she passed and snarled as they began circling each other.

                “ _Mmm_ … you _are_ a little spit-fire, _huh_? Not worried I’ll _plunge this dagger_ into your _precious womb?_ ”

                She hissed at him before she stopped and readied another shout. His eyes widened for a moment, but her shout held in her throat as an arrow pierced through high in his chest. She watched his body stiffen, his blood dripping from the arrowhead, before he fell forward and coughed out a breath- dead only a moment later.

                Lilyah looked up and smiled at Hadvar as he lowered her bow. She could see blood coating his hands and felt her heart skip a beat as she noticed blood covering a large portion of his shirt as well. She calmed as she noticed he didn’t seem to be injured himself and smiled as she stepped towards him.

                Then pain exploded in her chest, just below her heart, and she cried out as she fell forward onto her hands and knees.

                “ _LILYAH!_ ”

                She heard the snick of an arrow releasing, then the answering cutoff cry of the arrows target, before Hadvar ran to her and helped her to rest against him. Her hands shook as she gripped the protruding shaft below her breast and whimpered with each breath she took. She could feel a tightness starting in her chest and she coughed to try and ease it.

                The tang of copper filled her mouth.

                “ _Hadvar?_ ”

                “ _Shit_ … it must have punctured your lung… _we need to get you to Riften_ … I have one minor healing potion left of the ones you made… you can take it to help slow the bleeding…”

                “Hadvar… _just pull the arrow free_ … then I’ll take the potion…”

                “ _No_ … the potion isn’t _strong enough_ to _heal it all_ … we’ll need _more_ , and the shaft will help to prevent more blood from filling your lungs…”

                _Shit_ …

                She coughed again, and spit out the mouthful of blood that came with it, when her head began to spin.

                “ _Fine_ … just _give it_ to me…”

                He fumbled with the pack at his side for a moment before he pulled out the tiny bottle. She closed her eyes as he opened it and let her head fall to his shoulder as he put the bottle to her lips and poured it into her mouth. She swallowed it and grimaced at the pain when another cough forced itself from her. A moment later she could feel the potion burning in her chest and she knew it was knitting her tissue back together.

                She tried to take a calming breath, but the expanding of her lungs felt as though she were ripping her insides back open.

                “ _Ok_ … _no_ … _deep breaths_ …”

                She whispered the words to Hadvar before he worked his arms beneath her and lifted her in one fluid motion. She tensed painfully, trying not to call out or cough, when Hadvar cursed.

                “Yes… and _no more talking_ …”

                _Yes, Sir!_

                More pain lanced through her as he began walking. He stopped near Gunjar’s form, checking to see if he was still alive, when they both noticed the blood dripping from his throat and his open and unseeing eyes.

                “We’ll _come back_ … bury him properly… I just need to get you to _Riften_ first.”

                _I’m so sorry, Gunjar_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah wasn’t sure exactly how long it really took to get close to Riften, having fallen unconscious more than a few times as the pain grew and her coughing fits increased. She had tried turning her head away from Hadvar every time a fit started, but he only held her closer and walked a little faster as she coughed blood onto his shirt and neck.

                _I’m not going to make it_ …

                “ _Hadvar_ …”

                “ _Shhh_ , love… _no talking_ … we’re almost there…”

                “Hadvar… _I’m not_ … not… _gonnamakeit_ … I…”

                She started another fit, this one having enough blood come up that it filled her nose, and her body started to shake as Hadvar stopped walking.

                “NO… you’re _not dying on me_ … it’s _not happening_ …”

                He looked about and started yelling.

                “ _HELP_! SOMEONE HELP! _PLEASE_!”

                The pain in her chest began to lessen, even as she gasped in breaths, and she knew she was going into shock. Hadvar continued to scream for help as he walked them a few steps farther, but she started to shake violently in his arms and he gently lowered her to the ground. She heard him scream a few more times, his voice cracking from the force of them, as her chest burned with the lack of air and her vision flickered when she started hearing other voices yelling close by.

                _Hearing things now_ …

                Hadvar screams again before he fills her vision with his face close to hers. He starts repeating that help was coming and to just hold on, but she was so very tired.

                _I’ll just… close my eyes… just for a moment… that should be fine_ …

                “Lilyah, _NO!_ STAY WITH ME… _DON’T CLOSE YOUR EYES_ … NONO _NONONO_ … wait… _wait-wait-wait_ … please… _don’t_ … LILYAH!”

                _It’ll be ok… I love you_ …

                “ _Love_ … _you_ …”

                Bright lights filtered through her fading vision and she wondered if it was the afterlife coming to claim her when she heard a familiar voice.

                “ _Sabre cat_? By Nocturnal… _Dro’_ get _Ahkari_ and _Zaynabi_ over here _NOW!_ ”

                _Niruin?_

                Lilyah grit her bloody teeth as another coughing fit started and she vaguely heard voices shouting around her when multiple hands, some softer than others, grabbed her and held her still. She felt a tug and heard a dull snap right before fire ripped through her chest and pulled her into darkness.

               

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been trying to get out a chapter for my Dragon Age fic, but it's been giving me a hard time, so I started on this chapter to get my mind off of it... it seems my frustration has leaked into this chapter... (sorry, not sorry).
> 
> Kudos and Comments are like kitty purrs and coffee to my soul!!! <3


	12. Dreams and Condolences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams... male dominance... fighting... none too explicit sex... making plans...

_‘My **sweet** child… I’ve missed you.’_

_‘MONIA!’_

_Lilyah ran to the dark haired Mer woman, feeling like a child all over again, and wrapped her arms around the woman’s middle before she began sobbing. The smell of flour and snowberries filled her nose as the arms holding her squeezed just a little tighter, and she dragged them both to the ground beneath them as Lilyah’s knees gave out. Monia allowed her a few moments to cry and cling before she pulled Lilyah’s face out from her chest._

_Monia looked just like Lilyah remembered her._

_‘Monia… I miss you… **so much** … I’m **coming** … I’m **coming to get you**. I **swear.** ’_

_‘My dear, **sweet and beautiful** , Lilyah… you’ve grown **so much** … become **so strong** …’_

_Looking around, she noticed they were sitting on the hard dirt, and she wondered if it was her mind’s conjuration of a forest. They were in Skyrim, since the trees were thin and white, but the city walls next to her were unfamiliar. She returned her gaze to Monia and felt her heart clench painfully._

_‘ **I lost your satchel** … I’m **so** sorry…’_

_Monia only smiled before lifting one of her hands and lightly cupping Lilyah’s scarred cheek._

_‘Do not **fret** over it, my dear… things **always** have a way of working out **in the end**.’_

_Lilyah couldn’t keep herself from crying again at the easy forgiveness Monia now gave her. She still couldn’t forgive herself, but the one who had owned it before could do so, almost casually? She couldn’t imagine this meeting was real._

_‘ **Am I dreaming?** ’_

_‘In a sense…’_

_‘What does that **mean** , Ma?’_

_‘You are on the precipice… **near death** … the true love of your life watches and waits for your eyes to open as we now speak.’_

_‘Is this **real**? Are **you** really **you**? Or **just a figment of my dying brain** …’_

_‘ **Always with the questions** … at least **that** hasn’t changed.’_

_Lilyah closed her eyes as her body fought between crying and laughing._

_‘I love you, Ma.’_

_‘And I **you** , my sweet child. **Always**.’_

_With tears in her fathomless black eyes she turns and realizes they are only a few paces away from a group of people- all hovering over a prone figure. Hadvar’s massive form kneeling next to her pale and still body and Niruin, her new friend from Windhelm, standing back some, but with the same look of worry as Hadvar._

_She looked at them, watching her, and smiled painfully. Her chest hurt, seeing them worry, but she ignores it and continues to watch them._

_‘ **Hadvar and I** … we… **we were attacked** … I thought we had **killed** them all…’_

_‘Yes.’_

_‘ **But** …’_

_‘I **knew** … the very first night you came to live with Aleinon… you have **always** been destined for **great things** , Lilyah, and I wish… **I wish so much** that I could take away all of the pains you’ve lived through… and **all you’ve yet to** , but… **AH!** ’_

_Lilyah quickly looked to Monia and frowned as the woman held her hands against her temples and seemed to be turning slightly translucent._

_‘ **Monia** … MONIA… DON’T… **DON’T LEAVE ME!** ’_

_‘I’m sorry… my **sweet** Lilyah…’_

_‘No… Ma… no… I **need** you… I. can’t. **DO** this **alone** … **I love you** … please… **please** … **don’tleaveme!** ’_

_‘We **will** see each other again… **before I leave this plane and embrace eternity in the Ebonmere** … we will see each other again…’_

_Lilyah shook her head in confusion, unsure what she meant by **Ebonmere** , and tried to grab ahold of Monia. Her hands slipped through the ghostly figure of her savior, her mother in all but name and blood, until Monia’s hands came forward and lightly held Lilyah’s head. Her fingers clawed into the ground, her tears cascading down her cheeks, as Monia kissed her forehead._

_Sweet darkness blanketed her- the scent of flour and snowberries fading slowly. The words of a Deadric Prince whispering in the purple darkness._

_‘It is time to wake, my Champion... your task is yet unfinished.’_

 

* * *

 

 

                He had watched those eternal eyes of hers lock on his for only a moment before her eyes had closed.

                They had still yet to open.

                _Come on, Sabre cat… don’t make my further debt with Dro’ be for nothing now_ …

                Niruin glanced at the Khajiit in question and received a tail flick in response. Ahkari had protested helping, saying she did not do charity, but Niruin had only needed to glare at Dro’ before the khajiit man was convincing his leader to give over one of her better healing potions.

                The Nord man who had been yelling for help had explained about them being ambushed, said they had thought all the bandits dead.

                _Fool… there are always more_ …

                Lilyah, as he had found her name to be, had taken an arrow into her lung (as he could clearly see at the time), and her companion had been too afraid to cause even more damage by pulling it out until he had better help. Niruin had gone into a panic as they had snapped the head of the arrow free from the shaft and blood had gushed from her mouth. The Nord man was behind her, readying to pull the shaft free, when Niruin slipped his hand beneath her head and held her face as it was pulled free and he had watched in horror as her face contorted in silent pain and then went completely and totally slack.

                _I barely know you, yet here I am, worrying myself to an early grave over your gorgeous backside_ …

                “So _… how is it you know my Lilyah_?”

                _Your’s?_

                “Are you her _master_? I’ll _warn_ you… I’ve _seen her caged_ and it is a _tragedy_ to behold… _not to mention_ , bad for the _fool’s health_ who thinks he’ll _keep her that way_ …”

 

* * *

 

 

                _Monia_ … _don’t go_ …

                Lilyah heard people speaking around her, quietly quarreling, and could only make out bits and pieces until she finally got her bearings and the dream of Monia slipped from her. She could make out Hadvar’s deeper timber, but it took her a moment to register Niruin’s honeyed lilt.

                “Are you her _master_? I’ll _warn_ you… I’ve _seen her caged_ and it is a _tragedy_ to behold… _not to mention_ , bad for the _fool’s health_ who thinks he’ll _keep her that way_ …”

                _I am no slave… never again_ …

                “ _Do not change the subject_ … I asked you a _question_ … how do you know _MY FIANCEE?_ ”

                She tried to growl, but it only came out as a slight, gurgled, whimper as the residual pain in her chest flared. Furred fingers brushed against her forehead before a hissing sound emanated above her.

                “Save your _male dominance_ displays for _Keerava_ to deal with… _this one_ is _waking_ …”

                _UGH… at least I can breathe now_ …

                There was only a moment for her mind to realize that fact when a pair of calloused hands gripped her head tightly. Her lids felt heavy, but she managed to flutter them open and smiled slightly at her Nord lover.

                “ _Damned bandits_ …”

                Hadvar only scoffed at her mirth before he lowered his lips to hers and claimed her tang and copper breath. She felt his tongue touch her lip, but she felt odd with Niruin still standing so close and that she still had her own blood coating her mouth.

                She pulled away instead of allowing him entrance.

                “Water… _please_ …”

                He only just straightened when a waterskin was held out to her.

                “Thank you.”

                “ _No problem_ , Sabre cat… only, I’ll _warn_ you… it’s something a little _stronger_ than _water_.”

                _Mead_ …

                “She needs _water_ , not _piss warm ale!_ ”

                Hadvar reached for the skin, trying to take it from Lilyah’s hands when she moved it from his reach, wincing from the tightening of her chest muscles, and glared.

                “Hadvar! It’s _alright_ … I just need to wash the taste of _blood_ from my mouth…”

                _Male dominance indeed_ …

                Lilyah sighed as she pulled the cork from the skin and tried taking a tentative sip. She underestimated both, the prone position she lay in, and the strength of the drink when it poured into her mouth and burned down her throat.

                She started coughing.

                Both men rushed to fuss.

                Hadvar scowled at Niruin.

                Niruin rolled his eyes.

                Lilyah growled.

                “ _By the Eight!_ ”

                She shoved one of her elbows beneath her and propped herself up before she returned the waterskin to her lips and pulled down the rest of the mead. After the initial burn, the mead went down smoothly, and the aftertaste of honey had her humming pleasantly when the skin was empty. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, when a belch tumbled from her mouth, causing Niruin to chuckle.

                “That was _rather good_ …”

                “I’d _hope_ so… _Black-Briar Mead_ is some of the _best_ in _Skyrim_ …”

                _Mmm… even warm it’s delicious_ …

                “ _Thank you_.”

                Niruin only grinned, his white teeth flashing, as she handed his waterskin back. The mead warmed her and that, along with the healing drought, had her eyes drooping and a soft sigh escaping her as she laid her head back to the ground. Hadvar leaned over her then, blocking Niruin from her sight, as he held her head in one hand and used the other to move her bangs from her face. She’d have rolled her own eyes if they hadn’t become so heavy.

                “Lilyah… you have to stay awake… it’s too soon for you to sleep yet… _LILYAH!_ ”

                _STOP YELLING!_

                “But I’m _TIRED_!”

                Her head felt light, and her limbs felt boneless as she gave Hadvar a pout. She heard Niruin snort in laughter before turning to her lover.

                “HA… _have fun with that_ … I’d take her to the _Bee and Barb_ … Keerava has _clean beds_ and something for you both to eat and drink… she should be fine after a bath and something light to eat…but, _don’t listen to me_ … I’m no one…”

                _Arrogant ass… I’ll show you… one of these days_ …

                “... Only the _best shot in Skyrim?_ ”

                “ _Damned straight_ …”

                He walked away from her and Hadvar, but before he slipped into the shadow of Riften’s walls he turned back to her and mimicked aiming an invisible bow with a knocked arrow at her, and then let it loose with a ridiculous exaggeration of his hand’s release.

                “ _See you around_ , Sabre cat.”

                She did roll her eyes this time, and then hissed as Hadvar lifted her from the ground, before he headed for the front gates. The guard stationed there tried swindling money from her lover, but Hadvar only needed to glare and growl for the man to give up, saying he would waive the visitors tax for them just this once.

                _I suppose it wouldn’t matter much… I’d just find you and take it all back without you being the wiser… amateur_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                _‘Are you going to tell me who that was?’_

_‘He’s **only a friend** , love… **nothing more**.’_

_‘Where did you **meet** him?’_

_‘In… in **Windhelm** … when I was **locked up** … he was in the cell next to mine…’_

_‘ **Figures** … and you didn’t tell me **because**?’_

_‘I didn’t think it important enough to even mention… **plus** … I just wanted to **forget** the whole experience. I…’_

_‘ **Not important enough to mention?** Not important enough to mention that you had been making friends **with a criminal** … and that that criminal was a **man**?’_

_‘ **Hadvar** … he kept me **sane** in that place… **he** …’_

_‘ **NO!** I’m not listening to this… I’m going to go and help the guards recover **Gunjar’s** body so he can be **properly buried** … I’ll see you later… **get some sleep** …’_

 

                Their fight replayed in her mind as she waited up for him. Hours had passed when she was lightly shaken awake, unaware that she had even fallen asleep, and Hadvar had apologized for being so short with her. She had forgiven him, knowing that both of them were dog-tired and frayed from everything. He had kissed her softly, his apology feathering across her lips, before it turned demanding and they blocked out all reasonable thought. He had entered her quickly, thrusting until their hips ricocheted off of each other, making her wince in pain, but she had kept it to herself and tried to ignore it to keep from fighting with Hadvar further. After all…

                She had dealt with worse.

                Lilyah now sat on the edge of her and Hadvar’s rented bed, sitting in nothing but a towel, and stared at what would be her wedding dress. It was just a simple thing, really- red, like fresh blood- and adorned with only a single silver chain that draped around her hips. She had found a comfortable pair of fur-lined shoes to go with it, not wanting to walk barefoot along the streets of Riften, and also a moonstone and sapphire circlet that she had kept from her mission at Korvanjund. Hadvar had offered to help her bathe and ready her things for the morning, but she had wanted some time alone and told him to go down to the tavern and enjoy himself.

                _I’m getting married tomorrow_ …

                She reached her hand around the back of her neck and pulled her thick, wet, roped of hair over her shoulder and started combing through the ends when a breeze blew in through her window. She shivered and stood to close the shutters when she froze.

                Someone was coming in her window.

                “ _By Nocturnal_ … Sabre cat… there is _no way_ you’re not the offspring of some _Daedric Prince_ , because… _sweet Oblivion_ , you are _gorgeous_!”

                _Niruin_ …

                “ _By the Eight!_ GET OUT!”

                Instead of listening, and completely unaffected by her tone, he crossed his arms and leaned against the sill. His hood was still up, but she could see that he was smirking at her.

                “Do I need to speak _louder_? Get… _out_!”

                “Now… _is that any way to speak to a friend?_ Especially one who _helped save your sexy ass?_ ”

                Lilyah bit her lip in exasperation and clutched her towel tighter as he tilted his head and continued to gaze at her. She growled and shouted every curse she could inside of her mind before she glared and sighed.

                “I said _thank you_ … is that _not enough_? No… _you want more_? Well, _too bad_ … that’s _all you’ll get_ from me.”

                He only laughed.

                “Oh, Sabre cat… _don’t ever change_ … I only came to see how you were… _and_ … _offer my condolences?_ ”

                He pointed at her dress with his last remark and smirked as she stepped in front of it.

                She continued to glare at him.

                “Condolences? _Really?_ ”

                _I can’t wait to shove that arrogance so far down your throat you’ll be shitting arrowheads and fletching for weeks_ …

                “You know… I was _betrothed_ once… _beautiful_ young Bosmer… _poor girl_ would have been _just as miserable_ as _me_ …”

                _Someone’s a little jaded_ …

                “I suppose she should be _grateful_ to you then… I know _I would be._ ”

                “Ouch… _claws_ , Sabre cat…”

                His smirk never leaves his lips.

                _What a masochist_ …

                “You know that, if _Hadvar_ walked into this room _right now_ , he would _slit your throat_ without a second thought, _right_?”

                “ _Ooooh_ … is that a _threat_ now? _I see how it is_ … though he would have to _catch_ me first…”

                _Pain in my ass_ …

                “ _Not a threat_ … though I’m going to enjoy _killing your ego_ in that _bet_ … but, _no_ … it was only a _warning_ … Hadvar doesn’t like sharing… though, _neither do I_ …”

                She tensed as Niruin pushed himself from the window and walked towards her. He stopped just a half a step from her before he reached up and pulled his hood down. The sides of his head were freshly shaved, and she could see that his hair was washed as the luster shown by the light of the candles. His skin tone seemed warmer, more like her own, as her eyes looked to his lips before finally drawing up to his eyes.

                _Beautiful… like honey… like the leaves that flutter in the trees of the Rift_ …

                “Mmm… _challenge accepted_ , Sabre cat… you find yourself in Riften and you manage to _find me_ … we’ll see about settling this score… _who knows_ … maybe I’ll have a sympathy gift for you once I’ve _wiped the floor with you_ …”

                She hoped he didn’t think her warning about Hadvar was her issuing a challenge, but, before she could ask, something flashed in his eyes. It was gone before she could decipher it and was immediately replaced with excitement and glee. She couldn’t help but smile wickedly before chirping out a laugh and pushing Niruin towards the window he had entered.

                “We’ll see, _Friend_ … but don’t be surprised when I _win_ and dance circles around your crying form.”

                “ _Promises, promises_ , Sabre cat… don’t keep me waiting _too_ long.”

                She rolled her eyes at him one last time before he crouched on the ledge of her window, winked at her, then jumped. She ran to the window, still clutching her towel, and leaned out to see if he actually jumped all the way down, but he was already gone.

                _Show-off_ …

               

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried making this chapter a little lighter after how the last chapter ended... not sure if I completely succeeded, but this is how Lilyah, Niruin and Hadvar felt the chapter should go, lol. Next chapter will hopefully be up in the next week :)
> 
> As always, Kudos and Comments are like kitty purrs and coffee to my soul. <3


	13. Just Married

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little Voyeurism... a guard is interrupted... and a Captain is put in her place...

                The door shut quietly behind them when Hadvar pulled her in and kissed her again. They both smiled stupidly for a second before he started pecking kisses all over her face and she laughed as she jumped into his arms. They tightened around her and, as she giggled at the sight of the ring on her finger, he spun her around until she was outright squealing with joy.

                _I’m married… I have a husband_ … _a family_ …

                Hadvar lowered her to the ground, and kept his arms tightly around her middle, as he groaned happily and she hummed. She could still feel her legs trembling, having not stopped since she put her dress on that morning, but she could scarcely seem to care as Hadvar beamed at her.

                “ _Wife_ …”

                _I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing that_ …

                “ _Husband_ …”

                 She watched the mirth in his eyes slowly change to hunger and she gasped as one of Hadvar’s hands slid down, to grip her arse, and ground her hips against his. A familiar fire flared in her stomach and she bit her lip as she felt his growing arousal, but as she tried to start pulling him down the stairs to head to their room at the Bee and Barb he lifted her and turned the other direction.

                “Hadvar… _what are you doing?_ ”

                She held onto him as he descended another set of stairs and gaped as she noticed they were now in Riften’s cemetery.

                “I need you… _now!_ ”

                Lilyah couldn’t help looking around frantically, expecting to see guards or someone who would see them, when he set her down and pulled her into a small mausoleum. She tried to protest, not feeling right about doing anything remotely sexual in a cemetery, but Hadvar sealed her lips with his and pushed her against the wall. His lips had her dazed and moaning as she felt him lifting the skirt of her dress up her legs. One hand moved to brush her hair behind one shoulder when he spun her around, kissing that same bare shoulder after she was leaning against the wall, when he pulled her smalls down and fumbled with his trousers.

                “Hadvar… _love_ … we… _we shouldn’t do this here_ …”

                “But, I _need_ you… I need to _feel_ you… just _relax_ , love…”

                She tried. She tried to ignore every noise of the bustling hold, but it only seemed to make her more agitated, when Hadvar stopped situating the both of them and dropped her dress. She didn’t realize she was gasping in breaths until he turned her around and held her face in his hands.

                “Lilyah… _love!_ ”

                She finally opened her eyes and looked at him, but she couldn’t get her breaths and heart under control until he leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the tip of her nose.

                “I’m sorry… I let myself get carried away… _we’ll stop_ … its _fine_ …”

                _He’s… I… I should be sorry… why did I overreact like that?_

                “ _I’m sorry_ , love… _I_ …”

                She sighed deeply before lowering her head to his shoulder. She felt his hands twining into her hair and moaned as his fingers gently scratched her scalp. He leaned down and kissed her forehead a moment later and as she wrapped her arms around his waist she felt his half-hard length rub against her through the fabric of her dress. He realized at the same moment that his trousers were still down and moved to tie them back up when Lilyah stopped him.

                “Love… _what’s wrong?_ ”

                _Just… just relax_ …

                Her hands fisted into the fabric of her gown and she started lifting it before Hadvar caught on. The adams-apple of his throat bobbed, but he held his tongue as she lifted her skirt above his now prominent and thick length. The cool air washed over her exposed cunt, making her shiver, until her hand gripped her new husband’s cock and positioned it between her folds. Her eyes held his as she lifted one leg and wrapped it around his leg, pulling his hips closer to hers, and whined as he arched his hips and pushed into her. He pushed the rest of the way in before his hands slipped beneath her bare rear and he started to thrust into her. She slipped her arms around his neck and locked her legs around his waist as his cock pumped into her cunt even faster. His panting and grunting was muffled as he kissed and bit at her neck and she felt herself finally starting to relax as his thrusting brought her closer to her climax.

                “ _Ah_ … Hadvar… _yeessss_ … that feels _sooogoood_ …”

                “Yeah… you _like_ it… like it when I _fuck_ you… as I _pound.my.cock.in.to.you_ …”

                Her moan came out stuttered and high as he pumped into her like a rabbit, the slick slapping of their hips echoing around them, as she neared orgasm. He growled, probably knowing she was close, when he started sucking and biting at her neck and dug his fingers into the flesh of her arse.

                She turned her head then, giving him more space, when she noticed the guard watching them.

                _Shit!_

                “ _Hadvar_ … there’s a _guard_ … he’s… _watching_ …”

                He continued thrusting into her, slamming a little harder, not stopping despite her words.

                “Let ‘im… _he’ll see who you belong to_ …”

                “Hadvar!”

                _I doubt that’s what he’s thinking_ …

                She felt sick as she watched the guard look around before he slid his hand down his trousers and he began stroking himself. Hadvar was lost in the passion of the moment, not listening to her quiet pleas, as the guard removed himself from his trousers and thrust into his hand at the pace Hadvar thrust into her.

                _What the fuck is happening?_

                She shoved her face into Hadvar’s neck, trying to keep from retching, when Hadvar’s hand moved to her nub and began rubbing it relentlessly. Her body responded without her consent and she cried out as her release washed over her.

                “AH… _FUCK_ … YES, LILYAH… _YES_!”

                He jammed his hips against hers, slamming her back into the brick behind her, and growled with his release. She kept her face turned into his neck as she felt his cock pulse and spill inside of her, too afraid to look up and see what end the guard had had for himself at their expense, and forced herself to breathe to keep from being sick or crying. Hadvar set her down the rest of the way, holding her head as it buried deeper into his neck, and quickly fixed his trousers before he kissed her head and turned to the entrance of the little nook they were in.

                She kept her head down and fixed her dress and smalls, too ashamed and sickened to see the guard, when Hadvar came back.

                “ _Love_ … there’s _no one out there_ … are you _sure_ you saw anyone?”

                Lilyah’s gaze shot to the spot she had witnessed the guard standing at and found no one.

                “ _But I saw_ …”

                _I’m not imagining things… am I?_

                Hadvar only looked at her with worried eyes and she felt even more the fool. She closed her eyes to keep from crying, more from the anger she felt at her own self now, and leaned back against the wall behind her. After a moment of silence a pair of calloused fingers touched her chin, light and tender, and she opened her eyes to see her husband smirking at her.

                “ _Let’s go_ , love… we’ll enjoy a _bottle of mead_ and a _meal_ before heading up to our _room_ …”

                She playfully glared at him until he grinned and bopped his finger against the tip of her nose. He intertwined their fingers and started pulling Lilyah from the wall, a pouting groan escaping her, until he pulled her beneath his arm and walked her towards the Bee and Barb. She smiled and glanced around once more, not seeing any guards nearby, but she still felt like someone was watching her.

                _You’re imagining things, Lilyah… just relax_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                He had been heading back to the cistern when he first noticed the guard. He wanted to outright laugh at the idiot, but then he had noticed what caught the fool’s attention.

                _By Nocturnal… that Nord is the luckiest son of a bitch_ …

                Images of red cascading over quivering, honey-colored, thighs had him shaking his head all over again. Her quiet gasping moans, mixed with her new husband’s deep grunts, had him thoroughly distracted as he listened to Rune turn him down yet again.

                “ _Rune_ …”

                “No! _You_ may not fear _Brynjolf’s wrath_ , but _I’ll_ not put myself in a position to lose _my_ _bed_ , here in the guild, over a _brothel_.”

                “Fine… _fine_ …”

                _Though I should have killed that guard for staring at such a goddess… I need some release after that as well_ …

                Once he had figured out what the fool guard had been getting so excited about, then seen the horror on the sweet little Sabre cat’s face, he had waited until she buried it in her lover’s neck before running out and silencing the guard’s mouth- also holding his dagger against the man’s throat. He would have laughed, normally, cutting a guard’s pleasure so short- until the man’s seed covered hand had come up and grabbed his arm.

                He had almost killed him for that alone.

 

                _‘You don’t **deserve** to see a goddess so exposed… I should **gouge out your eyes** …’_

_‘Mmmphf… mmmfrnrr… grnn…’_

_‘Oh… **don’t worry** … I’ll behave… no **gouging** … no **maiming** … no **killing** … I just…’_

_He tightened his grip and used his fingers to close the man’s nose as well._

_‘ **I can’t let you go back there** … you see… **I** won’t kill you… but that little **Sabre cat** back there?’_

_The guard passed out before he could finish his speech._

_‘ **She** WILL kill you... so… **you’re welcome**.’_

 

                He had slunk back after propping the guard up to look as though he were sleeping, to see if everything was alright with the two lovers, and then watched, with the stealthiest feet he could muster, as the Nord wrapped his arm protectively around the little Sabre cat and they walked away.

 

* * *

 

 

                They had spent a whole extra day in Riften, mainly in their room, before they packed their things and spoke to the local carriage driver about passage to Solitude. It seemed, with the war gaining such momentum, that he would only go so far as Whiterun before they would need to find a carriage to take them the rest of the way. They figured it would be best to not mention they were both members of the Legion’s army.

                On their trip, Lilyah had been thankful that they had taken a different route than when they were arriving, as she had not been ready to go near where they had been attacked (and Gunjar killed). They reached Whiterun during the wee hours of the morning, having taken a slightly longer route, and decided to stay in her home before embarking on the rest of their journey to Solitude. Lydia was hurt at not being invited to her Thane’s wedding, but congratulated them, with true joy on her face, before she made sure they were well and truly full and then excused herself from the house for the rest of the night.

                They had gratefully taken advantage of the opportunity.

                Now, as they made their way to Castle Dour, Lilyah felt saddened that their seemingly short honeymoon was about to be over. They both had much to do to help the Legion end this war and she had even more burdens (being the Dragonborn and all) that required her attention, that _neither_ could sit idle to just enjoy each other- at least not yet.

                _I wonder if we’ll settle down here in Solitude… or would Hadvar want to find a nice place in Riverwood? Riverwood would be nice… surrounded by trees… by our children_ …

                She smiled joyfully at the thought and bit her lip in her excitement for the future she imagined. She knew Hadvar would be a wonderful father, and being close to his family would surely make Hadvar even happier.

                “That’s a rather _happy_ _smile_ you have, my love… any _particular reason?_ ”

                Lilyah looked into his curious eyes and smiled even wider.

                “ _I’ll tell you later_ , love… _right now_ we must speak with _General Tullius_.”

                “Yes… _you’re right_.”

                “Hadvar…”

                “ _Hmm?_ ”

                “I love you.”

                He smiled as they stopped before the doors to Castle Dour and quickly pulled her into his arms. Her hands rested on his chest, as she giggled, until he tilted her head back and kissed her so softly and tenderly on the lips that she felt her chest tighten and her eyes sting.

                “And I love _you_.”

                _I’ll never get used to hearing you say that_ …

                “EH _EHM!_ ”

                She turned her head to the side, not moving from Hadvar’s embrace, to see who was interrupting them when Lilyah felt her stomach clench. The jealous Captain was glaring daggers at her from just inside the archway, the one they had only just walked through, when Hadvar slowly straightened her before wrapping an arm around her waist.

                “Captain… _so good to see you_ …”

                “Yes… good to see you as well, _Hadvar_ …”

                “ _Captain_ …”

                “ _Excuse me?_ ”

                “I’m _Captain_ now… and… _I’m sorry_ … how _rude_ of me _… I believe you’ve already met_ , but… I’d like to introduce my _Wife_ …”

                “Your _what_?”

                _I could get used to **that**_ …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this chapter is a little shorter than usual, but things are going to start happening pretty quickly for Lilyah and this was where I needed to end this chapter to get to where I want with the next chapter... I hope you enjoyed Niruin... cause unfortunately it's gonna be a little while before we hear from him again :( sorry... anyways...
> 
> Kudos and Comments are like kitty purrs and coffee to my soul!!! <3


	14. Unexpected Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilyah feels like an errand girl... emotions run hot and high between her and Hadvar... SMUT... and... surprises are bound to happen...

                Lilyah was more than tired of trudging through caves and old ruins. She _craved_ sunlight and fresh air- deep underground she was lucky to get the barest hint of light, and caves were always accompanied by dankness and mold.

                _At least I’ll have something to report back to Falk… whoever in Oblivion that Potema was, she’s not coming back now_ …

                She pushed open the doors to the Blue Palace, ignoring the guards and the gabbing brown-noser, Melaran, as she made her way to the Jarl’s court. General Tullius had been quite peeved at being ordered to send the Dragonborn before Jarl Elisif, but she supposed he didn’t feel the need to dismiss the woman who was still grieving her husband’s death.

                “Ah… Dragonborn… you’ve returned. Good. What did you find at Wolfskull Cave?”

                _A bunch of fools… that’s what_ …

                “Some _Necromancer’s_ were attempting to summon and bind someone named… _Potema_?”

                “ _Potema herself?_ ”

                _I’m guessing that would have been bad if they succeeded…_

                “ _Please_ tell me you _stopped_ them!”

                _Very, **VERY** bad_ …

                “I… _interrupted…_ their ritual. It’s done.”

                _Pick one off and the rest come running… right into my arrows… easy as pie_ …

                “You’ve done a _larger service_ to the realm than you could _possibly know_ … a _resurrected_ _Potema_ … I _shudder_ at the thought.”

                _Well… she sounds lovely_ …

                 “Yes… _well_ … if that is all?...”

                “Yes… _thank you again_ , Dragonborn.”

                Lilyah only nodded before she turned to leave the Blue Palace, wanting a drink and food, before washing off the draugr blood and then curling up in bed. She didn’t think Hadvar would be back yet from his scouting trip, but if he was… she planned to make use of their time.

 

* * *

 

 

                It was a fortnight later when she was requested back at the Blue Palace, the request interrupting a rather heated kiss between her and Hadvar, and she couldn’t help but growl as she ascended the steps- yet again. It was growing late, most of Solitude’s citizens now filling the tavern, and only a few guards even stirred as she made her way to Elisif’s dais and chair.

                There the Jarl sat, head resting on her hand in a moment of etiquette defiance, and Lilyah felt herself sympathize with the woman. She _also_ knew the weight of responsibility and duty.

                “ _My Jarl_ … you requested to see me?”

                “Dragonborn… _yes_ … thank you for coming on such short notice…”

                “It is…”

                “ _May we speak in private?_ Please… follow me.”

                She stiffened at the order, not expecting the dismissal, and then sighed before she swallowed her pride and followed.

                “ _As you wish_ , my Jarl.”

                Elisif smiled, not sensing Lilyah’s mood, and led them to her bedroom. As they entered, Lilyah couldn’t help but look around and envy the size. She grew up living in a room barely larger than a broom closet, on hay that only just covered the cold floor, and this woman’s own bed was twice that size alone.

                “I’m sorry for the _cloak and dagger_ , Dragonborn, but there is a _task_ I need done and Falk has _assured_ me that you are _trustworthy_ … and I _need_ someone I can trust for this…”

                _Gods_ …

                “I will make sure it’s done, my Jarl… and if it is _discretion_ you wish for… I can manage _that_ as well… you need _only ask_.”

                “ _Great!_ ”

                Her brow lifted in inquiry as Elisif reached out and held one of Lilyah’s hands in her own, Elisif staring at the polished gold band that seemed to be the only thing capable of lifting Lilyah’s spirit, and sniffled a moment in contemplative silence. Lilyah almost lost herself as well, imagining at the future that the tiny ring of gold promised, when she reigned in her daydreaming and squeezed the Jarl’s hand. The woman seemed to realize herself a moment later, released Lilyah’s hand, and cleared her throat.

                Lilyah ignored the tears lining Elisif’s eyes and waited for the woman to speak.

                “There is a warhorn… _handed down to my late husband, Torygg_ … it was from his _father_ , and he always wished to have it placed at a _shrine of Talos_ … but _with everything going on_ … and then his… _I’m sorry_ … I _wished_ to do this for him _myself_ , but…”

                _Ah… yes… if the Thalmor caught her_ … _they’d never give her the chance to explain… and even if they did_ …

                “It will be done, my Jarl.”

                “ _Wonderful_ … you’ll leave _immediately_.”

                _What now?_

                “ _Uh_ … my Jarl… would it not look _suspicious_ for me to _rush from the Blue Palace_ , only to _leave_ _immediately_ … this late in the evening?”

                A flash of anger flared in the Jarl’s eyes for a second before she covered it and smiled brightly.

                “ _Yes_ … yes, of course… _at first light then_.”

                _Dragonborn… more like personal errand girl_ …

                “ _As you wish_ , my Jarl.”

 

* * *

 

 

                “Do you _really_ have to go?”

                Hadvar slipped from inside of her and she groaned at his absence. As he lay next to her she whimpered, the urge to cry snaring inside her suddenly, when he wrapped his arm around her stomach and gripped her waist to pull her closer. She snuggled into his chest, not wanting to escape from the warmth of his sex-warmed body, before she sucked in the scent of him through her nose and mouth. She was going to miss him terribly.

                “You _know_ I have to… _at first light_ she said… and I believe it’s already _well past_ that, _thanks to you_ …”

                “I didn’t hear you _complaining_ … unless those _gasps_ and _moans_ were your way of _protesting_?”

                She tried to push the melancholy away, to smirk at his words, but the sadness only seemed to dig deeper until it was seeping through her eyes and wetting her cheeks. It bogged her down, wanting to pull her deeper and deeper into the stuffing of their bed, until her internal war had her body shaking.

                “ _Love_? What’s wrong? You’re _shaking_ …”

                _What is wrong with you? Get yourself under control_ …

                “ _Lilyah_ …”

                “I’m _fine_ … _its fine_ …”

                Her throat tightened and her chest hitched as she tried to force the words out, but as Hadvar quickly slid his hands against her cheeks, pushing away to see her better, she could feel her face contorting with the effort to keep herself from letting the ball of emotions inside her from bursting free.

                _Why do I feel like sobbing?_

                “Lilyah! _Talk to me_ … what is _wrong_? Why are you _crying_? Is it _something I said_? What’s…”

                “ _No_ … I… _I don’t know_ … I don’t know _what’s_ wrong… _I_ …”

                “How do you _not know_ what’s _wrong_?”

                “ _I don’t know_ …”

                _Can you just hold me? Don’t let me go_ …

                “Lilyah, _you’re shaking_ … are you _hurting_? Did _I_ hurt you?”

                “ _No_ , Hadvar… no, _of course not_ …”

                “Because I would _never_ hurt you… not on purpose…”

                _I know_ …

                “ _I know that_ , love… I’m _not_ in pain… I just… I _don’t know_ … I don’t know _what’s_ wrong… I think… _I think I should just go_ … I _need to get going_ …”

                She stood quickly, pulling her smalls and armor on clumsily, as Hadvar just stared at her from the bed- dumbfounded and confused looking at her shifting moods. She wiped the tears from her cheeks, sniffled one last time, and turned to kneel onto the bed to kiss Hadvar. Her lips barely brushed his, and she started moving from him to leave, but he grabbed the back of her neck and held her face until she looked at him. Tears lined her eyes again as he continued to hold her.

                “ _I love you_ , Lilyah… _please_ … tell me _what’s wrong_ …”

                _How do I explain… I don’t even know why I feel like this_ …

                “I _love you too_ , Hadvar… I love you _so much_ it _scares_ me… I don’t _ever_ want to lose you…”

                “You think you’ll _lose me_?... _Why would you think that?_ I’m _not_ going _anywhere_ … is _this_ what’s bothering you so?”

                _I can’t lose you_ … _but… that isn’t what’s making me feel this way… I don’t know_ …

                “ _I don’t know_ … I just… I _hate_ being _away_ from you… I _hate_ saying _goodbye_ …”

                “Then _don’t_ say it… and _come back to me_ …”

                “I will _always_ come back to you…”

                “Good… _good_ …”

                Hadvar kissed her then, pulling her face against his, and tilted her head so that he could deepen the kiss. She melted in his embrace, her tears sliding down to mix with their clashing mouths, and he turned her so she was lying beneath him. The blankets fell from him and she reached around him to grasp his ass as he started indelicately pulling her pants down her legs. She kicked them down as he pulled, not caring as only one foot came free, before she dug her nails into his back and pulled him back over her. Lilyah knew she needed to be on the road already, but her thoughts left her as Hadvar’s already thickened and pulsing cock hilted inside her.

                “ _ANNNGHH_ … Hadvar! _I need_ … I need you… _please_ …”

                “ _ERRAHHH_ … YES… _ergh_ … yes, love…”

                He pulled back, jaw clenched with promise, before he slammed forward- knocking the bedframe into the wall behind it.

                “ _AAHH!_ ”

                She hoped no one would interrupt, as the noises she knew she would make were going to sound as though someone was hurting her, and just clawed her hands down her husband’s back as he pulled back again. Lilyah looked at him, drowning in his gaze, and nodded once before he grabbed the headboard with one hand and used his other to hold her shoulder.

                He thrust forward with a roar and she cried out in return, but instead of keeping the slow pace he started pounding into her. Fucking her with a desperation that seemed to bleed into her and she only cried out louder and louder with each thrust.

                “YES-YES-YES, HADVAR… _AAHHH-RIGHT-THERE-FUCK-ME!_ ”

                Hadvar only grunted and growled until she felt herself crest and stars danced before her eyes. Her back bowed with the force of her climax, Hadvar’s hand still holding her shoulder, as he pulled her loose armor and breastband down roughly to cover one of her erect nipples with his mouth. He sucked hard as he jammed his cock in and out of her, slam-slam-slamming his hips against her own until he called out against her breast and emptied himself inside her. He slowly thrust into her a few more times, groaning with each push, and continued to lick and suck at the nipple and breast at his mouth.

                “ _Nnngh_ … _Hadvar_ … Hadvar… AH! _Please_ … I _can’t_ …”

                “You _will_! _Damn_ Elisif… she can _wait_ … _EVERYTHING_ can _wait_ … we’re going to continue this… _over_ and _over_ and _over_ and _OVER again_ , until your _body_ and your _mind_ have _no doubt_ …”

                He sucked her nipple into his mouth, hard, and slipped one arm around her hips and wrapped his other hand into the hair at the nape of her neck. She cried out as he ground his softened cock into her tender core, rubbing the hair at the base of him against her sensitive nub, and then tightened his grip in her hair. He lifted his face to hers and shoved his tongue into her opened mouth, sucking on her tongue, and devouring her moans as he held her still. He growled out the rest of his words against her lips.

                “… that _NOTHING and NO ONE will EVER come between us!_ ”

                _Please_ …

                And show her he did.

 

* * *

 

 

                It was two weeks into her search for this shrine of Talos and she was _still_ feeling faint twinges and the ghost of Hadvar inside of her. He had continued to make love to her that day, not stopping for hours, until she was literally crying with each climax he pulled from her body. It was a full week into her journey before she could stand removing the extra padding she had placed between herself and the saddle of her horse. Now the pain she felt was more towards her rear, as was typical with riding, practically non-stop, for a fortnight.

                _Ugh… I need food… and rest_ … _and a bath_ …

                “Wherever in Oblivion this _shrine_ is, it better _turn up soon_ or I’m _turning back_.”

                She had already circled the area, twice, trying to find this shrine, but it eluded her still. Knowing it wouldn’t be just sitting out in the open, she told herself she’d give it a few more days of searching before she headed back home.

                Her legs were stiff and sore as she dismounted, but she stretched and sighed with the popping of her spine before moving to her pack and pulling out some salted meats she had stored away. Her stomach roiled at the thought, but she pushed it to the back of her mind as she pulled out her cooking pot and skin of water.

                _Soup sounds good… it’ll take away some of the saltiness_ …

                She tied her horse up, strapping the mare’s feed-bag around her ears, before searching nearby for tinder to burn. When she finally had a decent pile she used her newly acquired fire spell and soon had her soup boiling and ready to eat.

                _I feel like I haven’t eaten in weeks_ …

                “ _Damn you_ , Hadvar… and your _damn amazing sex_ …”

                A smirk pulled at her lips as she poured her soup into a wooden bowl and blew against the steaming spoon before she began devouring it. After she had filled herself with the rest of her pot of soup she spent the remainder of the evening setting up her tent and bedroll, then writing a short letter to Hadvar.

 

_My Love,_

_I have been searching for this shrine, but it still eludes me even now. I fear I will be unable to find it before giving up and returning home is my only option. Jarl Elisif will undoubtedly be furious, but I will not spend an entire month on a wild goose chase. Who’s to say that the Thalmor haven’t already found this shrine and destroyed it? Ah. Don’t mind me. It is only that I miss you. Though I am reminded of you with every twinge or twist I feel deep inside of me, I still can’t help but wish that you were here with me. Or that I was home with you._

_I know we have not really spoken of it, but we should inquire about finding our own home. The Winking Skeever is not such a bad place, but a house of our own would be better. Don’t you think? Maybe if I can find this shrine I can ask the Jarl about possible property. Though, maybe I should hope that I can actually find the shrine before I return._

_Ah, my love. My love, my love, my love. Haha… I will never tire of that. I hope this letter will find you well and safe. I am currently camping just north of this Shimmermist Cave and I am hoping that heading south around this cave tomorrow will prove fruitful in finding this shrine. I can hope._

_Until I can hold you again, I will settle for dreaming of your arms around me, and, as always, my heart, body and soul belong to you._

_With All My Love,_

_Lilyah_

 

                She rolled up the letter, and put away her utensils, before she lay down to rest and planned to stop at the nearest Imperial camp to have her letter sent with a courier. She wanted to stop and rest in Whiterun before she returned to Solitude, hoping to check in on Lydia and maybe run a few errands around the city, before her journey home.

                Her last thoughts were of Hadvar’s lips before sleep took her.

 

* * *

 

 

                When Lilyah awoke it was still maybe an hour before the sun would truly rise, but that was the last worry on her mind as her stomach flipped and she rushed from her tent to empty her stomach in the nearest bush. She groaned after a few minutes, having only bile leaving her now, when she sat back and wiped her mouth.

                _Maybe salted meat soup wasn’t such a good idea_ …

                She stood up and walked back to her tent, grabbing her skin of water to rinse her mouth, and was surprised when she found herself feeling ravenous again. She pulled out a half-eaten loaf of bread, hoping it would help calm both her upset stomach and surprising hunger, and ripped off a large chunk with her teeth. She hummed as she swallowed the bite, feeling it slide down her throat, before she tore off another large piece and chewed it vigorously.

                _Gods, this bread is good… too bad I ate all of that soup yesterday… this would go well dipped in the broth_ …

                The bread disappeared quickly and with her belly full and calm she decided to get a head-start on finding the shrine. Her small fire had dwindled to just embers during the night, so she covered it with sand and poured some of her water over the top. Within an hour she was mounted on her horse and heading south- an eye keen on her surroundings as she searched.

                _Please let me find it soon_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                Two more days of _waking to retch_ had her head throbbing and her body aching all over.

                _I can’t get sick now… by the Eight… I need to find this shrine… now!_

                Lilyah sipped her water tentatively as her mare ascended the slope of the mountain. She and her horse had just passed Shimmermist Cave an hour ago and she was beginning to lose hope of ever finding her quarry.

                That was until she heard an authoritative voice speaking nearby.

                “ _We will stay here as long as need be!_ ”

                “We have seen _no one_ and we’ve been _camped here_ for _weeks_ … your _information_ was _bad_ … _admit it._ ”

                “We will _NOT_ abandon this mission… there are _Talos heretics_ scattered _all over_ Skyrim, and I _will_ _see them all_ _brought to heel_ … now _shut your mouth_ before I _stuff it shut!_ ”

                “ _You promise?_ ”

                “ _Grrrrgh_ …”

                _Great… Thalmor… but… if they’re here searching for Talos worshippers, then that means_ …

                Lilyah’s smile hurt her sore cheeks, but she couldn’t seem to care as she realized she had finally found the shrine. Her heart leapt as she quietly dismounted her horse and pulled free her bow. She didn’t believe in Talos, but she cared even less for the Thalmor, and didn’t feel the slightest guilt in preparing to kill them.

                _Let’s get this over with… Whiterun is close enough that I need not camp on the ground tonight_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                “When was your _last bleed?_ ”

                “ _My last bleed?_ ”

                “Yes…”

                _I just… no… that was_ … two…

                “ _Two_ …”

                “Two…? _Weeks_ … mon...”

                “ _Months_ … two _months_ …”

                _By the Eight_ …

                “ _Well_ … I’d say we’ve _figured out_ the cause of your _symptoms_ then… _my dear_ , it would seem you’re with _child_.”

                “ _With child_ … but if… _that_ means… I… _I’m pregnant?_ ”

                Arcadia only smiled at the look of disbelief Lilyah was sure she had plastered on her face. She had worried that her illness was something life-threatening, as she had barely been able to keep anything down for too long, and, though it was not life-threatening, a baby was not anywhere close to what she had thought when Lydia called the Alchemist over to Breezehome.

                “I’ll head back to my store and grab a few items that may help with the _nausea_ , but _yes_ … it would seem so. _Congratulations_ , Dragonborn.”

                Lydia smiled happily before she walked Arcadia to the door, leaving Lilyah alone in her room, and, after a moment of silent thoughts, her hands moved over her stomach and she started to cry.

                _A baby… my baby… I’m going to be a mother_ …

                Her smile slowly fell.

                _I’m going to be a **mother**_ …

               

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah... this chapter was super tough for me... I wanted to go so many different ways and it was making this chapter hard to get done. Thankfully Lilyah figured out where she wanted to go and we got things done finally :P and...
> 
> YAY BABY AND PREGNANCY!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Next chapter- Lilyah tells Hadvar the good news!
> 
> Kudos and Comments are like kitty purrs and coffee to my soul!!! <3


	15. Turn-arounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia is... Lydia... Dragon's are a neusance... and why when things always seem to be going good do they always manage to turn sour so quickly?

                Lydia was driving her insane. Knowing even less about pregnancy than Lilyah did, she had taken it upon herself to ask every woman in Whiterun their opinion on the subject. She knew her housecarl’s heart was in the right place, but the woman’s mind was apparently not equipped to hold so much information at once, while also planning to relay said information.

                “Also, _Fralia_ said to drink a tea made of _Jarrin Root_ … or was it _Canis Root_? _Oh_ , and _Olfina_ said to make sure to _stay off of your feet_ … though I’m not sure _how_ she thinks you’ll _get around_ … unless you were _always in bed_ or _mounted on your horse_ …  no… _Carlotta_ said to _steer clear_ of _riding_ … something about the _bouncing_ …”

                “ _LYDIA_!”

                “Yes, my Tha… _Lilyah_?”

                _At least THAT she remembers_ …

                “Could you get some water for a _bath_? I think a bath might be nice…”

                “ _Oh_ , that reminds me… _Ysolda_ said…”

                “ _LYDIA!_ ”

                “Yes, my Thane?”

                _By the Eight_ …

                “A bath… _please_ …”

                “Yes, my Thane.”

                _Gods preserve me_ … _I’ll need to make sure any poisonous ingredients are kept locked away in this house… or never eat her food again_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                “Have a safe journey to Solitude, Lilyah”

                “ _Thank you_ , Lydia… I will _write a letter_ to let you know I made it safely… _take care_ , and I hope to see you again soon.”

                Lilyah and Lydia gripped forearms for a moment, before Lilyah climbed into the back of the carriage and made herself as comfortable as she could. She found it was still a little unnerving riding in a carriage again, but she didn’t think this trip would be anything like her one to Riften.

                The driver whistled after they had set out, but, other than a few questions here and there about her wellbeing, he mostly kept his thoughts to himself. She appreciated it as she started in on a new book she had purchased from Belathor.

                _I’m surprised the letch actually had something worth the gold he was asking for… though he’s lucky I didn’t shout him into the next age for trying to force his unwanted attentions upon me_ …

                A shiver of disgust ran through her as she turned the page.

                … _ugh… just think of Hadvar, Lilyah… you still haven’t figured out how best to tell him_ …

                She slid her free hand over her flat stomach, smiling and wondering if the child inside of her could hear yet, when she whispered to it anyway.

                “I should think of something to say, _don’t you think?_ Just walking up and blurting out the presence of you inside me is _probably not_ the best way, _huh_?... I _suppose_ … I _doubt_ it will matter _too_ much, as long as it’s done in _private_ , and… I _know_ your father will be _beyond_ happy… _just as I am_ … _my little raven_ …”

                She had been dreaming of ravens since almost dying in Riften.

                _My little raven_ … _that’s what I’ll name you… Raven_ …

                She smiled brightly to herself before returning her attention to the book in her lap, her free hand still resting upon her stomach, and hoped that the trip went by quickly and without event.

 

* * *

 

 

                “If I could not see… _mal fahliil_ … you might pass for _fron_ … more _dovah_  than _jul_ _.”_

                “ _Spare_ me… _it’s time_ … to _end_ this…”

                She wheezed as she was bent over at the waist, the dying dragon only a few yards away (gurgling his last remaining breaths), when she heard the deep resonating chuckle leave its maw. She was getting better at fighting these beasts, but she still had massive burns covering one whole arm, and the smell of the dead driver and horse was proof enough that she was _still_ not quick enough.

                “Something… _amusing_ … to you… before… _before I take_ … your _soul_ , dragon?”

                “ _Hin bahlok, Dovahkiin… fen neh… ronit ok. Unslaad ahrk kruziik_.”

                _Again with this_ …

                “He?”

                “ _Alduin! World-Eater!_ ”

                With a speed that threw her, the dragon lunged for her, but she was just a breath quicker.

                “ _WULD!_ ”

                The world sped by as her shout propelled her away from the teeth and jaws that wished to crush her, but distance would not help her in ending this fight, as she was out of arrows. She cursed after she hid behind a large boulder. The dragon was slowed, being injured, but she couldn’t just sit around all day trying to think of some way to kill it without getting close.

                She held her lower abdomen as an idea formed in her mind.

                “Forgive me, Raven… _if this goes wrong_ …”

                _I love you_ …

                Lilyah moved her bow so it rested away from the boulder, hopefully in clear view of the lumbering dragon behind her, and snuck around in the opposite direction. She heard the dragon suck in a breath, the sound like water sizzling in a fire, before it let loose the fire within it. Even being on the other end of the boulder, and furthest from the edge being aimed at, the heat was excruciating on her already blistered skin. She leaned around, being sure to stay in the shadow of her protection, and watched her foe stumble, and then crawl, towards the end he had just scorched. When he was about to reach the spot she hoped he thought to find her, she pulled her dagger free and ran towards him.

                He noticed her a second too late.

                The grind and squelch as her dagger embedded itself into the side of the dragons head reverberated through her entire body until her momentum propelled her to roll over his head, snapping the hilt from the blade in the process. She tucked her body into a ball before hitting the ground, trying to protect her midsection from as much damage as she could, before her body stopped rolling and she moved to get up to run.

                Hot white tendrils of a soul whisked around her and her body began to lift from the ground instead.

                _WHOA… that was quick_ …

                She felt the soul flare inside her, slithering through her veins to every corner of her body, but, as it wrapped around her womb, she had to clutch herself as pain shot through her. Lilyah fell to her knees, crying out as the soul tried to dominate the soul inside her, when she finally felt the power that made her Dovahkiin pull and the soul surrendered to her own.

                _Shit… please be ok, Raven… please_ …

                This was going to be a big problem.

 

* * *

 

 

                _How am I going to tell Hadvar that I’m pregnant… especially when I’m not sure if that’s true any longer?... NO… no… I will not accept that you’re gone… you’re still there… my little Raven_ … _but… maybe… maybe we should wait to say anything about you?... We could keep you a secret for another week… just between you and mommy?_

                She felt horrible even thinking it. She wanted more than anything to celebrate with Hadvar, but the thought of telling him of her pregnancy only to find that they lost the baby… she wasn’t sure she could forgive herself.

                _Maybe I can ask Mrs. Morrard if there is a way to make sure_ …

                “I should stop in… just to check…”

                Arms wrapped around her just then, lifting her into the air, as a familiar voice whispered in her ear.

                “Check what, love?”

                _Shit!_

                “Hadvar!”

                “Mmm… I missed you. I received your letter just this morning and I was worried when you would return…”

                _Damn couriers_ …

                As her feet touched the ground Lilyah’s head spun wildly before she lost her smile and covered her mouth. Hadvar noticed her movements and rested his hand on her shoulder a moment before her stomach heaved.

                “Lilyah!”

                _Ugh… this is embarrassing… but… maybe this means_ …

                “Sorry… it’s a… new development…”

                “A new what?”

                “It’s…”

                “Are you ill? Is that what you were going to check on?”

                _Shit… shitshitshit_ …

                “Um… well…”

                _At least my burns are healed so I'll not need to explain those as well_...

                She spit the remaining vomit from her mouth, and then swished some water to clean the rest out, before wiping her mouth along her sleeve. Hadvar’s hand gripped her shoulder a little tighter as she stalled, but with each passing moment she knew it would only make things worse if she kept this from him.

                _Gods… please don’t make me regret telling him_ …

                He continued watching her worriedly.

                “So… _I_ \- uh… _we_ … we’re… us _together_ … are um… _pregnant?_ ”

                _Hopeless… you’re hopeless, Lilyah_ …

                Hadvar only blinked slowly in response. His grip on her shoulder going painfully tight before releasing her completely, and as quick as a blink had her back up in the air and spinning around as he yelled out in exhilaration.

                “WHOOOOOOH! I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER!”

                Lilyah was laughing with him at first, his excitement permeating her skin and taking over her nerves, before he set her down and kissed her hard and deep. Her hands trembled as she clutched his shirt, fearing she’d fly away if she let go, as he sucked the breath from her and devoured her mouth. A fire sparked in her core as his tongue danced with hers, circling and fighting for dominance, until he bit her lip and her legs gave out. Hadvar’s quick reflexes had his arm wrapped around her middle before she fell an inch and she was grateful for it.

                “My Lilyah… we’re going to have a baby? Truly?”

                _I hope so_ …

                She could only nod her head, her fears and hopes choking the words in her throat, before he pulled her body flush against his own and hugged her tightly. He pulled away a moment later, smiling from ear to ear, before he looked around and grabbed the nearest person.

                “I’m going to be a father!”

                “Congratulations!”

                “Yes… Thank you!”

                _Oh, Hadvar_ …

                Hadvar moved from person to person, telling everyone his news, and sometimes just exclaiming to the skies. She found herself resting against a pillar outside of the apothecary, laughing softly to herself, as every person in the area was bombarded. He came back to her as her head rested, legs still slightly weak from his kiss, when he swept her feet from under her and held her against his chest.

                “ _AH!_ HADVAR!”

                He only chuckled at her protests.

                “Let us speak to Jarl Elisif about your successfully completed task… then I’m going to _thoroughly welcome home my wife._ ”

                The fire in her core spread to every corner of her body.

                _Oh my_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                _Thane… again… and owner of the coveted Proudspire Manor_ …

                Lilyah bit her lip as Hadvar walked them past the threshold of the door. Her arms were again wrapped tightly around his neck, her fingers digging into the flesh and cloth of his shoulder, as they looked around their new home. Jordis, her newly appointed housecarl, met them in the Blue Palace and promptly escorted them to their new home. The girl was very eager to please, jumping at any chance to help- all the while her eyes never strayed far from the man holding Lilyah.

                _Though I can’t blame her… that will have to change soon_ …

                She felt a flutter of smugness as she noticed that Hadvar seemed to almost completely ignore the Housecarl and her blatant ogling. Blatant to Lilyah at least.

                _Maybe keeping her busy will do the trick_ …

                “Jordis… would you mind making something for dinner?”

                The young woman’s eyes latched onto hers for a moment before they turned to the floor and Lilyah wondered if maybe the girl looked to Hadvar so much because her own eyes frightened her. She forgot sometimes that the blackness of her eyes unnerved many people.

                “Of course, my Thane.”

                _Again with the ‘my Thane’_ …

                “It’s…”

                “Thank you, Jordis… if you’d please _excuse_ Lilyah and I… we’re going to _explore_ the rest of the house.”

                “Yes… of course… _Hadvar_ …”

                Lilyah glared at the clueless Housecarl as the girl’s blush crept up her neck from the depths of her armor.

                _Yes… this will need to be dealt with_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                The room would be perfect. They would need to buy the proper furniture for an infant, but the space was perfect for a child to grow. Big enough for multiple children.

                _Don’t get ahead of yourself_ …

                She looked down at her abdomen, still flat in the early stages of her pregnancy, but smiled as her heart fluttered in excitement. A life, tiny and delicate, was growing stronger inside of her and soon she and Hadvar would have the family they had both talked about starting.

                _I wonder if you will look more like me… or if you will look like your father… my little Raven_ …

                Lilyah rubbed her hand over her stomach tenderly, the want to hold her child a tangible and living creature of desire coursing through her heart and soul, when larger arms wrapped around her from behind. A sigh escaped her as she allowed those hands to wind between her own, familiar and safe, and then turned her head to nuzzle her nose into the space under Hadvar’s chin.

                _How did I get so lucky?_

                “We’ll need things for the baby… this room was furnished for a _grown_ child…”

                “Yes, love… we can search _tomorrow_ if you’re _feeling so inclined_ … but we do still have some time…”

                _Yes… we still have time_ …

                “ _You’re right_ … plus, we still have this war to deal with… I’ve got the _dragons_ to worry about… maybe I should fetch this _horn_ the Greybeard’s told me to retrieve… I could learn more about _what it is_ to be _Dragonborn_ …”

                _Maybe learn why it hurt so much when I absorbed that last Dragon soul_ … _and who this **Alduin** is..._

                The arms around her stiffened, holding her in place, until they lifted to her shoulders and turned her around. She instantly tensed, knowing that she had said something wrong, when she noticed the look in Hadvar’s eyes- anger.

                “You’re _joking_ , right?”

                _Uh_ …

                “ _Love?_ ”

                “You don’t _honestly_ _think_ it’s a _good idea_ to go traipsing about in old ruins while you’re _pregnant_ , _do you?_ ”

                “Well…”

                “And you don’t _honestly think_ I’ll _let_ you, _do you?_ ”

                _Wait_ …

                “Why? I’ve done it _many_ _times_ …”

                “You’ve done it _many_ _times_ … as if that _makes a difference_ … you are _WITH CHILD_ … _MY_ child…”

                “Hadvar…”

                “NO… I _FORBID IT!_ ”

                _But_ …

                “Hadvar… you _can’t_ be…”

                “I _can’t_ be… _what_?… _Serious_? Oh, _believe_ _me_ , love… I _AM_ serious… you will _not_ go searching for that horn… and I _will_ inform General Tullius of your _condition_ before the day is through.”

                _My condition?_

                “Love… I am _not made of glass_ …”

                “I will _not be swayed_ on this, Lilyah.”

                _This is madness_ …

                She tried to contain her growing anger. The hurt at his demands. That he would even _demand_ such a thing of her started tears forming in her eyes. How had things changed so quickly?

                “Hadvar… _please_ …”

                “You’ll _stay inside the city walls_ … you’ll _act as a mother-to-be should act_ , or _so help me_ , Lilyah…”

                _Enough of this_ …

                “I am not a _child_ , Hadvar… I will _do as I please_ , and…”

                “ _YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING!_ ”

                Lilyah stared, wide-eyed and angry, as Hadvar fumed just steps away from her.

                “ _You have no ri_ …”

                “I am your _HUSBAND_ … I have _EVERY RIGHT_ … if you _leave_ this city, Lilyah, _so help me_ … you will _have_ no _husband_ to return to.”

                _Did he just…?_

                “ _What?_ ”

                She watched his eyes widen, surprise at his own words, before they settled back into a grim resolve and he turned to leave the room. Lilyah watched him, waiting for him to turn around and apologize for what he said, but he did not turn around.

                Not even to look, before he turned the corner- walked down the stairs- and then left the manor.

                _He’s left_ …

                _He’s left me_ …

                Dread. Pain. Anger. Heartbreak. They all bombarded her. Sucking the air from her lungs and the strength from her knees. She was paralyzed. A self-inflicted paralysis that severed the connection from her mind to her muscles and had her shaking uncontrollably on the floor. Her body rocked, back and forth like a torturer’s pendulum, as her mind showed image after image of Hadvar’s fleeing back- his look of anger and his words tearing through her heart like a well-crafted dagger.

                When her sob finally broke through she wondered, unfazed, if the force of it also broke her vocal cords.

                She couldn’t bring herself to care.

                Just continued to clutch her waist and keen brokenly.

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> mal fahliil- little elf  
> fron- kin  
> dovah- dragon  
> jul- man
> 
> "Hin bahlok, Dovahkiin... fen neh... ronit ok. Unslaad ahrk kruziik."- "Your hunger, Dragonborn... will never... rival his. Unending and ancient."
> 
> Wuld- Whirlwind
> 
> So sorry this took so long to get posted :( been having insurance issues and I've been without meds for... longer than I should have been :( my depression is starting to get under control again, but... as you can see it's all over the place, as this chapter seems to reflect my ever changing... feeling to not feeling... plus complete and total angst at the end there...
> 
> Honestly, I was trying to have it come across that Hadvar is just scared and doesn't know how to properly take control of the situation... Lilyah is the Dragonborn, so has a responsibility with that, is entrenched in the Legion and their war with the Stormcloaks, and is also pretty independant if given the chance. He has no way of protecting her or the child if she's away from him and... let's be honest... men back then (and even now sometimes) don't know how to deal with being helpless to that sort of thing... not that pregnant women now-a-days (or in the past) have or have had to deal with fighting dragons, but... you get my meaning (I hope)... so yea... Hadvar may be going a tad-wee-bit overboard, but it's because he's scared and doesn't know what to do... at least that's what I was trying to put out there... ANYhoo... hopefully I can get the next chapter out sooner rather than later... *sigh* I hate Depression... I really do...
> 
> Comments and Kudos are like kitty purrs and coffee to my soul!!! <3


	16. Crushed Spirits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst... so much angst... NSFW
> 
> Trigger Warning- Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, Depression, Anxiety... (Please let me know if I missed anything else)

                Lilyah wakes to arms lifting her and holding her against a strong chest. There is a slight whiff of ale, but under it all she can clearly smell Hadvar. She murmurs against him, trying to speak, but he shushes her as he moves her into a dimly lit room adjacent to the one he had left her in earlier.

                _He came back_ …

                After Hadvar had left she had stayed curled on the stone floor of her child’s new room, body racked with shivers and shaking limbs from the force of her emotions, until Jordis had come to try and sooth her. She had harshly ordered the girl away. Then continued to shake and shiver, between whimpers and sobs, until she had fallen into a fitful and unrestful sleep.

                Hadvar lowered her down, gently placing her under the comforting blankets of their bed, when he started to move away from her.

                Her hands reached out, like lungs searching for air, and grabbed hold of the fabric of his shirt to keep him near her. She blinked her eyes, adjusting to the candlelight dimness of the room, and whimpered as he stopped moving away to look at her.

                “You came back…”

                She watched his frown deepen, but she couldn’t see his eyes clearly enough.

                “Lilyah…”

                “Please… _I’m sorry_ … I’m _so_ sorry… I _won’t go_ … I’ll _stay_ … _please_ …”

                Her hands trembled further as she pulled him closer.

                “… _please_ don’t leave me…”

                He leaned in closer and tried to speak, but she cut him off again.

                “ _Please_ , my love…”

                His lips met hers, roughly, as she dragged him the rest of the way down. The mattress dipped with his weight and she began unbuttoning his shirt as he moved over her. The bitterness of the ale on his tongue woke her further from her recent slumber, but her mind was still mostly a whirl of her nightmares, the image of his retreating back, and her many insecurities that screamed of her needing to do whatever it took to keep her marriage intact. With that determination she rushed to rid him of his clothing, fumbling the whole time with buttons and strings, then turning to her own clothing until they were both naked against each other.

                “Don’t leave me… _please_ … please, I _need_ you…”

                “ _Lilyah_ …”

                He tried to pull away again, but she lifted her hand and covered his lips with her fingers.

                “ _Shhh_ … we can talk in the morning, just… _just make love to me_ … please…”

                He looked down at her, his hair shadowing his face from her further, before she noticed him nod and come back down to her mouth. His lips kissed and licked at her mouth as he positioned himself, hissing slightly as he gripped his length, before he thrust forward and hilted himself inside her. She cried out, but was soon lost in the madness of their bodies as he stroked himself in and out of her. Lilyah welcomed any pain, like it was a test, and with each ‘yes’ in her mind or out of her mouth- each was a step closer to finishing and getting things back to the way they should be.

                _Gods… please… I can’t lose you_ …

                She was growing closer to climax when Hadvar quickly pulled from her and flipped her onto her stomach, lifted her hips to his, and then hilted back inside of her. The new position was not a surprising one to her, having been this way on many a quick coupling, but it was the way he rutted against her that had a voice in the back of her mind trying to scream at her that things were not right.

                She ignored it.

                His hand came around and he began rubbing at her vigorously, bringing her closer to her edge, when he began murmuring to her.

                “Come for me… _come on my cock_ … yes… _yes_ … _FUCK_ … come for me…”

                She did… loudly.

                Until Hadvar pushed her face down into the mattress to stifle it.

                He used the position to piston into her and shuddered with his release a moment later.

                When he released her head she turned and sucked in a breath, body shaking from her release and the shock of what just happened. Hadvar pulled from her, hissing again, before walking to the wash basin and cleaned himself. He left the cloth where he had found it, didn’t so much as glance at her, and made his way to the other side of the bed. She continued to shake as her mind raced with everything, wondering what she had done wrong, until she heard Hadvar snoring.

                _He is still mad at you… you’ve not proven to him… that… you haven’t… you haven’t done enough… you need to do more… be more… he needs a wife… you need to show him… or he will leave you_ …

                Lilyah shook until dawn.

                Her mind repeating her last thoughts over and over.

                _Or he will leave you_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                She woke late the next morning to an empty bed, Hadvar’s side cold to her touch, and she had to stifle another sob.

                _He left… he’s left me_ …

                The sound of her sobbing, she figured afterwards, probably brought her to his attention and it also drowned out his footsteps because a few moments later she felt strong hands gripping her face- and a frantic husband repeating her name over and over again.

                “Lilyah… _Lilyah, please_ … don’t cry… _please_ , Lilyah… _look at me_ \- please- just _look at me_...”

                _He’s… he’s here… he didn’t leave… he’s here… he hasn’t left… yet_ …

                Her eyes opened to the blurred silhouette of Hadvar leaning over her and another sob tore through her, rending her vocal cords, as she clutched the shirt he wore and pulled him towards her. An arm wound around her back, clutching her tightly, as she clung to him in return and shook from the tips of her ears to the ends of her toes. Hadvar cooed to her, kissing the crown of her head multiple times, and just held her until she could calm herself. Her throat was raw and throbbing, her nose a mess of mucus and tears, but she pushed the worry of her appearance to the back of her mind as Hadvar slid his fingers into the hair at the base of her skull and moved her face so he could look at her.

                _I’m such a pathetic mess_ …

                She fluttered her eyes to remove the residual tears from them just as Hadvar wiped her cheeks with his thumbs- then smiled at her lovingly-

                -like he did when they came together in Whiterun-

                _He doesn’t seem to mind_ …

                “Lilyah… _my Lilyah_ …”

                _His Lilyah… his… I am his_ …

                “ _Hadvar_ …”

                Her throat rasped painfully.

                “ _Shhh_ , Lilyah…”

                She pushed through it.

                “Hadvar, _I_ …”

                “Lilyah, _please_ ,…”

                “But _Hadvar_ , I…”

                “LILYAH, PLEASE. _LET ME SPEAK!_ ”

                She stilled at his tone.

                _Don’t… don’t push him… just… shut up… just, shut up… why do you feel the need to always_ …

                “ _Sorry_ , Hadvar…”

                _Just shut up… don’t be so confrontational… he just wants you to listen… don’t talk back all the time_ …

                His thumbs rubbed her cheeks a few moments more before he said another word.

                “I don’t remember much from last night... _nothing_ of it really, but I want to apologize for walking away from you… I should have stayed and talked to you about why I want you to stay… I’m just… I was just _so scared_ … I…”

                _He was just scared… for me and our child… and I threw a fit like a child when all he wants is to protect us… no wonder he walked away from you_ …

                She covered his lips with trembling fingers, wanting to tell him that everything would be alright, but no words seemed to form right in her head and she only ended up shaking her head. Her gut twisted with the pain from the night before, both from his leaving- and also his return- but she couldn’t bring up his treatment of her when he claimed he didn’t remember it. Though a faint part of her wondered if he was being completely honest, she found she couldn’t blame him if he only wished to forget the whole ordeal.

                “Lilyah… please… _say something_ …”

                _Speak… he wants you to speak_ …

                “ _I’m sorry_ … I should not have been so _stubborn_ … you only wish to keep me and our child _safe_ and I _threw it in your face_ … if _anyone_ should be sorry, it should be _me_ …”

                A moment of quiet passed, him waiting for her to continue, when she realized that he wasn’t going to deny her actions.

                _You see… you acted so abominably that he will not even try to soften your blame… everything he does is for you and you should be grateful_ …

                “I will stay… _here_ in _Solitude_ … many a man has taken down a dragon and _without_ the Dragonborn’s help… and the Legion has always been strong- _even before me_ … so shall she _continue_ to be if I stay here until our baby is born… _who knows_ … maybe the war will be _over_ by then…”

                She felt Hadvar’s muscles relax at her words, his body finally melding to hers, and she smiled painfully as she rested her cheek against his chest- listening to his heart. One of his hands pressed her head closer to his chest, the other rubbing circles into her back, as he kissed the crown of her head again.

                “It eases my worries to hear you say that… you and our child mean _everything_ to me… I could not bear to lose either of you, much less the both of you in some _ruin_ …”

                She could only nod her head as he continued to hold it near his heart. The hand rubbing circles into her back slowed before trailing further down, grazing the gentle rise of her arse, when the hand holding her head gently pulled her face far enough away for Hadvar’s nose to run along her ear and his lips to close around the tip.

                She gasps at the sensation, but images of the night before flash through her mind and the whimper that escapes her only sounds like an invitation- even to her ears. Hadvar wastes no time in covering her mouth with his, stopping her from making another noise, as he slips his fingers between her legs and starts to circle her nub.

                _Just shut up_ …

                His hands are gentle as they touch her, going slowly to warm her to him, and her body begins to respond. Her mind is still fighting with the images, but she manages to cage them- along with the feelings they bring- and lets her body take control.

                The tears that escape her, as Hadvar kisses and suckles at her neck, are chocked up to the happiness she tells herself she feels- that he hasn’t left her- but she can’t help feeling like things are still not right.

                Lilyah keeps her thoughts to herself.

 

* * *

 

 

                Things slowly level out for Lilyah, her morning sickness happening less and less often as weeks passed by, and she and Hadvar had not fought since that first night in Proudspire Manor. The urge to argue came upon her sometimes when she heard news of dragons or skirmishes with Stormcloaks nearby, but the images of Hadvar leaving or the reminder that she was currently still with child, it effectively shut down any argument she might have felt compelled to voice- and so she kept her mouth shut.

                She had worried, after her last dragon fight, that she might have lost the baby, but with her abdomen growing firmer and more distended each week she knew her child still lived. Her little Raven.

                Walking into her home, Lilyah noticed that all was rather quiet, though she wasn’t at all surprised that Hadvar had yet to return from his trip to Dragon Bridge- or that Jordis was absent.

                Lilyah had worried at first of her housecarl’s obvious crush on Hadvar when they first moved in, but after that first night the girl seemed to grow more and more closed off and sharp-tongued- maybe sometimes more-so towards Hadvar in their short dealings at home- until she’d all but stopped even looking at either of them unless directly spoken to. A part of Lilyah, the part that selfishly wanted no other woman to try gaining Hadvar’s favor or attention, relished that the girl showed such emotion at his unfeeling towards her. The other part understood the girl’s hurt and frustration- as Hadvar now only seemed to show Lilyah attention when they were making love to each other.

                _Listen to yourself… so ungrateful… even **if** this city is starting to feel like a **cage**_ …

                She wrapped her slender fingers around her middle, wanting to cradle her child- protect it- as the restlessness inside her gnawed and slithered around.

                “Your father only wishes the best for us… and I don’t wish to _ever_ imagine a world _without_ you, my sweet Raven…”

                _So stop acting like a child… this city… this **house** … it is not a cage… it’s not… it’s_…

                “If only _Mommy_ could find something to _keep her busy_ … then maybe I wouldn’t feel so _useless_ …”

                _Useless… you **are** useless… ungrateful… and useless_ …

                Looking around, Lilyah noticed the dirty cookware, the still slightly visible muddy footprints near the door, and the unopened missives piling up, when she realized how she might make it up to Hadvar. How she might show him that, though she didn’t deserve him, that she would do whatever it took to keep him happy- and if keeping him happy required her to keep quiet and take care of things while he was away- well-

                _He does so much for us… it is only right that I do everything for him… I will not be ungrateful… I will not be useless_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                A week passes before Hadvar returns, and Lilyah can’t help but beam as he walks through the front doors and looks around at all of the work she’s done taking care of their home. She’s scrubbed the floors, cleaned every dish, every chair is freshly dusted, and every missive that she could send back correspondence for had been given to the courier with a hefty bag of coin only just that morning.

                Even supper was almost ready.

                “ _Welcome home_ , my love… I’ve _missed_ you…”

                Lilyah walked up to Hadvar and rose to give him a kiss. His hand rested on her hip for a moment as their lips briefly met, but she felt him move away before she could deepen it.

                “I missed you too, _love_ , but I’m afraid I’m not staying long.”

                _He’s not staying_ …

                “Is… _is there trouble?_ Are you _leaving for another mission?_ So _soon?_ You’ve only _just_ arrived home… _dinner_ is almost ready… can you not at least _stay to eat?_ ”

                _Please… please don’t leave_ …

                “ _Oh_ … well… I _could_ … it’s only… I _promised my men_ we’d _share a drink_ before heading back out…”

                _Oh_ …

                “O… _okay_ … _I_ … I’d hate to make you break a promise… _I just_ …”

                “ _Great_ … I _knew_ you’d understand, love… I’ll _try_ to write while I’m gone… it’s just _hard to find time_ and…”

                “ _No-no-no_ … it’s fine… I understand…”

                _Don’t be ungrateful_ …

                “Are there any missives I need to take care of before I leave?”

                _Before he leaves… NO… no… he’s only going because the Legion needs him… and his men need to see him… they need to relieve stress… he needs to relieve stress_ …

                “I’ve taken care of _most_ of them, my love…”

                “ _Really?_ ”

                _Don’t be useless… you can help him relieve some stress before he goes_ …

                “ _Yes_ … so… if you _want_ , instead _we could_ …”

                She bit her lip seductively, hoping to convey with her body what she thought he might want, when she noticed him look around as though he were trying to find a reasonable excuse to say no. Her heart beat painfully in her chest for a moment as the realization that he didn’t want her swept through her, but she schooled her features into playfulness and spoke before he could.

                “My love, _I’m only jesting_ … I _know_ you’re in a _hurry_ … _everything is taken care of here_ … you go… _have fun with your men_.”

                The relief in his eyes hurt, cutting through her soul like a dagger through soft butter, but she held her smile in place as he leaned in to kiss her cheek and headed back towards the door.

                “ _Thank you_ , love… I will write if I can, and we will see each other soon.”

                Her legs shook- knees ready to buckle under the weight of her emotions- as Hadvar smiled one last time and closed the door. A burning sensation started in her palms, but she ignored it as she fought the tears trying to slip from her eyes.

                _He… he’s… no… no, he said we would see each other soon… he’ll be back_ …

                “ _He’ll be back_ … _don’t worry_ , Raven… he _said_ he’ll be back…”

                She would notice later, staring at the crescent shaped scabs dotting her palms, that the burning sensation had been her nails digging into her skin. She did also notice a beaming Jordis return home only hours after Hadvar had left.

 

* * *

 

 

                “But… _Jarl Elisif_ … I can’t…”

                “You _will_ , Dragonborn… only _four_ _days ago_ I was sent a _missive_ explaining that a dragon was felled not far from here a fortnight ago. That news would have been _unneeding_ of your services, _except_ that this _missive_ also states that said dragon had been witnessed being _resurrected_.”

                _Resurrected? But… that’s_ …

                “That’s _impossible_ … how…”

                “ _Yes_ , Dragonborn… it seemed _unlikely_ , and we felt that maybe the Captain was _mistaken_ , but…”

                Falk interrupted before she could finish.

                “We received a missive this morning from a _different_ camp… they witnessed the same thing… a black dragon,  _dark as the night_ , hovering above the remains until the dead one returned to the living…”

                _A black dragon… that’s… no… no, I can’t_ …

                He stepped closer to her, urging her with his eyes, and clasped his hands in front of him.

                “ _Please_ … you are the _only one_ who can make sure that they _don’t come back_ …”

                _Because I take their souls_ …

                Her hands unconsciously covered her growing bump, fearing what would happen to her child- fearing what Hadvar would think once he found that she would be leaving to fight dragons.

                She looked to her Jarl and found Elisif’s eyes locked onto the stomach Lilyah was covering with her hands. Her heart fell, beating painfully next to her child, as she watched and understood the emotions running through the other woman’s eyes. Pain. Jealousy. Want. Anger. Envy.

                “You _WILL_ go, _Dragonborn_ , as it is your _DUTY_ to _SKYRIM_ to _protect_ its citizens from the threat of these dragons.”

                Falk seemed to realize the distress Lilyah was feeling and turned back to the Jarl.

                “My _Jarl_ … maybe…”

                “NO, _Falk_ … she will go… I will _not_ be known as the Jarl who _allowed_ _her people_ to be _slaughtered_ while the _one person_ who could _save them_ from this menace sits _comfortably_ in her home _without a care in the world_. She will go, and I will hear no more of anything else today.”

                Elisif turned her head from them, dismissing the pity in Falk’s eyes, and ignoring the shaking and terrified Dragonborn near her dais.

                _I can’t… how… but… if I go… Hadvar… how will I tell him? He said he’d leave… that he’d be gone before I came back… I can’t… but, if I don’t go… if I don’t_ …

                Barely above a whisper, Lilyah conceded.

                “ _As you wish_ , my Jarl.”

                _He’s going to leave me…_

                The walk back to Proudspire Manor, where Hadvar currently slept after being gone all week, was the longest and most painful walk she thought she might ever make in her life.

                _I… I don’t want to say goodbye_ …

               

 

               

               

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yea... I'm not even sure what to think about this chapter... it's very dark... darker than I originally intended, but... it's seeming to fit with where I'm imagining this arch in Lilyah's story to be going, so... things are probably going to get a bit darker before they get better, and I hope that you'll all stick with me through it cause I do have a lot planned for this and it's definitely not all bad.
> 
> I'm hoping I'm now past this slump I've been in, but... please be patient with me :/
> 
> Kudos and Comments are like kittie purrs and coffee to my soul!!! <3


	17. A Tiny Spark in the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Abuse... (let me know if I forgot anything else)
> 
> Lots more angst... much much more... then... a tiny spark... then more darkness...

                Twinges of pain started in her lower back as Hadvar paced across the foyer. Probably due to the stress of the situation and the small bump she now covered with her arms, she figured, but she pushed the pain aside as she bit her lip in wait of Hadvar’s response to her news.

                _Please… please understand_ …

                “Hadvar… _please say something_ …”

                He leveled a glare at her a moment, glancing down once to where their child lay inside her, then stormed towards the front doors.

                _He’s leaving… again… please… not now_ …

                “Hadvar?”

                “I will speak to the Jarl… she cannot make you go… I will make her understand…”

                _Oh_ …

                “Hadvar… she will not _listen_ …”

                _Wait… why are you trying to stop him?_

                “She _will_.”

                With that, Hadvar whipped the door open and left the manor- the force of the door slamming shut rattling the very foundation. Lilyah felt an overbearing urge to just head to bed and not wake until the morning, but if Hadvar failed at changing the Jarl’s mind then she would need to be packed and ready to leave by then and she did not think she could pack and ready her armor while Hadvar hovered nearby. Jordis moved in the kitchen, readying the table, and probably trying to appear as though she hadn’t been listening the whole time.

                _This is such a mess_ …

                “Jordis.”

                “Yes, my Thane?”

                “Would you please pack my travel pack for me?”

                “But… my Thane… Hadvar said…”

                Lilyah growled.

                “I… said… to pack my bag… if Hadvar is able to change her mind, then I will happily unpack my things, but if not… I would like my things to be ready…”

                A pause.

                “Yes, my Thane.”

                “If Hadvar returns, I will be downstairs tending my armor.”

                She turned away before her housecarl could respond and descended the stairs in a daze. Her dress swished down each step, pooling at her feet with each switch of foot, and she couldn’t stop the flicker of excitement that she would soon shed it and don her armor again.

                _Ungrateful_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                Hours passed in quiet concentration as Lilyah oiled, cleaned, and polished her favorite traveling armor. She pretended not to hear the quiet whispering of her husband and housecarl as he asked where she was, or the quiet footfalls as he headed towards her, but finally paused after he only continued to watch her silently.

                “Did she…?”

                He only growled in answer.

                _Not surprising… I know when a woman will not budge_ …

                “I noticed Jordis already has your things ready.”

                Her vision blurred with unexpected tears as her hands continued to thread her boots. She opened her mouth, ready to speak words that might spark his ire further, but he spoke first.

                “That easily you’d leave me?”

                The words she had meant to say dissolved on the warm breath that escaped her lips, crumbling down her tattered heart, as she turned to see Hadvar’s broken expression. Rushing from her chair, boot left discarded on the floor, she ran to him and buried her face against his neck as her arms wrapped around his back.

                “You know I would not leave you at all…”

                “Yet you spared not a second in packing as I tried to persuade the Jarl differently.”

                _He is right… ungrateful… he deserves better_ …

                She pulled from his unresponsive arms, taking a few steps back, and lowered her gaze as she curled her shoulders inward. Her fingers wrung themselves as her thoughts whirled- the ring on her finger twirling easily against her skin.

                “I’m sorry, my love… I don’t want to leave you- _I don’t_ … it’s just… _you didn’t see her_ … she knows I am with child… _she knows_ and she _DID NOT CARE!_ ”

                Lilyah finally looked at Hadvar and was dismayed to see disbelief. Disbelief at her.

                “You mean to tell me that the Jarl knows you are with child and STILL wishes to send you into danger?”

                She sucked in a breath to speak, but he wasn’t finished.

                “You honestly believe that Jarl Elisif would do such a thing? A woman… our Jarl is a _woman_ … she would not be so cruel… no… you just didn’t try hard enough.”

                _Didn’t I?... No… no, he’s right… you didn’t_ …

                “I’m sorry…  _forgive me_ …”

                Her shoulders continued to curl inwards, preparing for cutting words, but Hadvar only sighed loudly before reaching for her and pulling her into his arms. She whimpered before she realized that he was holding her- comforting her.

                It was overwhelming.

                _I’m worthless… can’t even convince a woman to understand… my husband thinks I don’t wish to be with him… it’s a surprise he hasn’t already left me… I don’t deserve him… if I was not with child he would probably already be gone… I have trapped him… trapped him like_ …

                “Hadvar… I…”

                His hand lifted and slid to the back of her neck and she quieted at his gentle touch. He lifted her face to look at him, but without waiting for her to begin speaking again he leaned forward and claimed her mouth- claimed it like he wished to brand it to his memory.

                Then pulled her down to the stone floor and thrust into her like a man going to war.

 

* * *

 

 

               The frigid wind whipped snow into Lilyah’s eyes as she and her two Legion guards headed towards Dragon Bridge. Her thick fur cloak and hood kept her mostly warm, but a storm was approaching and it was stirring up stronger gales- whirling the loose snow into cyclones that always managed to whip right into her exposed face. If the wind became much stronger they would need to bunker down until it passed, but she wanted to try and make it to Dragon Bridge if they could before nightfall, so she pushed her horse on.

                Fort Hraggstad had been an easy stop for them, though a waste of time, as the dragon they had reported had retreated with the black dragon as soon as it was resurrected and so was not there for her to deal with. Lilyah and her two guards, ones she had felt no urge to remember names for, had rested for a night before restocking their supplies and heading to their next destination. They had done most of the talking as well, though she hadn’t found it in herself to complain, since most of the soldiers at the fort either outright cringed when they looked at her eyes or they simply ignored her completely. Thankfully for her, after leaving, the two young guards mostly conversed amongst themselves and only addressed her when they felt she needed to be. It let her mind wander.

 

 

                _‘Come back to me.’_

_‘Always’_

 

 

                She and Hadvar had made love frantically on the stone floor of their manor, not even removing their clothing before coming together. He had left soon after finishing, needing a drink at the Winking Skeever, but when he had returned later that night and pushed between her legs she had had to keep herself from crying out in pain as the muscles in her lower back had locked up.

                It was the only time she had ever _pretended_ to orgasm.

                Her lower back continued to pain her, but having needed to ride since leaving Solitude, she guessed it wasn’t helping whatever might still be causing the pain in the first place.

                _This is ridiculous_ …

                “Let us find shelter for a while.”

                The wind pushed against her, pulling her cloak from the rump of her horse and ripping the warmth from its place at her back. A shiver shot through her so quickly she nearly fell from her horse with the shock of it, and if not for her boots being firmly placed in her stirrups she might have done just that.

                “I believe there is a cave just ahead, Dragonborn- we can stop there.”

                Little pellets of ice pelt her face as she turns to nod her agreement, stinging like burning needles, before the soldier she addressed spurs his horse into the lead. Her horse begins following without any nudging and she wonders to herself on whether they also wish to be out of this storm. She couldn’t blame them if they did.

                _I will never enjoy the snow and the cold_ …

                Lilyah expects to see an open cave mouth, or even just a bear’s den, but as they come upon an old camp- fallen logs surrounding an abandoned fire pit- and doors to what might have been a mining site; she groans in mild frustration. The horses could not be left unattended, so resting in the mine would be out of the question, but there was almost no cover outside of the mine for them to keep out of the storm either.

                “This is not ideal, Liggs… I thought you said it was a cave?”

                _And the words are taken right out of my mouth_ …

                “I can see that, Vorn.”

                _By the Eight_ …

                As if to fan the flames of her ire even further, a heavy rain begins to mix with the icy pellets and she can feel it soaking into her hood and cloak with each passing second. Liggs seems to be of the same mind as her as a growl escapes him and he quickly dismounts his horse.

                He rushes to tether his horse and begins unpacking his gear, only sparing a knowing glance with Vorn before setting about gathering tinder to build a fire. She pulls one of her feet from the stirrup, ready to swing herself down from her own horse, when Vorn is beside her and reaches out to help her down.

                “Thank you, but I can manage.”

                He smiles sweetly.

                “I know, but Liggs will probably cuff me if I don’t at least offer.”

                Liggs growls in answer- Vorn smirks and rolls his eyes before moving away from her side.

                _Hmph_ …

                She smiles back in return, but even she can tell it doesn’t reach her eyes. Normally she might have honestly enjoyed the banter, but lately she could barely find enough willpower to muster even a flicker of emotion. Most days she just wished to wrap herself in a pile of furs and disappear from the world.

                Her back twinged as her feet hit the ground, but she kept herself from wincing as she made her way to the pile of damp logs that Liggs had piled between the ring of frosted stones. She was not much of a mage, but she had had ample opportunity to do a little studying as she sat home alone, so with her hands aimed at the sodden logs she concentrated on getting a quick fire started. Her hands warmed instantly as she summoned what little magic she held inside her, cutting off a moan as the feeling returned to them, but the magic wasn’t responding to her as it did in her home. She watched in frustration as the magic, instead of streams of flame, came out as a thick stream of smoke and air.

                _Worthless… even in this I’m worthless_ …

                Lilyah continued trying to summon flames, but after a few angering minutes she huffed in frustration and growled at the unlit logs. She had completely forgotten about her companions.

                “Never seen that one before…”

                She turned and looked into the mirthful eyes of Vorn until he noticed her mood.

                “Sorry… magic is a pain on most days I’m sure, but in conditions like these… I’d not let it get to ya… the wood seems dry enough now… we can start a fire the old fashioned way.”

                _If only the conditions were to blame_ …

                “I’ll get my flint…”

                “Ah… no need…”

                He held up a large black stone.

                “Already grabbed mine.”

                “Alright. I’ll just grab my pack and set up my tent th…”

                “Already done.”

                She whipped her head to look at Liggs and watched as he finished tying off the front flaps of her tent to keep them open.

                _How long was I sitting here trying to start this fire?_

                Lilyah knew they meant well, Hadvar having told them of her pregnancy before they departed, but her ire spiked and she worried she might shout if she didn’t get away for a bit. Her eyes roamed about, searching for a reason- any reason- to get away and just _do something_ , when the doors to the mine caught her attention.

                “Well… since you both seem to have everything well in hand… I’m going to do a little exploring.”

                Liggs and Vorn sucked in a breath at the same moment, probably ready to plead that she stay in camp, but she moved to her horse and quickly grabbed her bow before heading towards the doors.

                _Say one word boys and I MIGHT just shout_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                The tunnel was dark, but her eyes adjusted easily as she pulled an arrow and rested it against her bow. She had heard skittering noises echoing around her and knew there would more than likely be a few skeevers about- she just hadn’t expected the wolf in the first clearing of the mine.

                _Fresh meat… if a bit lean from starvation… oh well_ … _better than dry bread and salty meat_ …

                The quick recovery of her muscle memory when she pulled the string of her bow tight had her eyes misting and a contentedness settling over her very soul. She felt a fluttering in her stomach, like a giddy child with a new toy, and her body quaked with excitement. It seemed like forever to her since she had held her bow and felt the rush of the hunt.

                Only too quickly had she released her arrow and felled the wolf.

                _I wonder if there is anything else further in_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                _OF COURSE IT WAS VAMPIRES!_

                Lilyah wiped her face, yet again, trying to clean herself of the dust that covered her after she decapitated them. Three vampires in all, but only one of them gave her any trouble- he had been the one whose body had exploded into dust after she had severed his head with his own sword. If they also hadn’t been torturing a young girl right as she walked in, she might have felt slightly bad at how quickly she had dispatched the first two vampires, but after hearing the girl’s almost lifeless cries she had snarled before releasing two arrows with only a second between them and hissed as they sunk deeply through their backs and out through their chests. The last one was in too much of a blood frenzy and was too strong to notice as she pierced his body with arrow after arrow, until he was too close and she had to fight him up close.

                _If Niruin were here I bet he’d rethink that bet of his_ …

                She stopped just outside of the mine’s doors, the snow falling gently in thick and fluffy clumps, as she realized that she had not thought about Niruin- or his bet- in quite some time. Thinking about the last time she had seen him, his cocky grin and autumn eyes, she didn’t even notice Vorn walking towards her.

                “Wow… you should smile more often, Dragonborn… though I’m surprised to see it after you’ve ventured out from a deserted mine, I’m still glad to see it none-the-less.”

                Her brow furrowed at his words and she realized that she had actually been smiling. Not just smiling, but happily and honestly, without force or from some social necessity. She handed over the wolf carcass then, rolling her eyes as Vorn began fussing about her going in the mine alone, but her thoughts were filled with the memories of her time in Windhelm and the week she had spent getting to know Niruin. How he had become her friend in just those few days. Lilyah wondered how he was doing now. Wondered if he ever thought of her.

                _Probably thinks I was too scared to take him up on that bet_ …

                A soft huff left her as he filled her thoughts. Her heart galloping like a herd of racing horses.

                _His head has probably doubled in size since then… the damn prat_ …

                She walked to the nearest snow pile and grabbed a handful to quickly clean the vampire dust from her face while Vorn and Liggs cut up the wolf. The snow was a shock, but the clean feeling as the dust was cleaned from her face made up for it and she would soon be warm in front of the fire her companions had built while she was in the mine.

                _Maybe I’ll take a little extra time on this outing and make a trip to Riften… find… what was his name again?... Bran?... No… Bron?... No… Breen… Brin… BRYNJOLF, yes… that was his name_ …

                A soft chuckle escaped her as she used the melting snow to clean between her fingers before she wiped them on her still dirty leathers.

                _I’ll find this Brynjolf… tell him I’m looking for Niruin… then I can_ …

                The light of the fire caught her as she stopped in her tracks.

                _Then you can what, Lilyah? Take him up on this stupid bet? Find a reasonable explanation to give your husband as to why you went out of your way to travel to Riften… to see another man?… Even if he is just a friend_ …

                An empty bowl and spoon were sitting near the pot of soup, waiting for her, and she quickly filled it before taking it into her tent and closing the flaps. Blocking out the rest of the world. Locking herself away.

                Her lower back pulsed with renewed pain and she clenched her jaw to keep in a whimper.

                _Hadvar waits for me to return home… safely… and I wish to torture him further by being gone longer?... What wife does something like that?_

                She spooned one scoop of soup into her mouth, but it tasted of ash as tears formed in her eyes. The image of Hadvar’s face when he asked if she could leave him so easily came to her and she had to force down the bit of soup in her mouth before her stomach tried to heave it out.

                _Is it so easy for me?... Is it so easy for me to leave him alone like that?... I… I am wretched… I wish I was not the Dragonborn… I wish I was not such a wretched wife… I want to be the wife Hadvar deserves_ …

                Lilyah laid down on her bedroll, covering herself with her furs and cloak, and then forced her tears to dry.

                _I will go to Dragons Bridge… I will deal with this dragon… then I will head straight back to Solitude and I will be the wife Hadvar deserves… be whoever he needs… whatever it takes_ …

                Her back throbbed as the forgotten soup grew cold near the flaps of her tent.

 

* * *

 

 

                She never even noticed the sadness in Vorn’s eyes the next morning as they readied to leave their camp. Never noticed the darkening circles around her eyes. Never noticed that the pain in her lower back, that she ignored in her unfeeling state, was growing worse and worse.

                _Whatever it takes… whatever it takes… whatever it takes_ …

                 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait... trying to get back to writing my own novel and it's eating up my thoughts :P
> 
> Also... I did say there would be more angst... and unfortunately there is still MORE to come :( but I tried to lighten the chapter up with a few thoughts of Niruin... maybe we'll have a few more of them a bit more often? We'll see...
> 
> Kudos and Comments are like kitty purrs and coffee to my soul (seriously... they do wonders)!!! <3 you all and thank you for reading :)


	18. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We go from present, to past, then back to the present at the end of the chapter. So if the first part is a little confusing with names... just keep reading.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Angst and... and... miscarriage :'(

                _IT HURTS-IT HURTS-IT HURTS!_

                They had almost made it back to Dragons Bridge when the dragon struck, diving down from nowhere, and had their horses bucking off the lot of them. Maybe it wasn’t the one that had attacked Morthal, judging by how small it was, but it still put up quite the fight- until Finn sliced open its guts. Now she just felt the soul fissuring inside of her, like another force fought for dominance of it, and it was cleaving her center in two. A scream ripped through her as her body continued to hover in the air, unable to hold her head up, she cried as the other force just let go and the soul bonded with her own like normal. Thankfully Finn and Marcus were there to catch her as the magic lowered her to the ground because her legs give out the moment her feet hit the dirt.

                “ _Lilyah?_ ”

                “Lay her down Finn… get a healing potion for me, _please_ …”

                Her breath comes out in small pants, savoring the end of the pain- then her lower back muscles contract and her breath is stolen from her… until it returns and she’s screaming so loudly Marcus has to cover his ears.

                “FINN!”

                Back curved like a bow, she cries as a gushing warmth surges between her thighs. As the contraction ebbs she whimpers with each gasp and tries to see what’s leaving her body.

                _I can’t be going into labor… I can’t be… please… please… Akatosh… Mara… PLEASE_ …

                “PLEASE!”

                “ _FINN_ …”

                “Yes- here!”

                “ _PLEASE_! MY _BABY_!”

                She feels Finn move to check her, but another contraction seizes her and she grabs ahold of Marcus’ arm- hears him hiss in pain- as her muscles lock up.

                “We’re close to Solitude… we _need_ to get her to the alchemist!”

                “PLEASE!”

                “ _Put her with me_ … I’ll get her there!”

                “Ok, get your horse… _NOW_ MARCUS!”

                Marcus rips her fingers from his arm before he leaves her side and her contraction leaves again. Instead of breathing, she’s hyperventilating and sobbing loudly. It’s like she can feel the life of her child slowly leaving her and she knows.

                She hopes she’ll not survive this.

                Finn moves to lift her and she looks at him- clear intent in her eyes- before she declares her despair to him.

                “Damn them _all_ … and _damn this world along with them if my baby dies_ …”

                She watches his eyes widen- sorrow, pity, and even fear playing along his face- and then he’s lifting her into Marcus’ waiting arms and she passes out.

 

* * *

 

 

 _Four days prior_ …

 

                “ _Come on_ , Vorn… just convince _Liggs_ that this is just _one more little adventure_ before we head back to Solitude and tell the Jarl of our findings.”

                Dragons Bridge had not seen the dragon since sending the letter to warn the Jarl. Their only information on it being that it had headed towards Morthal. She had lead them in that direction, then proceeded to get them ‘lost’, until stopping to camp near Ustengrav.

                _Hadvar will kill me if he finds out I came here against his wishes_ …

                “Lilyah… _do you think we’re daft_? We _know_ you were leading us astray on purpose… _though we had no idea why…_ we _know_ you’d never lead us _wrong_.”

                Liggs still called her Dragonborn, but after their stay at the mine Vorn had taken it upon himself to try to keep her spirits up and had begun calling her by her given name. Worrying at first that his attention was of a romantic kind, it was eased during their stay at Dragons Bridge, as she learned that his attention was elsewhere- mainly in the form of a stern and quiet Liggs. They had both become her friends.

                _Of course they knew_ …

                “Ok, _fine_ … so _you knew I wasn’t lost_ … but… do you think you could get him to agree?”

                “Oh _please_ , the fact that the two of you think you’re being _discreet_ … it’s a _little_ insulting.”

                They both turned guilty eyes to their other companion, but it quickly turned to pride- from Vorn, of course- and surprise from her. He had a pack on his back and was holding out another two for them. Ready to adventure into the depths of Ustengrav.

                _I’ll pay them back somehow… anything_ …

                She grabbed her pack, smiling like a fool, before he helped Vorn get his secured- also giving them a moment of privacy, as she caught them leaning in to share a kiss.

                _They look so happy… they deserve it_ …

                “Alright, _love-birds_ … let’s get going.”

                They each moved to stand at either side of her and she had to hold back a snort as they both wore matching blushes, though Vorn had an added smirk with his.

                _At least I’m not alone_ …

 

~*~

 

                _Running-Running-Running_ -

                “ _WULD!_ ”

                Everything blurred as she rushed beneath the lifted portcullis doors and stopped just as they all lowered behind her. She thought she might retch, the shout mixed with her current pregnancy not meshing it seemed, before she turned back to her companions waiting on the other end of the now closed-off hall. She couldn’t help but smile.

                “Lilyah… _very funny_ … now open the doors.”

                She couldn’t pass up the moment.

                “ _What’s that?_ I can’t hear you.”

                “ _Dammit_ … LILYAH!”

                “You seem to be too far away… did you say to _just keep going without you?_ ”

                “Don’t you _dare!_ ”

                She snorted.

                “ _Dragonborn_.”

                She laughed to herself as she moved to pull the lever near her. Marcus started in on his lover as she pulled. Vorn being the first to insist she call him by his given name, Marcus, and then told her it would irk Liggs to no end if she called him by his given name as well. Finn was a rather attractive name if she had a thought about it- of course she told him as much.

                “ _Still_ with the ‘ _Dragonborn_ ’ crap? After _everything_? I think it’s safe for you to call her by her _name_ now.”

                Finn only shook his head before they both started down the hall. She winced as they both joined her, her lower back spasming for a moment, but before Marcus could mention anything she smiled and turned to continue on.

 

~*~

 

                “This better be the end of it, Lilyah, because if I have to listen to Finn say ‘I told you so’ I’ll… I’ll…”

                “ _Shh!_ ”

                “What? Shh… _now_? There’s _no one here!_ ”

                She smirked.

                “I know.”

                Finn chuckled as Marcus scowled at her.

                “You’re a _shit_ , you know that?”

                _Believe me, I know_ …

                “Oh, _you_ _love_ _me_.”

                She giggled to herself as Marcus grumbled to himself- agreeing, but trying not to loud enough so she could hear it. Everyone always seemed to forget that she had rather sensitive ears, being an elf.

                “I _love you too_ , Marcus… now let’s get this horn and then get the _hells_ out of here.”

                Finn moved forward, taking the first step down, before he turned to her with a smile. Her answering smile was as easy as breathing. Marcus walked past her before he answered.

                “You _better get us drunk_ at the nearest tavern after _this_.”

                She giggled again.

                “I will.”

                He looked at her, trying to be serious, but she could easily see the mirth in his eyes.

                “I’m _serious_ … I wanna be _‘I’ll sing The Dragonborn Comes at the top of my lungs’_ kind of drunk.”

                She knew he didn’t sing.

                “Ok, ok… I _PROMISE_! Sing _‘The Dragonborn Comes’_ drunk… _got it!_ ”

                He animatedly nods his head in acceptance before they head down the rest of the stairs. As all three of them tense, the statues rising from the water as they passed, she can’t help but think to herself that she wished Hadvar would allow her to do this more often.

 

~*~

 

**_Dragonborn,_ **

****

**_I need to speak to you. Urgently._ **

****

**_Rent the attic room at the Sleeping_ **

**_Giant Inn in Riverwood, and I’ll meet_ **

**_you._ **

****

**_\--A friend_ **

 

                No matter how many times she read the letter, the words never changed, and she was growing more and more irritated with each passing moment. Lying on her bedroll, sequestered in her tent, was not helping as she felt like marching straight to Riverwood and demanding to have the attic room. Finn and Marcus had easily put their foot down, logically explaining that Riverwood was a few days travel with good weather and full packs, but they were tired from slogging through Ustengrav and their packs needed replenishing before anything else. It was also deep into twilight when they finally made their way out of the tomb.

                _How did this ‘friend’ get through Ustengrav without being the Dragonborn themselves?... How could someone go through that whole tomb and not GRAB ALL OF THAT TREASURE?... Seriously… if I’d had_ …

                Lilyah closed her eyes and held back a surprising sob as she remembered Monia’s satchel- and in turn, Monia herself.

                _I miss you, Ma… I’m so sorry_ …

                She heard Finn and Marcus whisper a few words to each other before a shadow stopped in front of her tent. Of course it’d be Marcus.

                “You _still up_ Lilyah?”

                She debated ignoring him, but he was turning into one of her only friends and she didn’t want to ruin it for herself.

                “ _Yes_. What do you need?”

                “I want to show you something.”

                Rolling her eyes, she wiped away a stray tear, and set the note down next to her bedroll before lifting her tent flap to follow Marcus out of the light of the fire. Her hand moved to her lower back unconsciously, massaging the pain away, before looking up as a buzzing noise filled her ears. They were surrounded by Luna Moth’s and Torch Bugs. They looked like their own night sky.

                “Beautiful.”

                “ _Figured_ you’d like it.”

                They sat there quietly for a moment, enjoying the glittering insects, before she felt like Marcus had something he wanted to say.

                “You’ve never seemed to be one to keep his thoughts to himself… _don’t start now on my account_. I may be the _Dragonborn_ … but… I _hoped_ that we could call each other _friend_ , Marcus… _speak your mind_.”

                “Ever the observant one… _fine_ …”

                She listened to him sigh, pausing to find the right words she supposed, before he turned and looked at the hand she was using to massage her back.

                “My mother was an apothecary… _I don’t think I ever mentioned that_ , but she was…”

                _Was_ …

                “Is she?”

                “She passed away… _almost ten years ago_ … in Cyrodil… I moved here after her funeral…”

                “I’m sorry…”

                “Thank you.”

                Another few moments of silence passed between them. She knew that wasn’t what he wanted to talk about, but she wasn’t going to push anymore. He’d either trust that he could speak freely or he wouldn’t- she hoped he would.

                _I’m glad he told me about his mother… though I hope he wasn’t trying to get me to talk about mine… like I could remember her anyways_ …

                “Have you talked to the Apothecary about your back spasms?”

                _Oh_ …

                “Uh… _no_ … but… I’m sure it’s just typical pregnancy… you know… _changes_ …”

                She noticed his scowl, but, with a sigh and a scratch of his tawny hair, he must decide to let it go. He puts a hand on her shoulder instead and squeezes it lightly.

                “Just… _do me a favor?_ Go to the Apothecary when we get back to Solitude?”

                Lilyah rolls her eyes exaggeratedly.

                “ _Fine_ … as soon as we get back to Solitude I’ll go see Mrs. Morrard… _happy_?”

                He smiles before turning her and fitting his arm around the top of her shoulders, leading her back to the fire, and smiles even wider as Finn comes into view.

                “ _Very_.”

 

~*~

 

                “ _Aaand_ , there he goes…”

                Lilyah laughed as Finn pointed a finger at the swaying, and very drunk, Marcus. She lifted her bottle of milk, toasting Finn, as the drunken singing began and her friend belted out ‘The Dragonborn Comes’- pointing to her every time he spoke her title.

                _Marcus, Marcus, Marcus… I’m going to enjoy seeing you in the morning_ …

                “A dance, _Lilyah_?”

                Her jaw dropped as she realized Finn had finally called her by her given name, then giggled, before quickly setting her milk down and took Finn’s outstretched hand. He was careful, making sure not to spin her too quickly or dip her too low, but she couldn’t have cared in the slightest.

                Her cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

 

* * *

 

 

 _The present_ …

 

                She could hear angered whispering just outside of her room. One of them Marcus. One of them her husband. The words were warbled, but even if she understood them… she didn’t let herself acknowledge them even in the slightest.

                She had lost the baby.

                _It’s my fault_...

                Her nails dug into the skin just past her hairline, gouging until she felt blood, and tried to hold herself together.

                _My little Raven_ …

                The cry that left her shattered all of the glass in the room.

                _I’m so sorry_ …

                “ _LILYAH!_ ”

                “ _It’s my fault... it’s my fault… it’s my fault…_ ”

                She sobbed into Hadvar’s shoulder. Sobbed until her body pulled her into sleep, and never noticed the murderous glare Marcus leveled at Hadvar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY! DON'T HATE ME!!! :'(
> 
> It seems that this fic is taking priority over my Dragon Age fic (for now), so if you also read that, I'm sorry :/... I'll try to push out a chapter soon, but... as of right now (as I also write my own story), this will be what I post more chapters for.
> 
> Now... for this chapter, and this fic as a whole, I was not planning to give so much to Lilyah's companions, but... I love them :) (and I hope you do as well). If you do, PLEASE, tell me and I'll add them in some more :) (not too much though, lol)
> 
> Kudos and Comments are like kitty purrs and coffee to my soul!!! <3<3<3


	19. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dragonborn is called to act. She acts... but, one can act and still be numb to their surroundings.

                She felt like she was in a reverse free-fall. Instead of ending with her body and spirit broken and mangled in the very depths of Oblivion, she had started there. Her body going through the motions of labor and childbirth… through the contractions and the pain- all that blood. Only instead of the joy of Motherhood, she was left with the pain and guilt that she had not taken better care of herself, that she had not listened to her husband in the first place, that she had not been more vigilant. Had been too stubborn and selfish.

                It had turned into a seemingly never-ending pit of waking nightmares and hysteria after Hadvar had taken her back home. She’d heard him apologize, repeatedly (though he never specified what he was apologizing for), and she had allowed him to hold her… to comfort her, even if he became cross when she couldn’t seem to ‘snap out of it’. She had been descending.

                Descending without a handhold to stop it…

                Descending without any idea when it might suddenly end…

                Just descending… alone… until…

                Nothing.

                She felt… nothing…

                She was empty.

 

* * *

 

 

                “Lilyah… you can’t… leave. This is insane… you’re not well… you can’t go.”

                Hadvar’s hands were heavy on her shoulders, but their warmth didn’t seem to penetrate further than her traveling leathers. She only looked at him, not saying a thing even as his ire rose and his fury caused his body to shake.

                She blinked slowly, but was otherwise numb.

                “The Jarl’s of Skyrim have rallied… the dragons must be dealt with… I am the only one-”

                “-Damn the Jarls… you’ll only get yourself killed…”

                He let go of her shoulders after a moment, pushing only just enough, before he sneered.

                “…That’s it, isn’t it… you wish to go out there and die.”

                Numb. Complete emptiness.

                “You wish to die? Our child is dead…”

                Her eye twitched.

                -Child-

                _My child… my child is_ …

                “… so you wish to join them? Have I not lost enough?”

                _Has he not lost enough… has he_ …

                “I am going... I’m sorry.”

                Silence returns. She is stone.

                “Lilyah, please… don’t go… don’t leave me.”

                _He worries I will not come back… worries as I once worried… I wish I could find some way to comfort him… to ease his worries… but I can’t_ …

                “I must go… I am the Dragonborn… it is my duty.”

                Hadvar’s eyes glisten with tears, some of them slowly making wet paths down his cheeks, as he lifts his shaking hands to cup her scarred ones. She watches with dead eyes as his lip quakes and he leans forward to kiss her cold and cracked lips.

                Still, nothing stirs.

                “Come back to me.”

                Her lips are now too tired to move.

                Silence perseveres.

                He leaves her there a moment later- _empty- silent- numb_.

                Always numb.

 

* * *

 

 

                If she cared to look deep enough (deeper than only the base needs of her body and what would keep her alive), Lilyah might have realized her folly in compartmentalizing her feelings and pain, but, in the weeks since she left Solitude, with more and more dragons attacking she was hard-pressed to make her way to Kynesgrove as fast as she could. Delphine would not give her any more answers otherwise, and the woman was enough of a self-righteous bitch that Lilyah had agreed to come along and prove that she was indeed the Dragonborn. She’d worry about rubbing the woman’s face in that truth later, when the dragon was dead.

                Once she was done with _that,_ she would make her way back to High Hrothgar to deliver the horn to the Greybeards and figure out how to kill this… Alduin.

 

* * *

 

 

                Alduin was indeed bringing the dragons back to life.

                _Great_ …

                Delphine had no idea why they were coming back _now_ , or how to kill Alduin.

                _Wonderful_ …

                Delphine was also one of the Blades- possibly _enemy number one_ to the Thalmor- _and_ , it seemed, still of a mind to be a rather large pain in Lilyah’s ass.

                _I wonder what the world would do if the **Dragonborn** just… **disappeared** … disappeared like my-_

                Before the thought could fully form, Lilyah held her breath- growled as it tried to form one last time- then opened her eyes as the blessed numbness settled over her again.

 

* * *

 

 

                Sleeping became even more of a chore… her mind replaying the same nightmare to her.

                The same scenario.

                -over…

                -and over-

                -and over again…

                The feeling of being covered in blood never seemed to leave her.

                _I just need to sleep less… keep busy_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                “A friend, you say?”

                “Yes… last I heard he was holed up somewhere deep in the Ratways beneath Riften.”

                _Riften_ …

                “Last you heard… so he might not be there any longer?”

                “He’s there.”

                “You’re sure?”

                “Sure enough.”

                “Wonderful.”

                She felt a spark of ire, but it quickly smoothed back into the comfortable numbness she always hovered in. If Delphine thought this friend of hers was important in finding out more about the dragons, then Lilyah would go to Riften and get him. He’d just better be there when she got there.

 

* * *

 

 

                “You in Riften lookin’ fer trouble?”

                _Ugh_ …

                “Why, _no Sir_ , I’m just an _honest lady_ in search of someone here in Riften.”

                He moved from the post he had been leaning against, puffing out his chest like a troll ready to charge, but Lilyah was no more scared of him than she was a common thug- he’d die quickly if he touched her. She didn’t flinch. Didn’t move.

                With the light of the sun dipping behind the looming houses, the shadows all around the city seemed to seek her out, and it thankfully (at least for her new _friend’s_ sake) had him stop his advancing feet. She canted her head to the side, still sizing him up in case he thought to try to surprise her, but he only crossed his arms over his chest and responded with words instead.

                “You ain’t no honest lady, _elf_ \- sorry to be blunt, but I ain’t _that_ dumb… now… this _someone_ yer searchin’ for… they got a _name_?”

                _I don’t have time for this_ …

                “Sorry… no name… at least not for _you_. I just need to get to the _Ratway Warrens_ … point me in the right direction and _I’ll be on my way_.”

                “Ratway Warrens? You _sure_?”

                She just continued to stare at him- unflinching and silent as a stone.

                “Hmph… _fine_ … have it your way.”

 

* * *

 

 

                The first two men she met, after walking into the dank and moldy tunnels of the Ratway, were a slight nuisance- thinking her an unlucky traveler… a helpless Mer in need of comfort, and had quickly tried to push her down to the floor for their enjoyment. But… even without her shouts, she was quick with her daggers. She knew from experience how quickly a dagger to the throat bled out.

                She had expected to feel a small bit of remorse, as she often did after she ended someone’s life, but as the emptiness inside her reigned, she pushed on- a slight smirk lifting her lips as she did.

                _I warned them_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                “ _KLO!_ ”

                Lilyah’s eyes caught sight of the aura of her shout as it swept over the area, warm like sand, and bared her teeth in a growl as the Thalmor’s movements slowed to a near stand-still. Their faces mostly covered by helmets would have been too much of a task to aim for, but with her shout it was like shooting fish in a barrel. She shot an arrow- listened to the snick with satisfaction- before she moved to slide her dagger across another’s neck- moved and buried it into the chest of another- and positioned herself behind the leader of the group just as the magic of her shout dissipated and the arrow she first shot sunk into the eye of the last standing Thalmor.

                She knocked out the leader’s knees just as the world righted, pushing her second dagger against his exposed neck, and bent to growl into his ear. Her voice was deep and guttural. Feral.

                “All you Thalmor are the same… arrogant and full of pride… it’s gotten you far, has it not?”

                “BITCH… you’ll regr-“

                Her dagger opened his throat before he could finish.

                His blood warmed her cold fingers.

 

* * *

 

 

                “ _Go_ , Esbern… if there are anymore Thalmor I’ll lead them away.”

                “Dragonborn…”

                “ _Don’t worry_ … I’ll meet you and Delphine in Riverwood _soon_.”

                He chuckled, looking around the corner of the dark nook just out of the door to the Ratways they were catching their breath in, and then simply nodded his head at her.

                “I _don’t doubt that_ … Gods be with you, Dragonborn.”

                She scoffed as she handed him an invisibility potion she’d held for him to escape.

                “The _Gods_ abandoned me long ago… and _I don’t need them_ … now _GO_!”

                He shook his head once, then downed the potion and disappeared from her sight. In the quiet of the night, and with only guards and thieves prowling the streets, she could still only hear the quietest of breaths as Esbern headed towards the front gates.

                _Now the hunting begins_ …

                Lilyah pretended to sneak, like an amateur, in the opposite direction she had directed Esbern to go. Ascending the steps to leave through the back gate, she vaguely heard an old woman screaming inside the orphanage and the answering cry of a young child, before she grit her teeth and pushed past the urge to go inside and show the woman how much of a blessing children were- that she should appreciate them.

                _Not now, Lilyah… not now_ …

                Silent- Numb- Stone-

                She pulled the hood of her cloak further down over her face, looking around for a second, before heading to the gate.

                _Catch me if you can, Thalmor scum… I dare you_ …

 

* * *

 

 

(Twenty minutes earlier)

 

                “That case of _Black-Briar Mead_ come down yet?”

                “You asked me that only an _hour_ ago, Niruin… don’t you ‘ave anythin’ else better ta do?”

                An old man shuffled through the Flagon, followed by a cloaked figure, as he pulled out a septim and handed it to Vekel.

                “Just give me an _ale_ , then… and some of that _slaughterfish_ you got grilling there.”

                Vekel only nodded before setting the ale down and turned to get the fish. Niruin turned just in time to catch the cloaked figure turn to check their back before leaving into the Ratway.

                _Wait… is that?..._ _It couldn’t be… could it?_

                As he turned back to his ale the plate of fish was shoved in front of him, but he ignored it for a moment as he chugged his drink. His mind raced until he had to ask.

                “Hey Vek… notice anything _new_ lately?”

                A pause.

                “ _Huh?_ ”

                The man had been staring at Tonila.

                _Fool_ …

                “Anything _new_? Any _new faces_ lately?”

                “ _Oh_ … uh… _yea_ … someone came lookin’ fer that fellow who’s been _hidin’_ in the Warrens… elf with creepy eyes… _black as death_ … _scars_ on ‘er cheek, but… _I dunno_ … I felt she was tellin’ the truth when she said she came ta make sure he was safe… pointed ‘er in the right direction… ‘aven’t seen ‘er since…”

                “ _SHIT!_ ”

                Niruin wasn’t sure he’d ever left a bar faster.

 

* * *

 

 

                He’d seen many cornered animals. Seen them scared and on edge… waiting for the next attack to come.

                He’d never imagined he’d see his precious Sabre Cat look like that.

                Never imagined how much it would feel like a punch to the gut as that animalistic fear was aimed at him.

                “Sabre Cat… it’s _me_ … _Niruin_ … your _friend_ …”

                He glanced at the arrow she aimed his way for only a moment, making sure to keep his eyes on her’s from then on as she pulled the string tighter. He ignored the dozen Thalmor bodies that littered the area around her, didn’t even flick a glance, as he held his hands in the air in front of him. The dark bruising circles under her eyes and the gauntness of her cheeks had his chest feeling tighter and tighter the longer he gazed at her. The normal fire in her eyes was also gone, the fear being from a need to survive, but otherwise they were empty. Her nostrils flared and he heard her growl as he chanced a step towards her.

                “Don’t.”

                Cold. She sounded… cold.

                Niruin opened his mouth, ready to try and ease the mood with a quip, but a lumbering noise startled them both and he turned in time to see a Riften guard push through the bushes- then gaped as an arrow sunk fletching deep into his jugular.

                “SHIT!”

                Looking back at Lilyah, his jaw dropped even further as he watched her just turn around and walk away. As though she were just taking a stroll through the woods.

                “ _Sabre Cat?_ ”

                Silence.

                “LILYAH… what’s _happened_ to you?”

                She turned then, teeth bared and snarling, as she readied an arrow and stormed towards him.

                _SHIT… stupid, stupid, STUPID_ …

                He backed up, hoping it would calm her… until she pulled the string tighter and aimed at his face.

                _Is she really going to kill me? **What happened to her?**_

                He turned his head to the side, not being able to look at the pain radiating from her, when he heard the snick of the bow-

                -and heard it thud into the tree behind his back.

                _She missed_ …

                Looking back to her, seeing the uncaring set of her face before she turned to leave, Niruin moved to follow again when he realized she hadn’t missed.

                _She nailed my braid to the tree_ …

                Niruin smirked.

                “There she is…”

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter was a little shorter than usual, but they'll be coming out faster... hopefully that makes up for it, though this chapter felt GOOD to write... ( I may have been a little angry while writing this)... also, I felt like Niruin just HAD to make an appearance... and of course Lilyah had to get her wish of pinning his braid to SOMEthing ;P
> 
> Kitties and Coffee ;D kitties and coffee... <3<3<3


	20. A Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning- Blood, Trauma, Non-detailed depiction of miscarried child.
> 
> Please... this chapter gets pretty graphic and intense, if you don't want to read about what I have posted in the warning, then please skip this chapter. It is very short, and what it goes over is not so important that you'll be confused if you skip it.
> 
> I'll have notes at the bottom.

                She checked his little toes. Counting them- slowly… _gently_ …

                His cooing and tiny gurgled speech protesting to her calloused fingers, but she continued on… smiling playfully as she wiggled them to and fro. Perfect.

                They were perfect.

                “All ten, my sweet.” She whispered.

                Tucking them back into the blanket, she pulled him closer before slipping her fingers under the same blanket and pulled out one delicate little hand. The skin- almost translucent in its thinness- was soft as silk, but strong as his tiny fingers clutched her own. Holding her like a lifeline-

                -as though he might drift away without her.

                Looking, finally, into his wide and knowing hazel eyes- like his father’s, only softer- she couldn’t help the tears that lined her eyes. Innocent. Pure. Good.

                Full of love… for her.

                “I’m sorry…”

                Her child cooed, wondering what it was that she could be sorry for, and wiggled in her arms. She instinctively held him closer- bringing him further up on her chest. His dark hair, untamed and jutting in all directions, only just covered his slightly pointed ears. His long lashes slowly fluttered, like a hummingbird in slow-motion, against his high cheekbones. He would be a handsome young man one day.

                “ _I love you_ , my little Raven… I will _always_ love you…”

                Lilyah looked up, still smiling from her words, and sighed at the sight of the lush forest around her. Leaves of green, brown, red, orange, maroon- all of them water-colored across the branches of the trees. She might paint it if she’d ever found a talent for it. But her attention was diverted as small hands grabbed her cheeks.

                “ _Mama_ …” The toddler whispered on bouncing feet.

                “ _Yes_ , my Raven, _what is it?_ ”

                A tiny chubby finger pointed to the water-color forest. She held the other hand gently as she stood.

                “ _Sure_ , my Sweet. A walk would be _nice_.”

                Little feet shuffled through the brush, and Lilyah laughed as her son giggled and ran. His head of black hair, now seeming darker than her own, was no longer able to hide the pointed tips of his ears as it waved behind him. Winding through trees, giggles and tinkling laughter echoing through the thick, sweet, air. She felt light, as though she were made of joy- peace- not a care in the world, or burden of responsibility… save the child now running and chasing about. Though he would never be a burden, no aspect of his being weighing her soul down, he was still her responsibility.

                Lean and gangly arms pulled free a bow, beautifully made, with a dark wood all curled around with ebony. Lilyah watched her son in awe as he worked the bow effortlessly; shooting at a target she could not see or hear, and smiled before he darted into the brush. She languidly moved to follow him, knowing he would find his way back to her after retrieving his kill.

                It would be dead.

                The life snuffed out too early.

                Frowning at the dark thoughts, the leaves slowly dulled around her. Warm colors becoming cold. The sky between the leaves becoming a stormy grey. The air around her growing cold and biting.

                Her legs and feet, heavy and tired, stopped her walking. A Raven called out above her, warning of the approaching storm, and Lilyah felt a pang of worry for her son. It would do them no good to be caught walking through the woods during a storm. She made to call out, but he called first.

                “Mama?”

                It was distant.

                Lilyah tried to call back, but the words would not come.

                “Mama, _where are you?_ ”

                Panicking, she tried to move in his direction, but her feet of stone held her. The pain in her lower back had her silently screaming.

                Crimson blood soaked into her pants. Painting crying lines of red down to her stone feet. Stone feet that would no longer move.

                Blood pooling where she stood. Sticky, like tar, and bright against the dull forest floor.

                “Mama?”

                The voice, so soft and weak, was everywhere. Looking around she couldn’t pinpoint the exact location of it.

                “ _Mama?_ ”

                She slowly looked down. Her blood soaked hands, holding the tiniest thing, lifted on their own until she could no longer look away- could no longer unsee.

                "Mama..."

                She screamed into waking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know... this chapter is very short, but I couldn't add more to keep it going... not out of nothing to write, but because it was a scene that I felt would have been diluted if I had moved on to more of the story. I started writing it because I wanted to put in what nightmare Lilyah was constantly suffering from, and after I finished it I just couldn't keep it locked up.
> 
> I hope you'll all forgive me for it, but I also HIGHLY suggest listening to "Closer" by Alexander Sundstrom while you read this chapter. It's the song that I listened to on repeat while writing this chapter, and it's very haunting and beautiful. (I am not religious by any means, so to me, music is music.)


	21. The World Eater's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alduin is vanquished, but not before sharing a few parting words with Lilyah...

                “ _Dragonborn_ … maybe you _shoul_ -“

                “If I hear any more such _nonsense_ about _resting_ , Esbern… I will _leave_ here… and _not come back_.” She couldn’t help the slightest upturn of her lips.

                SkyHaven Temple was a beautiful and secluded place. Far away from anyone. A place that Lilyah could find herself seeking refuge at when the world became too much.

                If only her newest companions would understand.

                _I know what it is I need… and it is not rest… anything but rest_ …

                “If that is your wish, _Dragonborn_ , we will not force you to _return_.”

                _Bitch_ …

                Esbern had seen Lilyah smirk, but Delphine was declaring something right then, and Lilyah was in no mood to play.

                “Is that so?” Cold as the stone beneath her feet.

                She turned to look at the aging woman.

                “You’ve got your _Temple_ back… no more need for the _Dragonborn_ now… _is that it_?”

                Delphine only looked on at her.

                “Should I be worried about a _knife_ in my back, then?”

                Delphine’s eyes flashed for a moment. Challenging.

                “ _What?!_ Of course _not_ , Dragonborn… Delphine only wishes you to know that you are _free_ in your choice… we just _hope_ that you’ll not take lightly the issue of dealing with _Alduin_ as quickly as possible.”

                Esbern clearly had not noticed the silent battling between the two women and moved towards a small table he had set up with quill and ink. After picking up two books from the table and walking back to her, holding the books out before him, she found in his eyes that, maybe he _had_ noticed, but wished to _de-escalate_ the tension. She looked down to the books she now held.

                **_Annals of the Dragonguard_** _and **Atlas of Dragons** … always the helpful one, Esbern_…

                “I do not take it _lightly_ … that it falls to _me_ … and _only_ me, to defeat him.”

                _As if anyone would let me forget it_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                “ _LOK VAH-KOOR!_ ”

                Wind and fog cleared the path before her as her feet trudged through thick snowdrifts. She _wondered_ at what person might feel the need to isolate themselves at the very peak of the Throat of the World… a place that was said to be the coldest in Skyrim. Lilyah had traveled over most of her.

                _Whoever this leader of the Greybeard’s is… this **Paarthurnax** … they are insane_…

                As usual with being alone on her travels, Lilyah’s thoughts drifted. Trying to think about her task and what all she still had to do, it kept her thoughts from delving further… from going deeper than what was in front of her eyes. Though her eyes seemed to have a harder time focusing, and her reflexes were sometimes a bit wonky as of late, she didn’t allow herself to slow or stop for longer than what was absolutely necessary.

                Things she felt were _better left hidden_ always crept into the light when she did.

                “One thing at a time… _right now_ … _right now_ I need to learn _Dragonrend_ …”

                Biting cold folded in around her and she hissed as the magic fog that always settled in over the path to the top came back with a vengeance. Like tiny blades that filled her sweating pores and sliced through her nerves, she sucked in a painful breath and shouted again.

                “ _LOK VAH-KOOR!_ ”

                Looking towards the skies, she hoped her destination was close, but was not looking forward to whatever pleasantries she’d need to show to whomever was waiting. She was definitely not in any mood to be pleasant.

 

* * *

 

 

                “ _Drem Yol Lok, Dovahkiin_ …”

                _A dragon… Paarthurnax… is a dragon… well_ …

                “ _You’re_ the leader of the Greybeards?”

                _Well… shit_ …

               

* * *

 

 

                _Paarthurnax_ was nothing like what she’d first thought. Strong, yes, but in an altogether different way than the typical dragon. Intelligent, but never boasting. Willing to share his knowledge instead of hoarding it. Never condescending when she asked question after question.

                Lilyah had somehow ended up talking to him so long that he’d offered to keep her warm next to his heated hide as she took a short rest before descending back down to High Hrothgar. Somehow knew she’d started into a nightmare and woke her before she started screaming; never mentioning it to her after.

                She’d appreciated it and couldn’t help but hope that she’d be able to see him sooner rather than later. He’d kept the darkness away. Kept her mind so busy that her thoughts had not drifted once to things other than their study of his language.

                _I’ll go back… I just need to find the Elder Scroll_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                A month. It would take a month of trek after trek before she finally returned; Elder Scroll in tow.

                She’d traveled to the Mage’s College, learned that she’d need to speak to a hermit name Septimus. Upon finding the mad hermit, living in an iceberg out in the Sea of Ghosts, he’d told her that she’d need to venture into the depths of Blackreach to find the scroll.

                Blackreach.

                It was a week after leaving the Throat of the World when she’d finally gather enough supplies and delved through the ruins of Alftand.

                She’d only brought enough food for a week; it took two and a half.

                Lilyah supposed it was good that she’d barely eaten since she-

                _Paarthurnax says I need to read the scroll in the rip created at the Throat of the World… quit thinking Lilyah… just get your ass going_ …

                Climbing up the path, she ignored the fact that her belt now had extra holes pushed through it to accommodate the thinning of her form.

                Her time in Solitude had had her filling out more so than she’d ever been in her life. Living in luxury and not worrying about when she’d eat next or whether her food would even be edible; she’d taken it for granted. It seems the time since she left, especially the time traveling through Blackreach, removed that weight… that weight and then some.

                “ _LOK VAH-KOOR!_ ”

                Lilyah didn’t have time to dwell. She had a shout to learn and a World-Eater to kill.

 

* * *

 

 

                She understood _Paarthurnax’s_ meaning about not being able to comprehend the shout. Lilyah could use it, but the shout constantly slipped from her grasping thoughts and she’d barely been able to defeat _Alduin’s_ physical form because of it.

                “It doesn’t make any sense… like my mind has to _fight_ to remember the shout.”

                _Paarthurnax_ only hums to himself; contemplating her words, but not sharing his thoughts either way.

                She couldn’t help asking. “ _Fen hi aak?_ ”

                His head turned slightly, now contemplating her, before he answers. “ _Motmahus… vomindok… ni tiid… ni tiid._ ”

                Nodding her head, she accepted that he would need to think on her words. As of now she needed to see the Jarl of Whiterun about trapping a dragon.

                Lilyah wouldn’t realize until days later, after analyzing and worrying if she’d remember the shout when she needed it and about the conversation she’d shared with _Paarthurnax_ , that he had looked at her oddly because she’d spoken _Dov_ without being taught the words, and had easily understood _Paarthurnax’s_ response. That she’d _been_ understanding the language long before even meeting her new dragon friend.

                _What does that mean?_

 

* * *

 

 

                Sending the courier away with the letter to Esbern and Delphine was slightly nerve wracking. She’d been unable to figure out a way to leave _Paarthurnax_ out of it and hoped that maybe they might also know what was wrong with her and if the dragonrend shout had been difficult for those of the past to remember. But she no longer had the luxury of taking the time to figure it out. _Alduin_ had to be dealt with and each passing day only had him growing stronger and stronger.

                Plus she was still feeling too guilty at tricking _Odahviing_ and trapping him to waste more time on things that might not even matter soon.

                She wasn’t all that sure she’d be able to succeed.

                Not sure if she wanted to.

                _The World-Eater is waiting… your damnable fate_ …

                Walking up to the restrained dragon, his eyes trained on the child-like exuberance of the court wizard as he asked for a small piece of _Odahviing_ for research, she couldn’t stop from feeling sorry for him. She had no patience for the wizard either.

                And even less when she noticed the man move to take from the dragon without consent. “ _You. Will. Not. Touch. Him._ ” Farengar whipped around to stare indignantly at her, readying a retort when she stopped him. “I am about to _remove_ his restraints… so _unless you’d wish to be a quick meal_ before our travels, I’d _suggest_ moving _away_.”

                His eyes widen momentarily until she’s standing next to him.

                “He would not if he wishes to leave here alive.”

                _Arrogant and stupid_ …

                In a voice too low for anyone but him and _Odahviing_ to hear, she sneered her response.

                “I wouldn’t care if you were the gods damned _High_ _King of Skyrim_ … you touch one piece of his scaly hide without his agreement at the request, _I. Will. Let. Him. Kill. You_.” She smiled coldly as _Odahviing’s_ deep chuckle echoed through the porch. “Do not doubt that.”

                He glared, but smartly moved away from her as she commanded the guards to lift the trap from _Odahviing’s_ neck.

 

* * *

 

 

                “I _thank_ you for the courtesy of speaking on my behalf, _Dragonborn_ … the _mal nikriin_ was growing tiresome and I worried he would take regardless of my wishes.”

                Using his spines to lift herself onto his neck, Lilyah gave a quick glance towards the wizard as he hid behind the Jarl and his men yards away.

                “He was not granted the _honor_ … I could not just sit by and _watch_.” Dragging her eyes to the horizon was easy. She was looking forward to being in the sky. “ _Plus_ , I don’t think it would be such a _hardship_ to this world if he were _no longer in it_. So I wouldn’t mind if you _killed_ him even now.”

                _Odahviing’s_ laugh was loud and booming, but he turned to stare at Farengar before answering her.

                “A snack would be _nice_ , but he is much too _sahlo_ and _flimsy_ to sate me for long.”

                They laugh at Farengar’s stricken face when _Odahviing’s_ wings beat and lift them into the air.

                High up in the sky, her arms and the wings of her travel partner spread wide to the sides of her, and Lilyah couldn’t have felt more at ease. Or more at home.

 

* * *

 

 

                Abrasive and smothering, Lilyah had only wanted it to stop. She’d pulled up the sleeve of one arm and screamed gutturally at the sight of her arm. Instead of finding tanned skin, she’d found a canvas of scales covering her. Black scales, opalescent purple in the light of the eternal fires that lead along the path in the afterlife of Sovngarde, uncovered from her peeling flesh. She’d covered it quickly in hopes that it would go away.

                She figured it was just a fluke of being in the afterlife without having died, and also being the Dragonborn. At lease, she hoped that was the cause.

                “What brings you, wayfarer grim, to wander here, in Sovngarde, souls-end, Shor’s gift to honored dead?”

                Startled she growls, “ _Who are you?_ ”

                He is unfazed and answers immediately. “I am _Tsun_ , shield-thane to Shor. The Whalebone Bridge he bade me guard and winnow all those souls whose heroic end sent them here, to Shor’s lofty hall where welcome, well earned, awaits those I judge fit to join that fellowship of honor.”

                Lilyah can see a large building over the long bone bridge. That is her destination.

                “I seek entrance to the _Hall of Valor_.”

                “No shade are you, as usually here passes, but living, you dare the land of the dead. _By what right do you request entry?_ ”

                _By right that this is my fucking fate_ …

                “By right of birth. I am _Dragonborn_.”

                “ _Ah_! It’s been too long since last I faced a doom-driven hero of the _dragon blood_.”

                _I am no hero_ …

                “I pursue _Alduin_ , the World Eater.”

                Tsun’s face contorts in anger. “A fateful errand. No few have chafed to face the _Worm_ since first he set his soul-snare here at Sovngarde’s threshold. But Shor restrained our wrathful onslaught- perhaps, deep counselled, your doom he foresaw.”

                _Thanks for the vote of confidence_ …

                “May I enter?”

                His head shakes back and forth. “Living or dead, by decree of Shor, none may pass this perilous bridge ‘till I judge them worthy by the warrior’s test.”

                And he pulls his axe free, readying to attack, before she’s even comprehended his words.

                _A fight it is then… great_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                She’s flagging; needing to move quickly to evade the long reach of Tsun’s battle axe, and it finally catches up with her as she moves to jump away from the swinging weapon and comes up just short.

                As the tip tears through her armor, slicing it open like butter, she’s expecting pain. But instead of pain, though there is immense pressure, she hears a metallic clicking and feels as though the tip of his axe is stuttering against chainmail before his swing is through. Without a second to wonder what happened she spins on her heels and fires an arrow into the meat of Tsun’s thigh, swings the end of her bow up into his down-turning face, effectively opening his chest to another arrow, when he’s asking her to stand down.

                Her fingers shake as she holds the string taught; another arrow aimed for his heart.

                “Hold, _Dragonborn_.” His hand grips the shaft of the arrow in his thigh, but his eyes are trained on her midsection. “It seems it is not only the _blood_ of dragons with which you were born.”

                Looking down, though knowing what she’d see, it still stopped her breathing at the sight of her peeled skin revealing large areas of the same pearlescent black and purple scales that also adorns her arm. She doesn’t understand what’s happening to her.

                “You fought well. I find you worthy. It is long since one of the living has entered here. May Shor’s favor follow you and your errand.”

                An instant later the arrow in his leg disappears and he’s moving out of her way.

                _Cheater_ …

                Resting her arm over her exposed stomach, she starts towards the bridge; absentmindedly scratching at her flaking skin.

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah could literally not use the dragonrend shout. She could hear the three others calling it, pulling Alduin to the ground with a crash each time, but the words could never form on her lips and each time it rang through the skies she felt her own body shudder in pain. It made no sense.

                _I’m not a dragon… this is ridiculous_ …

                “ _Dragonborn_! NOW!” One of the fighters yelled.

                The rocks descending from _Alduin’s_ own shout pelting near them as they rushed towards the World Eater’s back. He was looking at Lilyah’s skin. Her scales revealed, and he laughed.

                “You would kill me? _Briinah_ …”

                The word has her crying out, tears streaming down her cheeks, and she’s shaking her head in denial.

                “No…”

                “You deny with your words, but you know… _Dovahkiin_? More _Dovah_ than man… join me _Briinah_.” His tail flares out, sending the charging warriors careening away. “I can help you find your _name_ … give you your _wings_ …”

                Shaking her head some more, she rises slowly, leaning most of her weight on her left leg, before baring her teeth at the World Eater. " _I am not your_ -"

                " _VULONSAHBRIINAH!_ "

                “ _NO!_ ”

                It comes out a roar as the name flashes an image in her mind of a black dragon, but the pitch black eyes are not  _Alduin's_.

                He only laughs before lunging.

                Her sword _Dragonbane_ pierces his chest easily.

 

* * *

 

 

                The cheering fell on deaf ears.

                _I am not a dragon… I am not…_ _am I?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading this after my hiatus, I just want to say a very heartfelt THANK YOU...
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter... what your thoughts are :)
> 
> Next chapter is almost finished, just gotta do a little revising :)
> 
> Coffee and Kittens :D  
> Love you all!!!
> 
> Translations:
> 
> "LOK VAH-KOOR" - Clear skies shout
> 
> "Drem Yol Lok, Dovahkiin..." - Hello! Greetings, Dragonborn...
> 
> Paarthurnax - Leader of the Greybeards
> 
> "Fen hi aak?" - Can you help me?
> 
> "Motmahus... vomindok... ni tiid... ni tiid." - That's hard to answer... I don't know... not now... not yet."
> 
> Odahviing- dragon that helps take you to Skaldafin
> 
> "mal nikriin" - little coward
> 
> "sahlo" - weak
> 
> "Briinah" - sister
> 
> "VULONSAHBRIINAH!" - Night phantom sister... Lilyah's dovah name.


	22. Confrontation

                _Alduin_ … the _World Eater_ … is dead.

                Lilyah lay in the frigid snow at the Throat of the World, staring into the swirling sky, as the last of the dragons gazed upon her; the scales that had found a path along her body in the afterlife nowhere to be seen. _Paarthurnax_ … her only friend it seemed, rested next to her- as though to buffer any that might wish to capitalize on her weakened state. Tsun had sent her back here, moments ago (or hours- she wasn’t sure), from the very realm of Sovngarde and she couldn’t help but wish that she were somewhere else. In a warm embrace, with the taste of love on her lips, and a heart that didn’t feel as though it might break at the slightest whisper of a breeze.

                She only ever wanted to create life.

                She should have known she’d only ever be good at destroying it.

                “ _Sahrot thur gahnaraan._ ”

                “ ** _Alduin mahlaan._** ”

                The ground trembled beneath her as the dragons called out together- mourning the loss of their eldest brother. One spoke to her before taking to the skies.

                “ _Dovahkiin los ok dovahkriid._ ”

                Her eyes watered from the cold- and from the shared grief of them all weighing down on her… calling to the very blood flowing in her veins that grieved with them.

                “ ** _Alduin mahlaan._** ”

                She whispered it with them as they continued chanting, knowing _Paarthurnax_ was close enough to hear, and let herself break upon the snow.

                “ _Thu’umii los nahlot._ ”

                “ ** _Alduin mahlaan._** ”

                The sky seemed a tapestry of legend as shouts of fire and ice streaked between the falling snow and swirling clouds. She found she wished, deep in the very depths of her soul, that she could be up there with them. If only she wasn’t so afraid that she might actually be able to.

                _No… I may be Dragonborn… but I am no dragon_ …

                _Paarthurnax_ twitched next to her, watching the skies, before turning his attention to her still form.

                “So, it is done. _Alduin_ _dilon_. The Eldest is no more, he who came before all others, and has always been.”

                “I’m sorry… _Alduin_ brought this on himself…”

                Her hair ruffled from the heated breath _Paarthurnax_ huffed at her.

                “Indeed. _Alduin_ _wahlaan daanii_. His doom was written when he claimed for himself the lordship that properly belongs to _Bormahu_ \- our father _Akatosh_.”

                _It is done… everyone is safe now… time keeps moving_ …

                She sat up slowly, groaning with the effort, and sighed. _Paarthurnax_ was making his way to roost upon the word wall when he looked back to her.

                “ _Rok funta koraav_. Perhaps now you have some insight into the forces that shape the _vennesetiid_ … the currents of Time. But I forget myself. _Krosis_. _So los mid fahdon_. Melancholy is an easy trap for a dovah to fall into. You have won a mighty victory. _Sahrot krongrah_ \- one that will echo through all the ages of this world for those who have eyes to see. Savor your triumph, _Dovahkiin_. This is not the last of what you will write upon the currents of Time.”

                “Yes, my friend… I fear you may be right about that.”

                He seemed to expand at her agreement with his insight, his ego and pride, loving the attention as all dovah do, and he lifted into the sky above her. She expected him to join his brothers and… _sisters_ \- as they roamed the air, but with a few swift gusts of his wings she was looking up and smiled as he hovered over her.

                “ _Goraan!_ I feel younger than I have in many an age. Many of the _dovah_ are now scattered across _Keizaal_. Without _Alduin’s_ lordship, they may yet bow to the _vahzen_ … rightness of my _Thu’um_. But willing or no, they will hear it! Fare thee well, _Dovahkiin_.”

                _Time to go_ …

                “Farewell, _Paarthurnax_.”

                _May you succeed in your endeavor_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                After returning from the realm of Sovngarde, and finding out that an entire month had passed during her time fighting _Alduin_ , Lilyah spent a week re-acclimating herself to the land of the living in the silent halls of High Hrothgar. Every day she examined her skin for peeling; or scales.

                But… nothing.

                _Maybe a visit to Ivarstead is in order… a drink would be nice_ …

                Lilyah glided to her bed, silent as a wraith, and began pulling out her cloak. Her bed was made, untouched, as she’d taken to traveling up to the throat of the world and sleeping next to _Paarthurnax_ instead. _Odahviing_ had finally made an appearance only the night before, informing her that if she ever had need of him he would be there. Unsure yet if she could trust him enough to not eat her in her sleep, Lilyah decided she would only sleep nearby if _Paarthurnax_ was near.

                Just to be safe.

                “Has the time come?” asked Master Arngeir.

                Having heard the swishing of his robes, she was expecting the loud echo of his words, even though his voice was barely above a whisper. He thought she was leaving for good.

                Lilyah turned with a small smile. “I am only heading down to Ivarstead for a _bit_. I will be back.”

                Master Arngeir bowed his head slightly. Hands clasped before him. “ _Ah_. Well… you are welcome here, _Dragonborn_ , for as long as you need.”

                “Thank you.” She said. Turning back to her bed she pulled free her pouch of gold and rested her bow and quiver upon the bed. “Did you need anything before I head down the seven thousand steps? Or did you need me to bring anything _back_? Herbs… medicine… _food_ …”

                “There is no need to trouble yourself, _Dragonborn_. We have enough.”

                “Alright. If you’re _sure_ …”

                Lilyah turned to finish, but noticed Master Borri walking towards them with a letter resting upon his outstretched hands. Figuring it was meant for Master Arngeir, she slipped her bow and quiver over her shoulder and started to string her pouch of coins to her belt. A moment of silence passes before the letter is held before her.

                It is held closed with the seal of the Blades.

                “Thank you, Master Borri.”

                He only nods before turning to leave. Her eyes trying to burn away the wax with only her gaze, but in the moments she spends just staring Master Arngeir seems to grow slightly impatient with his curiosity and it pulls Lilyah from her stupor.

                “It’s from…”

                “ _I know_. I did not know you were still in _contact_ with them.”

                His words are a silent question, but instead of answering she slips her finger under the fold of the letter and breaks the wax seal.

 

* * *

 

 

                “She is _greatly mistaken_ if she thinks I would _ever_ raise a sword against _Paarthurnax_. He is deserving of redemption, as _all_ creatures of Nirn, and he is my _friend_.” Lilyah fumed. Pacing in the large foyer where she first met Master Arngeir and the other Greybeards. Where she’d learned about what it was to be Dragonborn.

                Master Arngeir nodded, taking a breath to answer, but she wasn’t finished.

                “And giving me an _ultimatum_? Kill _Paarthurnax_ … or I am no longer welcomed among the _Blades_. _As if_ the mere _idea_ had only _one clear answer_ … though I suppose it _does_ … just not the one she _believes_ I should _give_.” A deep resonating growl vibrated from her body. “The woman thinks she can command _me_? I am _Dragonborn_ … I AM _DOVAHKIIN_ … _Zu’u NID uth!_ ”

                Her skin burned and itched. Her blood boiled in anger and she felt the unbearable urge to rip the very flesh from her body to escape it. Lilyah wanted to tear something apart.

                “ _Peace_ , Dragonborn.”

                Glaring at him with her midnight eyes, Lilyah forced herself to breathe in deeply; releasing the scorching air a moment later with a shiver that rippled through her body. Still breathing heavily through her nose, Lilyah nodded to let Master Arngeir know she was as calm as she was going to get for the moment.

                “I thank you for your decision. _Paarthurnax_ has worked _hard_ to fight his nature.” Hands still clasped before him, Master Arngeir shuffles towards her and lightly places a hand on her shoulder. “And though The Blades _may_ have things they could yet teach you… I feel it is _not_ worth the price of that friendship and the hard-won calm you have earned.”

                “No.” She agrees.

                Finally calmed, Lilyah takes one last deep breath and smiles tightly at Master Arngeir. His fingers squeeze her shoulder lightly another second and then he’s turning to walk away.

                “Now I _really_ need a drink.”

 

* * *

 

 

                The feeling sparks inside her like an electric shock to her heart.

                Wanting.

                Watching a couple dancing, drinking, touching… kissing before slipping into their room. Lilyah thought about the last time she’d been held. The last time she’d been kissed and touched with love.

                _Hadvar_ …

                She looked down to her mug of mead as tears built in the corner of her eyes.

                “I need to go back…”

                “ _Whas’at_ , Dragonborn?”

                Lilyah looked up at Wilhelm, the lull between Lynly’s songs having made her words easily heard, and then looked back down before replying. “Nothing… just… is the _carriage_ in town tonight?”

                “No’ _tinkin’_ so, but’if yer lookin’ teh travel, t’ere’s’a horse fer sale at teh stable.”

                _Hmm… it’d be faster than a carriage_ …

                “ _Thank you_ , Wilhelm. I’ll see about it in the morning. I’m going to try and get some rest now.”

                “ _Aye_ , Dragonborn. Yer rooms’sis way.”

 

* * *

 

 

                _Six months… six months and nothing has changed_ …

                The gates to Solitude clanged shut behind her, rumbling through the ground at her feet, as Lilyah looked around. Noster Eagle-Eye was still residing against a pillar before Radiant Raiment. The Winking Skeever still had the ever present cluster of patrons getting a little fresh air out front. None of them the wiser that she’d been gone saving them all. And she’s glad of it.

                _I should check and see if Hadvar is there… maybe he’s getting drinks with his soldiers_ …

                Lilyah walking into the tavern goes unnoticed, at first, until she’s standing for too long in one spot searching for her husband and the talking all around her ceases. The silence is almost deafening.

                Then she notices Hadvar, sitting alone in the far corner with a plate of food in front of him and another half-eaten opposite him, but she hardly lets it register as her feet are already leading her to him.

                _He seems… well… almost… content_ …

                He doesn’t look up until she’s almost to him, but when his eyes finally focus on her she watches as they slide from confusion, surprise, happiness, and some disbelief before he rises to his feet.

                “Lilyah?” She’d almost forgotten how beautiful his eyes were. The sweet sound of his voice as he spoke her name. “You’re _alive_?”

                _Hadvar_ …

                The silence and a thick air of unease held throughout the tavern, but she ignored it as tears began pooling in her eyes. She was home. Hadvar was alive and well. He didn’t seem angry at her. Hoping that they could both work through fixing their marriage and move past the pain and hurt. Lilyah hoped their inevitable talk could wait.

                She’d missed him so much.

                “ _Hadvar_ …”

                Lilyah surged up to the tips of her toes and crushed her mouth against his, driving her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, and cried as his arms finally pulled her in. Her hands shake even as they grip him tighter, but she’s scared that if she lets go it’ll end up being a dream and she just wants to be awake.

                To be loved. To be held. Forgiven for the mistakes she’s made. Kissed until her toes have curled and with that hope she feels Hadvar’s tongue test the seam of her lips; then abruptly pulls away.

                She’s reeling. Blissful.

                “ _Hadvar_ … what’s going on here? _Whose_ …”

                Jordis’ words are angry. Accusing.

                When their eyes meet, the housecarl’s gasp seems to echo through Lilyah’s mind. Echoes as everything hits her at once and she’s frozen in the moment.

                Jordis is wearing a dress. A very nice dress. Her skin is glowing and her hair is pulled neatly into a low bun. She looks at Hadvar with fear in her eyes, but not fear of having been caught having dinner with him… not fear of Lilyah noticing her rather large bump, or the hand she reaches to grip Hadvar’s arm.

                No.

                It’s the look on her face. In her eyes as she gazes at Hadvar. It’s what she envisions as the physical representation of her feelings all those long months ago when she’d feared that she was losing her husband and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

                She stepped away from Hadvar.

                “ _Lilyah_ … it’s not… _I’m_ … _she’s_ … _you were_ … I thought you were _dead_ and…”

                Lilyah’s not sure how she knows, but she’s sure…

                _It’s his child… he… he cheated on me… and she’s carrying his_ …

                Maybe she would have been able to stop it. If she’d been allowed to act without the eyes of half the city on her; waiting for her reaction. Maybe she would have been able to keep herself from the cold, black, and never-ending numbness that engulfed her so fully she wasn’t even sure where it stopped and she started, but she couldn’t. She had expectations… and she wasn’t even sure if she could speak.

                Her feet moved without thinking. Turning her towards the door. Towards escape. And whatever light inside of her that had sparked that day in Ivarstead was snuffed out.

                She wouldn’t even cry.

                Couldn’t.

                Not anymore.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So editing this chapter took a little bit longer than I thought, but only because I hadn't fully planned to slip in what happened at the end of the last chapter until I was writing it and this chapter had already previously been written... so I had to add a few things :P
> 
> Let me know what you think about this chapter... the beginning was canon for when you've returned from Sovngarde, only slightly different, and the letter from Delphine is my way of glossing over the Blades stuff cause I've never felt right about killing Paarthurnax, so I've never done it, and I don't think Lilyah would ever do that either.
> 
> Anyways... more angst next chapter, but it'll be leading us into the next stage of Lilyah's journey. I added a new relationship tag (if no one noticed) so I'm sure that might give away where Lilyah is headed next...
> 
> As always THANK YOU for reading, for subscribing, for the kudos and any comments. I appreciate it so much and I love you all.
> 
> Coffee and Kittens!!! <3<3<3
> 
> Translations:
> 
> "Sahrot thur gahnaraan!" ((The) Might Overlord (is) vanquished!)
> 
> "Alduin mahlaan!" (Alduin has fallen!)
> 
> "Dovahkiin los ok dovahkriid!" ((The) Dragonborn is his dragonslayer!)
> 
> "Thu'umii los nahlot!" (His shouts are silenced!)
> 
> "Alduin dilon." (Alduin's dead.)
> 
> "Alduin wahlaan daanii." (Alduin created his (own) doom.)
> 
> "Bormahu" (Akatosh)
> 
> "Rok funta koraav." (He failed to see.)
> 
> "Vennesetiid" (The currents of time. Fate. Destiny.)
> 
> "Krosis. So los mid fahdon." (Pardon. Sorrow is (a) loyal friend.)
> 
> "Sahrot krongrah" (Mighty victory"
> 
> "Goraan!" (In a spirited manor!) (Kinda like yelling, "YEAH!")
> 
> "Keizaal." (Skyrim.)
> 
> "Vahzen." (Truth.)
> 
> "Thu'um" (Dragon shout)
> 
> "Zu'u NID uth!" (I (am) NONE command!) or (NO ONE commands me!)


	23. Silence is Golden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Gore, Torture, Implied/mentioned pedophilia

                It had begun raining while she’d been inside the Winking Skeever, having her life flipped onto its head once again. The rain was cold and biting, as it always was in Skyrim, and she relished the stippling of freezing water against her skin as she leisurely made her way to Proudspire Manor. There were only a few things she wanted to grab before leaving the place for good. She had no need for such a large home; especially with no family or loved ones to fill it.

                “Lilyah… wait…” She ignored him easily and continued on her way. “Lilyah! Please… let me explain, I-“

                “Hadvar! Where are you going?” Jordis sounded almost frantic. Lilyah let herself enjoy it for a moment.

                “Go back inside!” An order she knew he expected to be obeyed; as always. “Lilyah. STOP and LISTEN TO ME!”

                Another command, but she continued to walk, waiting for him to huff and storm away. Until his firm grip wrapped around her slender bicep and yanked her backwards. Right into his chest, with his shirt soaked and clinging to every inch of skin it touched. She wasn’t much better. Now adding her hair slicked against the sides of her face and around her neck and shoulders.

                She stared at his throat, watching it bob, when he lifted his hands and cupped her cheeks.

                “Don’t touch me.”

                Clear and concise. Monotone.

                “You are my wife. I can-“

                “Not for long. I only need to grab a few things and then Proudspire Manor is yours. I’ll be heading to Riften to speak to Marimal immediately and-“

                “You will do no such thing!”

                His hands gripped her face a little harder. Pulling their chests closer together and Lilyah couldn’t help but wish that he’d tried this hard to keep her before everything fell apart all those months ago. Now… now she only wished to be free.

                _Free… free because this marriage has only turned me into a different sort of slave_ …

                The thought made her blood begin to rage.

                “Let. Me. Go.”

                The words are a whisper. A promise of pain if they’re ignored.

                And ignored they stay.

                “I WILL NOT!”

                His lips are hard as they connect with hers, her teeth digging into the flesh of the inside of her lips with the force of his kiss, but it only ignites her anger. She pushes him away and without a thought swings and connects her hand against his cheek.

                Hadvar stumbles away, surprised at the hit, and just stares open-mouthed at her.

                Turning away, she begins walking again and wonders if she’s only imagining the water sizzling against her skin. Breathing heavily, adrenaline racing through her veins, she’s under the bridge separating the housing district from the market when a firm grip on her arm has her reacting on instinct.

                “ _FUS!_ ”

                Hadvar’s breath huffs from his lungs as his back hits the stone wall of the bridge, falling to his knees until he’s able to suck in a ragged breath, but he’s otherwise unharmed as her unfinished shout was not so powerful that it would cause serious damage. He would live.

                But now she had to leave. Immediately.

                “HADVAR!”

                Jordis runs awkwardly towards them, one hand protectively over her sizeable belly, and falls to her knees next to Hadvar. She begins to whisper to him, but he only looks up to Lilyah and reaches a hand towards her.

                “ _Lilyah_ -“

                “Do not look for me.” She’s cooled down, the shout releasing her pent up rage. Now she’s just cold and tired. “After Marimal has finalized our divorce a courier will be sent to you with the confirming documents… goodbye, Hadvar.”

                “No… Lilyah, _don’t_ … you… you are my _wife_ … you will ALWAYS BE _MINE_!”

                He continued calling her name as she walked away, but she didn’t stop to listen. The crowd that had formed after her shout shielded her from his eyes; even as they made a path for her to leave. Not one of them looked her in the eyes.

                _I belong to no one_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                Sin was grazing a few feet away from Lilyah, a dark silhouette besides the white diamond shaped patch on her forelock, and a nearly silent comfort as she laid on her bedroll and stared blankly at the auroras. She’d just come in, the seller had said, because her previous owner was fed up trying to train and break her obstinacy. Lilyah only needed thirty seconds with the mare to know that she was perfect and even less time to agree to her price. Figuring out her name was instantaneous.

                Lilyah wondered at first if Sin held some sort of magic, or had been tested on by mages as she seemed to possess an unnatural amount of intelligence, but other than her unusual ability to understand Lilyah, Sin was just a typical horse. She loved treats and she hated having a saddle and bridle.

                She couldn’t blame her; without them, they clicked instantly and their travels so far had been almost telepathic. Even comforting as they had made their way to Riften and Lilyah spiraled down into herself. Sin had nudged her out of a nightmare. Then continued to nudge her until Lilyah was so exasperated she’d begun laughing; laughing until her throat burned, her eyes watered, and she somehow ended up sobbing. Repeating it almost every night until it became a routine.

                It hurt, loving him even after he’d shredded her heart, and Lilyah hated herself even more that she felt jealous. Jealous of her housecarl even as Hadvar had showed he wanted Lilyah more.

                Marimal had been more than a little upset at her request. Almost coming to the point of refusing, but when she’d promised a sizeable donation if he allowed her her decision he had come around. The courier as well had been pleased with her payment for his oath that her parcel be the most important delivery on his travels and that they be delivered swiftly. Her coin purse was almost completely empty of gold as a result, but she couldn’t find it in herself to complain; not now that she was free.

                A small smile came to her as the thought repeated in her head, lulling her to sleep.

                _I’m free… I’m free… free_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah was getting better and better at hiding in plain sight. Being insignificant and unimportant to anyone and everyone. A ghost. A wraith. There one moment and gone the next for anyone who may have a keener eye than the typical racist Nords of Windhelm. It was good. She needed to remain invisible to the guards and townsfolk of Windhelm for as long as possible. She was so close.

                A few more days of spying and planning. Then she’d have what she came for.

                _I will not lose this as well_ …

                Her target strutted by just then, unaware of the shadow watching his movements, and absentmindedly adjusted the makeshift club attached to where his hand should have been. She was curious as to how he’d lost the appendage, but only just so she might congratulate whoever had removed it in the first place. His bitten off ear was covered by his helmet. He deserved worse.

 

* * *

 

 

                Her outfit was too tight… too revealing for the weather, but necessary. She knew his route and with the hood covering her face- it wouldn’t take long before she was out of the cold. The clacking of metal against stone echoed behind her and she knew it was time.

                _I’m going to enjoy making you beg you pig_ …

                Swaying her hips exaggeratedly, feigning intoxication, she heard the deep chuckle only a moment later and smiled in the shadow of her hood. She’d barely even started.

                “What’s a nice set of legs like you doin’ out in this cold?”

                She faked a startled gasp, then a giggle, after leaning against the wall nearest to her. Expertly hiking up the skirt of her dress and exposing more of her ‘legs’ in the process. She forced her voice out in a bird-like tone.

                “I’m so sorry… you startled me. I… _hic’_ … I um… just found my… my husband cheating… so I went to… _hic’_ … went to drink and maybe find someone to get back at him with… but… but I left to get some fresh air… _hic’_ … air quick…”

                Watching as he looked her over, stopping at her breasts as they nearly fell out of her outfit, he licked his lips without even looking up to her face. It was almost disappointing how easy this was going. Just a bit more and she’d have him.

                “Ya’poor thing you… I could… mmm… I could help… I mean, tha’s what the guard is for right? Helpin’ citizens in need?”

                _Gotcha’_ …

                “Thank… _hic’_ … thank you… please… let me… let me show you… _hic’_ … show you how much I appreciate it…” She kept her head down, letting her hair cover her face, as she moved closer to him. “Follow me.”

                “Mmmm… lead the way, Mrs.”

 

* * *

 

 

                “Mmm… I’m so glad to see you remember me.”

                He only glared and grunted at her. Granted she didn’t expect much else with a gag in his mouth and his hands and legs tied together like a roast boar.

                She tapped the flat of her dagger against the mutilated remnants of what used to be his ear; the one she’d bitten off in Windhelm’s dungeons.

                “I remember you _very_ well… in _fact_ , I’ve thought about you _so much_ that I just _had_ to come back and… _well_ … for the last _week_ I’ve hardly been able to keep my eyes _off_ of you.”

                She smiled her fake smile, a face of innocence. If only her eyes were not as dark as the void. Lilyah might have been able to pull it off. Then again, she wasn’t really trying. No. She was tired of playing. Of pretending. He had something of hers.

                And she was here to collect.

                “Where is my satchel?”

                He glared for a moment. Trying to kill her with his eyes, she was sure, until she turned her dagger and let the tip skim along his skin; down from his missing ear to the thin skin of his throat. He started bucking and grunting, trying to make a racket, when she stepped onto his groin and he stopped.

                “I won’t ask again.” She whispered; her tone as sweet as honey.

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah hadn’t asked again. Hadn’t made another damn noise as she just began taking from him instead.

                First was his other ear. A finger from his remaining hand. Almost ready to remove his precious cock, but he’d begun flailing and letting out some horrendous muffled screeches that she’d had no other choice but to slide her dagger across his neck to silence him.

                He’d given her nothing.

                Another part of her life kept from her that she’d not even _had_ for it to be lost again. She’d screamed and raged in her head, but only the shaking of her hands would have given away her inner turmoil. Lilyah had killed him. Sliced him up like a stuffed pheasant just off the fire and all she could feel was disappointment that she hadn’t been able to make it last.

                _Is this who I am now?_

 

* * *

 

 

                A boy performing the Black Sacrament? Lilyah had scoffed to herself overhearing the nanny as she tried to deter her charge from investigating the Aretino house. She was unfamiliar with a lot of things that happened in Skyrim, but all of Nirn knew who the Dark Brotherhood was. Knew how to contact them.

                But her curiosity was piqued.

                _A boy… an orphan_ …

                She felt compelled to at least check. If anything, the boy might be just squatting in his dead parent’s home. Starving. Lonely.

                She had to check.

 

* * *

 

 

                The only reason she could think that she’d been silent, as Aventus spoke to her, was that she’d been in shock. It had all been true. He had been in his parent’s abandoned home alone, yes, but also repeatedly stabbing a rotting corpse and chanting the Black Sacrament over and over again. His voice was broken and warbled from the strain. Then what he’d said, what he’d asked, sunk in. He was requesting a contract. Wanted the head of the Riften orphanage murdered.

                He thought she was a member of the Dark Brotherhood.

 

* * *

 

 

                “Sin. I’m not joking around… STOP… _gods damn you horse!_ ”

                Riften’s stables were spacious and easily accessible, a fine quality in her opinion as she felt that horses deserved space to relax after traveling, but her own horse was being a right pain in her ass about it. Jumping to stomp her hooves into the dirt, she was continuously blocking Lilyah from leaving the stall.

                “I’ve told you. I’ll be back in a little while to brush you, but I-“ Trying to trick the horse, she side stepped, then jumped back where she’d been, but Sin only moved her rump to block her instead. “UGH… I can’t get you a treat if you don’t let me by you spoiled beast!”

                Sin only snuffled and whinnied in response.

                _Why did I decide to purchase the most stubborn horse in Skyrim?_

                “Did you need some help, Miss?”

                The stable-hand was a sweet young man. Always helpful whenever she’d come to Riften.

                “No. Sin just needs to learn who is in charge here.” Looking back to her obstinate horse, Lilyah poked her finger against Sin’s nose. “And who is in charge of getting her treats.”

                She stomped only one hoof now.

                “Sin? Did you name her that? It’s…”

                He seemed unable to find the right words. She smiled.

                “I did. Mainly because I thought she looked as beautiful as sin.” Pulling her arm away as the pain in question bit at her leather clad elbow and tugged her arm down, she lightly shoved her back and teased, “If I’d known how _fitting_ her name would be regarding her attitude I might have chosen more wisely and gone with the speckled stallion instead.”

                That was a lie, but Sin only nudged her in complaint.

                Shadr smiled for a moment before opening his hand and clicking his tongue to get the mare’s attention. A handful of oats resting there to temp her. A rare laugh escaped Lilyah.

                “You spoil her and her behavior will never change.”

                Sin snuffled into his palm when he answered.

                “Yes, but if I didn’t you wouldn’t have the chance to leave.”

                He nodded to the slight opening his distraction gave her and smirked before she moved to slip past. But of course Sin knew and swished her tail to slap Lilyah right in the face as she passed.

                So she slapped her on the rump before running towards the gates.

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah had meant to stop in and investigate Aventus’ claims about Grelod as soon as she arrived, but as she browsed the market and spoke to the vendors, she’d ended up with multiple requests for her assistance in gathering certain things and spent most of the day just listening to everyone’s problems. She enjoyed not having to talk much, as they mostly just wanted a listening ear, and she didn’t much feel like sharing about herself.

                The coin she’d gotten also helped.

                It wasn’t until she was leaving the Jarl’s keep, the sun just setting over the horizon, that she heard the crying. A child. A little boy maybe, but she couldn’t be sure. And then a door was creaking open, a flash of light quickly illuminating and exposing to Lilyah the walled-off outdoor area of the orphanage, when the child’s crying was cut off with a whimper. Someone was whispering a moment later, someone angry, and she heard the echoing smack. Another whimper.

                “I told you if I heard one more peep out of you you’d be walled for a _week_. Is that what you’re making me do?”

                “No. Please, Grelod, I don’t-“

                “Stop sniveling you little guttersnipe… you’re lucky I don’t toss you down in _Beggar’s Row_ and just be done with you. Worthless good-for-nothing-“

                “No… no… I’ll be good. I promise.”

                “You’d better be because no one is coming back for you, Samuel… no one. Not one of you little leaches is going to be adopted. So… unless you wish to be thrown out into the big bad world, without a septim to call your own, you’ll all start to pull your own weight or so help me-“

                “Yes, Grelod. Thank you, Grelod.”

                Lilyah was furious with how the woman spoke, but she couldn’t justify killing her for it. Maybe she could speak to the Jarl. See if there was any way to displace the woman. Have another take over.

                _When she is gone Aventus can come back… maybe find a family…_

                “Good. Now, since Aventus is not with us anymore… you will take over his duties with me.”

                Another whimper.

                “But I-“

                “No buts. After Constance has fallen asleep, you will join me in my room. You shirk your duties and you’ll be out on the streets. Got it?”

                “Yes, Grelod.”

                “Good. Now finish your chores or no meals tomorrow and you’ll be walled for the day.”

                “Yes, Grelod.”

                The door opened and closed before she realized she’d moved closer to the wall separating her from Grelod and the boy. She was nauseous; listening to the boy cry brokenly. She was sickened. Horrified.

                _No wonder Aventus wants her dead so badly_ …

                Now there was not a chance in Oblivion that this woman was going to see the sun rise in the morning. Not a chance in Oblivion that Lilyah would allow that child, or any other, to suffer from that monster.

                _I’m going to enjoy this_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                Constance was a screamer... and she made quite the racket after Grelod was discovered. Screaming so loud that half of Riften now milled about outside of the orphanage; trying to find out what had happened. Finding out that the crone who ran the orphanage was found dead in her room. A simple dagger left buried in her chest was the only sign that it had been murder.

                No one had spotted the killer. Or she wouldn’t be leaning against the wall of the Blackbriar’s back yard watching the whole spectacle. Watching the gathered children smile and giggle amongst themselves; praising Aventus and the Dark Brotherhood.

                _Worth it_ …

                “What a way to go… though I suppose…”

                Unfazed, Lilyah turned only her head to look at him. His voice was deep, accented, and his dark skin shone warmly next to his Redguard attire. His curved blade reflecting the torchlight from the gathered crowd. A slight smirk curling his lips.

                “Those bed bugs can be… _killer_ …”

                _Just keep your mouth shut and walk away… no one seen you leave…_

                Shoving herself away from the wall, Lilyah kept her features neutral and silently sauntered away; ignoring the slight unease as she turned her back on the man. But she was in no mood for chit-chat and a boy in Windhelm was waiting for some good news.

                She would hopefully get there by that evening. Lilyah just had to wake up her horse.

                Her smirk was devilish as she reached the gates.

                _Sin will be so pleased_ …

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in game I have no problem "sniping" Grelod with a bow, but Lilyah isn't the type to just murder without enough cause... unless she's pushed to. So I tried to think of something that would make her "see red" enough to go vigilante and just murder the crone, but after trying to think of something not sexually abusive for hours I just gave up and went with this sick idea :/ (sorry, I'm tired and I get lazy when I'm tired... fight me!... No don't... I'm tired...)
> 
> Anyhoo... let me know what you think of the chapter :) feedback is ALWAYS welcomed. I enjoy and encourage constructive criticism. And I enjoy reading your thoughts.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, commenting, kudos and all that jazz. I love you all!
> 
> <3 Kitties and Coffee <3


	24. Of Stubborn Horses and Assassins

                “Grelod. Is she?”

                Lilyah just nods and watches silently as relief washes over the boy. As if his body had been coated in ice until his shoulders sag, and then he’s as light and carefree as clouds. Like she’d given his spirit back. His childhood.

                And then he hugs her.

                “Thank you. Thank you _so_ much.”

                His dark hair, so similar to her nightmares, pulls her arms up to wrap around his shoulders. Her fingers clutch his skull as his body shudders against her and she wonders when last he was held like this. Held without fear of having to do… whatever in Oblivion that monster had forced him to do.

                _No more_ …

                “I guess I could go back now. I… I’ve missed my friends… and _Constance_ was always nice.”

                Aventus lets go of her and turns his face away, but she sees him quickly wipe his eye anyhow. Quietly sniffling, he starts towards a ragged bed and lifts the mattress before pulling out a silver plate. Reflecting the muted light from the dirty windows, she catches him running his fingers against the swirling filigree that adorns the outer edge as if he might never see it again.

                “My mother loved this plate. Said it was an _air loom_. Whatever that means, but… I don’t have anything else to pay with.”

                She hadn’t even considered. Of course he knew that the Dark Brotherhood expected payment for their contracts. He’d know she wasn’t with them if she declined, though she’d never agreed she had been, but he might freak out. It did no harm to let him believe. Odd as that sounded in her mind.

                Lilyah held it delicately, even as Aventus thrust it into her hands. The cold silver, smooth and flawless, minus the boy’s lingering fingerprints, threw back her reflection with a harshness that had her wincing. She looked like death.

                _A perfect fit for the Dark Brotherhood, I’m sure_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                “Are… are you heading to Riften?”

                Startled, Lilyah had her dagger pulled before the young voice even registered as Aventus’. His eyes widened for a moment, stopping just out of her dagger’s reach, and gulped audibly. She straightened slowly, with a frosted breath to calm the quick beating of her heart, before lowering her dagger.

                _How did he sneak up on me?_

                “Sorry.” He whispered. His feet shuffled back and forth in the snow as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I just… _um_ … I figured… if you’re going back that way? Maybe I could travel with you?”

                She had planned to head to Whiterun. Stop in and check on her home and Lydia. Take a bath. But she’d be lying to herself if she said she hadn’t been worrying a little about Aventus and his planned trip back to the orphanage. Lilyah had left him a small bit of coin, hoping he would find it and use it to take a carriage, but she knew from experience that a carriage did not guarantee safe passage. And the dragons may be lying low since the death of _Alduin_ , but it would be her luck to find that the boy had died on his trip; and by a dragon, no less.

                “I won’t be any trouble, I swear. I bought some bread and cheese and _um_ … I have my own waterskin. And I know you don’t seem to talk, so I’ll be quiet. I can be quiet… um, un… unless you want me to talk… then-“

                _By the_ …

                “ _Shh_.”

                “ _Okay_.”

                Looking towards Sin, Lilyah sighs in defeat, knowing her horse would enjoy his exuberant company- she grudgingly looks back to Aventus. He’s bouncing on his heels and smiling widely.

                “One. rule…” Her voice breaks from disuse. Loud in the quiet of the night, but he nods as she clears her throat. “You do exactly as I say… _when_ I say… or you go alone.”

                He starts to jump up and down, quietly repeating- _yes_ \- and she can’t help rolling her eyes.

                “Is that your horse?” Nodding, he walks towards Sin and raises his opened palm to her. “She’s beautiful.”

                “ _Shh_!”

                Aventus stops abruptly and looks around as he turns his head towards her, but when he sees that she’s striding towards him and her horse he visibly relaxes. But he stays silent.

                “You don’t know the _beast_ you’ll wake, calling her that out loud.” His curious eyes search hers, unafraid at the direct contact, as Sin snorts and one of his brows shoot to his hairline. “ _Believe_ me. Sin is more intelligent than even _I_ gave her credit for- at least at first. But she is vain and full of pride… so unless you wish for her to pester you at all hours of the day and night, I would be sure to keep those thoughts quiet from now on.”

                She allows the tiniest curve to the side of her lips, softening the command for the boy, until he’s smiling himself and turning back towards Sin. His quiet feet barely scraping against the cold earth and Lilyah pulls her fur cloak from her shoulders. There was no way her stubborn horse would let her ride… not anymore. And if she would subsequently be walking most of the trip, Aventus would need the cloak more.

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah watched, with slight irritation, as Sin lowered herself to the ground next to where Aventus was getting ready to sleep and allowed him to curl up against her side. Sin had never done that with Lilyah. Though she knew she shouldn’t be surprised, after the boy had continued to praise Sin’s beauty, that they now seemed attached at the hip. Even _she_ had been charmed. Smiling… like a fool… while leading the pair through the snow, until it turned to soggy earth and they made camp in the heart of Eastmarch, she couldn’t stop herself from feeling content with the realization that she enjoyed the extra company.

                The duo mostly left her alone, to which she was grateful. Aventus’ chatter kept her from going too deeply into her thoughts, but he only really directed his words to Sin, so she was kept from having to actually participate in the conversation. The best of both worlds.

                _Sin is going to be insufferable after we leave him in Riften_ …

                There was no other option for it. Aventus couldn’t survive on his own. She could not adopt him; not without a proper home. Not when she could not be a proper parent to him. Maybe seven months ago she could have, but not now. Not anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

                “I could come with you.” Biting the skin at the corner of his nails, Aventus rocked back and forth on his feet. “Be a part of the Dark Brotherhood with you.”

                A chilled wind whipped her hair into her face, snaking down the sweat coating her back as they lingered outside of Honorhall, and she shook her head at the boy. His face fell. She found she wished that it could be different, but before she could even think of what she might say- to give him a proper goodbye- he rushed to her and wrapped his arms around her middle.

                “I’ll never forget you.”

                She couldn’t imagine she’d ever forget him either.

 

* * *

 

 

                “Sin… he’s not coming.”

                Lilyah sighed loudly as Sin stood before the gates to Riften, stomping her hooves into the dirt before the guards, and resolutely continued to ignore her. The guards, distracted and disbelieving, only chuckled at her temper tantrum. Walking towards her, Lilyah’s throat burned as she listened to the mare whine and whinny. Crying at her newly found friend’s absence.

                “ _Sin_ … Sin, I’m sorry. He’s not coming.”

                Reaching a tender hand towards her, outstretched to caress her cheek, Lilyah was startled when Sin roughly nudged her hand away before turning to stomp back to her stall. Not even turning around to face Lilyah once she’s inside, Sin hangs her head to snuffle at the hay scattered along the ground.

                Noticing Shadr side-eyeing them, Lilyah finds she is in no mood to deal with Sin’s attitude and ignores her as she moves to speak with him instead.

                “Shadr?” Turning to look at her, his eyes sliding to her mouth for a second, he smiles when she asks, “How much would it cost to house Sin for a week?”

                “A week?” Lilyah only nods once. “Um… I, _uh_ … I think Hofgrir charges thirty septims for a week. It includes lodging, food, water, brushing, _um_ \- shoeing if needed, and uh… some leading for a little exercise.”

                She wouldn’t need all of that done if he could also deliver a message.

                “If I had someone who could brush her and get her the exercise she needs… would it still be thirty septims?”

                “ _Um_ … I’d have to ask Hofgrir, but I wouldn’t think so.” Looking at her lips again, he seems to debate his next words. “Are you going to be staying then?”

                Shadr was a kind young man, hard-working, devoted and persistent in making his life a better one. But she is broken. Too broken.

                “No.” His face falls minutely, but she ignores it. “I have obligations elsewhere. But _Sin_ … Sin will be more _trouble_ than a help at the moment and as I’ll not need her for this trip, I hoped she could just stay here until I return.”

                “Alright, but if you’ll not need Hofgrir or I to brush her and exercise her-“

                “The boy I brought back with me-“

                “Is he your son?”

                The word is like a knife and her lip curls for a second as the sensation of being stabbed slowly eases through her chest.

                “I’m sorry, _that’s_ … it’s none of my-“

                “He is not my son. But _Sin_ is quite attached, so I would like to allow him to come and care for her while I’m away.”

                Nodding his head, a hand coming up to scratch at his temple, he looks around; maybe looking for Hofgrir. Though Hofgrir is not around, probably in his home relaxing as Shadr watches the horses, Shadr still seems to debate if he should just make the call. His shoulders square a beat later.

                “Twenty septims for the week.”

                “Deal.”

 

* * *

 

 

                Giving him another septim to deliver the message to Aventus at the orphanage was easy. Leaving before Shadr and Aventus returned to the stables had not been, but she’d had no choice if she wanted to get going before dark; especially after being stopped by a courier and given a mysterious note with nothing but a painted black hand and the words- _We know_ \- written on it.

                Now three days later, covered in blood with a lucky slash across her thigh, Cragslane Cavern was rid of the skooma dealers she’d been sent to dispatch.

                _Getting back to Riften is going to take a bit longer now_ …

                Their leader, the one who had landed the lucky hit, had been carrying an enchanted sword and even with the healing potion she’d drank, her skin was still charred like blackened coal. Throbbing and itchy. She’d be sporting a limp for a while. If not a few weeks.

                “I just need to rest.” She said to no one in particular.

                Lilyah’s new leather tent, lined with fur inside, would at least keep her warm and dry during the night. But, for once, she wished she weren’t alone.

                Then again…

                _It’s too silent… not even the bugs are singing_ …

                Looking around, unsure if she’s expecting to see eyes staring back at her from the surrounding trees, Lilyah shivers with the feeling that she’s being watched. Leaving the fire to burn itself out, she crawls into her tent and closes to flaps before lying back and gripping the hilt of her dagger; resting it next to her injured thigh.

                The feeling of being watched still itching at her senses. It was a few hours later before her body finally succumbed to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah comes to from her nightmare with a roar, the feeling of blood soaking her body, but as her eyes flare open and she finds her hands empty, she finally realizes she’s not in her tent; not even outside anymore.

                _Where am I?_

                She hears murmurs, a mixture of worry and annoyance, when she notices three figures kneeling on the other side of the room. They’ve all got their hands and legs bound, with black hoods completely covering their heads and faces as if they were awaiting execution.

                “ _Mmm_ , you’re finally awake.” The lilting feminine voice startles Lilyah, coming from atop an empty three-tiered shelf with a leg dangling, rocking lazily back and forth. “I’ve been waiting to speak to the woman who killed old Grelod.”

                Studying the woman’s outfit, blood red and black leather, Lilyah keeps her mouth shut and just stares at her. She didn’t think the woman was any sort of authority that wished to arrest her, but she still wasn’t stupid enough to openly admit that she’d actually killed the old woman; justified as it was. There was no proof. Only, to Lilyah’s surprise, the stranger just chuckled seductively. As if she was enjoying the sight of a naked lover rather than observing her silent kidnapee.

                “I’ll take your silence as _surprise_?”

                _Deny… deny-deny-deny_ …

                “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

                Another sensual chuckle.

                “You have nothing to worry about… _honestly_.” Sitting up a little straighter, she rests her chin upon the opened palm of one hand. “It was a good kill and the _old crone_ had it coming. Plus… you saved a group of urchins to boot.”

                Her eyes seem to flash maniacally in the dim light of the cabin, the corners crinkling even as they widen, and Lilyah’s sure she’d find the woman’s lips stretched into a wide grin if the lower half of her face wasn’t covered under her mask.

                And the second she realizes who the woman is, or more astutely, the organization she represents, Lilyah’s senses go on high alert. Heart beats like dagger pricks inside her chest as it begins to gallop at break-neck paces. She needed to calm down if she wanted to make it out of the cabin alive and in one piece; needed to show no fear. No emotion.

                So she pushed it all down. Covered her sadness, her fear and her raging anger, until the easy- cold- void slipped back in; and she welcomed it. If the Dark Brotherhood was going to kill her, she would not make it easy.

                “But… there’s a problem, you see? The kill was one for the Dark Brotherhood… for my _family_ … and you _stole_ it.” Turning serious, her tone demanding, the assassin points towards the three figures. “So now you must repay it… with one more kill.”

                Looking towards them, wondering who it would have to be, Lilyah knew the assassin was going to make her choose. The question she had was… would she let her go after it was done.

                _Fucking wonderful_ …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took an extra week to post. Having my kids start baseball and tumbling at the same time, while having a few new books from my favorite series being released pushed this back.
> 
> So now that we've finally gotten to one of the parts of Lilyah's story that I've been so looking forward to, I'm thinking that chapters might be a little longer than usual (the word count, not the time it'll take to post... hopefully). Let me know what you think of this chapter :D comments are appreciated and thank you for reading!
> 
> Kitties and Coffee <3<3<3


	25. A Difference in Screams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mild NSFW, Blood and Gore, Violence
> 
> Lilyah gets the cat's tongue. Wrestles with decisions, a dragon and an ever elusive orgasm, before going in search of assassins. But when she reaches Falkreath, echoes of the past come out to haunt her, and they want blood...

                The assassin wanted her to figure out who, out of the three, had a contract on their head and wanted Lilyah to execute them. She had to learn a bit about each of them if she was to figure out who it was. This kill would not be easy.

                The Nord at the end might be the contract, being a mercenary with his admitted history of killing; it wasn’t out of the question. The older woman, a right bitch if Lilyah had been asked, grated on her patience, but other than that she couldn’t imagine anyone being angry enough that they’d perform the Black Sacrament to have her killed. Her attitude was more likely a symptom of being a single mother of multiple children. The well-dressed Khajiit was last.

                “Whoever you are, clearly we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot. But, no worries-“

                “What is your name?” Circling him slowly, she made sure to keep her tone slightly playful. The assassin was watching raptly. “We’re all friends here… you can tell me.”

                “Friends?” He purred for a moment; his tail flicking back and forth leisurely. “Mmm… friends who blind and bind… one might like these friends. Vasha is this one’s name.”

                “Would anyone pay to have you killed, Vasha?”

                A cackle hisses out from the black hood covering the khajiit, head shaking while his tail slashes back and forth, and Lilyah stills in front of him. She wonders if he can sense her, or if her shadow cast from the fire can be seen through the cloth, because his head tilts up towards her face as he quiets.

                “I am Vasha. Obtainer of goods, taker of lives… defiler of daughters. Have you not heard of me?”

                She has not, but he’s now become _contract_ _nominee_ number _one_ and her silence seems to give him pause. The tip of his tail fluffs, giving away his worry with a quick twitch, as she slowly circles him once more.

                “It seems you have not… maybe Vasha will have his men carve it into your flesh as a reminder… before this one guts you like the whore you are.”

                Lilyah had to give him credit. Unless he was delusional, he had to know that he was standing on the precipice of death, yet he held his head up and still thought it wise to taunt her.

                “You did not answer my question.”

                “Fool! I live in the shadow of death every day. A knife in every doorway, a nocked arrow on every rooftop!” He was growing irritated. She was enjoying it a wee bit. “If one of my enemies wouldn’t pay to have me killed, I would take it as a personal insult.”              

                Maybe he wasn’t the contract. Maybe her observer brought him in to trick her. Maybe it was the woman in the middle and the others were meant to do just what they were already doing. But the Dark Brotherhood assassin had not given her one hint and was leaving the decision up to her.

                “Tell you what. Release me, and I promise my associates won’t hunt you down like an animal and butcher you in the street. It’s a win-win.”

                Lilyah wondered if maybe she’d like to see them try. But, even if she chose wrong, the cat was no longer going to leave the shack alive.

                With a deep growling purr of her own, Lilyah debated how she would end his life. After her kidnapper informed her that she’d have to choose one of the victims to be murdered, the woman had pointed to the chest behind Lilyah and allowed her her weapons back. Her bow. Her daggers.

                Maybe it’d be easy after all.

                She bent down, leaning in close to the khajiit, and whispered in his twitching ear.

                “Would you like to play a game with me, Vasha?”

 

* * *

 

 

                “The conniving khajiit… a logical choice.” Lilyah stays silent as the blood between her fingers cools. Fur sticking where blood coagulates. “And with his death, your debt is paid.”

                _Does that mean he was the one with the contract? Or_ …

                “But I wonder… if I asked…” The assassin’s eyes flicked towards the two remaining figures, one still kneeling in defiance as the other curled into a ball on the floor, repeatedly pleading for his life to be spared. Lilyah silently waited for the command. “Mmm… you would, wouldn’t you… because you understand. When I give an order to spill blood, you follow it. No questions.”

                Still silent. Still waiting.

                Slinking down from her perch, the woman glides towards her with the sureness of a spider who knows a fly has been caught, but as she searches the black void of Lilyah’s eyes, Lilyah feels a shift between them. As if the widow, rather than finding a struggling fly, finds a sister widow instead.

A sudden need to burrow into the assassin’s chest and hold on for dear life overwhelms her for a moment. It’s insanity.

                “The key to the shack.” Holding out her opened palm, a rust stained key sat waiting. “But… why stop here?”

                Her brow furrows, heart clenching unfamiliar and odd, and the pale ocean eyes turn eager. Excited.

                “Join the Dark Brotherhood. Join my family.”

                The silence now is not a show in control or self-preservation, but a symptom of surprise. And as she gapes, slack-jawed and floundering, the key is slipped into her hands a second before they’re gripped closed and held.

                “Just give it some thought. Return to Riften if you must.” She walks Lilyah to the door and watches her fumble to unlock it. “And if you decide to accept my invitation… we are located in the Pine forest, south-west, near Falkreath. Our sanctuary is there. The door is located just beneath the road, hidden from view.”

                Lilyah finally finds her voice as the damp air of the marshes clings to her skin. She’s got a ways to travel to get back to Riften, but this whole encounter still seems unreal and, even if it’s a little morbid, she doesn’t want to break the spell yet.

                “And what? I just walk up and… _knock_?”

                The seductive chuckle is back.

                “Not quite.” Her eyes twinkle in the shadow of the shack’s door. “When questioned by the Black Door, answer with the correct passphrase: ‘Silence, my Brother.’ Then you’re in… and your new life begins.”

                Lilyah nods, curious how a door might need a passphrase before it’ll allow entrance, and with one last look the assassin whispers, “I’ll see you at home.”

                She closes the door a moment later. Her eyes crinkling with a hidden smile Lilyah is sure matches her own, and as Lilyah begins her trek out of the swamps, that smile never leaves. Never leaves; even knowing that the distant screams are not being caused by the wildlife.

 

* * *

 

 

                People were screaming as they landed on the road just outside of Whiterun, guards yelling for back-up, until they noticed Lilyah. She couldn’t help but chuckle at their utter surprise as she slid down from _Odahviing’s_ neck, scratching the smooth scales beneath his chin in thanks once her feet hit stone. He’d saved her a full day of traveling by agreeing to give her a ride. Granted she’d had to wrestle the beast until he’d submitted before said agreement was made.

                _Who knew a dragon’s jaws could be held closed so easily_ …

                “I can smell their-“

                She heard the snick and thud right before _Odahviing’s_ roar rattled the ground beneath her feet and his twisting neck knocked her on her arse. Hearing _Dragonborn_ being screamed all around her, she looked up and noticed an arrow lodged in the vulnerable skin where _Odahviing’s_ wing met his shoulder; a slight tear in the thin membrane of his wing where the arrow sliced through. Lilyah shouted before the dragon above her could set the people around them ablaze.

                “ _ODAHVIING_!”

                Head snaking down, he snarled at her as his dragon rage flared, but her answering snarl and accompanying elbow to his belly had him moving- grudgingly- for her to rise. Only barely contained, she needed to exert her dominance just a bit more before she dealt with whoever had loosed the arrow.

                “Stand down, or you die.”

                His lip curled with a resounding growl.

                “You would allow them to-“

                “No… not _them_.”

                She let the threat linger between them until _Odahviing_ nodded and lowered his head. Submissive once more. The anger shifted until her eyes caught sight of its new target.

                A Whiterun guard; his bow nocked with another arrow.

                “You dare!” Stalking towards the man, her fists clenched as she neared him, he’s only just relaxed the draw of his bow and straightened when she swings and her fist connects with his jaw. He drops like a boulder. “You _idiot!_ ”

                Two others rush to check on him, seeing that he’s only dazed, they turn to her with a mixture of anger and fear in their eyes. Paying it no mind, she looms over them and snarls.

                “Mistake number one. Don’t _ever_ engage a dragon unless you’re willing to die, along with possibly causing the deaths of anyone else that’s around, should you fail to kill it.” Bending down, she grabs the wooden bow the guard had used and easily snaps it over her knee. “Mistake number two. Thinking this pathetic excuse for a bow would save you past that first arrow.”

                And as she shoves the two broken pieces into the guard’s chest, her fingers and knuckles screaming from clipping his helmet when she’d punched him, she moves her hand, grips the neckline of his chest plate and hauls him up until they’ve got only an inch of space separating their faces. He has no choice but to look her in the eye or close his in fear. They close; his lips tremble.

                “Mistake.Number.Three…” She jerks his chest-plate back, his eyes popping back open. “Thinking that the _Dragonborn_ , that _I_ , will save you from your mistakes… I will not.”

                Shoving him back into his fellow soldiers, she lets her lip curl with a final growl before she turns back to _Odahviing_. Noticing the dragon trying, and failing, to pull the arrow from his flesh. He was only tearing himself up more.

                “Stop.”

                Ignoring her, he continued to mouth at the arrow until finally snaking his tongue around the shaft and using it to pull it into his mouth. Ripping the arrow from himself, he snaps it between his teeth and then whips it towards her feet. She keeps her arms crossed over her chest, glaring, as he huffs in her direction.

                “Insufferable- _are you done?_ ”

                He coughs out smoke, head shaking as if he’s tasted something unpleasant, before returning his tongue to the wound. She notices a crowd beginning to gather and feels, more than sees, the guards growing increasingly more agitated. Her sigh of frustration is loud, as she intends it to be, for _Odahviing_ to hear.

                “Move your big, scaly, head and let me see.” Pushing his snout down and away from the wound, she tries to focus her magic on healing. Her hands cover the oozing tear. “You’re drawing a crowd and I don’t feel up to fighting any more arrow-happy guards.”

                “ _Zu’u krii pah niin!_ ”

                “ _Ni daar sul!_ ”

                He hisses as her magic seals the wound. Moving to the tear in his wing, she uses the remainder of her magic to mend it. Once he is whole and well, shifting and stretching his wing, he sighs heavily at her command.

                “ _Geh, Briinah_.”

 

* * *

 

 

                Lydia is engaged. Engaged to Farkas of the Companions.

                Once the surprise that Lilyah had in fact survived the killing of Alduin, Lydia told her the news. And she was happy for Lydia. So happy to see her housecarl glowing and radiant that Lilyah offered to give her Breezehome as a wedding present. But, Lydia informed her that, as Thane, she needed to have a residence in the hold and that she and Farkas were thinking of starting a family, so they would need a little more room than what Breezehome offered anyways. After a promise from Lilyah to speak to the Jarl on their behalf, Lydia thanked her and promised she would still take care of the house while Lilyah was away and that if she ever needed her she had only to ask.

                And then she’d asked about Hadvar; asked about her pregnancy.

                The expression Lilyah gave must have been severe enough because Lydia immediately dropped the subject and kept quiet as her Thane made her way to her bedroom and shut the doors behind her.

                Lydia left minutes later, knocking on Lilyah’s bedroom doors, saying her goodnights, before departing.

                And the moment the front door closed Lilyah destroyed every bit of furniture in that small room. Only falling asleep on the splintered floor when her rage finally subsided; by then the sun was rising, but she couldn’t have cared any less.

 

* * *

 

 

                Sleeping the day away, she awoke again with the feeling of blood coating her hands, but this blood had not belonged to her. There were no screams. None from her at the very least.

                Lilyah was still unsure if she should consider it an improvement or not. But, she supposed… at worst she’d finally gotten a restful nights (days?) sleep.

                The water of her bath was just under scalding, but she appreciated the burn as she submerged herself until just her head was visible above the rippling surface. Lydia would be by soon. She’d have to think of an explanation for why her bedroom was bare of any furniture, but at the moment, with her muscles relaxing, it was a worry she’d get to when the time arose.

                Running her fingers along her skin, releasing the hold of tiny bubbles that built and clung to her beneath the water, she started to massage herself. Starting with her calves, she hummed while her thumbs worked. Kneading until the muscles screamed in pain and then smoothed tender touches to soothe that pain away.

                Sweat began to trickle down through her bound hair, snaking down her face and neck; she licked it from around her lips as her fingers began working the muscle of her thighs. A different heat was building and Lilyah could hardly remember the last time she’d felt it.

                Felt it like heated coals between her legs. Beating and pounding against her clit, but in all her life she’d never been able to satisfy these urges herself. She’d tried. Oh, how she’d tried… tried, and tried, and tried until her fingers, wrists and arms cramped with the effort and she grew irritated enough that she’d give up.

                Wondering if maybe this time might be different, Lilyah slowly dipped her fingers inside of herself. Thrusting, in and out, she bit her lip as her head leaned back against the lip of her tub and moaned as her fingers turned slick with arousal. Faster, faster, _faster_ and-

                “Are you home, my Thane?”

                _You’ve GOT to be kidding me_ …

                Lilyah sighed in defeat, knowing there was no way she’d be able to even remotely get herself to orgasm now, and lifted herself from the tub to dry off. She had a feeling it was just going to be that sort of day.

 

* * *

 

 

                A _day_ turned into a _fortnight_.

                Tense frustration. She thought she might go mad and, as her fingers cramped again and her wrist tweaked with pain, Lilyah kicked out against the raised leg post of the bed and sent herself tumbling onto the floor as the frame separated from the post. Her hand still stuck beneath the waistband of her leathers even after rolling from the bed.

                _Just fucking wonderful_ …

                She was not looking forward to explaining the state of her bed in the morning. Keerava and Talen-Jei were never going to let her live it down.

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah guessed that asking around about a mysterious Black Door might raise suspicions she didn’t need to be raising and instead asked if there were any areas that she might need to steer clear of in the area. Little luck in that. Not one person mentions a mysterious door or anything close to it.

                She still had trouble thinking about the fact that she was actually pursuing this. Finding the sanctuary of the Dark Brotherhood. Becoming a member; a part of their family.

                _Insanity… I’m going insane… assassins… as a family?_

                Helgen was only a day’s ride from Falkreath. She wondered if the town was still in ruins after Alduin, or if the old families who’d lived there returned to rebuild. Only a half day’s riding separated her from the Cyrodill border; the direction she might go if she were not a coward.

                Thoughts of Monia filled her mind, memories of the past, as a bottle of mead was sat in front of her. Lilyah hadn’t ordered anything.

                “I didn’t-“

                “Valdr.”

                “Excuse me?”

                The young woman, Narri, chuckled. Leaning against the pillar nearest Lilyah, leg lifted slightly to show off more skin, she turned her eyes to the man sitting at the bar. The one trying, none too discreetly, to watch them in return.

                “I did warn you that you’d have the men around here wrapped around your finger.”

                She had.

                “Heh, yeah… um… tell him thanks, but I’m not-“

                Placing a hand on Lilyah’s shoulder, Narri squeezed lightly.

                “No worries, love. I’ll let him down gently.”

                Lilyah didn’t really care how she let him down, but nodded with a small smile regardless. Most of the townsfolk were exceptionally welcoming and she didn’t think it would be wise to be anything less than gracious. At least for now.

 

* * *

 

 

                Three days passed before the Thalmor showed up asking around for the Dragonborn. Asking around for a Bosmer woman, black hair, black eyes and a scarred cheek. Wanted, preferably alive, to face the Dominion for her crimes. Except, after the patrons of the Inn and its owner kept her well hidden in an empty vat and the Thalmor left, she’d been able to read the warrant… and see who issued it.

                Aleinon. Her old master.

                _He found me… he knows… shit… FUCK!_

                She needed the Dark Brotherhood now more than ever.

 

* * *

 

 

                _NO!_

                Rain fell in torrential waves, soaking everything it touched, but Lilyah was frozen. Just outside of Falkreath, on her knees and surrounded by Aleinon’s lackeys, her terror was paralyzing. There were too many for her to take on alone and they were much smarter than she’d assumed, having Sin tethered between two trees- taking ten of them to do it- and one now holding a dagger against Narri’s throat. They’d also been prepared for her shouts; the inevitable downtime between each one.

                With the gag in her mouth she’d be unable to use another, even once she’d recovered.

                “Such a sly little slave.” His sun-gold eyes would have been beautiful if not for the sickly red that filled the whites of his eyes, and the disgust they now looked down on her with. “Getting the ‘ _help’_ to smuggle you out of town. Or maybe she’s more than just the help?”

                “Don’t touch her-AAAH!”

                Lilyah’s throat closed as the golden-eyed Altmer backhanded Narri, her captor tightening his hold on her a second later. His dagger just breaking the tender skin of her neck. Lilyah watched as the rain sliding down her neck mixed with her crimson blood and quickly began staining the fabric of her dress.

                _Shit_ …

                Then they’d seen them. Witnessed Narri surprise Lilyah with a fierce kiss after sneaking her out the back of the Inn before shoving her in the direction of the graveyard and telling her to run; telling her that Sin would be waiting behind the Hall of the Dead. They’d mistaken the kiss. Thought Narri was her lover.

                “Stupid Nord bitch. No one told you to speak.”

                Pulling his sword free from his hip, Lilyah knew she needed to do something quickly, or they were going to kill Narri. The young woman didn’t deserve to die for her.

                She snorted. No one deserved that, but fate never stopped making them. And with that thought she started chuckling, the rope of cloth between her teeth cutting into the flesh at the corners of her mouth, until they all turned to stare and her chuckles turned to full blown laughing.

                “Something funny to you slave?” Distracted. He turned his full attention on Lilyah.

                There were plenty of things she found to be funny. The fact that they were all dead men and that the sun-eyed Altmer was going to die, slowly and painfully. She never said they would find it funny themselves.

                Only the diversion didn’t last.

                “Kill the Nord bitch. We’ve wasted too much time.” Leaning in towards Lilyah, their leader sneers in her face as she helplessly watches the Altmer holding Narri move the dagger from her neck and angles it down before plunging it into her chest. Lilyah roars over the gag, lunging clumsily for the woman as she tumbles to the ground, but an arm holds her back as more news is whispered into her ear. “Aleinon waits in Bruma for your return.”

                Watching the blood slip from Narri’s lips, seeing her eyes void of life, Lilyah snapped. Craning her neck back, she caught the lead Altmer unawares and slammed her head into his- hoping she broke his nose as a crack echoed in her ears. Not stopping as her head pounded and her vision spun stars, she lifted herself up and barreled her knee into his downturned face before turning to find the rest of the group ready with their weapons drawn.

                Six to one. Her odds weren’t good.

                But then they’re charging her and it’s all she can do to keep from being impaled by a sword, twisting and rolling away as her arms stay bound behind her back, trying to stay out of reach. She ends up turned around and then the one who’d killed Narri tackles her and they go tumbling over a small ridge and roll down into a small ravine. Her back slams flat against the ground and she’s gasping for air.

                A pool of dark black water ripples in chaos as the rain falls harder. She stands, moving to run away before the rest of the group follows them down, but arms tangle with her feet and she’s falling face first onto a dirt path.

                Right in front of a hidden door adorned with a large skull. Made fully of black stone.

                _The Black Door_ …

                She’d made it. Realized it as firm hands flip her onto her back and bare fingers have gripped her throat; squeezing.

                Tilting back and forth, he only holds tighter and, with his leverage over her, she begins to panic as the stars return and her vision flickers. Rain still pelting the earth, it pattered against her face and pooled in the corners of her eyes. Lungs screaming, her body bucks to try and gain any leverage herself, but the Altmer man is also wearing armor and probably weighs triple her body weight.

                Mistaking the loud grinding noise that vibrates through her body as the man above her crushing her throat, she’s just starting to slip into darkness when an odd spiraling shard bursts through the throat of the Mer strangling her and his blood is splattered over her face. It takes her body a moment longer before desperately sucking in a painful amount of air and she starts to cough.

                Careful arms slip under her shoulders, lifting her into an upright sitting position after her attacker’s body is shoved away, and a pair of enchanting ruby red eyes devours what is left of Lilyah’s hazy and darkening vision. Surprisingly gentle fingers pulling the gag free from her sore mouth.

                “Beautiful.” She croaks; unable to stay silent.

                A beautiful laugh as well and she’s relaxing into unconsciousness as slender fingers graze along her cheekbones.

                “Rest, Sister. You’re safe now. You’re home.”

                Slipping into the dark, she’ll not remember the echoing sounds of dying Altmer. Only the comforting caresses of calloused fingers.

               

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was a few days later than I planned... I TOTALLY FORGOT IT WAS MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND :P so I was not planning on my husband and my kids keeping me busy all weekend :)
> 
> Anyways, as I promised... this chapter is long... 4k words exactly :D I hope that makes up for the delay in posting :)
> 
> Translations:
> 
> "Zu'u krii pah niin!" ("I kill all them!") or "I would kill them all!"
> 
> "Ni daar sul!" ("Not this day!") or "Not today!"
> 
> "Geh, Briinah." ("Yes, Sister.")
> 
> Also, with the part where Lilyah mentions how easy it is to keep a dragon's mouth shut, I imagine it kind of like an alligator/crocodile. Their jaws can crush bone with one snap, but with only the grip of your hand you can keep them from opening their jaws... I imagined Lilyah wrapping herself around Odahviing's snout and just holding on for dear life until he grew tired enough that he just gave up.
> 
> As always, I am forever grateful for the comments and kudos. It is appreciated immensely.
> 
> They're my kitties and coffee!!! <3<3<3


	26. Forming Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Graphic depictions of torture, Blood and Gore, Violence to the max, Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Lilyah meets her family and they come bearing gifts...

                Knives tear down her throat. Claws cutting ribbons on each breath. It’s a miracle that her windpipe wasn’t completely crushed but, even as she’s unsure where she’s currently resting, she’s alive and it’s more than Lilyah expected. She’s also not tied up or gagged, as her hands lift to gently touch the tender skin at the corners of her lips, which is a little reassuring. Her bare skin slides against the soft fur surrounding her as she mentally checks herself over and memories of the Dark Brotherhood saving her from Aleinon’s men come back to her in vague and fuzzy bits.

                _The Dark Brotherhood… I found them_ …

                Opening her eyes is exhausting but, as they instantly adjust to the dim light around her, she hears a few muffled laughs far beyond the door. Parchment rustling just outside of it.

                Her joints and muscles ache, throwing the furs above her to the side, she groans and hisses as her feet touch cold stone; she’s only dressed in her smalls. Looking around her room, noticing a few of her things hanging to dry near the roaring fire (her shoes among them), and her eye catches on a plate of bread and cheese. Her stomach screams loudly; along with her throat.

                She’s at the table without even realizing she’d moved in the first place.

                After she’s gulped down the entire flagon of water, and eaten almost the entire plate of food, the door opens and a familiar set of eyes find her. Lilyah stills. Ready to fight if need be, even if she has no chance without weapons or armor; maybe even with them. But there’s no need.

                “Glad you’re awake. We were worried you’d passed into the void.” Leaving the door ajar, the assassin glides to the empty chair opposite Lilyah and sits. “It would have been a shame for you to come so far only to _die_ at our door.”

                _We? Who else out of them all could possibly feel worry for me?_

                Ruby eyes and tender fingers come to mind, but she shakes the thought away as she tries to speak. A mix between a squeal and a croak leaves her, the pain like fire, causing a coughing fit that brings tears to her eyes and racks her body with shakes.

                “ _Shh_. Please. There is no need. I am Astrid, leader of our merry band of assassins, and you’re safe inside these walls. It will take a while for your injuries to heal enough to speak… and besides…” A smirk plays on her lips as she leans back in her chair, “the silence suits you. Gives you an air of _mystery_.”

                Lilyah only nods, throat throbbing with a choking heat, when Astrid rises and walks to her wardrobe. Shuffling around inside, Lilyah’s brow lifts as two different outfits are set out on the bed she just left. One matching the outfit Astrid currently wore.

                “A gift. The outfits of the Dark Brotherhood.” Walking towards the door, resting a hand against the side, Astrid just smiles. “Keep them both, if you wish. And may they serve you well.”

                Bowing in thanks, she slowly swallows the bread in her mouth and glances at the garments. The leathered armor, the same that Astrid currently wore, seemed a better choice for Lilyah’s overall lifestyle, but the robes looked especially comfortable as well. Astrid speaks before she can choose.

                “You’ll find both sets carrying enchantments that are… _beneficial_ … for our line of work, but the robes are more suited for mages. Though I don’t think any of us would fault you for wearing the robes even if you’re not. They are rather comfortable.” Tapping the flat of her hand against the door twice, she glances out where Lilyah can’t see before turning back to her. “Get dressed when you’re ready. The rest of your new family is eager to meet you. And… _welcome home_.”

                The door shuts with a quiet snap, but she’s too stunned to do anything but stare.

                _Home_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                Keeping the hood down for now, Lilyah slips silently out of the room and takes in the area around her. A simple desk to her left, covered with a large map of Skyrim and rolls of parchment; a dagger protruding from the area where she might guess was Riften. Across from her, and to her right, stood a few shelves. Covered in an odd assortment of things… bones… skulls- both human and animal- set around random daggers and an array of books that pique Lilyah’s interest for a moment.

                There were two directions she could turn to leave the room. To her right, stairs leading up, more than likely lead to the Black Door; to the rest of the world. She wondered how Sin was doing.

                The way to her left seemed to head down. As the sounds of conversation drifted from there, she assumed that was also where the rest of the Dark Brotherhood was congregated and more than likely where Astrid was as well. Her foot hit the first step when Astrid appeared at the bottom.

                “ _Ah_ … she emerges.” Astrid begins ascending the steps, lifting a hand to rest against Lilyah’s arm, she looks her over. “I’m glad to see they fit relatively well. You have a slighter frame than even our Gabriella, but, no matter. Everyone is just down the stairs. _Go_ … get acquainted… and if you’re feeling up to taking on some contracts just speak with Nazir.”

                Lilyah opens her mouth, but thinks better of replying and motions for a piece of paper to write on. Astrid snorts with a smirk, but moves to the desk and pulls out parchment and slides over a quill and ink jar. Nodding, she quickly scrawls down her query about Sin and holds the paper out to Astrid.

                “Yes, the beautiful mare. She has been taken care of and waits for you just outside. If you’d like we can go check on her now. The beast has been fretful and stubborn since we brought you inside a day and a half ago. Maybe she’ll calm when she sees that you’re alive and well.”

                Bowing her head again, she lets Astrid lead, and is not surprised in the slightest when her guess is proven correct. Up is the way out.

                Once the Black Door has slid open, the rain now just a layer of mist that clings, they walk into the small clearing and she notices Sin biting and pulling at the rope that binds her to a tree. Rushing to remove it, her sudden appearance only startles the mare and Sin begins to panic; eyes widened in terror. But Lilyah is quick to make her see that it’s her and not an enemy, hands out with slow movements, before she can hurt herself in her fear.

                She wants to speak to her, to calm her with her words, but her throat is too tight. Clogged with pain and emotion, it’s a relief to see Sin alive. Unharmed. Safe.

                _My friend_ …

                “She caused us quite the trouble. Kicking and biting and stomping like a stubborn mule the whole way here. I don’t think she carries a fearful bone in her body.” Stepping forward, Astrid leans a hip against the outer edge of the stone arch that juts out of the hillside; smirking as the Black Door resides behind her. Forest greens and shadows it’s only company. “Thankfully our Gabriella has a way with… members of the _equine_ family.”

                Her tone tells of a joke or memory between her and this Gabriella- but Lilyah is on the outside of it, and so she doesn’t react. Only turns back to Sin and begins to untie the knots of the rope surrounding her neck and head. When the ropes have all thudded against the ground, happily forgotten, she wraps her arms around the mare’s neck and holds on as tightly as she’ll allow.

                Sin’s patience lasts all but a minute before she’s tugging on Lilyah’s robe and trying to eat her hair. Pulling away, Lilyah reaches up and tugs playfully at the hair covering Sin’s white diamond patch on her forehead. Her response is to snort in her face. And Lilyah is not prepared.

                Shocked for a moment she merely stands there, stock still, and breathes out slowly through her nose. The wet mucus of Sin’s snot sticks to her skin and all she can really think about being thankful for is that her mouth had already been closed. Astrid’s laugh shocks her back into the moment and she lifts her arm to wipe at her face as Sin’s amused whinnying mixes in. Lilyah is less than amused.

                “Oh, I like her already.” Astrid chuckles.

                _Of course you do_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                Astrid leaves her at the top of the stairs that lead down into the rest of the sanctuary, now leaning back over the large map on her desk and shuffling through different rolls of parchment, and Lilyah has no other excuses to delay meeting the rest of the Dark Brotherhood. Her supposed new family.

                Anxious and sweating, she cracks the knuckles of her fingers and starts down the steps.

                _Astrid has accepted me. Will the rest of them?_

                She thought about the fact that they’d all, or at least a few, had come out to dispatch the Altmer men who’d been trying to capture her. But that could have been on Astrid’s orders and that alone.

                _Listen to yourself… you’re more worried about a group of assassins accepting and liking you than the fact that they could kill you the minute you lay eyes on them_ …

                Not wanting to show how nervous she was, Lilyah shakes out her hands and takes a few deep breaths before pulling on her mask of indifference and slowly finishes descending the steps. The cavern that lays before her is massive and echoing, explaining her ability to hear their laughter earlier as she lay in bed with a thick door between them as well, but as her feet edged her closer to the circle of assassins a cord of power tugged her past them all. Pulled her to the curved wall that whispered of killing; of death.

                Murmurs of a thousand voices. Killers speaking of all they knew. Kin of her blood roaring inside of her about the power and dominance one gained with ending the life of another. And it called… oh, how it called to her; to the deep dark part of her soul that had always longed to be a master… not a slave.

                As her body moved into range of the word wall, and the essence began to transfer into her soul, it seemed to recognize it as well. It felt like a smile.

                “ _KRII_.” _Kill_ … The word purred in her mind. Seduced her. She whispered through pain and fire, “ _Zu’u los dinok nau nahlot viing, Zu’u los Vul_ -“

                “ _Sister?_ ”

                A familiar voice. Smooth velvet, oozing with sex and pleasure; Lilyah wanted to lick it from her mouth and suck it from her lips. Kicked up on the high of power, her libido surges and wrecks her restraint.

                _Briinah_ …

                Slim fingers slide along her upper arm and she acts on instinct. Like a snarling feral dragon, Lilyah grips the wrist connected to the fingers touching her and flips the extended body around until they lay horizontal on the floor; blood red staring into the black fires of Oblivion.

                It’s the Dunmer woman who saved her outside of the sanctuary, and Lilyah is straddling her hips. One hand holding that wrist behind the woman’s back, shoving her breasts against Lilyah’s, and the other is held around the assassin’s neck. She can feel the woman purring beneath her fingers.

                “NO!” She glances to the side and it pulls Lilyah’s gaze to the slowly advancing assassins she’d forgotten about until now. A menacing hiss slips through her bared teeth, like a pit of vipers, and they all stop moving. “It’s fine. Our new sister here has been through a lot… maybe if we let her play with her _present_ she’ll calm down.”

                That stops her short.

                _A present… for me?_

                “Come, sister.” The both of them moved together. Lilyah sitting up, legs still straddling legs, and the Dunmer beneath her lifted herself to sitting. She’d released her wrist, but her fingers still lay gently around the assassin’s throat. “Let me help you… _relax_.”

                She breathed through trying to ignore the heat that built in her core at the double meaning, the lingering look the assassin gave to Lilyah’s lips, and only just succeeds at keeping herself from grinding down against her before rising to her feet. She looks away in shame as the woman chuckles knowingly.

                Lilyah now just wished an Oblivion gate would open up and suck her in.

                _Fuck me!_

 

* * *

 

 

                Thick steel double doors stood in front of her, blocking her supposed present, and Lilyah looked back at the looming group of assassins again to show her reluctance. The little girl, a vampire that maybe wasn’t quite a little girl, stepped forward and smiled sweetly.

                “It’s alright. _Swear_... just go in.”

                Looking between the door and the tiny assassin one more time, Lilyah nods and then pushes her hands against the doors. Taking only a step into the room, she realizes what her gift is.

                A few candles light the room, keeping an eerie red glow about the stone, but her eyes cannot mistake the struggling figure chained to the stone wall. Face bloodied and bruised, chest bared, his golden eyes bore angrily into hers. The leader of Aleinon’s hunters.

                The one who’d put her on her knees.

                Hers to kill.

                She prowls the rest of the way into the room, slow and ready to pounce, but her eyes catch the glint of metal on a table nearby. A table set up with an array of tools, polished and ready, for her to use if she pleased. Shivs, like rusted nails, were stacked near the bottom left. Tools for embalming sat above them. A meat hook, sharpened for easy gutting, lay near a gag that looked exactly like the one she’d had on; maybe it was. A bowl of salt rested in the center of the table, a few poisons lining the top of the table, and a pair of tongs for tearing out teeth all screamed to be used. And then she caught sight of her dagger; glinting with enchantment.

                The dragons in her blood roared. The urge to dominate an all-consuming song in her veins and she looked back to the gathered assassins with a smile that had them all giving her one in return. Smiles that said welcome home.

                They closed the door and left her to enjoy her gift.

                She would.

 

                

* * *

 

 

                He was resilient, she’d give him that.

                _I will hear him scream before he dies_ …

                “Bitch!” He spits at her feet, blood and saliva splattering against the stone. She’d removed a few teeth already and almost received her scream then, but he’d held out. “Whore!”

                A smile came to her then, all teeth and an innocent fluttering of her lashes before she turns to grab the gag; twirls with that same smile as she presents it to him.

                “Gag me all you like. It’ll change _nothing_ … you’ll still be that scared little slave that was tossed from cock to cock-“ Her smile falters. _He knows?_ His smile returns. “Oh, yes… I remember you. You had such a sweet little pussy. Quivering and tight, even after my old employer had gotten his fill of you.”

                Her body began to shake, but he continued on.

                “You were maybe _fourteen_ then. Discarded by Aleinon as he found a new toy to play with.”

                Lilyah reeled. Memories battering her mind.

                “ _Shutup_.”

                The word rasped on a whisper through her teeth. She still couldn’t seem to remember him, but she was done listening. Done playing.

                He noticed.

                “Aleinon will find you eventually. And he has big plans for you.” His bravado was faltering as his chest began to heave in breaths. Her rage began to burn through her skin. “The Dragonborn… a _slave_.”

                _NEVER!_

                “ _KRII!_ ”

                Booming throughout the room, Lilyah marvels as the shout penetrates his body, illuminating his bones and organs, and he finally screams. She ignores whoever barges through the steel doors, not caring who sees, and stalks the remaining distance to her victim. His eyes bulge in fear at her approach and as she shoves her hand under his chin, forcing him to look up, she strikes forward to sink her teeth into his throat and rips it out.

                Pulling his chin down so he can look her in the eye as he chokes on his own blood, she spits out what she’d bitten off, and gives him a bloody smile until his body seizes against his restraints and the life leaves his eyes. The power and adrenaline leave her a moment later and she stumbles backwards.

                A body Lilyah is growing more and more familiar with catches her, lowering their bodies to sit upon the floor, and her head starts to swim. She can’t help but hope this isn’t going to become a habit; passing out in her arms.

                “Rest, sister. I will watch over you.”

                She moves her head enough to see heavy-lidded eyes staring back and hums contentedly as the smell of Nightshade fills her nose. She slips into the void of blissful sleep with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea, I've been feeling especially misanthropic lately and it was affecting this chapter WAY more than I intended, so it took a little longer to write as it wasn't how I wanted the chapter to go. Hopefully it turned out well and I hope you all enjoy.
> 
> Next chapter will have Lilyah finally being properly introduced to her new family members :D
> 
> Let me know what you think and, as always, I appreciate the comments, kudos, and everyone who takes the time to read my fic.
> 
> Kitties and Coffee <3<3<3
> 
> Translations:
> 
> "KRII." ("KILL")
> 
> "Zu'u los dinok nau nahlot viing, Zu'u los Vul-" (I am death on silent wings, I am Vul-") - She is about to say/call out her Dovah name at the end... it would not have been good if she had.
> 
> "Briinah..." ("Sister...")


	27. A stitch in time... saves nine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriella's POV at the beginning. Lilyah's POV halfway through.

                There was something… different… about her, she’d noticed at first. Bucking and fighting futilely the first moment she’d seen her; arms tied behind her back, gag in her mouth and an armored wretch atop her with his hands around her slender throat. And once she had removed the waste, locked eyes with her new sister and removed the gag- the Bosmer had rasped out without a thought to her own pain- _Beautiful_.

                Not as though she’d never been called as such, by one night lovers or a target before she’s allowed them to realize who she is. Usually when she’s in the mood to play.

                But then she’d fallen unconscious and not woken for a day and a half. They’d all wondered if she might just pass into the void and join their dark lord, or if she might actually recover and finally wake, and then she had watched her slowly stride towards their gathering only to lose focus and head to the crescent wall adjacent to them.

                Gabriella had been entranced as well. Both at their odd new sister and at the wall. Neither had really done much, but now both were glowing.

                Very odd indeed.

                “Babette, my dear, have the Nightshade stems outside bloomed yet?” Rather fickle, they needed very rich soil to grow properly and they were always in need of more petals. “Veezara has begun hoarding your poisons and I’m in need of a few for my next contract.”

                Watching her sister as she cared for the few flowers she tended near the pool of water in the center of their sanctuary, Gabriella thought about the first and last time she’d ever seen Babette and Arnbjorn get into a serious fight. Always so animalistic, he’d been in the mood to mate and thought bringing a stem of the purple flower would warm Astrid up to it; Babette had snapped… literally trying to bite him.

                She’d been thoroughly entertained, alongside Nazir, as their tiny sister chased their large furry brother in circles around the pillar near the forge. Of course he’d later made a better choice and crafted Astrid a new dagger. No one could stand getting near their room for a week.

                “The clusters near the pool inside are beginning to wilt. I’ll pull a few and brew you a new batch, sister, but you’ll have to wait until tomorrow for them to be ready.”

                Understandable. Thankfully she was in no hurry. She’d scouted her target for a fortnight, only just returning to the sanctuary a day before their new sister’s timely arrival, and knew that the woman would be held in Whiterun’s prisons for another week at least. Gabriella was asked to assassinate her the moment she was released; right in front of her family. She had another few days before she’d need to be back there to execute her target.

                “Wonderful. Thank you.”

                A moment of quiet passes between them before inquiring and glowing eyes catch hers.

                “Are you ever going to tell me what happened between our new sister and her gift?”

                She hadn’t intended to bear a secret worth telling (or not telling), it just happened that Gabriella was the only one who’d been close enough to hear the conversation happening inside of that chamber and the only one close enough to know that the booming tremble throughout the sanctuary was not some sort of magic blast, but a shout; a shout her intriguing new sister learned only hours before. Even now, she cared very little of the how or why of her silent sister’s talent, or her title, and knew the rest of them would all learn of it eventually, but it was not her story to tell and she enjoyed watching her brothers and sisters squirm in the meantime.

                Ignoring the prodding question, she asks one of her own.

                “Has she awoken at all?”

                Taking it upon herself to care for the stubborn mare outside, whilst also scouting the area to see if any other bounty-hunters were nearby, she’d spent the better part of the day outside of the sanctuary while their new sister rested. Enjoying the images of said snarling sister crouching above her; hand around her throat- ready to kill. No one in their family would ever dare and not one person who’d ever tried _ever_ succeeded.

                Not until her.

                After falling unconscious in her arms, yet again- though Gabriella couldn’t find it in herself to mind- her sister’s small smile had lingered; even in rest. Having only that smile and the mutilated corpse hanging limply from the wall to occupy her until the others had gathered around them, Gabriella only continued to gently run her fingers through the silky ebony hair in hopes that that smile wouldn’t fade. She’d dodged answering all of their questions by requesting help in moving their blood spattered sister to a bed and then left once Arnbjorn had hoisted her limp form against his chest and moved her out of sight.

                Babette merely shakes her head in answer to her query.

                Gabriella turns, not needing to say a parting word, and heads to their beds. She convinces herself the giggle that echoes behind her is aimed at Arnbjorn.

                There could be no other reason.

 

* * *

 

 

                Veezara slept a few beds over, his hissing snores and mumbled lisps a continuous litany as dreams plagued his mind. Gabriella was glad he found time to sleep now and not later when she would need resting. Being a rather quiet brother when he’s awake, he unfortunately made up for that quiet when he slept and Gabriella appreciated quiet when she rested.

                “Nnngh… n… no…”

                Tilting her head, she contemplated her Bosmer sister as she whimpered in her sleep. Brows furrowed in fear, Gabriella thought it made her look exceptionally young as she curled further into herself. Her invisible monsters closing in for the kill. She noticed sweat glistening against her sister’s forehead.

                “Massster… pllleasssse…”

                Gabriella’s eyes closed instantly, a twinge in her otherwise unaffected heart, as her thoughts understood without explanation what their new sister had most likely lived through in her life. Turning to get a bowl of water and a rag, more whispered pleas and whimpers echoing quietly behind her retreating back, she knew now where the dark and endless fire in her sister’s eyes originated.

                When it came to someone who held the title of master, one who held no other name, Gabriella knew the horrible things that that sort of person did to someone they deemed lesser; to someone as beautiful as her sister. They were never good or noble things.

                “That man has no idea the monster he’s created.” She whispered to herself. A smirk playing along her lips as she collected her bowl and rag. “I will enjoy teaching her all the infinite ways in which she can torture you before she sends you to Sithis.”

                “Talking to ourselves again, sister?”

                “Maybe…” She chuckles dryly. Walking over, she takes Nazir’s pitcher of water off of the counter, ignoring his muttered protests, and uses what is left to fill her bowl. “You know it’s the only way I can enjoy any sort of entertaining conversation around here.”

                 He glares until a wicked smile forms to chafe at her lips, all teeth, and whatever he’d planned to say dies on his. He begrudgingly turns his attention back to his stew.

 

* * *

 

 

                As the images of large groping hands fade, a resounding whimper accompanying her into wakefulness, Lilyah slowly recognizes the hissing noises in her ears as someone shushing her in comfort, followed by the cool press of a cloth against her heated skin. It’s startling.

                The noise and touch stop after her body tenses.

                “You are safe.”

                An echo of Astrid’s words. She opens her eyes to see her current caretaker leaning over her, wetted cloth in hand, and slowly begins to relax as the assassin steps away.

                “Are you thirsty?”

                With the Dunmer’s hand already reaching for a tankard sitting on the nearby end table, Lilyah just nods and rises stiffly into a sitting position. She _is_ thirsty.

                Sliding the tankard between her palms, their fingers tangling for a moment, she has to close her eyes to steady herself as her body heats and the hairs along her skin stand on end. Foreign and slightly disconcerting, a deep breath to calm the racing, and she wonders if she might be about to panic.

                In all her time, while a slave and after, she’d never had this reaction to another woman. Of course she’d admired, appreciated the beauty (even momentarily enjoyed the surprise kiss she’d been given from Narri before they’d been caught), but the thoughts bombarding her- for the one before her in particular- was a new experience. Terrifying- and that was not even acknowledging the fact that the woman was proficient in the art of ending people’s lives.

                Putting aside the fact that she is a trained assassin, Lilyah knows almost nothing about the woman. Doesn’t even know her name.

                _Calm down, you wretch… you’re attracted to her… so what… doesn’t mean anything will come of it… doesn’t mean she’s anything like_ …

                “I suppose it might be too much to ask, at the moment, for your name. I am Gabriella.” Taking the empty tankard back from Lilyah, placing it back down on the end table, she cocks a hip and crosses her arms over her ample chest with a smirk a moment later. “Our brothers and sisters are anxious to officially meet you… if you think you’re up for it.”

                She felt as though she could lie back down, even now, and rest for the next year, but she knew that Astrid had not extended an invitation to the Dark Brotherhood for her to just sleep. No matter how much her body protested to being vertical.

                Knees aching as she stands, Gabriella just smiles approvingly before turning and walking away. Lilyah expects she means for her to follow.

                _What was Ma’s favorite line?_ …

                Stopping at a set of stairs leading down to where she assumes they all come to eat, a fire blazing as an oddly familiar figure stirs the pot of whatever is cooking, and the phrase finally comes back to her. A smirk plays at her lips.

                _A stitch in time… saves nine_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                He chuckles after her jaw drops. She knew she recognized him from somewhere.

                _What had he said?... Something about bed bugs and killers?_

                Snapping her mouth shut, she only raises a brow and crosses her arms until his laughter subsides.

                _Of course he’s an assassin with the Dark Brotherhood… he’s probably the one who ratted me out for killing Grelod… probably expected Astrid to just murder me outright for fulfilling the contract before he could_ …

                “I’m _honored_ you remember me... I wasn’t so sure that you would.”

                Even if she could talk, Lilyah thought she might’ve still kept her silence.

                He merely scoffs.

                “Going for the silent brooding and mysterious thing, hmm?”

                Lilyah lifts her head slightly, knowing the lowered flick of his gaze is his noticing the visible bruises along her throat, but he only lowers himself into the nearest chair instead of acknowledging it and turns his attention to his steaming bowl of stew. Her traitorous stomach growls as the savory smell hits her nose.

                “ _Hmph_ … that may work for your targets and may warm the rest of our dwindling, _dysfunctional_ little Family to you,” mouthing a hearty spoonful of stew, the metal clicking against his teeth, he chews for a few added seconds before leveling a bored glance in her direction, “but you’ll find _I’m_ not so easily impressed.”

                She hoped her own eyes conveyed- _The feeling is mutual_.

                “Ever the resident ray of sunshine, Nazir.” Gabriella deadpanned.

                He only grunts as he goes back to eating. She’d have to go to him to get her first contracts.

                “I’d say his bark is worse than his bite, but-“

                “Did I hear someone say something about biting?”

                A looming Nord follows the question into the room, a predatory glint in his eyes, with a gate and stance that suggests he would thoroughly enjoy taking a bite out of someone. A barely controlled beast in human form.

                “Tidbit’s finally awake.” He says with a look at her.

                _What did he just call me?_

                “Ignore Arnbjorn,” Looking back, a flash of teeth as she smiles, and Lilyah starts to relax, “he’s just cranky because he hasn’t been able to hunt.”

                “You joke about it now.” Flexing and stretching his hands, she thinks she can see his nails grow slightly longer.

                “ _Dog._ ”

                “ _String bean_.” Arnbjorn growls.

                “Have you been able to craft those arrowheads for me yet?”

                Lilyah’s stomach growls again, catching the Nord’s attention, and he smirks before going back to Gabriella’s question. When she feels Gabriella’s calloused fingers sliding between hers, her other hand curving around Lilyah’s hip, her heart stutters and her body shivers. Gently moving her to sit in one of the chairs at the table, and not so much as a glance Lilyah’s way, Gabriella continues to wait for the response to her question.

                “I’ve finished a few different styles. Just need you to check which one you like best.”

                An old man in mages robes groans, walking around Arnbjorn’s massive body, and sits down loudly next to Nazir. They start bickering a moment after the little vampire sets a bowl of stew in front of him and he’s taken a bite.

                “Sithis take you, Nazir. There’s too much-“

                “I added one pepper this time, old man.”

                He continues to eat, but she can see him visibly sucking on his teeth after each bite. Nazir rolls his eyes.

                “I don’t care. I’d like to taste what I’m eating, not fill myself with milk to ease the deadening of my tongue.”

                “You know, for a mage who excels at wielding fire…” Sitting back in his chair with a smirk, bowl swiped clean with the last of his bread, Nazir only shakes his head.

                A bowl of stew is set down before her, a chunk of bread and a jar of milk pushed near as antidotes for the spiciness to come, and she hears another grunt from the old man when she realizes Nazir is watching her intently. Waiting for her to have her first taste. Gauging her reaction. A test.

                _Fuck_ …

                Still- even if it was too spicy- Lilyah was stubborn enough to shove his doubt back in his face and, beyond even that, she was starving. Stomach growling as the word claws down her throat, she lifts her first spoonful and doesn’t give herself a second to think before she takes the plunge and takes the bite.

                _Whoa… what? This is_ …

                An indecent moan leaves her before she’s even comprehended what is happening inside of her mouth, only vaguely aware that a moment later Gabriella has rushed from the room without so much as a glance her way, but Lilyah can only take half a moment to wonder what could be wrong before the bowl of soup sitting before her commands the rest of her attention. The second bite- and all subsequent ones after- taste just as delicious as the first. Her eyes close as she inhales the soup, savoring the sweet hints of honey that compliment whatever zesty spice it is that he’s used, and when her spoon scrapes against the bottom she whimpers like an animal when she realizes the bowl is empty; only the glistening reflection of thick broth covering the bottom.

                When she looks up she finds multiple sets of eyes, stunned and wide, staring at her; some of them sporting slackened jaws. All except Nazir… though she can see a little smug satisfaction in his gaze. The old man is the first to break free and speak as she looks longingly towards the large pot of the remaining stew.

                “Well? Someone get the child another bowl!” His words jolt Arnbjorn and the little vampire out of their stupor, the child grabbing Lilyah’s empty bowl and Arnbjorn smirking before leaving, as he rinses out his own bowl and mutters to himself, “Bunch of gawking louts.”

                Lilyah’s lips begin to burn from whatever pepper Nazir added to the stew, like the beginning effects of a paralysis poison, but before she can even remember that they’d given her milk, the little vampire sets another full bowl of stew in front of her. And it’s another few minutes before her spoon is again scraping the bottom. Dark fingers move in to grab her bowl, and Lilyah can’t stop herself from clutching tightly to it and snarling.

                When she looks up, slightly embarrassed at herself, Nazir only quirks a brow at her and crosses his arms over his chest.

                “Would you like another bowl?”

                She knows she probably shouldn’t. Eating two bowls so quickly, she would more than likely end up sick. But her stomach has not yet registered that yet and the smell is still so enticing.

                Biting her lip, she isn’t given the time to decide when the child speaks up.

                “She doesn’t need any more.” Pulling the bowl from Lilyah’s hands, she marches away and begins cleaning the bowl and spoon. “She’ll get sick and then all that food will have gone to waste, Nazir.”

                He only huffs before making his way up the stairs to where she’d just awoken.

                “H…he… doesn’t _lllike_ … mmme.” Lilyah whispers brokenly.

                Sitting down with a pleasant smile, her eyes glowing like the ashes of a dying fire. The little child just pulls the bottle of milk towards her and pops the cork for Lilyah before handing it to her, urging her to drink.

                “Nazir is just… Nazir.” She giggles. Resting her head on her arm, she observes Lilyah for a moment. “It takes him a bit to warm up to people, but he’s the best once you get to know him.”

                Lilyah just nods her head, already too exhausted to do much more, when the Argonian walks down the stairs. He glances her way and smiles.

                “She’s awake. I am glad.”

                She returns his smile and nods.

                “This is Veezara, in case Gabriella hasn’t already told you about us already…”

                Shaking her head, Babette (as she now knows her to be), only huffs before going on about the rest of the family. And it’s in these few moments that a rigidness she hadn’t realized she’d been carrying seems to lift from her. Eases from her shoulders and neck.

                Lilyah’s next breath is deep and a genuine smile pulls at her lips as her new brother and sister joke and laugh in front of her.

                _My family_ …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long to get out. Lots of life stuff (my son won his championship game in baseball and made it onto the allstar team, end of school year stuff, summer school, summer baseball programs, summer tumbling/gymnastics for my daughter... all that good stuff) and just being relatively to hectic to be able to sit down for any real length of time to write... BUT... I gotta say that, when I did find the time, I enjoyed writing this chapter :D
> 
> Gabriella's POV was super fun to write :D
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoy. Pretty soon we'll be meeting up with our favorite "love him or hate him" jester, and Lilyah will also find herself helping out a certain thief in stealing a ring and planting it in someone else's pocket. It hasn't been real apparent in this fic... but Lilyah loves to steal :P
> 
> Kudos and Comments give me life... just like coffee and kitty purrs :D


	28. I assumed... set me straight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pining... assuming... and SMUT!

                Days passed, turning into weeks, as Lilyah’s life in the Sanctuary fell into place. The bruising on her neck turns sickly green before finally disappearing altogether; her voice only slightly hoarse on occasion, and usually just when it’s sat disused for long periods at that. She’s even taken a few contracts from Nazir, though she’d still not left to fulfill them as of yet. Growing closer to her family, learning all that they were willing to tell of themselves, and never asking more from her than what she was ready to give. Though she noticed the lingering looks from Gabriella whenever she found herself resting at the floor of the word wall, eyes seeking until they find her lingering with a book on the ledge near the colored glass window of Sithis, or when she pauses in the room where she’d murdered Aleinon’s bounty hunter.

                Gabriella was gone from the Sanctuary for over a week, taking care of her contract in Whiterun after leaving Lilyah with her first taste of Nazir’s cooking, and Lilyah still couldn’t figure out what had prompted her swift departure. The woman was a conundrum. Openly flirtatious, finding moments to lightly touch Lilyah whenever she could, but, before Lilyah could ever begin to respond Gabriella would always find an excuse to disappear.

                Lilyah wondered if she was making Gabriella uncomfortable. Yes, Gabriella was a flirt, but she did it with everyone, second nature, if Lilyah really thought about it. And, even if she was more physical with Lilyah, it still didn’t give Lilyah the right to push. No matter how she felt.

                And did she ever feel; surprising as it is.

                _She’s supposed to be family… that’s how the Dark Brotherhood works… and here I am still wondering how she tastes_ …

                Maybe it was time for her to finally head out and seek out her contracts. Maybe the time away would clear her mind. Maybe it would help.

                Looking towards Gabriella, watching her hands wave and spin as she speaks to Arnbjorn near the forge, Lilyah knew it was more than likely useless. Then a thought comes to her and she wonders why she never suspected it earlier.

                _Maybe she isn’t in to women_ …

                Her stomach drops with the realization, but she knows that if that is the case, she’s going to do everything in her power to never make her uncomfortable again. Knowing how that feels personally, she’d rather die than make her feel it too.

                Taking another second to happily watch Gabriella speak to Arnbjorn, she doesn’t realize Festus is watching her until she turns, almost running into him on her way to grab her things.

                “Sorry, Festus.” Heart stuttering into racing, she can’t help but chuckle hoarsely. “I didn’t know you were there.”

                He only shakes his head, glaring exasperatedly at Lilyah, before turning around and heading back to his enchantment.

                “Like teenagers, pining- stupid-“

                Lilyah’s brow furrows, confused by his complaining, until she turns to look at her brother and sister; both bickering now. Analyzing the way Gabriella stands so close to Arnbjorn, remembers their bantering. The nicknames.

                _She wants him… and he’s with Astrid… and you’re pining for her_ …

                Giving one last glance, Lilyah wonders how she could be so stupid.

 

* * *

 

 

                Sin was anxious to leave, stomping and pacing, as Lilyah slowly readied everything they would need in the packs resting on each of her flanks. At first, after she released Sin to roam the area, there had been questions upon questions about the safety in allowing it. Then Arnbjorn had turned, snarling before the hunt and began stalking her, ready to chase, when she’d merely stood her ground and waited until he lost interest and sought prey elsewhere. Sin became just as loved by everyone as Lis.

                And no one messed with those the Dark Brotherhood deemed worthy enough to love.

                “I know you’ve been spoiled lately, and I’m sure you’ll continue to be once we’ve returned…” Cinching up the straps, Lilyah slaps Sin’s neck a few times as she moves to her head. The sound of the Black Door opening echoes quietly behind her. “But remember, I’m past allowing your beauty to woo me.”

                “And here I thought I was alone in that.”

                Lilyah’s eyes snap to Gabriella’s. Confused again, she only stares at her sister. Watches her bite at her lower lip, slowly releasing it with that ever present glint of playfulness in her eyes.

                Unfortunately Lilyah is too conflicted to play whatever game it is that Gabriella is trying to play.

                _Does she do this with me because she cannot have the one she really wants?_

                The thought hurts. Picking at a festering wound, as it were, and she’s instantly angry.

                “Sin and I will be gone for a few weeks.” Picking up her own pack, Lilyah swings it onto her back and starts to tie the arm straps together across her chest. “These contracts won’t fill themselves… or maybe they will. Can’t be sure of anything these days.”

                She stares pointedly at Gabriella, hoping maybe she’ll get the double meaning.

                _I will not be used… even for this_ …

                “Have I done something, sister?” Head tilted to the side, like a curious cat, Lilyah thinks maybe she had caught it. “Said something to upset you?”

                _Do I say anything?... Maybe she doesn’t want anyone to know_ … _though Festus obviously knows_ …

                “I… I should get go-“

                “Lilyah! Just… say whatever it is that’s on your mind.” Looking at her with playful exasperation, as if Lilyah _were_ an awkward teenager, and _she_ a friend trying to be the voice of reason. “You can tell me… _anything_.”

                There is a suggestion in her eyes that Lilyah can’t ignore and her cheeks and ears burn involuntarily.

                _Maybe Arnbjorn turned her down?... Maybe she noticed him go to Astrid?... Either way, I can’t do this anymore_ …

                “I can sympathize with you… wanting something or someone you can’t have, but,” stepping closer, she sees confusion wrapped up in Gabriella’s quick thinking mind. “I will not be used.”

                “I don’t-“

                “You have feelings for Arnbjorn, but he is married to Astrid. He’s someone you can’t have… or… maybe you can. I can’t speak for Astrid and Arnbjorn on whether or not they’d be willing to share with you, but…” Gabriella just stares at her, blinking slowly, but Lilyah pushes on to get the words out of her head, “but, I will not be your dumping ground for your frustrations. Not when… not when I…”

                Opening and closing her mouth, swallowing thickly each time, she tries to dislodge the rock in her throat.

                _I can’t tell her… I’ll ruin such a good thing here… make things even more awkward_ …

                But Gabriella just begins to chuckle, deep in her chest, with that seductive rumble that always sends shivers down Lilyah’s spine. Apparently even when she’s angry and slightly embarrassed. Her cheeks and ears heat further.

                “Something funny?”

                Gabriella’s chuckles begin to slow, turning into a heated purr, when she steps forward and leaves only an inch between their bodies. The sweetest breath wafting over Lilyah’s face, so close she might taste it, when Gabriella stares openly at her mouth.

                “Stupid, beautiful Lilyah.” Licking her lips, Gabriella smirks at Lilyah’s tiny gasp, lifts one hand to gently trace her fingers over Lilyah’s lips. “You think it is _Arnbjorn_ that I desire?”

                _But_ …

                “I-“

                “You think it is that brute, indelicate with everything but forging weapons, that clouds my mind?” Moving closer, lips ghosting so close to her own that Lilyah’s cunt clenches tightly between her thighs, Gabriella lifts her hands to her own hood. Removing it to reveal her golden brown hair, she slides to Lilyah’s neck- nose just beneath her ear- and inhales. Whispers into her skin, “No, my darkest fire. It is not meaty hands, but _slender fingers_ that I long for. Not slate blue eyes, but ones of _midnight black_ that haunt my dreams. Not a mongrel’s growl, but a _silent sister’s_ pleasured _moans_ that fill my _every waking thought since she literally landed at our doorstep!_ ”

                Heart pounding a painful staccato in her chest, a scorching red fire racing through her veins with every word, Lilyah holds her breath as Gabriella moves to look into her eyes. Understands now why she had rushed from the room after Lilyah had taken her first bite of stew. Sees her nostrils flare, pupils blowing wide until only a sliver of rubies color their edges. But Gabriella hesitates. Steps back.

                “Unless… unless you don’t-“

                “Shut up.”

                And in an instant Lilyah has crowded Gabriella into the darkened alcove of the Black Door, pushed their heated bodies against each other, and wraps her fingers around her sister’s throat; thumbs digging into the skin above Gabriella’s jaw to pull her mouth open. Wide and gasping, she gives Gabriella one tiny moment to stop her, but as her hands come up to cover Lilyah’s, she can’t stop the consuming urge and crushes her mouth against Gabriella’s soft and pliant lips.

                Frenzied. Hungry, and desperate, and wanting… she feels like she did when Nazir tried taking away her empty bowl of soup. Possessive. Ready to tear apart anyone who might think to take away what rested in her hands.

                _Mine_ …

                Darting her tongue into Gabriella’s mouth, she moans loudly at her taste. So much better than she’d imagined. Hot, earthy. Like life and death all wrapped up into one and she slips a leg between Gabriella’s thighs before grinding against her. Kisses dirty and sloppy, Lilyah moves one of her hands down and grips Gabriella’s hip with bruising force; pulling her forward to have her grind her own cunt against Lilyah’s thigh.

                At the same time, Gabriella moves her free hand to Lilyah’s breast and squeezes, eliciting another deep moan from her.

                “May the Dark Lord take me… the noises you make.” Gabriella purrs into Lilyah’s gasping mouth, sucking her lip between her teeth and biting down until the copper tang of her blood is shared between them.

A higher pitched moan coming out this time, and their hips rut forwards at the same time, cunts rubbing harshly against each other’s thigh. Clit throbbing in time with her thrashing heart, Gabriella’s dexterous fingers slide into Lilyah’s trousers before she can grind against her again.

                “I want to hear your moans, precious Lilyah.” Slipping her fingers between Lilyah’s folds, dipping her fingers inside of her pulsing cunt, and it’s all she can do to concentrate on the pitch of her moan and the fact that she’s actually fucking Gabriella’s fingers as she juts her hips forward in sync with their thrusting. “More… I want them all, Lilyah. I want to hear them all!”

                Gabriella crooks the ends of her fingers, rubbing a spot inside of her that sends stars careening around the edges of Lilyah’s vision, and she can feel herself on the brink of orgasm. She couldn’t hold in her moans if she tried.

                “I’m… I’m gonna-“

                “Not yet… I want to taste you when you cum.”

                _Wha_ … she…

                “What?”

                Slowly pulling her fingers from Lilyah, earning a whimpered protest from her lips, Gabriella unties the strings holding up Lilyah’s trousers and kisses her deeply before pushing her back against the other side of the alcove; pulls her pants and smalls down to her ankles. Lilyah’s pack creates a barrier between the hard stone and her back.

                Gabriella looks up into her eyes, pleading yet hungry, as Lilyah realizes what she plans to do.

                “I’ve never… no one has ever…”

                Brows shooting into her hairline, Gabriella seems momentarily dumbfounded, giddy even. She huffs out a disbelieving laugh.

                “Idiots, the lot of them… they never deserved you… any of them.” Looking back at the apex of her thighs, Gabriella licks her lips and groans. Looking back up to Lilyah, she asks excitedly, “May _I_?”

                Lilyah feels like a deer, caught, staring into the eyes of a wolf. And then she’s nodding, gasping breaths, as Gabriella leans forward and deliberately licks up Lilyah’s slit. She calls out loudly, hips bucking forward before she can stop herself, as Gabriella’s hot, wet, tongue slides inside of her.

                “So responsive.” Gabriella slides a single finger into her dripping core, moaning into the heat of her, before adding another finger. Slowly gliding in and out, covered with Lilyah’s wet arousal. Her other hand, with fingers splayed, keeping Lilyah open so she might taste more of her with ease. “Delicious… so fucking delicious.”

                Everything. It was like nothing she’d ever felt before, but everything she hoped it might be and more. A torturous pleasure, slick and slow, until it wasn’t and Gabriella’s tongue met her clit- began to flick back and forth, to circle; her fingers thrust into Lilyah vigorously. Faster and faster. It’s too much, not enough. Too fast and just right until-

                “Fuck. Gabriella… Gabriella, I’m gonna… I’m… I-“

                Gabriella pistons her fingers into her even harder, humming against Lilyah’s sensitized flesh as she sucks her clit into her mouth. As she begins to crest, her orgasm coming on like a summer storm, Lilyah knows what will come with it. Her arm is the only thing she can think to quickly bite down on, but even with the buffer of her flesh between her teeth, the power inside of Lilyah still manages to follow her body-shaking orgasm through her; vibrating down into the earth below them like lightening.

                It’s quiet for some moments after. Only the sound of buzzing in her ears as she breathes heavily through her nose. Gabriella just continues to kiss Lilyah’s quivering thighs, up to her hips and stomach and back down, while Lilyah’s world tries to right itself.

                Slowly coming back, blinking rapidly to clear the stars, Lilyah notices the stunned awe in Gabriella’s eyes as she lowers her bloody arm from her lips. The both of them wrecked, though she’s the only one who’s actually gotten off, and she quickly pulls Gabriella back up against her. Kisses her deeply. The mixture of her blood and the taste of her own orgasm on Gabriella’s tongue start her moaning again.

                “Fuck… that was amazing.”

                Pulling Lilyah’s hand down, Gabriella directs them to her own trousers, a silent request, but Lilyah can’t help wanting more, when Gabriella chuckles.

                “So that’s how the Dragonborn… cums?… I like it.”

                _Well aren’t we full of jokes… wait… she knows? But… does that mean… do the rest of them know?_

                Gabriella must feel her tense.

                “Don’t worry, my precious Lilyah. Your secret is safe with me, so long as you wish it to stay that way.” Kissing her lips once, biting lightly at her chin. She moves her lips down Lilyah’s neck until she meets the juncture at her shoulder, just above the collar of her tunic, and sucks deeply against the tender skin. Laving lightly at the blossoming red circle. “No one else, except maybe Astrid, knows- besides me. And, so you know, it doesn’t matter to me either way. I will always desire you most.”

                She believed her. Felt it in her gut, and slowly started to relax. Fingers playing at the ties of Gabriella’s pants once more.

                “Thank you.” Lilyah whispers as Gabriella moves back to kiss her lips again.

                She only smiles before guiding Lilyah’s hand into her trousers. Pushing their combined fingers past her smalls until Lilyah’s fingers glide along the wetness of Gabriella’s arousal, she watches, raptly, as her lips form an enticing ‘O’ and Lilyah doesn’t stop herself from leaning forward to lick into her. Tasting her like an addict takes skooma, her burning need flares back up.

                She wants to taste all of her.

                Pulling her hand free, earning her own desperate whine, she quickly moves her hands back to the strings of Gabriella’s pants. Freeing their lips from their kissing to focus, her fingers still shake as she tries to undo the offending ties.

                “Lilyah… you don’t need-“

                “I want to.” Lilyah whines, pulling on the ties to draw Gabriella closer. “I want to taste you too… if that’s alright?”

                “Have you ever…” Sucking in a breath, mouth open to speak, Gabriella seems to think about what to say for a beat. Lilyah feels doubt starting to creep in, knowing she’s inexperienced, when gentle fingers tenderly caress her scarred cheek. Brows furrowed with an unyielding resolve, her smile holds no pity or mockery. “It’s alright, Lilyah… I just mean that… it can wait until you’ve returned… until we have time to… explore. Time to play… _preferably in a bed_.”

                _Maybe she’s right… it does sound rather enticing… and I’d have time to learn… to learn what she likes… what we both like_ …

                “Growing up as a slave, I had to pick things up quickly if I wanted to skirt punishment, but… but I think I like the sound of that… and I’d enjoy that very much.” Closing her eyes, she realizes how she might still be able to taste her. “Just… can I do one thing first?”

                Looking into Gabriella’s hooded eyes, seeing the raw desire burning so openly, she rests her forehead against hers. Rubbing the tips of their noses slowly across each other, sharing rasping breaths, Lilyah playfully flicks her tongue against Gabriella’s reddened lips when she finally nods.

                And it’s all the go ahead Lilyah needs before slipping her hand back into Gabriella’s smalls, coating her fingers with her slick, and pulls them back out to suck her arousal from her skin; pausing to enjoy the taste. Sweet, musky tang.

                Gabriella’s pupils are, again, blown wide until they’re rolling up into her head as Lilyah’s fingers make their way back between her folds.

                “So good… but I want to hear _you_ now… tell me… tell me how you like it.”

                Slipping her middle finger into Gabriella, palm rubbing against her clit as she holds the back of Gabriella’s neck, Lilyah has to fight to keep her eyes open; not wanting to miss a single expression or que from her lover. But it grows increasingly harder after she adds her index finger and enjoys the feeling of Gabriella fucking her hand.

                “Yes… more… please… one more.” Lilyah happily gives her what she wants. Leaning forward, fingers moving up to grip soft brown hair, she softly kisses down Gabriella’s neck as well, as she adds a third finger. Thrusting them into her slowly. “Mmmm, yeah… that’s… ah… yeah… harder… and rub your thumb against my clit.”

                She bites down on the soft skin before her, hears Gabriella’s hiss and her fingers tighten on Lilyah’s hips, and just hopes she doesn’t mind if she’s left a mark. Thumb flicking back and forth, the way Gabriella’s tongue did against Lilyah, she slams into her faster and harder; gently hooking the pads of her fingertips inward, she finds out just how vocal her lover can be.

                “Yes-yes-yes… just like that… ffffuuuuuckyeeesssss, right there, yesyesyesyesYEESSSSSSUUUUNNNG-FUCK!”

                Climaxing on Lilyah’s fingers, her pulsing cunt and stuttering body clinging to her as tightly as her hands, she slowly becomes pliant and molds herself against Lilyah’s front. Sated and relaxed. Head resting in the crook of Lilyah’s shoulder, breath fanning against her neck, Gabriella groans as slick fingers leave her.

                “You’re sure you’ve never done this before?”

                Lilyah just chuckles, massaging Gabriella’s scalp, “I told you I’m a quick study.”

                “Mmmhmmm… that you did.”

                It takes another minute, as Gabriella kisses her neck lightly, before Lilyah remembers that her pants are still sitting around her ankles and that Sin has been standing nearby during their whole encounter. Also remembering that she’d been on her way to leaving for a few weeks as well... it now seemed a whole lot less appealing.

                “I should get going soon.” Pushing her other hand under Gabriella’s tunic, sliding her fingers against the soft skin of her lower back until her arm is holding their hips together. She pushes just her pinkie beneath the edge of her low hanging trousers and sighs. “Though it’s the last thing I wish to do now.”

                “Now?” Moving away, a playful smirk with a slight flash of teeth, Gabriella kneels down to help lift up Lilyah’s pants. Helping to tie them quickly, she keeps a bit of space between their bodies, but keeps her hands resting on Lilyah’s hips. “Are you saying you wished to before?”

                _Errr… shit_ …

                Biting her lip, Lilyah looks at her feet, studying the frayed leather ties of her shoes to keep from looking at Gabriella.

                “I thought… you and...” Thinking again of Gabriella and Arnbjorn, knowing now that there was nothing there romantically, the tips of her ears and her cheeks heat in embarrassment. “And _I_ was… I wanted… but-“

                Tender gray fingers move in and grip her chin, thumb rubbing side to side just beneath her lips, as Gabriella lifts her face.

                “Wherever did you get the idea that I wanted Arnbjorn?”

                “Festus mentioned-“

                “Festus?”

                Dropping her hands to her sides, Gabriella moves away only a fraction. Surprised.

                Shaking her head slightly, Lilyah snorts at herself, “It was me assuming… he merely mentioned pining teenagers… but, I’m of a mind now that he was actually speaking about me pining for you. Not you for Arnbjorn.”

                Relaxing slightly, Gabriella hums out loud, understanding. Lilyah fumbles with the strings to her pants, fixing the dark baggy tunic over them, pausing to look into relaxed and gleaming red eyes before snatching Gabriella’s face between her hands and devouring her mouth once more.

                _I can’t believe this is real… that you want me too_ …

                Between biting kisses, Lilyah is unaware she’d whispered the words out loud, and Gabriella purrs a reply, “Believe it, my dearest Lilyah… I will want you to the day Sithis takes me.”

                Lilyah just smiles against her lips.

 

* * *

 

 

                It was another hour, another breathless orgasm between the two, before Lilyah finally left.

 

               

               

 

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was NOT where I planned this chapter going. It kicked me out of the driver's seat and took over.
> 
> So I hope you all enjoy over 3k words of SMUT!
> 
> I gotta say, I'm nervous though. I've written smut, but this is my first F/F smut, so PLEASE, let me know what you think? Did I do good? Did it fall flat? Seem to rushed? Idk... I'm freaking out a little.
> 
> Also, I've been thinking, besides the main plot, is there anything anyone would like to see me add? Anyone you'd like to see? Any interactions?
> 
> I'm not at a block. I know where I'm going :) I just figured I'd see if there was anything my readers would like to see :D
> 
> Thank you all for reading!
> 
> Kitties and Coffee!!!


	29. Jesters, Contracts and Nightmares... oh my!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violence, killing, jesters, more killing and a very... powerful nightmare...

                Stalking her target for a week, Lilyah learns a great many things.

                Owner of a very profitable Quicksilver mine, with a competitive husband that owns the Iron mine just on the other side of the city. A cache of dedicated miners- beautiful home right off the shore. Food on her table… mead in her belly. She had it all.

                Except, maybe, the condition that is her sour disposition.

                Watching her sneak into her mine after dark, ready to sneak in a minute later, Lilyah is both irritated and endeared to her target as she watches Beitild’s husband sneak in as well.

                _Trying to spice things up… I can’t kill her… yet…_

 

* * *

 

 

                It’s another week before she realizes that Beitild and her husband are not the ones meeting up in the mine. That her husband was only going in to watch her; was probably the one who performed the Black Sacrament to have her killed.

                Beitild and her secret lover die sharing an arrow through their heads that night.

                And Lilyah’s nightmares return.

 

* * *

 

 

                Waking with a muffled scream, her traveling pillow swallowing the brunt of the noise, Lilyah scrambles from her bedroll, only just stopping herself from tumbling into the dying fire just outside of her tent. Blood coating behind her teeth, she realizes she’d bitten her cheek in her sleep; the tender flesh puckered and sore.

                Her sweat coats her skin, soaks her clothes, same as the blood that covered her only moments before.

                “Just… _just a nightmare_.”

                Looking towards Sin, seeing her anxiously picking into the dirt with the tip of her hoof and staring into her eyes, Lilyah holds back her tears and moves to start packing up her things. Lip still trembling even as she repeats it-

                _Just a nightmare… not real_ …

                No need to linger if she isn’t going to go back to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

                Dead tired, Lilyah jerks awake every moment she begins to relax, almost sliding from Sin’s back each time. She doesn’t want to sleep.

                _I should have… should have appreciated the time without them_ …

                She wonders if she maybe laughs at herself for a second- _you’ve always had nightmares, idiot_ …

                Dozing, Lilyah catches herself once more.

                _You know these are different… feel too real_ …

                Growling, she slaps herself a few times, hoping the sting will clear the fog from her head. Sin continuing along the path, unfazed by Lilyah’s internal fight, doesn’t even turn to look as Lilyah finally can’t catch herself fast enough and falls to the ground next to them. Breath lost for a few staggering heartbeats, back flat against the frozen earth, she feels mild relief in noticing that Sin had at least stopped; a regular horse might have bolted.

                Sin looks at her the very moment the thought crosses her mind. A glint in her eye and a snort that billows from her nostrils.

                “Don’t... you... Dare!” Lilyah growls breathlessly, keeping her eyes locked with the stubborn mare. With an indignant rear of her head, apparently offended at Lilyah’s tone Sin turns and starts down the road. “SIN! Get your ass back here... NOW…”

                Her back tweaks as she twists, knees sliding beneath her to try and stand, all while Sin struts further and further away from her. She’s glad at least that she’d bundled herself up so much, hating the cold even more after spending so long in the warmer forests near Falkreath, as the layers probably just saved her from tearing up her robes and from smacking the back of her skull against the ground.

                Even worse would have been if she’d left her quiver and her bow strapped to her back; ruining arrows and her bow as well.

                _SHIT!_

                It was good they hadn’t been attached to her, but that left them still resting in the packs on Sin’s back.

                And Sin was no longer in sight.

                “SIN!” As if she might come trotting back with the yell. Bird’s song stops, some flitting to trees further away; Lilyah growls deeply, “I should skin you alive… pain in my ass.”

                Getting to her feet, dusting off the layer of snow that clings to her backside, she starts down the road. Wincing on every second step, Lilyah tries to massage the muscles of her lower back to relieve some of the pain when the sound of manic laughter pierces the crisp air.

                _Just great_ …

                “Sin, so help me…” Growling at her hindered state, with nothing but the daggers in her boots, Lilyah moves as quietly as she can through the brush lining the road and listens for anything else. This new killing calm she’d acquired sometime over the last few months taking over and her senses kick into action. But all she can discern between a few chirps is silence.

                Watching the road for anyone, maybe a traveling merchant or a band of revelers if she were lucky, but if not-

                Ear twitching, she catches the slightest crunch of snow behind her and spins with her freed dagger, ready to kill. Swiping through empty air, ignoring the breath-stealing spasm that jolts through her back, she bares her teeth at the man stumbling away from her; laughing in his jester outfit.

                His bright red hair, like flames against the snow, flutters smoothly in the wind. Green eyes bright and playful rake over her bundled body as if she were naked, clinically appraising, she notices they’re surprisingly intelligent beyond the crazy glint.

                “ _Heeheehee_ … the pretty Bosmer is quick, so quick. _Ha haha_ , but Cicero is just a bit quicker.”

                Continuing to laugh manically, Lilyah burns with anger and the growing embarrassment at the jolt of fear when she’d heard him behind her. Her ears flame hotter and she growls lowly.

                “ _Ooohoohooo_ … like a little kitty, she growls- _HAHAHA_!” Clapping and jumping about, kicking up snow with each lifted foot, he laughs even harder at what he’d said. “Grrr, _grrr_ , purr, purr- but the kitty is pretty- _AH_ HAHAHA!”

                _He’s insane… an insane fool jester… what… the gods laugh at me with this… my life is a joke to them_ …

                “Pretty kitty. Kitty pretty- _oh!_ But I must get back to Mother!”

                Startling Lilyah, he skips away, repeating _pretty kitty_ along the way and she can’t stop sitting there dumbfounded. Her fingers cramp gripping her daggers.

                A beat.

                A second.

                A moment.

                A quiet _snick_ as Lilyah sheathes her daggers and it apparently sets the forest back to singing; she’s growling again as her nerves calm. Her back is still sore.

                _I need Sin_ …

                “Cic… Cicero!” Pushing through the brush, she catches the skipping jester just at the top of the hill, “Cicero, wait!”

                His spin is rather graceful.

                “Oh, how delightful. The pretty kitty speaks- _haha_ \- and she needs something. Something from Cicero?”

                Voice pitched like a singer, she’d be hard pressed to ask him for more. Piercing as it is, she knows she needs his help.

                “Have you by chance passed a lone horse, just minutes ago? Black as sin.” His smile doesn’t change, but he claps again as he waves for her to follow. He’s out of view when she grumbles, “A yes would have sufficed… _by the Eight_ , Sin… Sin, I’m going to kill you.”

 

* * *

 

 

                “You ever pull a stupid stunt like that again and I’ll skin your pretty hide and mount you like a damned trophy.”

                Turning her head to glance at her sullen companion, Lilyah keeps her glare even as her anger slowly burns out. Limping along, it isn’t until the sound of Sin’s hooves ceasing their clipping against the ground that Lilyah realizes her companion has stopped walking. A quick look around, wondering if there’s a threat she hadn’t noticed, it takes her a moment to see Sin slowly kneeling down.

                “Sin… Sin, what’s wrong?” Shuffling back to check on her, just as Sin’s rump joins her knees and she huffs out a gust of air, Lilyah grits out in pained frustration, “What are you doing?“

                But Sin only continues to stare at Lilyah. Waiting.

                “I’m in no mood for games… I had enough after that damned jester.”

                Thinking back to the mad man, cringing at the memory of his whiplashed emotions with her, Lilyah wobbles next to Sin’s side. Remembering the relief she felt as she’d followed Cicero back to his wagon and found Sin snuffling through the snow next to his horse; Sin ignoring the stallion’s obvious interest as if he were not there at all.

                Having to thank Cicero for bringing them back together, she’d been confused as he stared lovingly in Sin’s direction and told her that his mother would love her and Lilyah made the mistake of asking about her.

 

                _‘Oh, she’s dead. Very dead. A corpse.’_

_‘I’m sorry-‘_

_‘Don’t be. She doesn’t speak to Cicero, never Cicero, but Cicero knows what Mother needs…’_

_Walking towards the carriage and the two horses, Lilyah notices the long singular crate resting in the back._

_‘Is that?’_

_‘Mother.’_

_Swallowing thickly, she moves away from the jester. Closer to the carriage. Keeping her distance from him, she gives him one glance and hears a sigh- a whisper- so close to her ear that, with the hairs of her neck standing on end, she whips her head around in search of whoever did it; wincing again. Except no one is there._

 

                Shaking her head, Lilyah goes back to inspecting Sin. Looking for any sign of blood, any injuries, she leans her hands onto Sin’s back to lightly push her over and yelps as Sin smacks her nose hard against Lilyah’s ass; toppling Lilyah over to rest across her back and shifting to stand the next instant.

                Holding on to not slide off head first, it’s a minute of resting when she realizes that that’s exactly what Sin wanted.

                Shifting into a better position, draping her cloak over Sin’s uncovered backside, Lilyah gently slides her gloved fingers into Sin’s mane and gives her a few tough scratches in thanks before whispering, “I suppose I can forgive you.”

                A few minutes later, before she slips into sleep, Lilyah grumbles, “Just… next time… let’s not stop for crazy jesters,” sniffling into the pit of warm air between Sin’s shoulder and her cloak, she dozes on a thought, “hopefully he remembers to get that wheel checked before it breaks.”

                The sound of Sin’s hooves, and a few pleasant thoughts of Gabriella, follow her into dreaming. Not a nightmare to speak of.

 

* * *

 

 

                Ennodius was a paranoid fellow. And rightly so, as _someone_ decided to call on the Dark Brotherhood, on _her_ , to end his life.

                It was probably best for her sanity if she never learned why.

                Lilyah was tempted to bust Nazir’s lip whenever it would be that she’d return to the sanctuary. Having been told specifically that he was a recluse hiding out in the woods near Anga’s Mill, just down the road from Windhelm, she had spent two full days trudging through snow and ice only to find that he’d been camping right out in the open. Just up the hill from the mill, right next to the river.

                Securing another note to her arrow’s shaft, same as the one she’d attached to Beitild’s, Lilyah crosses to the opposite side of the river. Whoever discovered the body would know who killed him. Each note read:

 _The Dark Brotherhood collects_.

_Sithis awaits!_

                Given upon the contract’s death; Astrid appreciated the light it shed on the work their family did, but Lilyah had no desire to make it personal. An arrow from a distance, straight through the heart, would suffice.

 

* * *

 

 

                Unfortunately for her, killing Narfi would give her no choice in that desire.

                She remembered him.

                Before she was part of the Dark Brotherhood, she’d helped him by locating his dead sister’s remains; returned Rayda’s necklace to him. He’d been on the verge of breaking down and, at the time, Lilyah had been unable to tell him the truth. So she’d lied and told him his sister would return soon.

                Lilyah found him still waiting and she was both sad and angry because she knew it was one of two reasons that someone performed the Black Sacrament to have him killed. They either pitied him, for everyone knew his sister would never return, or they coveted his little patch of land for themselves and planned to claim it as soon as Narfi was out of the way.

                _I have to fulfill this contract… but that doesn’t mean I can’t also seek out who performed it… figure out their motivations_ …

                “Hello, Narfi.”

                He spins to look at her, the candlelight not much to illuminate more than her silhouette, but as Lilyah moves closer she sees him relax.

                “It’s Narfi’s friend. You helped Narfi by finding Rayda. You helped Narfi not worry.” Sitting back down, Lilyah smiled as he motioned for her to join him sitting at the table. Unaware of anything amiss. “Rayda is not back yet, but… but Narfi is good and keeps the house clean for her. For Rayda.”

                Lilyah pulls free three bottles of mead, a half a loaf of bread, and some cheese. Opening two of them, she sets one of the opened bottles in front of Narfi and sets the unopened one down in the empty spot next to her. Narfi eyes it curiously before Lilyah cheers’ him and they take a large drink of their meads.

                “Who is that for?”

                Smiling again, Lilyah looks at Narfi and reaches out to squeeze his arm. At least he wouldn’t be alone.

                “You and Rayda will be together soon.”

                “Rayda?” Looking towards to door, expecting her to be standing there… ready to run to her, he turns back to Lilyah excitedly. “She’s coming home?”

                _No_ …

                Nodding her head, she smiles again and gets Narfi to finish the rest of his mead; handing him a slice of bread, and a bit of cheese a moment after. He’s giggling to himself as he slowly chews his food. Slowing further, she watches his eyes droop. Narfi fights the pull of sleep, but Lilyah isn’t worried.

                She’d given him enough.

                He’d feel no pain.

 

* * *

 

 

                Lying in the soft grass of the field, the sun high and bright, the breeze smelling sweet and the sounds of Skyrim lulling her… pivoting her head, a creeping pain settles in her chest. The space next to her is too empty. Too cold.

                Swaying gently, the color of the grass holds her in a comforting trance. Not bright green, but a strange honeyed gold.

                _Dead?_

                But as her fingers twine between each blade, they are as soft as lush silk… smooth as rabbit’s fur. Only the color was off, though it was anything but wrong to her. Comforting, seemed a closer assessment of how it made her feel.

                _Like Riften leaves or the honeyed eyes of_ -

                “Lilyah.”

                Spinning, the familiar voice sets her heart racing as she looks in his direction. The same as when she’d last seen him, eyes filled with longing, but he isn’t alone. Standing behind him, slightly out of view, Lilyah first notices the deep crimson color of her dress. The same color as Lilyah’s wedding dress. She looks beautiful.

                “Lilyah.”

                Pleading, he reaches a hand towards her, but a pale hand snakes around his other arm to curl down and twists their fingers together; holding him back. Moving into view, Lilyah sees the bundle in her arms, wrapped in white and squirming.

                _She had the baby… it lives_ …

                Lilyah finds she can’t hate her. Feels happy that she wouldn’t know Lilyah’s pain.

                _They make a beautiful family_ …

                Looking towards Jordis, seeing something close to regret in her eyes, Lilyah shakes her head with a small smile; not for her.

                “I wish nothing but happiness for your family.”

                Jordis only nods.

                “No, Lilyah…” Reaching a little further, he’s still held back by a hand, “You have no one without me.”

                Pity.

                She pities him.

                “Dearest?”

                To her right, coming into view, her robes seem to soak up the light around her. Lilyah’s smile is almost painful.

                “Gabriella!”

                A beat of her heart later and another seductive voice is calling to her.

                “Sabre Cat!”

                Behind Gabriella, as she makes her way towards Lilyah, Niruin saunters out smiling like he did when they were locked up in Windhelm and stops to lean against Sin. The pain in her chest returns, bright and blinding, and she wonders if it’ll burst from her.

                A glance at Hadvar and she thinks- _I’m never alone… not anymore_ …

                “I need you!”

                Lilyah shakes her head.

                “Let me go, Hadvar.”

                The look on his face slowly turns to anger. Contorting and shifting. Jordis releases his hand and slowly backs away; her and their child disappearing into the forest behind them.

                “NEVER!” He bellows.

                And it’s no longer Hadvar staring at her, but Aleinon.

                Fear. Dread. _Terror incarnate_.

                “NO!”

                Looking back to Gabriella, Niruin and Sin, she’s about to scream for them to run, but it’s too late. Strung up between trees, Gabriella and Niruin are now bound and gagged. She can’t even look directly at where Sin was. Lilyah knows what she’ll see inside the canvas of red at the edge of her vision.

                “Did you think you could hide from me forever?” His voice is like dark magick, snaking through her mind and slithering under her skin. A necromancer trying to reanimate the dead, “You belong to me.”

                Lilyah shakes her head, lifting her chin defiantly, but fear begins to consume her as he makes his way towards her lover and her friend.

                “Don’t!”

                She sees the smirk on his lips even from across the field. Knows what he’s thinking in the gleam of his silver eyes. It’s not until she sees him pull free Gabriella’s favorite dagger, the horn of the unicorn she killed, that Lilyah begins running towards them. The field blurring by as she pushes her body forward, she roars as Aleinon positions Gabriella’s dagger over her heart. He turns his attention to Lilyah, smirking at her attempt to reach them and laughs as he pushes the dagger deep into Gabriella’s chest.

                Lilyah thinks she’ll have nightmares for the rest of her days of just the sound of the groan that leaves her lover’s body.

                Falling to the ground, limbs no longer holding her upright, she cries out brokenly and watches the heat in Gabriella’s lively red eyes disappear.

                “Wake up…”

                Looking around, she can’t find where the familiar voice is coming from. “Who…”

                “It’s nothing, my little Lilyah. Nothing at all.” Looking back to Aleinon, Lilyah sees him grab ahold of Niruin’s chin. Lifting it to fit a different dagger against the skin above the cup of his throat. “Come back to me, my little Lilyah… come back to me and I will not kill everyone that you love. If you don’t-“

                “Wake up!”

                “IF YOU DON’T… I WILL MAKE YOU WATCH AS I KILL THEM ALL!”

                Niruin catches her eye in the moment before Aleinon pushes forward and Lilyah feels as though every living part of her soul is on fire at what she finds.

                She can’t.

                She can’t lose him too.

                She’d end the world first… burn it to ash.

 

* * *

 

 

                Lilyah shouts fire upon waking, blasting her tent away, and the last thing she remembers of her nightmare is suffocating everything, down to that comforting honey colored grass, to dust. Trying to forget what she’d been to do that in the first place, she whimpers as the feeling of her bones shifting back in to place paralyzes her body. Popping and cracking. She can feel them grinding together.

                _It isn’t real… this isn’t real… it’s not real_ …

                Once they’ve finished, and she’s left with just a throbbing pain, Lilyah lies still and allows her breathing to begin evening out. Repeating.

                _It’s not real… just a nightmare_ …

                Sin neighs worriedly a few feet away, pulling Lilyah from her post nightmare haze, and Lilyah’s rolling to her feet and wrapping her arms around the mare before the first sob rips open her throat. Cold and shaking, the cooling of her sweat drenched clothes and the force of her crying, she just squeezes Sin’s neck harder. Afraid to let her go and have her disappear.

                Lilyah shakes even harder as the graphic memories of her nightmare claw at her heart. Tearing apart her sense, she fights on where to go next.

                Niruin.

                Or Gabriella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I started strong, and I was so excited to introduce our dear Cicero, but I just couldn't get into his head for this (as I didn't go with the canon encounter) so that part took me a lot longer. Then my husband and I did some "adult" camping (a bunch of our friends got together and we drank all weekend, lol) and things have just been crazy. (Good crazy, thankfully.)
> 
> My husband and I are actually leaving for Jamaica tomorrow night as well (a belated 5 year anniversary trip), but I'm bringing my laptop (cause a writer never NOT works... we're either writing or thinking about writing) and I've already written a good chunk on the next chapter, so I'll hopefully have that out by next weekend :D
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter :D
> 
> Kudos and Comments are ALWAYS appreciated :)
> 
> Kitties and Coffee :D


	30. Tearing Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilyah is torn... torn up inside... anxious... scared...
> 
> She needs... she doesn't know.
> 
> Doubt is a terrible condition.

                Days… nigh a week, she’s sick; the entire trek back to the Sanctuary. Fighting with herself on continuing along her current path or turning around and racing to Riften, she’s riding on reserves she didn’t even know she had. Body, shaking and trembling, she sweats through the cold and her shivering. Reasoning with herself that it was just a nightmare, that they’re both fine, but her mind can’t seem to gain back control of her nerves and she’s on the verge of retching again. Tight. Clenching.

                Lilyah might have if she wasn’t already empty.

                _What if I go to the Sanctuary to check on Gabriella and Niruin is the one that’s in trouble?... But if I turn around… if I go to Riften… what if Gabriella ends up dying?... NO… no, this was just a nightmare, Lilyah… don’t be such a milk drinking twit… they’re fine_ …

                “They’re fine… they’ll be fine… _its fine_ …”

                Lilyah winces as her stomach seizes again, throat raw from all the bile, as the muscles of her back tighten and pull at her stiff spine. Eyes watering, she blames the cold air rushing past her face as she pushes Sin even harder. Maybe she senses Lilyah’s worry, Lilyah’s fear, because she doesn’t protest; only gallops a little faster.

 

* * *

 

 

                Practically falling from Sin’s back, not sparing a glance for the abandoned carriage or the stallion grazing just up the path, she forces herself to take a second in making sure her companion is fine. Pushing her away with her snout, Sin grumbles in the way only horses do and moves towards the dark pond; stepping right in, Sin lies down to cool off before drinking deeply. With only a slight weight lifting from her heart that her friend would be fine, Lilyah is surprised to see the Black Door already opened for her by the time she’s turned around.

                Slipping through, she hears the whispered ‘ _Welcome home_ ’ right before the grind and slide of the door beginning to close.

                Jumping down the few steps, pivoting at the landing before skipping every other step down into Astrid’s alcove, she hears the Black Door grinding closed as the echoes of speech down in the main cavern catch in her ear; blending like poison with the rasping drag of every rushed breath that leaves her. Heart beating in her throat and tears building in her eyes as she continues to try and swallow it back down, Lilyah worries she’ll pass out soon. Worries what she’ll do if she finds that Gabriella isn’t there.

                She needs her to be down in that cavern.

                Needs her to be safe.

                _Please_ …

                Rushing down the last stairwell, not even thinking about what she might say if she finds Gabriella is actually there, a familiar shrill voice stops her in her tracks. The jester from the road.

                Cicero.

                “But the Night Mother is mother to all! It is her voice we follow! Her will! Would you dare risk disobedience?” Watching his head tilt- the bells of his hat jangling slightly- studying the large frame of Arnbjorn, Lilyah notices him twitch as he giggles with glee. “And surely… punishment?”

                Arnbjorn stiffens at the threat, hands down and stretching, he growls, “Keep talking, little man, and we’ll see who gets _punished_.”

                Fascinated, distracted from her earlier distress just long enough to keep the fear at bay, Lilyah watches Festus shake his head as he steps forward. Glaring at Arnbjorn for a second, he reprimands him like an insolent child.

                “Oh, be quiet you great lumbering lapdog. The man has had a long journey. You can at least be civil.” Clasping his hands in front of him, Festus turns his attention to their guest and bows his head slightly before saying, “Mister Cicero, I for one am delighted you and the Night Mother have arrived. Your presence here signals a welcome return to tradition.”

                Cicero hops from foot to foot- no longer threatening- but gleeful at the praise, when Gabriella moves into Lilyah’s view and her heart spasms; the relief of seeing her beautiful lover, whole and alive, liquefying the bones in her legs until she’s crumbled to the floor. She vaguely makes out someone calling her name, sees Gabriella’s worried eyes as she rushes towards her, and only as her slender fingers grip Lilyah’s cheeks does her silken voice weave a blanket of calm around every ragged nerve. Nothing else matters. Nothing else exists.

                “Dearest, what is wrong?” Looking over Lilyah’s person, reaching out a hand to search for a wound she’ll never find, Gabriella frets, “You’re shaking. Are you hurt? Tell me!”

                It’s Gabriella’s own panic, barely contained and laced between each word. It pulls Lilyah back… keeps her from passing out. A laugh and a sob grind together in her throat as she snakes her arms around Gabriella’s middle and crushes their bodies together; her head resting atop Gabriella’s chest, over her rapidly beating heart, as her lover’s hands find purchase in her hair and around her back. The smell of Nightshade circling to protect her like a dark knight, rushing to defend against her anxiety, and Lilyah knows in her mind that her overreaction is unwarranted and foolish, but her body still fights to catch up as she squeezes a little tighter. Breathes in a little deeper. Holds it inside her.

                “I’m fine.” She gasps. Feeling Gabriella’s chest rise as she sucks in a breath, Lilyah rushes on, “I swear… I swear I’m fine… I just… I-“

                “Is everything alright, Sister?”

                Startled, Lilyah pulls away from Gabriella, though only slightly; a hand still resting on her lover’s hip. She finds Astrid watching them both with a little worry, and maybe a little surprise, as the rest of the world comes back into view.

                “I… yes, Astrid… everything is fine.” Half smiling, Lilyah looks back to her lover, “I’m just relieved to be back… to be _home_.”

                If she weren’t looking- watching- she might have missed it; the pool in Gabriella’s dilated crimson eyes deepening with…

                Lilyah’s breath catches as a bolt of electricity bounces around in her lower abdomen and sparks a raging inferno there. Clenching her thighs together only makes it worse. Of course Gabriella notices.

                Licks her lower lip slowly.

                _Fuck_ …

                Charged with energy, the air seems to grow thicker, and Astrid is either oblivious or ignores it as she remarks.

                “Yes. It is good to have you back.” Jutting out a hip, her armor creaking with the movement, she taps her foot twice against stone. “I have a contract to speak to you about… come see me as soon as you’re up.”

                As Lilyah sits there with her mouth open, disappointment settling in her stomach like the weight of a boulder, Astrid heads up the stairs into her alcove. Turning back to Gabriella, feeling the boulder lift slightly as she notices Gabriella twirling the end of some of her ebony hair around a dexterous finger, Lilyah’s brow bunches as her lover chuckles at her expression.

                “Find me after you speak to Astrid.”

                _But_ …

                Her face falls further.

                “I will be waiting, Dearest.” Ticking a finger under Lilyah’s chin Gabriella leans forward, quick as an asp, and deliberately sucks Lilyah’s bottom lip into her mouth. Biting down on the plump flesh, it tugs a desperate whimper from Lilyah as Gabriella slowly pulls away, letting Lilyah’s lip pop out from between her teeth; whispers against her mouth, “Don’t make me wait too long.”

                She feels lit from within. Roiling like waves of liquid flame, pulsing, as the wetness between her legs soaks into her smalls. Body purring, Lilyah follows Gabriella’s lips, then growls as her lover stands and moves further out of her reach. Cat and mouse.

                “Better hurry, Dearest… the longer you take…” Smiling devilishly, Gabriella begins moving backwards, deeper into the sanctuary, “the longer I have to hide.”

                _A game…_

                Lilyah moves onto her hands and knees, like a beast on the hunt, “I will find you… wherever you go.”

                Gabriella chuckles deeply and turns to saunter away; a pleasantly exaggerated sway to her hips and one final look over her shoulder before walking out of sight.

                _Alright… time to talk to Astrid_ …

 

* * *

 

 

                “I know you’ve just arrived back home,” hip leaning against the table, the map of Skyrim and a few scattered notes resting behind her, Astrid crosses her arms; all business, “but I need you to travel to Markarth as soon as you’re able.”

                The echo of another stone cracks in her mind as it drops upon the other that still rests in her gut; weighing her down further. She thinks of how long she’ll have with Gabriella before she’ll need to head back out. Hates that they’ll be rushed yet again.

                “My contract?”

                Astrid nods, “The Apothecary’s assistant has been running her mouth. Apparently she’s performed the Black Sacrement… wants an ex-lover dead.”

                The last thing Lilyah cares for is her new contract’s reasons, or who she wishes dead. All she can think about for the moment is the knowledge that she’ll be away from Gabriella again and the need to find her hiding lover surges, enveloping her legs in vines that demanded she follow. Nodding, Lilyah moves towards the stairs again, but Astrid is not finished.

                “I am not done speaking, Sister.”

                Irritation, clear as a bell in her tone and the vines are rooting Lilyah’s feet into the stone. Head down, arms folded behind her back, she waits for Astrid to continue.

                The silence is as sharp as Astrid’s Blade of Woe.

                “Muiri is the assistant’s name.” Creaking leather sounds in her ears as Astrid’s shadow, and her black and silent shoes, graze the periphery of Lilyah’s lowered gaze. A sigh as her slight weight meets the chair of her desk. “You should find her in the Hag’s Cure during the day or the Silverblood Inn at night.”

                Shuffling around papers, Astrid clears her throat. Looking up, Lilyah sees a few folded parchments resting near the edge of the desk.

                “She will have the details of… your marks, should you choose to take them.” Wondering if Astrid meant it, she must read the question in Lilyah’s eyes because she chuckles before leaning forward. “Yes. The choice is yours to accept or decline. Someone in our family will take care of it regardless, _but_ …”

                Rising from her chair, grabbing the slips of parchment off her desk as she goes, Astrid comes to stand before her. Arms crossed over her chest, she looms even as they stands nose to nose. Lilyah holds her breath.

                “Since this will be your first official contract, I will allow you to keep whatever Muiri offers as payment. She’ll be generous, I’m sure…” A slight smirk as Lilyah lets that sink in, “they always are.”

                With a flick of her wrist, the notes in Astrid’s hand hover before Lilyah. Still keeping quiet, Lilyah reaches up and moves to take them from her hand.

                “I did you the favor of writing out a few of those notes you’ve been leaving with your marks.” The parchment sighs quietly as Lilyah slips them into the pocket of her pants; nodding her thanks. “They will do well in reminding Skyrim that we are still here. That we are still to be feared.”

                Pride sings in Lilyah’s veins. Happy she’d seemed to have done something right for once.

                “Now go.” Her stern gaze from earlier gone, Astrid’s eyes now glitter with playfulness. “Our dear Gabriella will not wait long before flipping your hunt on its head.”

                The approval in Astrid’s eyes brings a small smile to Lilyah’s lips.

                Turning to make her way into the main cavern, Astrid has one last request. “One more thing, Sister. I expect you to represent us well. Be professional. I will accept nothing less.”

                A warning.

                A warning Astrid means for her to catch.

 

* * *

 

 

                Cicero claps gleefully as she nears, but, before he can utter a word Lilyah lifts a hand to silence him and just continues to stalk towards where they keep Lis.

                His indignant response is lost in the roaring silence raging in her ears.

                No one will get in her way now.

 

* * *

 

 

                “BY SITHIS-YOU-DON’T-SNEAK-UP-ON-AN-OLD-MAN-LIKE-THAT!” Festus screams. His arms flailing about with fire burning in his eyes and his hands.

                Lilyah had been so intent on hunting, so covered in shadows, that she hadn’t even acknowledged his turning away from his potion he’d been grinding up until he’d almost run straight into her. Having flung his ingredients all over the floor, he seethes.

                With wide eyes, she mumbles an apology and turns towards the kitchen to continue searching. Cringing again as more of Festus’ profanities follow her down the stairs.

 

* * *

 

 

                There were only so many places Gabriella could hide inside the Sanctuary, barring the idea that she changed hiding spots after Lilyah scanned the main chamber for her- maybe in hopes of dragging this game out a little longer- Lilyah stalks towards the most secluded room in the Sanctuary. The grunting sounds of Arnbjorn, Veezara and Nazir moving Cicero’s large crate into the supplication chamber, where she’d tortured and killed the bounty hunter, echoes behind her. Along with Cicero’s high-pitched screeching as he demands they be gentle and handle their mother with delicacy, lest they all wish to find themselves suffering a most horrid and painful death.

                Lilyah growls and wonders if she might kill them all herself in her frustration.

 

* * *

 

 

                Gabriella was still trying not to let her eagerness and restlessness get the better of her. She’d played this game many times before with her marks. Played it so well that her brothers and sisters no longer doubted her stories; only challenged her techniques and placed bets with each other on how long she’d take. A never-ending game.

                But this is the first she’s ever played with someone who was her equal. Someone who could just as well be the cat as the mouse. It was quite invigorating.

                Listening to the echoes skittering along the stone walls, it isn’t until the sounds muffle and become almost silent that Gabriella holds her breath. Heart steadily beating in her ears- Gabriella peers out of Babette’s room in time to see a shadowed Lilyah sneaking into the abandoned one just beside her.

                _Now for the pouncing…_

                Sneaking quickly into the room behind Lilyah is easy, her attention caught on the vase of Nightshade stems and the meal she’d set out for her keeping her lover distracted. Gabriella licks her lips as she ghosts up to Lilyah’s back and slides a hand around her waist.

                “Gotch’-“

                Cut off and empty-handed, she’s gasping before she realizes that Lilyah has flipped them- again- and now has one arm wrapped tightly around Gabriella’s stomach, their bodies pressed flush against the other, as Lilyah’s free hand pulls down Gabriella’s hood. Gently moving her hair aside, Lilyah grazes her lips along her throat.

                “You were saying?” The sting of her teeth nipping at the lobe of Gabriella’s ear brings out a full-bodied shiver. A chuckle rumbles against her back as Lilyah’s nose rubs behind her ear. “Nightshade. Such a clever distraction.”

                Gabriella gasps as her lover’s tongue flicks against the shell of her pointed ear. She’d been told before that she smelled of Nightshade. A flower of death.

                She also never missed the deep, gulping, breaths that Lilyah took whenever they were close. How it calmed her.

                “The food?” Lilyah asks. Honest curiosity- much to Gabriella’s irritation.

                “I am not blind, Dearest.” Tilting her head, giving more room for her lover to roam, Gabriella reaches back and gently holds Lilyah’s head as she continues to lave at her exposed skin. “You need to eat.”

                She feels Lilyah pause; tense. _Not ready to speak it seems_.

                “I am not hungry… for _soup_.” Biting lightly at the juncture of her neck and shoulder, Lilyah slips the hand on Gabriella’s stomach down to the lip of her pants; the other coming around to snake up between her breasts- fingers splaying wide across her sternum to keep their bodies pressed together.

                Gabriella purrs as her fingers tangle further into Lilyah’s dark, braided, tresses; moaning louder as her lover bites down harder. Reaching back, she gathers a handful of Lilyah’s backside before rubbing her own arse into her lover’s mound.

                “What _are_ you hungry for?” Knowing full well, she smirks as Lilyah’s fingers push beneath her pants and smalls.

                “I think you know.” Breathing deeply into Gabriella’s ear, Lilyah stops just before her fingers slip through the course hair at the crown of her thighs. Retreats an inch. “That… that is if you still want… want to… want _me_ …”

                _Have I not-_

                “You are still in doubt of my affections?” Turning from Lilyah’s reluctant and stiff grip, Gabriella quirks a questioning brow, “Of my want for you?”

                Lilyah’s answer is a nervous flick of her gaze to the floor, a furrowing brow, before lifting her abyssal eyes back to Gabriella’s. Unsure. Stubborn in their disbelief.

                “I-“ Words stuck in her throat, Lilyah opens and closes her mouth in her attempt to set them free, only to release the ones Gabriella would not accept. “I’m sorry.”

                Shaking her head, she moves closer to Lilyah, but is interrupted from replying as the Night Mother’s Keeper strides into the room; Astrid on his heels.

                “Oh-hoo-hoo my…” Clapping again, Cicero’s eyes dance as he takes in the scene before him.

                “Of course this is where your playtime led you both.” Astrid chuckles.

                “Playtime? _Oooh-_ “ Stepping towards Lilyah, a gleam in his eye and Gabriella hears her growl and hiss; wild as ever. As Cicero’s fingers flutter against his sides, he continues to bounce-bounce- _bounce_. Always with the bouncing. “Does Cicero get to play with the _pretty kitty_ and her lover too?”

                “NO!” Ignoring the nickname (the familiarity) for now, her word is final. No room for debate. She does not share what is hers. _And she is mine_ \- Gabriella wills her eyes to scream as his flit to her.

                His smile flips, comically so- if she were not so jagged, and wound so tight, she might have laughed at his pout, “Phooey.” Stomping a foot, he reminds her of a toddler. “No one ever wants to play with Cicero… _even if he does have so many fun games_ -“

                “Alright, Keeper.” Cutting him off from his grumblings, Astrid moves before him to gesture towards the door. “How’s about I show you to the kitchens. I’m sure Nazir has some of his hot soup simmering if you’re hungry.”

                Cicero hums as Astrid slips past him, expecting him to follow, but he doesn’t move.

                “But… Cicero really wants to play.” Baring her teeth, Gabriella sees Lilyah’s upper lip twitch with her growl; Cicero seems to think better of whatever he’d been thinking for a moment. “And what about Cicero’s room?”

                “Find another place to rest your head for the night.” Looking to her lover, Gabriella plans to take her time. “This room is taken.”

                “But-“

                “Go.” Lilyah whispers.

                Gabriella had never known such a simple word to carry the sure threat of torture on its heels as she did that one word. The threat of pain. Of agony.

                And she wasn’t sure that she’d ever been more turned on in her entire life.

                Looking to the Keeper, she sees the moment the fear wins out over his curiosity- sees the thin skin under his eye twitch before he squeaks and bolts out the door. Hot on Astrid’s chuckling heel; laughter echoes off the stone walls as they walk further and further away.

                “I met him while-“

                “Do you really wish to speak about Cicero?” Slowly closing the distance between herself and Lilyah, Gabriella bites her lip as her lover returns her attention to the dirt floor. “When we could be _doing_ instead?”

                The tiniest of whimpers sighs from Lilyah’s lightly chapped lips, the lower one trembling, as Gabriella slides her hand against the hilly flesh of her lover’s scarred cheek; running her thumb against Lilyah’s prominent cheekbone. Turns and tilts Lilyah’s head so she can press their lips together.

                “I will say this once and only once,” lips brushing, they share breath as Gabriella whispers, “I will want you to the day that Sithis welcomes me to the Void.” Pulling up Lilyah’s shirt, she commands, “Do not doubt that again, Dearest.”

                A quick nod is the only answer she needs before she begins undressing her lover. She doesn’t waste one precious moment.

               

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long for me to post :( I knew where I wanted this chapter to go and it was going smoothly until the end. Trying to write what you can't get your mindset into is a very difficult thing and this one just didn't want to be written for the longest time.
> 
> I think the problem is that I feel like I'm not getting to where I want to get in this story as fast as I'd like, but I also don't want to gloss over important pieces of Lilyah's overall story... idk...
> 
> I hate asking, but if anyone has any feedback on my thoughts or how this story is going it'd be much appreciated. Does it feel like I'm dragging things out? Is the story progressing fine for everyone?
> 
> I know this is my story, but I sometimes think things are more important than what they really are and I don't want to bore you guys, lol. This is fanfiction, but it's also a way for me to better my writing for my actual story I'm writing that I hope to publish one day.
> 
> Anyways... :P
> 
> I hope the next chapter isn't such a chore, but... all I can promise you is that I do not plan to abandon this fic. I will finish it. (It takes up too much of my thoughts for me to NOT finish it.)
> 
> As always, I love and appreciate you all and I thank you for taking the time to read :)
> 
> Kitties and Coffee XD <3<3<3

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Skyrim fic. I will try to post regularly, but I also have a Dragon Age fic that I've been trying to write as well. Hope everyone enjoys and comments are always encouraged :D


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